I had a very hard time to fall asleep. Why am I alone? Umma, where are you? Appa, will you come back home soon? Oppa, will you leave and live with your girlfriend? Jimin and Minseok, why don't you talk to me? What did I do wrong? And this Ahjussi, why is he chasing after me? Should I quit there? Should I stop working more than needed? But what will I do then? Learning? No, learning isn't something I need. Play an instrument? Get a pet? I had too many questions in my head.

***

I stepped out the appartment later than usual afraid to have to talk to someone. Lost in my thoughts I bumped almost to everyone on my way and apologized heartless. After almost losing my way I arrived infront of the school building. Just then I stepped on something. Just to see something I didn't want to see like that I looked down. It was the arm of my teddy bear. Immediatly I teared up and ran to the closest bathroom. I locked myself in a cubicle, pressed my back against the door and the arm against my chest. I tried my best not to sob loudly but I couldn't help it. Then I felt something in the arm which was already full of whatever teddy bears are made of. I took it out and read what was written on it.

'Suffer!'

Well they made my whole day miserable. I didn't even have someone to tell it! Everyone was too busy for me whom I once called family and friends. I skipped PE with crying the bathroom. Before the bell could ring I ran out of the bathroom to go home. I wanted to meet my mother. To hear her soothing words. To not feel alone. But before I could exit the building I just had to bump into someone. I froze in an instant and then rushed out as fast as I could. I didn't look back so I didn't knew who it was whom I bumped into but it was defenitely a guy. But I couldn't care less. All I wanted was to go to my mothers grave.

First I had to take the subway. From there I told my manager that I couldn't come that day. I looked which bus I had to take. While waiting I remembered that my father would come back home so I texted him saying I couldn't cook for today. In the bus I searched how to reach the tomb. It took me 2 hours. On the way I bought some flowers and changed to my usual clothes, jeans and a simple white T-shirt, in a public restroom.

I placed the flowers on the grave and got on my knees.

"Umma, I didn't come often so I am very sorry... There is so much I have to tell you and so much to apologize." tears formed in my eyes.

"First of all... I'm in Seoul Of Performing Arts. Can you believe it? They accepted me! Did I already tell you that I like this boygroup called Bangtan? Well, the Maknae, Jeon Jungkook, is going to my class!" I talked to her as if she was on a long business trip and just came back.

I told her everything in detail: How that Ahjussi chased after me twice already, how Appa got into a realitionship and Oppa too. How lonely I felt without anyone. I even explained why the Queenkas bully me and why I only had the teddy bears arm.

It took me like 3-4 hours to tell her that.

In the end I just cried my heart out. Luckily I hadn't the courage today to put on eyeliner.

My mothers grave was next to a weeping willow so I leaned against it. I didn't want to go yet but I had before it was too dark.

***

My chapters are sooo short... I'll make the next one much longer 'kay?

I'll try my best!!

And there isn't that much of talking \(^o^)/ or is it bad? ._.

(J-)Hope you still like it ^^