That's what my Dad said. I know this is all my fault, I know that nobody is to blame but me. I never want this to happen, I never want us to end like this but sad to say everything ends in not a good way. I thought i'm over her, I thought I can move on with my life without her but the second I laid my eyes on her that day in Singapore everything changes, everything started to come back, every single thing that happen between us. Believe it or not my heart constricts, i realized that I missed her a lot and that I still love her.

 

 

 

I thought my feelings for her evaporates a long period of time, I didn't see nor heard any news about her for the past 3 years. I hired a couple of guys to find her but I failed, I want to asked Suengri to ask Tori about Gian but i'm too shy. Too embarrassed to asked for a favor, I can't believe that after all this years my heart still beats for her, that I craved for her touch, for her love, for us. I realized that I let go of the most important person in my life, now i'm too jealous of Marcus and I will do anything or trade everything I have just to be in his place right now.

 

 

 

i never went out of with Scarlet after I came back from Italy, I never intended to have s*x with her on my birthday. Until now every time I remember what Daesung said that Love saw that, I want to free fall, that time I want to look for her and tell her that it was just s*x, nothing serious but I have to stand on my ground and pretended that I didn't care at all. I know I broke her heart into a million pieces. I REGRET IT! I REALLY DO.

 

 

 

"Hyung." I jerk when someone tap my back. "You're spacing out again."

 

 

"When did you arrive?" I frown when I saw Jiyong.

 

 

"Last night." He smiles and sit beside me. "Suengri and Tori are back in Manila."

 

 

"So the honeymoon is over?" I say and drink the remaining coffee in my cup.

 

 

"Yes. Wanna go to Manila to visit them?" He said. "Daesung and Youngbae will come, how about you?"

 

 

"Sure." I answer him without thinking. "So how's Paris?"

 

 

"Good!" He smiles. "How's Zoey and Noona?"

 

 

"Zoey's good, she's very smart." I smile as I remember what she whispered to me.

 

 

"Why the h*ll are you smiling hyung?"

 

 

"She threatened me." I laugh.

 

 

"And you found it funny?" Jiyong look amazed.

 

 

"She told me that she will kidnapped all my bear bricks if I make her Mommy cry again." My smile fades and my chest constricts in pain. "And she will buy all the ice cream in the world for revenge."

 

 

"Cry? Noona knows how to cry?" He looks at me in bewilderment. "Seriously?"

 

 

"I know right? It never crosses my mind that I made her cry." I shake my head. "I mean she's strong, I knew her almost half of my life. You know that."

 

 

"But you hurt her." He said and I nod. "Just talk to her in a nice way and I think everything will be fine."

 

 

"I hope so."

 

 

"And by the way hyung we will be leaving tomorrow night." He said. "Do you still remember Erin?"

 

 

"Erin?"

 

 

"Ex girlfriend of Marcus." Jiyong took a can of beer. "She's in Manila as well. Seungri saw her and can you believe that she and noona are still friends?"

 

 

"I'm not surprise, you know Love."

 

 

"Love?" He smiles. "Love huh?"

 

 

"Is there a problem?"

 

 

"Its just that I never heard that endearment from you for a long time." His smile widens. "It looks like you've finally come to your senses that you never stop loving her."

 

 

"It feels like hell."

 

 

"Then what are you waiting for? Go fight for your girl. Win her back."

 

 

"She's married."

 

 

"So?"

 

 

"What do you mean by so? Are you out of your mind?" I chuckle and lit a cigarette. If you try i'll try. If you stop i'll stop. I suddenly remember what Love told me one time when I grab a packet of cigarette and a yellow lighter in her pocket.

 

 

"Earth to Seung Hyun." Jiyong snap his fingers in front of my face. "Still with me?"

 

 

"I just remembered something." i throw the lighter and the cigarette on the table. "She's married and my only hope would be Zoey. If she's my daughter I will do my best to get her and Love."

 

 

"This is more complicated then I think it would be."

 

 

"I know."

 

 

 

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Its really hard to plan for a birthday party, especially when the celebrant is turning 4 years old. Zoey have a lot of things in her mind right now, she keeps changing the theme of the party. Me and Marcus are about to go crazy because of Zoey. She changes her mind more often than changing her diaper in a span of one day. 

 

 

 

"Zoey, you have to made up your mind. What theme do you want for your birthday?" Marcus look at her while they're eating cereal.

 

 

"Daddy, I want pool party."

 

 

"Now its pool party." Marcus look at me. "Is that final? You don't want to be a princess theme party?"

 

 

"No!" She shakes her head. "Pool party daddy and let's just do it here, in our house."

 

 

"Are you sure?" Her Dad asked again.

 

 

"Yes! I won't change my mind anymore."

 

 

"Promise?"

 

 

"Yes Daddy promise."

 

 

"Thank God!" Marcus look at me and smile. "By the way you and Mommy will go somewhere tomorrow."

 

 

"Where?"

 

 

"Mommy's friend."

 

 

"Who?"

 

 

"Too many questions." 

 

 

"I want to know what's the name of Mommy's friend."

 

 

"You will find out."

 

 

"Daddy, you know what. I really like Love's house."

 

 

"Really? Why?" Why do they have to include him in their conversation?

 

 

"His house is really nice, he has a lot of toys and you know what I saw a picture of Mommy in his bedroom."

 

 

"Really now?" Even though my back is facing them, I can sense that Marcus is staring at me. I have a picture in his bedroom? Seriously? What a show off. 

 

 

"They're hugging in the picture while Love is kissing Mommy on the cheeks."

 

 

"Zoey, stop." I walk towards them and sit beside her. Grabbing the cereal box. "Finish your breakfast, you'll be late for your ballet class."

 

 

"But i'm telling the truth Mommy." She pouts. "Love also show me the bear brick you gave him."

 

 

"Stop." I buried my face on my palms.

 

 

"And then what?" Marcus encourage her to continue the story.

 

 

"Love told me that one time Mommy told him that she will throw the bear brick if he won't wake up." She chews and continue. "So he stand up immediately because the toy is limited edition."

 

 

"I see." Marcus said and stand up, holding his bowl and place it in the dishwasher. "I have to go now, Daddy will be late for work."

 

 

"Okay. Drive safely Daddy." She hugs him. "Bye Daddy. Call me when you arrive in your office."

 

 

"Okay. I love you my princess."

 

 

"I love you too Daddy." He kiss the the top of her head. "Kiss Mommy."

 

 

"Drive safely." He said to me and kiss the top of my head as well. 

 

 

"Yes I will."

 

 

 

==============================================================================================

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Sorry we're late." That's the first thing Gian said when I open the door. "Traffic."

 

 

"Its fine." I smile at her. "Hi Zoey."

 

 

"Hi." Zoey smiled at me. She blinked a couple of times then frown. "Is that Love?" She heard the laughter of the guys.

 

 

"Yes." I said with a nod. "You know him?" My eyes look at the both of them.

 

 

"Yes. Mommy, can I go to Love now? Is he alone?" She look at me again.

 

 

"No."

 

 

"Mommy, i'll go inside now." She said jumping and beaming at Gian. "Love!!!!!!!!!!" She shouts and in a split second Tabi is in front of us.

 

 

"Hi Zoey." He said in a high pitch tone and I can't help but chuckle.

 

 

"You're so excited Love." Zoey beams. "You missed me? I missed you, a lot. Is it still snowing in Seoul?"

 

 

"Yes and Yes."

 

 

"So you missed my Mommy too?" She frowns when Tabi didn't answer. "Mommy, he didn't miss you."

 

 

"I didn't say that." Tabi sighs and rake his brown hair with his fingers.

 

 

"Fine." She pouts and look at me. "Mommy said that you bake cakes and cupcakes. Can we make them now?"

 

 

"Sure! But I think we should eat lunch first."

 

 

"Okay! Love, let's eat." She drag him and went to the backyard where the rest of the boys are grilling meat.

 

 

"Sorry I didn't told you that they will come here as well." Gian just smile weakly at me. "He didn't know?" I asked, confused.

 

 

"He doesn't have any clue." She answers. "But he keep on asking if Zoey is his daughter."

 

 

"What did you tell him?"

 

 

"I told him no."

 

 

"Since they arrive earlier, he keeps talking about you." I smile.

 

 

"He will get over me in no time." She sighs. "Maybe he needs a girl that he can play around." She said with too much distaste.

 

 

"Hi noona, miss me?" It's Seungri, smiling while doing some goofy stuff in front of us.

 

 

"Me, you and your wife are together last night. So tell me how will I miss you?"

 

 

"How about me noona?" Jiyong shoved Seungri to the side. "I have something for you and Zoey from Paris."

 

 

"I missed you Jiyong and thank you." 

 

 

"Welcome."

 

 

"Mommy!" Zoey runs toward us. "I want to drink that." She points at the cup that Jiyong is holding. 

 

 

"Zoey, its not for babies." Gian explains.

 

 

"But its just a juice. You want that all for yourself." She pouts. "That's what Love say to me earlier."

 

 

"That's a punch Zoey, its really not for babies like you. It has alcohol in it but I can make you a glass of orange juice if you want." I smile.

 

 

"Okay." She smile back. "Thank you. Love, i'm coming back to you." And she runs off.

 

 

"Zoey, you should call her Mommy Erin."

 

 

"Thank You Mommy Erin." She shouts.

 

 

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

All of us gather in the backyard. Seungri is in charge of grilling the meat while the rest of the boys just keeps on ordering him to get this, do that or make this and make that. Poor maknae. The fangirl inside me blooms when I first saw Youngbae standing at my door step with the rest of the boys, he's still my bias. They are still the same, just like before when I first met them. The time me and Marcus are still together.

 

 

 

I'm focusing my attention to Tabi and Gian, the girl is ignoring the guy to the nth power. I mean she never even look at him as if he is not around or she didn't know him at all, while on the other hand Tabi keeps on glancing at her. His attention is divided to Gian and Zoey, this guy is unpredictable. He broke up with her but he longs for her, weird right? Zoey is very fond of him as if like they've known each other for a long time and observant, she will always ask Tabi why he keep looking at Gian. Every time she does that Tabi's whole face turns red. She keeps pinching and caressing his face, it fells like they are a couple.

 

 

 

After lunch, me and Zoey make chocolate cupcakes while Gian just sits with us, watching us. She hardly talked, she lets me and Zoey bond. She just laugh with me every time Zoey will tell us something funny and silly or smile because of Zoey's cuteness. Once in a while one of the guys will approach us then go back to the backyard, Gian stiffens every time Tabi will pass behind her or while checking on Zoey,

 

 

 

 

"Mommy, i'm tired." She pouts as she wipe her hand on the apron.

 

 

"You can sleep in my bedroom if you want." I suggest.

 

 

"Mommy, I want milk."

 

 

"Let's change clothes first." Gian fix her skirt as she stand up and I catch Tabi staring at her. "You want Mommy Erin to help you change?" Zoey blinked a couple of times before looking at me.

 

 

"Okay." I smile at Gian as I grab Zoey's hand. "Mommy, come with us. Love is staring at you again."

 

 

"You notice a lot of things." Gian sighs. "Fine i'll come with you." I just chuckle and caught Tabi again but this time our eyes met and I arched a brow to him.

 

 

 

After consuming a bottle of milk, Zoey fell asleep but I stay beside her a little bit longer while Gian went out to answer a phone call from her mom.

 

 

 

"Hey." I look at the door and saw Tabi. "Is she asleep?"

 

 

"Yes." I smile. "You've been checking out my friend's as* since she arrive."

 

 

"I'm not checking her as*." He said defensively. "Can I ask you something?"

 

 

"Sure."

 

 

"Do you think Zoey's my daughter?"

 

 

"What?" I want to laugh loudly but Zoey is sleeping beside me. "Can we talk about that later when they leave?"

 

 

"I can wait." He smile. "I'll go back to the guys."

 

 

"Stop staring at her as*! For Pete's sake." I giggle.

 

 

"i'll try my best." He smirks and close the door gently.

 

 

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

When Zoey woke up and didn't see Gian, she cried but stop in an instant when she saw her mom. We decorated the cupcakes we baked then share it with everyone, she also kept a couple of it for her Dad and grandparents since she found out that Gian's parents came back from their vacation.

 

 

 

"I like it a lot Mommy Erin." She chews and praise me at the same time. "You're a good baker."

 

 

"Thank you." I ruffled her hair. "We can do chocolate cake next time if you want."

 

 

"Okay." She nods. She jumps off her chair when she heard a honk coming from outside. "That's my Daddy."

 

 

"We have to go." Gian said. "We need to go somewhere else."

 

 

"Where are we going Mommy?"

 

 

"Ask Daddy."

 

 

"Okay." She grab my and Tabi's hands. "Come outside with me, I will give something to all of you." She turns around and look at Jiyong, Seungri, Daesung and Youngbae but am I ready to see Marcus again? "Hurry up."

 

 

 

We all go outside, we just stay in my porch instead following her in their car. Marcus is standing beside the car, sleeves rolled up in his arms, a couple of buttons undone. Smiling sweetly at Zoey. i heard her say that we made cupcakes and she sit beside Tabi while eating lunch, Gian gave me a quick hug and a wave to the guys excluding Tabi of course then walk away from us. What the hell am I feeling right now? Seeing Marcus with Gian and Zoey some how leave a bitter taste in my mouth.

 

 

 

"Zoey, be careful." I heard Marcus voice that brings me back to now.

 

 

"Yes Daddy." Zoey is skipping and singing towards our direction.

 

 

"Hyung, she's singing Love song." Youngbae chuckles. "And she's singing your rap part."

 

 

"Here." Zoey hand us one by one an invitation. "Its my birthday next week. All of you should be there."

 

 

"Yes." I said.

 

 

"Promise?" She look at me. "How about you Love?"

 

 

"Of course, we will come."

 

 

"You have to be there, I will show you something." She wave at us. "Bye. Daddy said we will go to a shop where we will buy my cake, he also said that I can choose how big I want my cake and I can decorate it myself." She skips again and went to Marcus. he opened the car door for Gian then help Zoey to get in the backseat and put her seat belt on. "Bye." She shouts and wave again at us.

 

 

"We can talk now." i turn to Tabi when I don't see the car anymore.

 

 

"Okay." He said and all f us went inside my house again.

 

 

 

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