FIFTEEN

The group, minus Minseok and Kyungsoo, returned back to the dorm late, but with light spirits. Jongin had seemingly brightened the whole atmosphere – confessing about his uality seemed to have lifted a large weight off his shoulders – and his constant smiling put everyone in a good mood. Apart from Sehun’s crude remarks, everyone was taking the news fine, and Jongin couldn’t express how thankful he was even if he tried.

“Go, Jongin!” Sehun cried, “go jump your boyfriend! Grind on him and everything!”

Ignoring the rude comment, Jongin beamed stupidly and bounded through the door, running to their shared bedroom and slamming the door open.

“Hyu—oh.”

Immediately Jongin froze, clapping a hand over his mouth comically, before shutting the door again with care.

“What is it?”

“He’s sleeping,” Jongin whispered, hiding a small smile with reddening cheeks. Yixing cooed.

“How cute!” he squeaked, “go and cuddle with him, quickly!”

“I can’t. Minseok’s in there.”

Chanyeol opened his mouth to holler something obviously inappropriate, but Yifan silenced him with a frosty glare.

“It’s alright, Jongin,” Junmyeon said kindly, “I’m sure he’ll be glad to see you when he wakes up. Why don’t you help make dinner instead?”

“That’s my job!” Sehun cried.

A smile spread across Jongin’s lips. “It’s mine now!”

Sehun threw his bag to the floor. “I’m going to kill you, Jongin!”

“You could never cook anyway!”

Sehun screamed and started chasing Jongin, who ran off with a squeal.

“What’s happening?” Zitao cried, “Yifan, what does job mean? Yifan, what did he say?”

“It’s like—”

“It means he’s going into your room,” Luhan interrupted. Zitao wailed and ran after them, screaming “stop, stop!” in accented Korean, flailing his arms helplessly. Luhan laughed, and ducked when Yifan lunged for him.

“Luhan, check on Minseok and Kyungsoo, would you?” Yixing sighed, “I’ll prepare dinner.”

“What are we having?”

“What do you feel like?”

Luhan curled his toes. Nothing, of course he felt like nothing. He never felt like eating.

“Something that won’t bloat my face. I’m going to be seeing someone tomorrow and I need to look slim.”

“Got it.”

Luhan smiled unconvincingly. Works every time.

He entered Kyungsoo’s room with hesitation after hushing Jongin and Sehun, who were wrestling playfully on Sehun’s bed (although it hardly looked playful when Sehun started choking the other), and found that Minseok was, indeed, in the room. He was slumped against the wall, head resting on the edge of Kyungsoo’s bed, as Kyungsoo slept peacefully on the bed with his hand dangling down and touching Minseok’s cheek.

Luhan became uncomfortably conscious of how loud his breaths were in the tranquil room and left quickly, after repositioning Minseok’s head so his neck wasn’t strained.

He couldn’t shake away the feeing of panic as he walked out, however, because he could have sworn he smelled the pungent scent of vomit as he bent down to Minseok’s level.

And he knew it wasn’t from Kyungsoo.

Minseok was visibly pale as he sat down for dinner, and he looked up at Kyungsoo in terror. He knew Kyungsoo purged immediately after dinner, turning on the shower to cover the noises – but what was he going to do?

Kyungsoo tried to lean down to whisper something in the elder’s ear, but he was yanked up the moment he bent down.

“Hyung, you’re awake!”

Kyungsoo blinked as he was whirled around, hands on his waist, and pulled into a passionate kiss. Minseok would have been surprised at the action, but Kyungsoo had confessed about his and Jongin’s relationship after he’d purged for the first time, and he was more frustrated than taken aback if anything, because he couldn’t receive the advice he wanted now that Jongin was here.

A loud serious of groans and ‘eww!’s erupted from the table, but neither took notice, until Baekhyun pushed them apart.

“Get a room, Jongin! This is exactly what we didn’t want you to do!”

“Jongin, Kyungsoo’s sick,” Junmyeon warned, “don’t share germs like that.”

Jongin elbowed Baekhyun out of the way, making him stumble back, mouth agape. Jongin had never dared to be rough with one of his elders. Chanyeol chortled in amusement.

Jongin swept Kyungsoo off his feet and connected their lips again, making Baekhyun shriek. Jongdae jumped out of his seat to kick Jongin’s shins in an attempt to trip him over.

“Now I really don’t want dinner!”

“I’m calling management!”

“No!” Jongin cried, half-dropping Kyungsoo on the floor. He yelled as he hit the floor with force.

“He’s just kidding, Jongin.”

“Don’t tell them!” Jongin wailed, “they’ll fire us both!”

“Nobody’s calling anybody!” Junmyeon snapped, “understand, everyone? Nobody knows about this relationship except us.”

“Dinner’s ready!” Yixing called from the kitchen. Sehun repeated the phrase in Korean, before appearing from the kitchen with bowls of food in his hands.

Kyungsoo picked himself up from the floor and staggered to the seat next to Minseok, collapsing into it. Minseok looked genuinely concerned for him.

“Is your leg okay? That was a hard fall.”

“It’s fine.”

Jongin slid into the seat beside Kyungsoo and snatched up his hand eagerly, leaning forward to peer hungrily into his bowl.

Relieved the whole group was together again, they made small talk over the meal, everyone contributing to the conversation enthusiastically – excluding Minseok, Kyungsoo and Luhan, of course. They were too busy with their food.                               

Minseok tried to catch Kyungsoo’s eye as they ate, not knowing how much he should eat, but Kyungsoo didn't look at him.

He felt increasingly uncomfortable witnessing the small game of footsies under the table between Kyungsoo and Jongin, and wished he could just disappear, away from the food.

Finally, he felt a sharp elbow jabbing into his waist, and he turned.

Kyungsoo was looking at him.

“Are you done eating?” Kyungsoo whispered. Minseok nodded, relieved. Kyungsoo returned the gesture subtly.

“But how am I—”

“Play along.”

Minseok creased his forehead in confusion. Kyungsoo stood up, about to leave the table, declaring he was going to shower – until he cried out, grabbing his forehead, and collapsed to the floor.

Everybody stood up.

“Hyung!”

“Kyungsoo?!”

Minseok was the first to bend down and help Kyungsoo up, and when he saw the glint in Kyungsoo’s eyes, he finally understood.

“A-Ah, my head…” Kyungsoo gasped, clutching his face, cradled in Minseok’s arms.

“Kyungsoo!” Jongin cried, “Kyungsoo, are you okay?”

“I-I’m fine,” he said, pushing away Minseok’s arms and stumbling to his feet. “I’m okay…I just…oh…”

His legs ‘failed’ him the moment he took another step, and Minseok quickly extended his arms to catch him.

“Kyungsoo, you can hardly stand!” Junmyeon cried, “you’ll faint if you shower now!”

“I need to…p-please…”

“I’ll go with you!” Jongin offered, touching Kyungsoo’s arm, “I’ll help you if you feel faint, okay?”

Kyungsoo kicked Minseok’s ankle lightly, and he knew what he was hinting at.

“No, Jongin,” Minseok said hurriedly, “you’re…uh…still eating. Finish your dinner. I’ll help him.”

Jongin looked heartbroken. “But he’s my boyfriend.”

“It’s okay, Jongin,” Kyungsoo said, “just eat. I-I’ll be okay.”                  

Sehun tugged at Jongin’s sleeve. “Just let them go.”

Biting his lip, Jongin stepped back and nodded slowly. “Okay.”

“Minseok, you’ll be okay with Kyungsoo, won’t you?” Junmyeon asked. Minseok nodded in what he hoped to be an assuring manner.

Wincing at Kyungsoo’s firm grip, Minseok helped walk the younger out of the room and into the bathroom. Everyone watched them; somewhat reassured that everything would be okay – except Luhan.

Luhan knew showers after dinner was also time to purge.

Luhan knew if Minseok was going to shower with Kyungsoo, he’d have to watch him purge.

Something was wrong.

The moment the door locked behind them, Kyungsoo let go of Minseok’s arms, and straightened up with a sigh of relief.

“Nice acting. Go drink. Hurry, before the food digests.”

Minseok ran over to the faucet and stuck his head under, twisting the taps and drinking as fast as he could, while Kyungsoo the shower. He could hear the water against the porcelain behind him, and suddenly felt very nervous.

“That’s enough. Now shake your head around.”

Minseok screwed the taps shut again, before obeying and shaking his head up and down until he felt dizzy. He staggered over to Kyungsoo’s blurred figure and grabbed onto him unsteadily, and felt himself being pushed down to his knees. He groaned.

Kyungsoo’s body was pressed up against his back, and he felt fingers trying to push into his mouth. A wave of terror washed over him, and he tried to resist.

“Cut it out! Do you want the food out of you or not?”

“I-I just—”

“We did this today! I’ll do it for you this time, okay? Open your mouth before you get fat!”

At the word ‘fat’, Minseok opened his mouth, and allowed Kyungsoo’s slim fingers to dig into it. He squeezed his eyes shut as he felt them forward, curling onto his tongue, touching that one spot at the back of his throat—

Minseok gagged and vomited violently, the acidic liquid crawling up his throat and leaving hot trails of burning wetness against it. Kyungsoo held his torso back tightly as he craned his neck to reach the toilet bowl, forcing his stomach to contract, pushing the food up his throat and back out from where it came in from.

When no food remained and Minseok was left coughing, Kyungsoo softly asked him if he was ready to flush himself with water and do it again.

“Remember, you might not have gotten everything out.”

The burn was too much to handle, and Minseok shook his head. The thoughts of food remaining in his stomach made his head swim, but he wasn’t ready to purge again. He felt too dizzy.

“Please. No more. Not now.”

Kyungsoo nodded, and pulled Minseok to his feet.

“You did so well. Go shower.”

Before Minseok could protest, Kyungsoo gently pushed him towards the shower, and he could do nothing but awkwardly stand beside it, listening to the running water. Kyungsoo started drinking water from the faucet as he had done, and Minseok touched the shower curtain.

He didn’t want to shower with Kyungsoo and expose his body, but he knew he couldn’t just walk out dry when he was meant to be helping the younger. It took him a few moments to finally pluck up the courage to pull off his clothes, making sure Kyungsoo wasn’t watching, before quickly jumping behind the curtain and breathing a sigh of relief.

“Did you take off your underwear?” Kyungsoo asked, running water silencing. Minseok heard his feet against the tiles as he walked over to the toilet.

“No.”

“Good.”

Minseok squeezed his eyes shut as the retching sounds began.

Three rounds of vomiting later, Kyungsoo shoved open the shower curtain, and Minseok yelled in horror.

“D-Don’t look at me!” he shrieked, covering his chest and turning around so only his back was showing.

“I’m not looking,” Kyungsoo said weakly. Minseok heard him stepping into the shower, and only clutched his body tighter.

“Please don’t look at me.”

“I won’t, if you don’t turn around.”

It was relatively silent after that. The showerhead was on one side of the bathtub, so Minseok was stuck standing in the hot air awkwardly, while Kyungsoo was being pounded mercilessly with the water, with no room to step away.

It was hardly a shower. They were too lost in their own thoughts.

After a long while, Kyungsoo finally spoke up.

“You’re shivering.”

Minseok tried to ignore him, until he realised—

“Don’t look at me!” Minseok yelled, “y-you said you wouldn’t look!”

Hands still around his waist, Minseok looked over his shoulder and faced Kyungsoo. He was pressed up against the wall, water beating him violently. He had, fortunately, kept his boxers on, but they were sopping wet and sticking to his skin, so it didn’t really make much of a difference.

But Minseok wasn’t staring between his legs.

He was staring at his ribs.

Kyungsoo quickly hid his torso under his arms, “stop staring.”

“You looked at me first.”

“I’m not judging how fat you are, am I?” he snapped. Minseok wanted to tell him, you’re not fat, but he knew how useless it would be.

“I wasn’t judging you.”

“Don’t lie,” Kyungsoo snarled.

Minseok sighed.

“Why were you looking at me?”

Kyungsoo lifted one hand to push his wet hair from his forehead, looking up from under his eyelashes.

“You were just standing there. Shivering. Silent. I don’t know. You have a nice body shape.”

Minseok narrowed his eyes. What would he know? He’s the one with his bones showing through his skin.

However, he didn’t speak.

“Come under the water.”

“No, thanks.”

“Minseok, you’re shaking like a leaf. Get under the water before you freeze to death.”

Reluctantly, Minseok turned around, and stepped forward, sliding under the warm water. He shivered as the heat washed away the goose bumps on his skin, and looked at the floor, conscious of Kyungsoo’s arm touching his.

Something caught his eye, however, and he immediately turned his head back to Kyungsoo.

“What is that?”

Kyungsoo looked down.

Minseok was pointing at his hipbones in disgust, and for a moment, he was paranoid the elder was observing how little they protruded. He covered them immediately, until he felt it.

“I fell over,” he blurted immediately.

Minseok looked troubled.

“Why are you lying to me?”

“Who’s the idiot that asked?” Kyungsoo snapped, “what else could it be?”

Kyungsoo felt a little bad after lashing out at him, because he could tell Minseok was unhappy.

“I didn’t realise you were cutting yourself as well.”

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Kyungsoo muttered. “You were going to find out regardless. I can give you tips on that as well, but I don’t think that would be right.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I told you, it’s not a big deal.”

Minseok felt significantly more distressed as they stepped out of the shower, and Kyungsoo winced every time the towel touched the healing cuts.

Sore upon the touch, he thought, that could only mean one thing.

Fresh cuts.

✏ [ a/n ] another chapter ;n; sorry guys 3 i can't believe all this support, i know i say this all the time but you guys seem to be enjoying this 1000x more than i am like seriously just reading over this makes me cringe but i'm so happy i'm making other people happy and tbh that's all that matters as long as you guys are satisfied i'm okay ^^ <3 just another quick shamless advert that my xiuhan angst oneshot has been completed if you'd like to check it out! and for the billionth time in forever, welcome to all my new readers and thank you to absolutely everyone for all of your support so far, you guys are pretty much one of the biggest reasons i force myself out of bed every day and smile even when the days are dark for me <3 you all give me hope and strength and happiness and this sounds so cheesy and dumb but i'm going to keep saying it because it's so true omfg i'm having another bad-day streak because of some crappy events happening in the past week or so but seeing your comments flow through slowly just gives me a reason to start my day happy and i couldn't ask for anything more, thank you guys so much for returning all the love i'm throwing shamelessly at you omfg i love you guys more than anything i'm serious can i just hug all of you ;; <3 OKAY I HAVE CLASS NOW BYE GUYS ILY

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