TWENTY-NINE

There was an interesting note on each member’s schedules the next day.

Strictly no meals past midday. 24-hour crash diet for debut teaser photo shoot tomorrow. Sugar-substituted energy drinks, celery and water are allowed. Nothing but water tomorrow.

Kyungsoo wasn’t usually happy when it came to debut news, but this notice was enough to make him beam in excitement.

Despite the restricted daylong diet all the members were required to follow, they couldn’t have been more thrilled.

“We’re going for a photo shoot!” Baekhyun cried.

Junmyeon collapsed into a chair.

“Is the whole company pranking us?”

“We’re really doing this!” Yixing squealed, “we’re really going to have our photos taken!”

“Yifan, what does crash diet mean?!”

“This ,” Sehun groaned, “we can’t eat for a whole day!”

“Past midday,” Jongin corrected, “and it’s only nine o’clock now.”

They both eyed each other, raising their eyebrows, communicating silently. With a brief exchange of nods, they scrambled to the kitchen, pushing and shoving to reach the fridge first.

“You can’t take my food!” Sehun shrieked, “get out of the way, !”

“Language, Sehun!” Yifan warned.

“I’m smarter than you!” Jongin screamed, pulling the fridge open with as much force as he could.

“You’re going to break the fridge!” Yixing wailed.

“At least I can rap!”

“At least I can dance!”

“I’m whiter than you!”

“I’m hotter than you!”

“I’m taller than you!”

“I can eat more than you!”

Sehun growled. “In your dreams, short boy.”

Kyungsoo turned and looked up at Luhan, smiling lightly.

“Fitting diet.”

Luhan laughed.

“Could you please your shirt, Luhan?” the photographer instructed casually, leaning forward to focus his camera. Luhan’s eyes widened, and he turned to Minseok, meeting eyes with him. Minseok looked equally as mortified, and Luhan froze.

No.

“ your jacket, please,” the photographer repeated, looking up expectantly. Luhan continued to stare at him in mild horror, throat closed.

The photographing set was deathly silent, and all he could hear were the loud snaps of cameras facing Jongin, the tapping of shoes as he moved positions, and everyone’s loud breathing.

The photographer motioned towards his shirt buttons. “Off, please.”

He looked towards Jongdae, who was sitting next to him, waiting for his turn to have his photos taken.

“Can you please tell him to his shirt?”

“Your shirt,” Jongdae called in Mandarin. “Buttons. Off.”

Luhan quivered in fear, and looked at the photographer pleadingly, shaking his head. He hadn’t even had a single photo taken of him yet, and already, he was terrified.

The photographer glared. “Excuse me?”

“I…I…I don’t—”

Yixing stepped up quickly. “Sorry, sir. I’ll help.”

The quiet set echoed with the sounds of Yixing’s footsteps, and he approached Luhan slowly, looking straight into his eyes. The younger stopped in front of him, gaze unfaltering.

“What’s wrong, Luhan?” he whispered, reaching out for one of the buttons. Luhan instinctively grabbed his wrists, and shook his head.

“Please, don’t make me do this,” he whined.

Yixing’s eyes were filled with gentle concern, and he flicked the button undone hesitantly. Luhan felt hot to the cheeks, embarrassed and ashamed, and winced as a sliver of his skin was revealed.

“It’s just for a few photos,” Yixing replied quietly. “It’ll all be over soon.”

Another button was undone, and Luhan shivered.

“I really don’t want to.”

“Why?”

“I just…I don’t want them to see my body. Please, Yixing. Please don’t make me do this.”

Fingers moving slowly and lightly, Yixing continued to undo the buttons, staring into Luhan’s eyes to veer the latter’s attention away.

“Luhan,” Yixing breathed, “your body is beautiful. Don’t be scared. We’re all right here, okay?”

Your body is beautiful.

“Liar,” he whimpered, almost inaudibly.

The jacket split open as the last button was opened, and Luhan felt weak and exposed. Yixing stepped away, nodding curtly at him.

“You can do this,” Yixing assured.                     

“I—”

“Think of the group.”

As Yixing walked back to his seat, Luhan looked across the room, towards the other set. Jongin was currently having his photos taken, shirt pulled above his head, back exposed, confidence written all over his face. With a pang of guilt, Luhan pushed his jacket further open, not daring to look at Minseok.

The photographer looked pitiful, seeing Luhan’s embarrassed face, and tilted his head.

“If it helps,” he said kindly, “you can keep the bottom few buttons done up. So you’re less exposed.”

Relief flushing over his cheeks, Luhan bowed deeply, smiling shakily, and quickly pushed closed the bottom few buttons. The photographer nodded.

“Fantastic. Thank you. Could you place your hand in your hair and lean forward, please?”

“Luhan,” Zitao whispered, “Luhan, I’m scared.”

Luhan’s eyes opened slowly, disorientated, and he grumbled in confusion. Somehow he’d fallen asleep on the couch after stumbling home from practice, exhausted, the bitter taste of celery on his tastebuds, and was now being awoken.

Yawning, he rolled over onto his back, facing Zitao.

“What?”

“I’m scared.”

Luhan frowned. “Why?”

“Nobody’s going to shower with me.”

Luhan groaned. “Seriously, Zitao?”

The younger looked at him with pleading eyes. “Please, Luhan?”

“I am not getting in front of you.”

“I won’t look!” Zitao begged, scooping Luhan’s hands into his own, “I promise, I won’t look! Please, Luhan, I don’t want to go alone!”

Zitao looked terrified, and Luhan couldn’t help but feel pitiful, no matter how pathetic he looked.

Sighing, Luhan stood up, stretching his arms and checking the time. It wasn't late, but he really wasn’t in the mood to shower.

“Can’t you ask Yifan?”

“He said no!”

“Junmyeon?”

“No.”

“Sehun?”

Zitao pouted. “Sehun hates me.”

Shaking his head, Luhan took Zitao’s arm gently and lead him over to the bathroom, smiling slightly.

“Sehun hates everyone. Don’t take it personally.”

“He hates me more than everyone else.”

“He’s grumpy because he can’t stuff his face with food. Sehun adores you. But he adores food more.”

Zitao laughed. “Thanks for showering with me.”

Luhan shrugged.

“You have to take off your underwear, Luhan,” Zitao said dully, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Luhan shook his head, trying to look anywhere but the younger’s body, and shyly covered his chest with his arms, one hand sneaking down to his thigh to cover the scars.

“I’d rather not.”

“How are you going to wash down there?”

Luhan blushed. “I’ll…shower after. Alone.”

“That’s a waste of water!” Zitao whined. “Why are you so shy in front of me? I said I wouldn’t look.”

“I just don’t like showing my body, Zitao,” Luhan said softly.

Zitao looked hurt. “I don’t get it. We’re both guys. I’m not going to judge you, I promise. Don’t you trust me?”

Luhan sighed. He trusted Zitao more than most of the other members, and he felt sorry for making Zitao think he wasn’t trustworthy enough.

“It’s not that.”                                                                                   

“Then what is it?”

Luhan shook his head. “Never mind. Whatever makes you happy.”

It wasn’t as if he was struggling badly, anyway. His disorder was crumbling underneath the confidence that was building, and he was slowly becoming less and less insecure.  His scars weren’t even that visible, anyway – they were starting to fade, and he hadn’t cut in a while. And after their photo shoot…

It’s not as if Zitao is the type to judge, anyway.

He pulled off his boxers and yanked back the shower curtain, looking at the floor, embarrassed. Zitao stepped in next to him, and the water.

Luhan was too scared to have his backside facing Zitao, but didn’t want to show his front, either, so he settled on leaning against the wall and facing the curtain silently.

Zitao coughed awkwardly.

“Inconvenient that the shower head isn’t in the middle, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you—uh—want to come under the water with me?”

Luhan looked up slowly, troubled. Zitao was standing under the water, hands covering his front area, and watching him innocently.

How close are we meant to get?

He shuffled slowly under the showerhead beside Zitao, and winced when his elbow accidentally touched the younger’s skin. It was slick, and wet, and unbearably uncomfortable.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

The water was warm, too warm for Luhan’s liking, and he sighed in discontent.

Zitao seemed happy, however. Somehow, excited.

“Can…can I wash your hair?”

Luhan’s eyebrows rose. “What?”

Zitao blinked at him, eyes widening, pout forming. “Please?”

Luhan opened his mouth to protest, but Zitao was staring at him so intently, it began to scare him. He didn’t like having Zitao’s gaze so hard against him, so out of pure discomfort, he sighed and gave in.

At first, he was frustrated, and kept his arms folded as Zitao got to work. But eventually, the massage of fingers in his scalp, the warmth of the water, the smoothness of Zitao’s chest on his back, was enough to calm him down. He shut his eyes and leaned his head on the younger’s shoulder, finally loosening up and letting himself get close to the younger, despite his vulnerable state of ness. Somehow, he knew that Zitao wouldn’t judge him. Somewhere, deep in his mind, he knew Zitao thought he was beautiful. He’d always insisted it, even before Luhan developed his disorder.

Maybe I am beautiful. Maybe, everything’s not as bad as it seems.

“Your hair is so soft,” Zitao breathed, suds running down his arms. He was struggling to wash Luhan’s hair, now that the elder’s head was on his shoulder, but he managed.

“I worked hard to get it that way,” Luhan joked, opening his eyes again. The shower curtain had patches of wetness on it, and there was steam rising before his eyes. He recalled the moment Kyungsoo said the exact same words, smiling to himself.

“I’ll work hard to ruin it, then.”

Luhan pulled away, Zitao’s fingers slipping from his hair, and stepped back, turning to face him. “Don’t.”

Zitao chuckled, “I was just joking.”

Frowning, Luhan covered his hair protectively with his hands, and Zitao seized the opportunity to cup his hands under the shower head and toss the handful of water at his elder.

Right in his face.

Spluttering, Luhan stumbled back, and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Zitao!”

The younger laughed loudly, voice echoing in the small bathroom, and clapped his hands eagerly. “Water fight!”

“Don’t you dare—!”

Zitao threw more water in Luhan’s direction, the small handful flying in all directions, making the elder squeal.

“Zitao, stop!”

“Come on,” Zitao laughed, “your turn. You can splash me, now.”

With a hateful glare, Luhan grabbed the showerhead and detached it from its hold, facing it directly at Zitao and pounding him with the water. Unprepared, Zitao gasped and staggered back, batting away the stream with helpless hands. He tried to scream for Luhan to stop, but he could only cough out a series of splutters and cries.

Luhan laughed.

Finally, Zitao turned around, and let his back take the blow of the water.

“That is so unfair!” Zitao wailed, “put it down, Luhan! Put it down!”

Luhan locked the showerhead back in position, “alright, fine, I put it back. It’s okay.”

Zitao turned around, and faced a handful of water to his eyes.

“Luhan!”

Within minutes, they’d gotten completely caught up in their small play-fight, continually splashing water at each other and laughing uncontrollably. All of Luhan’s shyness had seeped away, and he hardly cared he had a full view of the younger’s body – he was too busy focusing on winning the fight. And thankfully, the scars went unnoticed, covered by the steam and playful aura.

Luhan paused for a few seconds when he realised what was happening, and let his hands fall to his sides. Zitao tossed water at his face, but he didn’t react, a soft smile playing at his lips.

Zitao’s bright smile was radiating purity and happiness, teeth gleaming, eyes crinkling up in innocent pleasure. His skin was glowing from the hot water, and Luhan only then realised how charming Zitao really was. Luhan usually saw him as just a band mate, a younger member, but only now he could see how much Zitao really shone when he was truly happy – how many times Zitao had always been there for him, how the disorder hadn’t tainted Zitao’s view of him.

The latter noticed Luhan was zoning out, and moved forward, pulling him into a hug before he could lose himself in his own world. Luhan snapped out of his small daze, and chuckled shyly, hugging Zitao back.

“You’re fun,” Zitao whispered, “more fun than Yifan. We should shower together more often.”

Luhan shook his head in disbelief at the younger’s naivety, but squeezed him regardless.

“Whatever makes you happy.”

Zitao nuzzled into him. “It makes me sad when you’re upset. I love you, Luhan.”

The words struck something in Luhan’s heart, and he shut his eyes, breathing out a sigh.

He really does care about me.

Maybe, I’m not so useless, after all.

“I love you, too.”

✏ [ a/n ] hello all my new and old readers and everybody in between!!!!! damn this chapter omg mess mess super duper mess :C as you can see debut is fast approaching and luhan is getting better???? or is he???? maybe maybe not?????? hate to bum you all out but i think is the last happy chapter in this story for quite a long time lmao even though it's going to eND IN LIKE 10 CHAPTERS OR LESS??????? the story has gone so fast omg i love you all to bits you're all super duper cuties and thank you for the 69 upvotes and 300+ subs cRIes WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS KIND OF ADORABLE SUPPORT I LOVE YOU GUYS M Y HEARt is jUSt ogm <3 i'm just so happy as soon as all my exams and stuff are over next week i'll be completely not stressed and super happy this week has just been a very emotional very difficult and also very rewarding week ENOUGH WITH THE PERSONAL BLAB thanks guys ily and bear with me for the crap chapter omg i'm so sorry HAHA

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