THIRTY-TWO

“We made love last night,” Kyungsoo said quietly, cradling the phone in his hands, curled up against Jongin’s bare chest. The sheets were pressed against his nose, and smelled of sweat, soap and crisp linen.

Despite it being five in the morning in Beijing, Minseok and Luhan both gasped loudly, jaws dropping and eyes bugging out.

“What?” Luhan squeaked. Minseok put his hands to his cheeks, and Luhan’s knuckles whitened around the phone.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo breathed, voice crackling through the speaker. “Some fan called me fat during the performance and I was in a mood for the rest of the day. And then it happened.”

“Are you kidding?” Minseok spluttered, “are you trying to sabotage the whole band, Kyungsoo? What if you were caught?”

Kyungsoo laughed coldly. “I needed it. For once, I actually felt like I was worth something, and that I was beautiful. I was happy. My still hurts, but I was happy.”

Luhan was staring at the floor and breathing hard, and Minseok was cringing at the thought of Kyungsoo and Jongin doing the unforgivable deed.

“,” he swore, “I think I’m going to vomit.”

Kyungsoo snorted. “I heard that, Minseok.”

“I just—”

“Don’t worry about it, anyway,” Kyungsoo said easily, “I’m probably not going to let him touch me ever again. It’s not easy knowing you’re just a buddy.”

Luhan, despite his state of horror, managed to respond.

“You’re not his buddy,” he said softly. “Jongin loves you, you know.”

Kyungsoo looked over at Jongin. He was sleeping peacefully, lips parted and breaths slow and even. His chest rose and fell gently, and Kyungsoo leaned forward to kiss between his collarbones.

“Yeah. But he’ll love me more when I’m skinny.”

Angry, Luhan dragged his fingers along the sofa, and Minseok leaned back and exhaled.

“Kyungsoo,” he said quietly, “he loves you for being you. You’re skinny enough.”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. “You’re a real sweetheart, aren’t you?”

Despite Kyungsoo’s bitter words, Luhan detected the amused sarcasm in his voice, and looked down, smiling.

“Shut up.”

“Did you eat last night?” Kyungsoo asked, using his free hand to trace his fingers along the abdominal muscles showing through Jongin’s chest. The younger stirred slowly in sleepy discomfort, and Kyungsoo kissed his neck.

“Yeah,” Luhan said slowly. “We both did.”

“I see. Did Minseok purge it?”

Luhan looked at Minseok, who was nibbling on his lip, arms folded. He touched Minseok’s arm gently.

“Don’t feel bad,” he said softly, in slow Mandarin. Minseok furrowed his eyebrows, but nodded in understanding.

“No,” Luhan said, more confidently than he felt, “he didn’t purge it.”

“Why?”

Minseok looked down at his knees, and Luhan nudged him gently.

“Hey,” he whispered, “hey, don’t do that. It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” Minseok replied, voice wavering, Mandarin weak. “I—I should have purged, I—”

“Minseok.”

Luhan moved closer and pulled the elder into his arms, dropping the phone beside him.

“Minseok, I’m so proud of you, for not—”

“If you’re going to speak Chinese, I’m going to hang up,” Kyungsoo snapped. “There’s no reason for me to sit here listening to you two when I could be asleep.”

Luhan sighed and pulled away slowly, suddenly wishing speakerphone would switch itself off so he could have his moment with Minseok.

“You called first,” Luhan grumbled, tossing the phone up back into his hands.

“Have you stopped purging, Minseok?” Kyungsoo asked sweetly, playing with the long strands of Jongin’s hair. Minseok laughed scornfully, and turned away from the device.

“No,” he said, “I haven’t stopped. I just skipped last night, because I was happy, like you. Except I didn’t go and the seventeen-year-old, did I?”

“Minseok!” Luhan gasped.

Kyungsoo growled.

“You know,” he snapped, “I was about to tell you guys how much I miss you. And how I need you, for the emotional support.”

Luhan shook his head, even though he knew Kyungsoo couldn’t see. “Kyungsoo, it’s not—”

“But, you know what? I’m better off without you. Go and get fat in China, it’s not as if I care. I’ll be the skinny one, anyway.”

Luhan fell silent.

“And he’s eighteen, by the way.”

A series of droning beeps echoed through the phone, and Minseok burst into tears.

“You’re awake,” Jongin said slowly, reaching from Kyungsoo’s bare waist to rub his eyes. Kyungsoo chuckled softly, and kissed his nose.

“Good morning.”

Jongin smiled back, “good morning.”

He moved in his position and winced when he felt their bare lowers brushing together, apologising immediately. Kyungsoo pinched his flushing cheeks in amusement, and kissed his lips.

“Sorry,” Jongin apologised, again.

“It’s okay.”

Kyungsoo shuffled upwards so their eyes were level, and weaved his fingers through Jongin’s long hair. Jongin smiled a sleepy but satisfied smile, and touched their noses together.

“Are you sore?”

Kyungsoo laughed, looking down at Jongin’s chest in shame.

“A little.”

Jongin kissed behind his ear affectionately. “Sorry.”

Kyungsoo was about to tell him he wasn’t in too much pain, despite the aching in his lower back, but Jongin spoke first.

“Your phone.”

Kyungsoo blinked. Jongin reached over him and grabbed the device, looking at it.

“Why is it on the bed?”

Kyungsoo gulped. “Uh—I called Luhan this morning.”

“Why?”

Jongin looked slightly hurt, but Kyungsoo reassured him with a gentle squeeze on his shoulders.

“I was excited about last night,” he said, half-truthfully, “so I wanted to tell him.”

Jongin raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Really.”

Jongin smiled.

“I love you.”

Kyungsoo felt his heart fly up to his throat, but masked it with a shaky smile.

“I love you, too.”

Junmyeon pulled Jongin aside that morning, taking him into the privacy of the kitchen and shutting the door. Jongin frowned, beginning to grow nervous.

“Jongin,” he said quietly, “I heard last night. Was everything okay?”

His cheeks heated up. Oh, God, no.

“Uhh…”

Junmyeon bit his lip. Jongin looked at his feet.

“I take it that it wasn’t from pain?” he asked softly.

Jongin felt mortified. He didn’t know whether he wanted to laugh it off or sink into the floor, but either way, he wished he could have turned back time and taped his mouth shut.

“I’m sorry,” he said weakly. “I didn’t—”

Junmyeon chuckled lightly, and took his hand. “It’s okay, Jongin. Don’t look so scared. I understand.”

“I just—”

“It’s okay, Jongin. I just wanted to know if Kyungsoo was hurting himself.”

He let go of Jongin’s hand and stepped away, and Jongin’s knees shook.

I’m such an idiot. I can’t believe I was so loud, I can’t believe I couldn’t control myself, I can’t believe I…

He blushed, remembering the endless series of events he went through with Kyungsoo the previous night, the mere thought making his throat close up. Despite knowing that the other members had probably heard, and that Kyungsoo was in pain – he hardly regretted what they’d done at all. It was too emotional, too beautiful to be sorry for.

Junmyeon looked amused at Jongin’s clouded eyes and shaky limbs, and smiled at him.

“How did it feel?”

Jongin’s head jerked up. “Huh?”

“Your first time.”

Jongin wailed in embarrassment and pushed him lightly, and Junmyeon laughed.

“We’ve got more performances this afternoon,” Yifan declared, “and we won’t be able to eat for seven hours before. So eat now.”

Minseok took note that Yifan was staring at him, and looked away.

“Minseok,” Luhan whispered, “please, Minseok, you have to eat something.”

Minseok shook his head.

“No.”

“Minseok—”

“Kyungsoo wouldn’t be eating,” he hissed, “would he?”

Luhan huffed in annoyance. “Really, Minseok?”

Eyes dark, Minseok clenched his fists.

“I will not,” he whispered, “let Kyungsoo become skinner than me.”

Frustrated and upset, Luhan looked down at his breakfast. Half of him wanted to keep eating, but the other was screaming at him.

Why are you eating, Luhan? Why are you eating when the others aren’t?

Minseok’s right. You have to be skinnier.

Displeased, Luhan pushed away his bowl, and sank back into his chair.

Luhan lay awake for hours that same night, phone in his hands, waiting patiently for Kyungsoo’s call to come. He didn’t expect him to, seeing as he was probably in a lot of emotional pain, but that didn’t stop him from hoping.

When midnight came around – one in the morning in Korea – Luhan finally gave up and fell into a fitful sleep, wishing the happiness had never come.

✏ [ a/n ] jesus lordies guys im sorry for the slow updates agAIN ive just been so lazy lately+ my bandwidth has been running very low so i've been staying off aff as much as possible lol <3 meaning that i probably wont be able to reply to comments immediately but trust me i do read them and i will get around to replying and thanking all of you! thank you to everyone who's left supportive and kind comments for me and i especially want to give a huge shoutout to all of my sweetheart upvoters!! i won't name you all because that's too many but to think you pressed that precious little up arrow because you think my story is worthy of feature-- oh man. you guys are just the kindest. i can't believe anybody would want this silly fic featured but i really want to express my thanks to all of you upvoters who took the time to bring me one step closer to being featured. it really is an honour and you guys are the best. apart from that, thanks everyone for your support in every shape and form, i adore you all to bits and feel free to ask any questions or anything!!!! don't be shy i won't hurt you!!!!! i love you guys thank you so much for everything omg throWS YOU ALL HUGS AND KISSES AND FLOWERS i love you guys ok bye

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