EIGHT

“He hasn’t eaten all day, and he skipped dinner last night as well, sir.”

 “Was he ill yesterday?”

“Not that we know of, sir.”

Luhan winced at the amplified sound of voices, before forcing his eyelids open, blinking away the bright lights.

“Luhan, you’re awake!”

“M-Minseok?”

“And Yifan. And Jongin, ‘cause he’s been crying for the past two hours.”

Luhan felt himself being pulled up into a sitting position from behind, a body supporting him from collapsing. He was certain he was hallucinating, but sure enough, he was in a small hospital room with Minseok next to him, an unfamiliar doctor and a sobbing Jongin before him.

“Luhan,” Jongin whispered, “please don’t die.”

Minseok leaned away from Luhan and smacked him lightly on the head, “idiot, are you trying to kill him?”

Jongin only cried harder, and Minseok apologized quickly and pulled him into a hug.

“Y-Yifan?”

“Here,” the deep voice sounded, presumably the figure he was leaning on, as the voice was right in his ear.

The doctor smiled at him. He was a middle-aged man with a shiny white coat and twinkling eyes. “Luhan, dear, how are you feeling?”

“F-Fine. Tired.”

“Does your stomach hurt?”

Luhan only then became aware of the stabbing pain in his middle, and winced. “Yeah.”

The doctor nodded, scribbling down something on the clipboard he was holding before stepping back. Minseok pulled away from Jongin to face him, and Jongin held onto the elder’s arm, whispering tiny prayers over and over into the stale hospital air.

“Everything seems to be fine, nothing major. Luhan’s lack of food, in addition to his fever, has probably just lead to his body being unable to fight back the virus. He’s not getting enough nutrition to sustain his body in such a vulnerable state.”

“And?” Jongin pressed.

The doctor smiled. “Basically, he just needs to eat more.”

Jongin whimpered in relief, and threw his arms around Minseok, bursting into tears again. The doctor looked concerned, but Minseok shook his head, smiling.

“He’s fine. Just a little emotional.”

The man inclined his head in understanding. “Luhan’s stomach probably isn’t prepared for any heavy meals, even though he’s only gone around twenty-four hours without food. Give him something light and gradually feed him until he’s ready to eat again – obviously, following suitable dietary requirements that someone ill would normally have.”

Minseok nodded, and the doctor smiled, patting Jongin’s shoulder.

“You’ll take care of him, won’t you, young man?”

Jongin replied with muffled sobs and a small nod, before the doctor left to organise information on Luhan’s discharge.

Yifan hoisted Luhan up further, seating him in his lap and hugging him around the waist. “Feeling better?”

“No.”

“I thought so.”

Luhan chuckled, and rested his head on Yifan’s shoulder, shutting his eyes once more. A small smile lingered on his lips, and he breathed in the scent of Yifan’s cologne, finally relaxing.

“Why haven’t you been eating? I’m worried about you.”

“I’m just sick, Yifan—”

“You know what I mean, Luhan.”

Luhan bit his lip, and pulled away, turning to face Yifan. His eyes were red and bloodshot, and Luhan could tell he’d been crying.

“Not just today, for the past month – two months, actually. You’ve been eating so little lately. Don’t make me do anything drastic over this, Luhan. I don’t want you eating such tiny amounts from now on.”

“But—”

“No, Luhan.”

Luhan’s eyebrows lowered, and Yifan’s eyebrows rose, as if he was challenging him. Angry, he glared at him, before pulling the long arms away from his waist and prodding at Yifan’s chest.

“Get off my bed.”

Obediently, Yifan hopped off, but pulled Luhan up so his back was resting against the headboard of the bed. Luhan looked over at Minseok – who had broken away to talk to Yifan – and then at Jongin.

Jongin.

A wave of guilt submerged Luhan, and he cowered back, looking away when he met eyes with the younger’s tearful ones. Jongin had already gone though enough, with Kyungsoo lashing out at him and scarring him so badly – and now, he was turning into someone the same. He wasn’t eating, just like Kyungsoo. He was hurting Jongin, just like Kyungsoo.

Luhan was too scared to look up, even when Jongin ran forward and pulled him into a tight embrace, crying onto his shoulder.

“L-Luhan…”

Closing his eyes, Luhan brought his hands up and ran them through Jongin’s hair, straightening up so the latter wasn’t craning his neck so much.

“Jongin, don’t cry.”

“Please, please, please don’t be like this,” Jongin sobbed, “please eat, Luhan. Please. I like you just the way you are, hyung.”

“Jongin—”

“Please don’t be like Kyungsoo,” he wailed, “please, hyung. I’ll eat all the food if you have some, too. I’ll get fat. I’ll become fat and ugly if you want me to, hyung. We can eat together, and you can be skinny and I can be fat and we can both be happy—”

“Jongin, don’t be ridiculous—”

“Hyung,” Jongin whimpered, “I think you’re really handsome. Why can’t you see that too?”

Luhan weakened.

Holding his breath, he loosely played with Jongin’s hair, chewing the inside of his lip and suppressing tears.

“I’m sorry, Jongin,” he whispered, “I’m so, so sorry…”

Luhan woke the following morning feeling a lot better, yet he was still trapped in the sterile-smelling hospital room. The plastic sheets felt stiff and uncomfortable on his back, and the pillow was too airy for his liking.

He rolled over onto his side and froze in confusion when he saw Jongin curled up on the small sofa beside the bed, sleeping soundly.

He stayed overnight?

Luhan shook his head, but couldn’t resist the smile that played at his lips.

“I told you to go home, idiot,” he mumbled, lying back down in bed and sighing. The sheets made ugly crumpling sounds beneath him, and he just wanted to return to the dorm, and have a shower.

He’d eaten late the previous night – only because Jongin was still in tears – and although he’d been slightly bothered by the feeling of fullness in his stomach, he’d admittedly felt a lot better after he ate. He blamed it on the fact that Jongin was smiling through his tears and thanking him over and over again for eating, but he knew that wasn’t the cause.

He reached over and pressed the ‘call nurse’ button beside his bed, and in a few seconds, the door opened and an equipped young lady walked in.

“Good morning, sir. Something the matter?” she asked politely, smiling.

“Good morning. Nothing, really, I’m just wondering when I’ll be discharged.”

“I’ll just check up on the computer now.”

“Thank you.”

The nurse hurried out, and Luhan turned back to Jongin, who was slowly stirring at the sound of voices.

“Kyungsoo?”

“No, just me.”

Jongin yawned and sat up, stretching his back and drinking in the unfamiliar environment. He took a few seconds to recall why he was in the hospital, before swinging his legs off the sofa and standing up.

“Hyung…”

Luhan smiled half-heartedly, and Jongin sat at the foot of the hospital bed, returning the smile. He sat up on his knees to lean forward and lightly kiss Jongin’s forehead, making him blush. Luhan chuckled, and lay back on the bed.

“Did you sleep well, Jongin?”

“Yeah. Did you?”

Luhan shrugged. “You could say that. Why did you come back to sleep here?”

Jongin grinned sheepishly. “I never left.”

“What?”

He swung his legs back and forth, lightly kicking the edge of the bed. “Yifan and Minseok let me stay, but I didn’t want you to get mad at me, so I waited outside your room until you fell asleep. Then I came inside to sleep with you.”

Luhan groaned. “Jongin, are you crazy? Why would you ever—”

“Your Korean is really good, Luhan.”

He stopped.

He knew Jongin was just trying to divert the subject, but he’d honestly been working hard on improving his Korean, and this was the first acknowledgement he’d received in a while. He struggled to hide his smile.

“Well…I mean…well, Minseok teaches me.”

Jongin nodded in understanding. “Can you teach me Mandarin?”

“Mandarin is really hard to learn, Jongin,” he laughed.

“Minseok and Jongdae can do it!”

Luhan shrugged, and sat up, folding his legs. He motioned for Jongin to move closer, and chuckled when the younger crossed his legs and pressed their knees directly against one another, leaning forward enthusiastically.

“Alright, well, what do you want to know?”

“Teach me something I can tell the other members!” Jongin cried, “something they’ll be really impressed with!”

Luhan too a moment to think, unsure whether he could properly teach Jongin with his weak Korean skills – when the nurse walked in again, a few sheets of paper in her hands. She blinked at the odd scene between them for half a second, before continuing.

“According to the computer, it says you’re free to stay for the next six hours, but otherwise, you can leave anytime,” the nurse informed. “You’ll just have to sign few things for us, then you’re free to go.”

Luhan smiled, “thank you, so much. I’ll do that right now.”

She nodded and bowed, handing him the papers and leaving the room. Jongin titled his head.

“Does this mean you’ll be back at work?”

Luhan shrugged, scribbling down a messy signature on each paper, before placing them beside him and looking up. “I guess so.”

Jongin squealed childishly, and pulled him into a hug. “It’s so good to have you back!”

He laughed. “Come on, let go. Let’s get out of here.”

Jongin was spoon-feeding Luhan his breakfast, chairs pushed up right up against one another, when Kyungsoo stood up from the table, declaring he’d finished his meal and was going to shower. The others wanted to protest, but they knew there wouldn't be enough time to sit and talk over breakfast when they had to get ready for work – it would take too long for them to all use the few bathrooms in their small dorm.

A tiny voice in Luhan’s head said that, maybe, he was going to the bathroom to purge, but he shook it away and opened his mouth, allowing Jongin to feed him more.

“How was the hospital food last night?” Jongdae sneered, “we heard you got served up a bowl of slop. We ordered pizza last night.”

“Yeah, we did!” Sehun yelled, “we got your favourite flavour, as well!”

Yixing slapped Jongdae, and then stood up, walking over to the other side of the table to slap Sehun as well. Jongdae and Sehun eyed each other, snickering, and Yixing rolled his eyes.

“Look at Jongin’s face!” Baekhyun hollered, “he is so jealous!”

“How was your canned mush?” Chanyeol snorted, “did you and Luhan share?”

“We didn’t order pizza,” Yixing barked, motioning for Yifan to smack the back of their heads simultaneously. “Jongin, don’t make that face.”

“We did too order pizza!”

“We asked for dog meat on it, as well.”

“D-Dog meat?” Jongin shrieked, “you ate dog meat?”

“Chanyeol, shut up! We did not order pizza, and we did not eat dog meat—”

“Monggu meat!”

“Stop it!” Jongin wailed, “I hate you, Sehun!”

“Jongdae started it!”

“You’re the one that tried to cook the dogs!”

“Cut it out,” Junmyeon snapped, “oh, Jongin, don’t start crying now—”

“What’s happening?” Zitao cried, “I don’t get it! Yifan, what’s happening?”

Luhan sighed, poking at Jongin’s chest to get his attention. “Don’t worry about it, Jongin. They’re lying.”

“M-My dogs…”

“They’re fine, Jongin.”

Jongin looked back and forth between the bickering members for a while longer, before giving in and returning to feeding Luhan.

“Aren’t you going to eat, Jongin?” Luhan asked, as the younger played with Luhan’s food wearily.

“Only when you’re done.”

Luhan scoffed, and stole his eating utensils from Jongin’s fingers. “I’ll feed myself. You need to eat as well.”

A piece of meat flew across the table and hit Jongin on the forehead, making him scream, and a half-apologetic “that was meant for Chanyeol!” sent Junmyeon screaming, and Baekhyun into a laughing fit on the floor.

“Jongdae, you are going to die today!”

“Not if I get you first, Junmyeonnie!”

Luhan smiled, and suddenly, he wasn’t so reluctant to eat anymore.

“So, you ended up in hospital.”

Luhan’s nervously ran his tongue over his teeth, frustrated that he was alone with Kyungsoo once more. They were waiting for Jongdae and Baekhyun in the recording studio for vocal practice, and the last thing Luhan wanted was to talk to Kyungsoo again.

“Yeah.”

Kyungsoo smirked. “So now you know what it’s like to go a long time without food.”

Luhan clicked his tongue. “One day, actually.”

“You were sick. So it’s pretty much equivalent to a few days.”

“So that’s why you collapsed a few weeks ago during practice? Because you were starving yourself?”

Kyungsoo didn’t reply, and Luhan looked up, blinking in confusion at his menacing smile.

“Not quite.”

Luhan tapped his fingernails on the microphone stand.

Kyungsoo stood up, and wrapped his fingers around the elder’s wrist, pulling him to his feet.

“I’ll give you a little demonstration. Of what I’ve been doing.”

Luhan tried to pull away. “N-No! No, I don’t want to see—”

“Maybe you’ll learn a little something.”

He tugged him out the door and into the men’s bathrooms, checking they were empty before turning and locking the doors.

“Hey—!”

“Pick a cubicle.”

“Do Kyungsoo, I swear to God—”

He huffed. “Fine then. Be that way.”

Kyungsoo pushed him into the nearest cubicle, walking in with him and locking the door. Luhan wanted to escape, but the cubicle was tiny, and Kyungsoo was in front of the door. He was trapped.

“You disrespectful little—”

“Watch and learn.”

Kyungsoo dropped to his knees in front of the toilet, and Luhan gasped in horror.

“Kyungsoo, no!”

Luhan grabbed his shirt and pulled him away, “don’t! Don’t, don’t, Kyungsoo, please don’t—”

“Relax, idiot,” Kyungsoo snarled, slapping away Luhan’s hands. “I already got rid of lunch. There’s nothing to puke up. I’ll only gag.”

Luhan whimpered and stepped back into the corner of the cubicle, falling to the floor weakly. “You…you can’t—”

“The first time is always the hardest. It helps to drink a lot of water and spin around so your stomach churns. But if you use the right technique, it should always work.”

“Kyungsoo, I am not going to purge!”

“Easier than starving yourself. You can eat as much as you like and stay skinny.”

Luhan hid his face in his hands, shaking his head. “Kyungsoo, don’t!”

“What most people do wrong is they simply stick their fingers deep into their mouth, but that's not really how you should do it, because the roof of the mouth is less sensitive than the back of the tongue – for me, at least. When you curl your fingers, like this—”

“No!”

A loud, long gag echoed through the whole bathroom, and Luhan shrieked. Kyungsoo had bent over the toilet, hands quickly taken from his mouth, but nothing came out. He gasped a little, before leaning back and turning to face Luhan.

“T-Technique is everything. If you have trouble, you can always twist your fingers a little—”

“Kyungsoo,” Luhan gasped, “you…you’re purging…you’re—”

“Bulimic. Yeah. It’s unhealthy, and stupid, and it ruins my voice. I know. Whatever. I just thought I should give you some pointers in case you give in and want everything out.”

“Kyungsoo, I can’t let you do this—”

“Do not,” Kyungsoo growled, reaching out and grabbing Luhan’s collar – “even think about telling the other members. Unless you want me to tell them about what happened yesterday, because I’m not afraid to tell them your secret, too.”

“…I…I…”

Kyungsoo gave a warning smile, before tugging him up to his feet again by the collar, and walking him out of the bathroom, into the recording studio. He smiled to the elders as if nothing had happened.

✏ [ a/n ] so hi everyone i know this is stupid but i'm beginning to become really scared this story is a trigger and honestly it doesn't trigger me but i don't want it to trigger other people or make them become aware of their eating habits and i don't want this to be the reason one of you guys starts developing an eating disorder please please guys if this story is starting to make you rethink eating in a bad way and you think you might be developing an eating disorder just STOP READING unsubscribe and block this story and never come back please please i'll tell you the whole plot so you don't miss out i promise but please guys if you think this story might be making you develop eating problems just stop reading because your health is so much more important than a story and i wouldn't ever want any of you guys to go through that kind of pain okay sorry for ranting thank you to my supporters and i hope you're enjoying so far PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT IF YOU'VE GOT TIME IT'LL ONLY TAKE A SEC IT MAKES ME REALLY HAPPY okay bye <3

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