THIRTEEN

It took a lot of effort, but eventually Jongin was coaxed out of his room and into the work van. Luhan had offered to stay home to care for Kyungsoo, but seeing as Jongin was still crying over what he’d done, he was pretty much not an option. Instead, Minseok had taken his place to stay home and make sure Kyungsoo was okay.

As everyone silently filed into the van, Luhan’s eyes darted around frantically for an empty seat away from everyone, and his gaze landed on one at the back. He was about to take the seat, until a pair of hands seized his shoulders and steered him into a three-seater – right next to Jongin.

Jongin, now pressed up against the window, looked at Luhan in disgust and anger, and tried to stand up to leave, but Junmyeon slid in next to Luhan and trapped them both in.

“Hyung—”

“Sit down, Jongin, the van’s starting.”

With a jolt of the engine, Jongin fell back into his seat, folding his arms and looking out the window.

All three of them were silent for a few minutes, until Junmyeon finally spoke.

“Luhan,” he said quietly, “you’re going to need to explain this whole thing eventually, and now that we’re with Jongin, I think this would be a good time.”

If Jongin were a dog, his ears would have perked up immediately. But he wasn’t. So he glared at the buildings outside and shifted away instead.

Luhan sighed.

“Jongin, I think you need to do a little explaining as well,” Junmyeon added.

“Fine.”

Jongin turned around, and Luhan bit his lip when he saw there were tears in his eyes again.

“Kyungsoo and I are in a relationship. Alright?”

Junmyeon laughed awkwardly, but it still didn’t wipe the look of surprise off his face. “You made that a little obvious already, Jongin.”

“What do you want me to explain, then?”

Junmyeon shrugged softly. “I just needed confirmation.”

“I already knew that,” Luhan said quietly. “You and Kyungsoo, I mean.”

That seemed to make Jongin snap.

“Then why did you sleep with him?” he cried, slamming his hands down on the seat.

Luhan shook his head and tenderly picked up Jongin’s hands, laying them in his lap. “Please don’t yell, Jongin.”

“Why did you sleep with my boyfriend?” he snarled.

Luhan shut his eyes and leaned back on the seat, and Junmyeon placed a reassuring hand on his thigh, which he quickly brushed away.

What was Kyungsoo’s plan again…?

“Kyungsoo was sick last night,” he explained; voice more confident than he felt, “which is why he was vomiting this morning, and last night. I woke up and went to help him out, and I didn’t want you two sleeping together in case it was…was…”

“Contagious?” Junmyeon offered.

“What?”

“Infectious. It spreads. The sickness spreads.”

“Yeah, that. Contagious.” The newly learned Korean word was foreign on his lips. “I was scared it was contagious and he would give his illness to you, so I took him to my room instead.”

Junmyeon made a small ‘ah’ sound and nodded in understanding, but Jongin didn’t seem convinced.

“He would have passed it on to you instead,” Jongin snapped.

“I didn’t want you to get sick,” Luhan said softly, “but I’m sorry for putting your health before mine, if it really bothers you that much.”

“I’m sure that’s not what he meant,” Junmyeon chipped in quickly. Luhan didn’t look at him.

Jongin’s eyes were gleaming with tears that refused to fall, and he turned away in silence. They didn’t speak for the rest of the car trip, until the very end, when everyone stood up to leave and Jongin gently took Luhan’s hand.

“Luhan?”

He paused and turned to him, looking up and down between Jongin’s sad face and their linked hands.

“I’m sorry.”

Luhan frowned. “Why?”

“For yelling at you. For accusing you of doing things you didn’t do. I-I really didn’t mean it.”

Luhan was quiet in thought for a moment, before smiling softly. “It’s okay, Jongin.”

“No…n-no, it’s not. I told Kyungsoo…I hated him. He’s sick, and I told him I hated him, and…and…”

“Jongin, it’s okay. We’ll call him right now.”

Luhan pulled the younger into a brief hug, and held his hand tightly as they walked out of the van.

“Your phone,” Minseok said shyly, throwing the buzzing object onto Kyungsoo’s bed. Kyungsoo looked up from his knees and straightened out his legs, picking up the phone and looking at the caller ID.

Jongin.

His breath caught in his throat.

He looked up. Minseok was standing at the door, hands on the doorframe and eyes anxious.

“Pick up,” he said quietly.

Kyungsoo looked back down at the phone. With shaky fingers, he pressed answer.

“Hello?”

There were sounds of people talking in the background, padding of shoes and crunching of wheels on gravel. But the sound of heavy breathing was louder.

“Hello…?”

“Hyung.”

Kyungsoo felt his heart swell. If Jongin was calling him ‘hyung’, that could only mean good news.

“Jongin…”

The minute the name slipped from his lips, Jongin began crying into the phone.

“Jongin!”

“I’m sorry, Kyungsoo,” he sobbed, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything I said before. I’m sorry I made you sick. I’m sorry, I didn’t know, I just…I-I love you, Kyungsoo. I would never hate you. I love you.”

Minseok’s eyebrows rose slowly. He wasn’t sure if the look on Kyungsoo’s face was one relief, or one of horror.

“I…I—”

“Please don’t hate me,” Jongin choked. Kyungsoo could hear Luhan in the background telling him to calm down and stop crying, but he didn’t.

Kyungsoo was lost. He was so, so relieved that Jongin didn’t hate him, but that didn’t take the pain of reality away. Because he knew, if Jongin wasn’t in love with him, if he could feel emotions like a normal person, none of this would ever have happened. If he didn’t purge, if he wasn’t so caught up in his own desperation to feel needed, Jongin would never have gotten hurt.

It was his fault. For using Jongin.

He loved Jongin, but only to the extent his dissolved emotions could allow him to. The rest of him was dead. He couldn’t love Jongin fully, but in his own desperation, he pretended to. He didn’t give Jongin the truth that he deserved, because he was trying to prevent the temporary pain in the hopes he’d prolong the inevitable heartbreak he’d face regardless.

“Kyungsoo,” he whimpered, “please, please say something.”

“…I’m sorry.”

It took all of Kyungsoo’s will power not to hang up right then and there, just for the sake of Jongin.

“Why?”

“For everything.”

“You don’t need to be sorry,” Jongin whispered.

“No. No, I really do. It’s my fault. I’m sorry for ever being so stupid.”

“I’m sorry for everything I said.”

Kyungsoo smiled weakly, even though he knew Jongin couldn’t see. He wiped away the tears he never realised were falling.

“Have fun at work, okay?” he croaked, lump filling out in his throat.

“But—”

“Jongin, please.”

He paused. “Okay. Get well soon.”

“Bye.”

“I love you.”

Kyungsoo tried not to sob aloud.

“I love you, too.”                                        

He broke down into tears the moment he hung up the phone, because he knew he was only making things so much worse.

Minseok never left the room.

“I have an announcement to make,” Jongin called boldly, the moment the practice room doors shut. Everyone turned around to face him, some making gestures outside the windows, indicating their choreographer was about to come in.

Junmyeon smiled. “Go on, Jongin.”

With a deep breath and a brave smile, Jongin straightened up and folded his arms.

“I’m gay,” he declared, “and I’m dating Kyungsoo.”

Everyone was silent.

For a long time.

Too long.

…much too long.

Eventually, Jongin felt the adrenaline seeping out of his veins, and started to feel a little embarrassed.

This is not going as planned.

The room continued to ring with the deafening, shocked silence, and was only broken by the banging on the locked doors from their choreographer.

“Uh…that’s it,” Jongin said awkwardly. Baekhyun started laughing.

“Seriously?”

Jongin’s cheeks started to burn up. “Yeah…”

“Jongin, don’t look so mortified,” Yifan said kindly. “I guess we all figured that out this morning, anyway.”

He blushed harder and looked at his feet. The pounding on the door grew louder, and Jongdae sidled past to let him in.

“What’s going on here?” the choreographer snapped, “why are you all just standing around? Get into position, hurry!”

Shamefully, Jongin hurried into place, the other members following.

At the end of the song, Jongin felt a shoulder brush against his forcefully. He turned around to face Sehun’s smirk, and immediately flushed scarlet when he whispered ‘gay boy’ spitefully.

He was close to tears at the snide comment, until Sehun turned around, a much softer look on his face, and locked their hands together.

“That’s pretty cute, you know.”

Jongin’s eyes widened, and Sehun smiled.

✏ [ a/n ] chapter thirteen wow this story is going by fast < /3 i just hit 100 subscribers today! so i felt obliged to update for you guys. i'm not kidding. 100 subs really omfg. i have never ever hit over 30 subs for any of my fanfics and onE HUNDRED SUBSCRIBERS ONE HUNDRED SUBScriBERs ArE yOU GuyS CrazY dear lordy lord thank you all so much, to all my subscribers and upvotes and all you beautiful wonderful commenters i love you so much i want to grab you all and squish you omg<3 thank you everybody for all your support and i apologise for this silly messy dumb chapter but at least everyone's (somewhat) happy now ahahaha preparation for the next chapte-- NO SPOILERS EHhehee thank you everybody for reading and supporting this omg <33 except you jena GO AWAY i know you're here 

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