Jongin had woken up, and was resting his head against Sehun’s shoulder, sitting sideways on the couch with his long legs stretching out and taking up the whole seat completely. There were no tears left in him to cry, and he was almost completely expressionless, eyelids drooping and cheeks flushed from all of his previous screaming and sobbing. Baekhyun had also awoken, and was making coffee with Yixing to keep the other sleepy members conscious.

None of them had heard Luhan and Junmyeon yelling, and none of them had been brave enough to check on them.

Luhan stopped at the door, turning red at the stares he was gaining. Junmyeon nudged him forward.

Minseok and Luhan met eyes.

“I have something to say,” he burst out.

No. No, God, I can’t do this—

Minseok noticed the frantic glint in Luhan’s eye, and panicked, taking the hint immediately. He scrambled to his feet, shaking his head.

“No,” Minseok whispered. “Luhan, don’t.”

Luhan gulped, and stepped back, as Minseok moved forward. He put his hands up to protect himself, and Minseok pushed forward, shaking his head.

“Luhan,” he snapped, “stop it.”

“No…no, Minseok!”

He stumbled back into Junmyeon’s arms, slapping the elder away.

“Luhan, you can’t—”

“Kyungsoo’s bulimic!” Luhan screamed.

Minseok fell to his knees.

The whole room fell silent.

Shaking, he straightened up, and pushed Junmyeon’s arms off him.

“Kyungsoo,” he continued, slightly quieter, “is bulimic. He’s been purging for a year. And Minseok’s in on it, too.”

Nobody spoke.

The drones of the coffee machine had halted. Everybody stopped breathing. The quiet was, somehow, painfully loud.

Finally, Yifan stood up from his chair, fists clenched, eyes blazing – and suddenly, Luhan wished he hadn’t said anything at all.

“Tell me you’re lying,” he growled. “Tell me you’re lying, Luhan. T-Tell me this is a lie.”

Gulping, he shook his head, very slightly, and Yifan snapped.

Within seconds, Luhan was yanked away from Junmyeon by his collar, slammed against the wall, and thrown to the floor. He screamed in pain as his head was thrown back against the wall, and his spine cracked loudly when he hit the ground. Jongin cried out in horror, and Junmyeon yelled.

“You ing murderer!” Yifan screamed. He fell to the floor, kneeling on top of Luhan, and grabbed his shirt collar again, forcing his head up. “You knew this whole ing time, you knew, you saw Woosung die, and you didn’t even ing do anything!”

Frozen in bewilderment, the members could only stare in horror, eyes wide, stunned in fear.

Yifan leaned down, face-to-face with Luhan, and pulled his collar up tighter.

“You knew Kyungsoo was going to die!” he yelled. “You knew he’d end up like Woosung, but what the  did you do? Nothing! You left him to cripple, and now he’s gone! He’s going to die!”

In tears, Luhan tried to push Yifan off him, but his weak fingers were no match for Yifan’s tall frame.

“You murderer!”

Yifan slammed Luhan’s head against the floor violently, and finally, Jongin stood up, wailing for him to stop. He ran forward, pushing Yifan to the floor, and grabbed the winded Luhan, pulling him away.

“Stop,” Jongin sobbed, wiping his tears messily. “Stop, please, please.”

He pulled Luhan up, leaning his sore back against his chest, and held onto him tightly, crying. Yifan was close to bursting, and was only stopped from grabbing Luhan again when Chanyeol seized his arms and pinned them behind him, pulling him to his feet.

“You’re a murderer,” Yifan snarled. “You don’t even give a about Kyungsoo’s life, do you?”

“H-How was I meant to protect him?” Luhan spat, finally gaining his breath back, thrashing in Jongin’s arms to face him despite his fear. “How was I meant to handle the burden of his disorder, when I have to deal with my own?”

Jongin weakened at that, and whimpered, grip loosening significantly.

“No,” he whispered, “Luhan, you—”

“I was doing everything for him!” Luhan screamed, ignoring Jongin’s panic. “If you suspected something, then why didn’t you speak up? If you really loved him, wouldn’t you have done what made him happy?”

“It’s what makes the disorder happy, not him!”

“You don’t understand anything!”

Luhan finally broke free of Jongin, and stood up, bravely storming over to Yifan, legs quaking. He felt weak and small against Yifan’s long shadow, but stared up at him regardless. Yifan yanked his hands from Chanyeol’s, and glared at him.

“You,” Luhan shakily continued, “don’t ing understand. You don’t know how hard it is to please yourself instead of the disorder, do you? Because you, don’t, ing, get it.”

Yifan made a move to grab him again, but Junmyeon stepped forward and slapped him away protectively.

“I can’t…”

Yifan’s voice was weaker than what Luhan expected, and his eyes widened slightly, stepping back.

“I can’t bear,” he whispered, “to think that Kyungsoo – that any of you – could end up like Woosung. And I’m pissed off that you knew, this whole time, but you…you didn’t even say anything.”

Luhan, tears running down his cheeks, shook his head.

“I can’t help it,” he whimpered. “I was so, so scared, Yifan. I’m on the brink of suicide every day because of my own disorder, and I can’t—I can’t take it. I can’t bear the burden of my own disorder, let alone his. I’m sorry I couldn’t help Kyungsoo, but, hell, it’s so, so hard.”

Yifan pushed past Junmyeon and pulled Luhan into an embrace, resting his chin on the latter’s head and starting to cry. Luhan flinched, tensing up at the touch, but relaxed into the hug once he realised Yifan’s intentions.

“Please,” Yifan whispered. “Please, please, tell me this is all a lie.”

Luhan opened his mouth, but he was beaten to it.

“It’s not,” Minseok snapped.

Yifan pulled away, and looked at him, surprised.

Minseok’s eyes were rimmed with red, exhausted, and fiery with anger. He met Luhan’s eyes, and could only shake his head in disappointment.

“I can’t believe you, Luhan,” he hissed. “He trusted you. I trusted you.”

Luhan’s breaths grew shallow.

“I did this for you,” he replied, voice growing louder in frustration. “I did this for Kyungsoo, I did this for myself, and I did this for you. I don’t want to see you being buried this early, Minseok.”

“You knew he wanted to die!” Minseok cried. “And now you’re letting all of our efforts to hide the disorders go to waste?”

“You know the difference between bulimia and what’s really inside of Kyungsoo’s head!” Luhan yelled, moving forward. “Do you really think he wanted to die? Do you think he would have been suicidal if he didn’t have the pressure of being skinny on his shoulders?”

“He was already skinny,” Jongin said, softly, so quietly that nobody could hear him.

“Great,” Minseok spat. “Now you’ve given everything away. And what’s going to happen? We’re going to get fat. I trusted you, Luhan.”

“I can’t watch you die!” Luhan screamed. “I won’t watch my best friend die, because he doesn’t feel as if he’s good enough!”

Minseok turned to stomp out of the room, close to tears, but the loud ringing of the telephone stopped him.

Everything stilled.

Jongin made a move to stand up and pick up the phone, but Sehun quickly scrambled forward to stop him. He cried out in frustration, and tried to fight back.

“What if it’s Kyungsoo?” he yelled.

Jongin appeared to be the only one who wanted to pick up the phone, because everyone else was hesitating, dreading the news that could be waiting on the other line.

Eventually, Junmyeon braved up, and shakily moved over picked up the phone with hesitant fingers, pressing ‘speakerphone’.

“Hello?” he said weakly, holding the phone to his face. The other line was deathly quiet, with only light breathing to be heard.

“Junmyeon?”

It was their manager.

Junmyeon was trembling.

“It’s all of us.”

He gulped loudly. “I have news.”

Junmyeon shut his eyes, and extended a hand behind him, moving backwards to grab onto something. He found a seat, and collapsed into it, dropping his head. The other members scrambled to their feet and crowded around him, tears already forming in their eyes.

“Good or bad?” Junmyeon whispered.

The manager on the other line sighed deeply, and turned around; first looking out the window, then across the room, before finally watching the doctors wheel away a hospital bed covered in a white sheet. Junmyeon’s heart pounded in his ears at the loud silence, and Jongin clung to Sehun’s arm, shaking his head. Tears were already falling, and none of them were ready to hear the words that they knew were completely inevitable.

“I’m sorry.”