As the night falls, I take a shower before crawling into bed. Snatching a novel entitled ‘A Walk to Remember’ by Nicholas Spark, I lend myself over a pillow to have a better position to read the novel which I’ve bought 2 weeks ago. I am about to turn to a new page when my phone rings the message tone. Lazily, I stretch out my hand and read the screen, ‘1 new message’, and automatically, I slide it opened.

FROM: Renter CSH :)

MESSAGE : Aren’t you hungry?

Huh! I know him well enough to know that he IS actually the one who hungry right now. My stomach has been growling for sometime as I only have my breakfast at the hotel this morning, but I am too tired and too lazy to cook. Putting down the novel on my chest, I reply it.

To: Renter CSH :)

MESSAGE : A bit. But I’m not cooking.

FROM: Renter CSH :)

MESSAGE : HAHA. Who ask to? Let’s dinner.

To: Renter CSH :)

MESSAGE : R u cooking?

FROM: Renter CSH :)

MESSAGE : Nope, unless if you want to eat burnt food, you can ask me to.

To: Renter CSH :)

MESSAGE : I think I’ll pass.

 FROM: Renter CSH :)

MESSAGE : Let’s eat outside.

To: Renter CSH :)

MESSAGE : Where?

From: Renter CSH :)

MESSAGE : Anywhere. Meet you outside in 10.

I let out a long sigh. Arghh! I’m too lazy to even get up now. Still, I’m off from bed, sliding myself into a hoodie, that has a printed bear on the chest and a pair of bear’s ears on the hood, and I change my short pant into a black cotton skinny. I tie my hair into a bun and put on the hood to cover the messiness of my hair and my free-makeup face.

When I get out from the room, I spot my housemate at the couch already. He stands up as soon as he hears the door closed, facing me. To my unexpected prediction, he wears something contradictory than me, wearing something more smart rather than clumsy like me. In that black tortoise neck shirt paired with tight white jeans, he is more like a model with his hair styled with gel. Damn, he didn’t say anything about the dress code! Now, I am more like a country bum rather than a career woman.

‘Are we going somewhere expensive?’ I ask him when I notice he’s kind of scanning me from head to toe. Instead of answering my question, he flashes his glorious smile, making his dimples appeared.

‘What? I thought you want to eat at a road stall.’ I fold up my hand.

‘Nothing. You’re just cute.’ He smiles again, and I hate it. It looks more like sarcasm rather than compliment.

‘Cute doesn’t sound good, Choi Seung Hyun.’

‘Oh, stop it. I’m starving. Let’s go’. He tilts his head towards the door and slips himself out of the house. I follow him from behind.

Taking out my black Adidas Azurine Low shoe, I wear it before exiting the door and strolling relaxingly to join Seunghyun who is sitting on the chair garden near the garage.

‘Are we waiting from someone?’ I ask him after some time when he just stands still, as if waiting for something-or someone.

‘Nope. Are you?’

I shook my head. ‘Then, what are we waiting for? Christmas?’

‘I’m waiting for you to take out your car.’ He says to me, almost expressionless.

‘WHAT? You do not mention anything about using MY car.’ I glare at him. Great. Now, I have to drive for you to eat.

‘It’s quite obvious, isn’t it? I don’t own any car in your garage.’ He looks at me with that stupid look that makes me almost blow my top again. Lucky him I am too tired to make a scene, so I enter the house again to take the key and start my Bee (I call my car ‘Bee’).

Without any invitation, he slips into the passenger seat without any shame. I roll my eyes at him in disbelief. Still, I choose to shut my mouth to avoid any curse escaping from my breath. I’m tired and my mind is not in the right condition. And with Seunghyun, he knows exactly well how to initiate my anger, even so, I don’t want to be angry. Not now. As I keep driving without knowing where I headed to, and with Seunghyun’s tongue has been bitten by cat, I ask him question to break our silence.

‘Why do you not bring a car over?’

‘I don’t drive. My manager picks me up and drops me by.’ He answers but his voice sounds weak, almost fragile.

‘You don’t know how to drive or you just don’t?’ Out of curiosity, I ask him again. What is he trying to hide?

‘I just….don’t’

I glance at him, but he keeps his face on the road. Understanding his non-verbal cue, I stop asking, getting my concentration back on the road.

‘I am…afraid, actually.’ His voice brakes up the silence after several dead minutes passes. For once, he seems at a loss of words.

‘Of what?’

‘driving.’

Driving? How could you, YOU to be afraid of driving?

‘Why? It’s very easy. I’ve been driving for almost 6 years now.’ I’m not trying to impress him or show off, but a man afraid of driving gives me a bad impression.

‘I don’t want to take a risk. I’m afraid of someone getting hurt when I drive.’ His unbelievably deep voice gives me a feeling that he’s hurt inside. That he’s keeping something terrible alone.

‘You think too much, Seunghyun. Nothing will happen. You’ve got to trust yourself.’ My tone sound relaxing to my ear, exactly like what I need him to. I want to comfort him somehow, but I don’t know why and how.

‘I don’t want to. I’m not ready. You know what? One of my friends has lost his whole family but him on their way back from holiday. And my other friend, he hit a motorcyclist. Dead on spot. The family blamed him for what he’s done. I went with him to the funeral. And it was so awful to be in the church that day. With the victim’s mom screaming and the body in the casket, and the families crying… His mom kept cursing my friend and blamed him for what he did… it was so depressing, dreadful, like hell makes its appearance on earth. I cannot imagine myself in that situation. I cannot imagine myself losing someone so precious, so loved…’ he stops without finishing his sentence. Lucky the traffic light is red at that time, so I use the opportunity to look at him, trying to figure him out. I stretch out my hand and put it in his. I gently his palm, wanting him to know that everything is going to be just alright, wanting him to let go of his fear. He looks at me, and I him, with a smile on my face.

As the light turns green, I try my best to cheer him up and change the topic.

‘So… where are we heading to, boss?’

He laughs. ‘I feel like eating seafood.’ His voice sounds demanding, but friendly.

‘seafood? Hurmm…’ I’m thinking which restaurant offers the best seafood dishes and it flicks without much effort. I know exactly where to go.

*******************

  At 9.15 p.m we’re already home and Seunghyun makes his way to the couch without any delay, lying his face downwards. What an annoying fellow. He eats like he’s been starved for a month and now, he’s resting his big stomach on my couch. No wonder you look fat. HAHAHA.

I laugh at him in my heart. I’ll be a dead meat if he has this telepathic ability, able to read minds. I’m sure he will not please, knowing what has been running in my mind. It’s my habit to eat ice-cream after eating seafood, to get rid the fishy taste inside my mouth, so I walk straight to the fridge, taking vanilla ice-cream from the freezer and walk back to the couch where Seunghyun’s laying there.

Suddenly, I have this evil notion in my mind and I grin almost devil at the thought of it. Without any warning, I sit of Seunghyun’s long legs and switch on the TV. At the very moment, Seunghyun’s scream fills out the place.

‘Ahhhh! Ahhhhh! Apeum!!’ He wrinkles his legs, trying to escape my body. I giggle, feeling amused, but I do not move a bit. He tries to set free his legs by pushing me and after a few minute of struggling, his legs break loose and he take his seat properly beside me. I try my best not to laugh and to ignore his unsatisfying complains like I do not do anything wrong to him. I turn the channel that plays Transformer movie on, and suddenly, the man beside me becomes so excited of watching the bunch of the robot fighting at that moment.

‘Oh, hit him! kill me!’

Trying to ignore his reaction, I continue eating my ice-cream and watch the Samsung plasma TV in front of me.

‘woooaahhh!’ His sudden screaming this time almost sends me to heaven for good.

I turn and look at him in amazement.

‘Why are you so excited? It’s just a movie.’

‘I like them. Robot I mean. I like figurines.’ He replies me without even looking away from the screen.

‘Really?’

‘Yes. I have many collections of them. Take a look in my room.’

I just raise my eyebrows and nod in understanding. Just when the advertisements start playing, he takes my ice-cream and eats it without even asking from my permission. Still, I am not angry with him because the way he looks now is almost innocent, just like a child, child who is eating ice-cream while watching his favourite cartoon series. Sometimes, he appears serious and attractive too, like a real man dreamt by all women out there. However, his fragile heart is masked by his charismatic look. What kind of man who looks so tough but the same guy does not have a gut to drive? What kind of man who is flawless but loves figurines. What kind of man he is actually? What are weaknesses that he is trying to hide by his funny and easy-going attitude?

‘There will be a hole in my face if you keep staring.’

His voice snaps me from my thinking. Quickly, I turn to the screen and try to act normal. Babo. However, this time I realize he is staring at me. Turning my head to catch him, our eyes meet, unexpectedly. There’s seriousness in his look, in his expression.

‘what?’ I ask him to break the silence.

‘I wonder when I can get to see your face again.’ His deep voice sounds unhappy to me.

‘Why? You are not moving out, aren’t you?’ I ask him, nervous. I don’t want him to go. i want to see him again.

‘nope. It’s just…. I’ll be super busy after this. You know, Youngbae’s comeback. Tomorrow, we’re going to Paris. Shooting his new MV.’

‘Paris, France.. wow’ I say with a frown, feeling so relieved. Thank God. I thought you’re going away. I look back at him, but he remains silent in his position.

‘It’s my dream to go there, you know. City of love. City of fashion. And not to forget, the architecture…beyond words.’ I try to make conversation again, but still, he keeps his mouth shut, even so, he’s staring hard at me. Like he wants to eat me or something.

‘Since you’ve told me, buy me perfumes. And watch. And chocolate. And clothes. And…’

‘I’ll miss you.’ He snaps.

This time, it’s my turn to have my tongue at a halt.

‘Are you okay to stay alone?’ He comes closer to me as he speaks.

‘I’m always alone.’ I answer without thinking. He makes me nervous by getting closer to me. But, I’m telling him the truth. I’m always alone.

‘You’re not alone now. I’m here.’

I am mesmerized by his words, his sweet words.

‘wait here!’ He leaves me, in confusion, to his room. What are you doing,Seunghyun?

My question is answered when I see him walking back with a big white teddy bear, and clothes in his hand. Okay, now, I am more confused.

‘here, I’m giving you this special chingu, to take care of you while I’m gone.’ He puts the big teddy in my lap, blocking my view with its big head.

‘You can hug him if you miss me.’

‘no way.’ I shriek.

‘yes way. You’ll miss me.’

‘suit yourself. But I won’t hug him.’ I punch bear in its white fluffy head.

‘hey!’ Seunghyun shouts at me. ‘It’s limited edition. Don’t hurt him.’ He caresses the teddy to the place I punch it earlier.

‘it’s just a teddy.’

‘No! it’s a friend-my friend. But, from now on, he will be your friend a.k.a your companion at home. Choke her Ted if she’s being naughty.’ The last sentence is spoken as if the teddy bear is his REAL friend.

‘Ted? Is that HIS name?’ I stress on the his part, not sure whether he puts it right.

‘Yup. It’s supposed to be Mr.Ted. But I call him Ted.’

I laugh when he says that. It’s cute.

‘Mr? Are you sure he’s a guy? He looks feminine.’

‘of course he’s a guy. I won’t sleep with a girl teddy.’

‘You’re sleeping with him?’ I look at him with bigger eyes, surprised.

‘what’s wrong with that?’ he shots me back. Yup, he’s right though. What’s wrong with that? Still, it’s funny to know a guy sleeping with so-claimed-guy teddy bear.

‘Okay. Okay. And those?’ I point at the clothes with I learnt it’s a sweater and a beanie.

‘These are…my favourite too. Wear these when you’re going out at night, okay? You won’t catch a cold.’ He shoves me those clothes. I pick them up when I put Ted beside me. I stare at the classic black hooded zip swear shirt that has printed Saint Laurent label at the neck and also  grey cotton beanie of the same brand. Considering whether I should take that, because I know, those clothes cost a fortune.

‘Seunghyun… I have my own sweater.’

‘Hah! That’s the point. It’s your sweater. This is mine. So, wear mine, not yours.’ He takes the beanie back and puts it on my head. Almost covered my eyes, I push it up a little.

‘You’ll feel me hugging you if you wear that. I promise.’

I fell into silence when I hear him saying that. I can feel my blood flushing my face. Why does he suddenly talk like that? Why does he suddenly become so romantic? Giving me stuff and asking me to remember him. It burdens me. It shakes my little heart. It makes me…….

I look at his lips, those thin and curly lips which kiss me this afternoon. I want it more. I want to taste the softness more. I want to….

‘Autobot! Let’s roll!’ The voice from the TV wakes me from my shameless thought.

Hastily, I turn my face from him and pretend to focus on the TV back. He does the same. We don’t have any conversation again after that. He stays silent, fixing his eyes on the screen, but I know he’s not giving any attention to it anymore. Ok, this is awkward.

‘Huraggghhh~~ I’m sleepy.’ I fake a yawn.

‘I’m going first.’ I take the stuff he’s giving me and quickly stands up. The sooner I am away from his, the better I will feel. Suddenly I feel unfamiliar hands wrap my waist from behind when I am walking to my room. Shocked, I stop. Thump! Thump! My heart pumps the blood like there’s not enough oxygen inside my veins. My mind stops working and my vision become blurred. His breath feels warm, wiping my face and his skin burns mine at the neck. His grasp turns me into a statue. Only a little conscience left in my brain, fighting whether I should continue this or not. A part of me doesn’t want it and the other part longs for this.

‘Just take care, okay?’ He says it, almost whispering into my ear.

Without I even realizing it, my head already gives him a nod.

He turns my body facing him and I, like an idiot, follow whatever he does to me. I hate myself for being easy to him, but I would hate myself even more if I regret over this. Seunghyun now, acts like my master and I, on the other hand, is like his obedient, loyal little string puppet. I look into his eyes, searching for a little confidence to overcome my anxiety. I don’t know if I see this wrong, but he’s swallowing his own saliva, like restraining himself for something. I am not sure what it is but I want him to, I want him to lose his mind like I am, now. All I can do right now is to stand still, searching his nervous eyes. It happens so fast and I could not even have a chance to digest properly the images in front of my eyes, even so, I find out that his lips are already placed into mine. A vibration of nervous runs in every veins inside my body.

I close my eyes, trying to remember the feel I felt this very moment, trying to remember how soft his lips are, trying to remember the warmth of his breath wiping my cheek, trying to remember how comfortable his embrace is.

My lust begins to take over my sense of right and wrong as my hands begin to wrap his body closer to mine and my lips begin to reply his hot and passionate kiss. He buries his hand into my hair, continuing to kiss me as he slowly backs me against the wall near us. I am not sure about loving him, it is too soon to decide, but I indeed care about him. I like him. I want him, and as we continue to kiss, I could feel his arms moving over my back and shoulders. His touch is electric against my skin, his breath hot against mine, and I swear I feel myself slipping away.

His hands are roving over my back and stomach when I finally feel like choking, unable to breathe. I place my hands on his chest and push him a little. Understood, he lets go my lips and put his forehead against mine, while his eyes are closed. His unstable breath becomes a soft breeze, wiping my face and I love it, a lot.

‘I’ll miss you.’ I say it with a gentle but promising tone.

He opens his eyes and smiles. His dimples appear and again, he brings me close to his chest. His hug feels different from my dad, my oppa, Jiyong or any other man I’ve ever been. It feels so safe, so comfortable, so appealing and so fit, like he is made for me, meant for me. He rests his head on mine, as I’m lot shorter than him-I’m at his shoulder only-, and his hand’s brushing my hair. Closing my eyes, I’m trying to cherish this moment. I like it too much to be in his arm, like I would never get enough of it. When he finally releases me, I look straight in his brown eyes.

‘Are you done?’

‘Done what?’ He seems confused.

‘All those things you’ve done just now.’

He laughs. ‘Yes.’

‘Okay. Now don’t kiss me back. I’m going…’ I try to hide my smile when I pick up the things that he’s given earlier which have been dropped when we … do whatever we did and I make my way to my bedroom without having a second glance at him. 

____________________________________________________________________________________

he is so like me. I hate the thought that i need to attend lecturing tomorrow, and i hate the thought that the other es have already had their holidays on. I hate people who don't know how to respect time, and I hate poeple who are so self-centred like this earth is made just for his damn command.

HAHA~ i'm sorry i'm blowing my top here (but I wont blow my T.O.P). hehe^^

Please enjoy the update and keep commenting ya~ :)

Thanks for staying tune. :)