Alooohaaa my beautiful people!!!

the breaking up is finally here...
i hope i can make you all tear. *tell me about it,promise??*

well, i found it vely vely funny when most of you already know Hyeri's choice.
kekeke~ it's naat a secret nymore. i'm frustrated! :p

to be honest, i've written for 28 pages for this chap. 
so, i've divided it fairly so that you guys can keep nervous and frustrated.

it's almost sunrise and i keep ditching my beauty sleep cuz of yo' guys.
i'm glad though cuz you guys are amazing!

anyway, i do hope that my silent readers can comment something- at least to give me your thoughts about this story. i've been struggling to make it like... you know..kind of 'pro writer' but i doubt myself. i don't think my writing is good enough for ya guys.

thank you to my regular commenter too.. you guys always make me smile. gomaowoo~~ *bow*

ok. let's cut the nagging. please enjoy. i'm goin to sleep now.. 

adios!

                                                                                                                                                                                              -D

In the morning, however, I awake feeling anxious. As always, I am acutely conscious of the fact that another day has passed, meaning one less day left with Seunghyun. Mommy's warning is still fresh in my mind, as if she just said it yesterday. 

 

‘I'll let you decide by the end of this summer. If you refuse me, don't bother to consider yourself my daughter anymore.’
 

Winter is on its way, and I am left with another 2 weeks before mommy's deadline. 

Seunghyun is laying consciously next to mine, with this right arm propping as my pillow. His other arm tugs my body closely to his own, claiming me as part of him. He looks so pure and innocent in his sleep. Positioning close to him, I could feel and hear his own heart beating and I am wondering what he’s dreaming. I wonder if it is I he’s seeing in his sleep.  By beholding at him, a rush of sadness punches my heart, spreading the pain and anxiety to every part of my nerves. I begin to ask myself whether am I able to wake up, being greeted by his look again, or am I going to wake up, with someone else beside me. 

But as I lay in his embrace, trying to make sense of the unease I feel, I realize it isn't just that. Another question strikes my mind. 

Is he going to marry me?

I figure, if mommy wants me to marry so badly, why don't I beg her to let me marry Seunghyun instead of Jiyong? She might be able to accept that. Or if she doesn't, I’m gonna ask oppa and daddy to help me. She would agree, wouldn't she? 

Then, I only left with one real problem. Would Seunghyun agree with that? God, I still have no idea what future will bring me nor did I know what was coming for me.

I wriggle myself out of Seunghyun's embrace, tucking the cover properly on him, leaning to kiss his eyes before wearing my robes and stepping to the balcony. I stare at my unfinished Seunghyun portrait in my canvas. He is smiling happily, and I smile back at him. 
 

I shook my head, glancing at the real Seunghyun who is sleeping soundly on my bed. What kind of life am I leading? More than that, where would it take me? Months ago, I am living my life happily, with Seunghyun who is always there for me. Even though he was miles apart, he always finds his time to call me or to tell me jokes and even to show his affection on me by shipping me a clothes than he likes or doing other silly little things just for me. Or, let’s just recall last night. It was a perfect night for me. We’re spending hours making love and declaring our love towards each other. We held each other dearly, as he kissed me, I leaned and kissed him back, and pouring all love I could give in our sealed lips.
 

I know that none of it or all of it feels real, more real than anything I’d known: my eternal love for Seunghyun, our hot and passionate making love session, the happiness and contentment I felt since the day he came into my life, so simply, completely yet complicatedly. Never in a million years would I consider the idea of 'true happiness' since the day the tragedy happened. Somehow, Seunghyun is the one who is able to let me taste the sweetness of life, without even trying much.

Now, it's time I confront this fantasy reality directly. Deep in my heart, I hold a breezy belief that everything would turn out okay, no matter what future holds. It's time to tell Seunghyun everything. 

God please,, be with me, guide me, help me.

I take a deep fresh breath of Jeju air and walk inside again, disappearing myself behind the shower.
 

*****

'Is everything okay? You've been kind of quiet.' Seunghyun says, landing his eyes on me.

'I'm sorry...' I reply. 'It's just that I’ve got a lot on my mind.'

We are sitting on the gazebo, just outside the villa, facing and looking the wide blue sea. We are sharing our cold grape juices, holding hands and spending time, like an old retired couple.

I am nervous, to be honest. I am still calculating on how on earth I am going to tell him, without spoiling our moment, or without wasting Seunghyun take-off, just to spend his time with me. 

'Seunghyun...' I start, slowly and nervously.

'Mmm...' he hums in respond, placing his gaze on me.

'Let's marry.' There! I said it!

To my surprise, he chuckles happily and looks at me with unexplainable expression. 

'Are you proposing me? Isn't that my job?' He recites in a joke manner. 

'I'm not joking, Choi Seunghyun.'

I stare at his seriously, trying to snap the joke out of him. In a straight sitting manner, I begin to sound more serious rather than an empty talk. 

'Wait... why we are on this topic?' he fixes his eyes on me and releases his grip on my hand.

I study him. He begins to understand this situation and conversation. I just hope and pray my best that I won't ruin whatever things we have right now.

'I know it sounds ridiculous, but my mom already decides that I should get marry by this winter.'

'THIS WINTER??' He looks confused and a shade of red starts to form on his face. 'Winter is coming baby, like another two weeks or something. Why would you and your mother want to rush things up? We are still young, hyeri. YOU ARE...still young.' 

By his tough respond, I already have a hunch the result of this conversation, but I still try to best to let him see some sense on my behalf. 

'I don't want to do this too Seunghyun. But this is not something that I decide or choose. This is about my mom's decision.' With a slow and clear tone, I recited a little firmly. 

'Do you always do what your mom wants?' 

'You don't understand.' I say, shaking my head. 'I am not that kind of daughter that my mom wants or loves. She....' 

I struggle to find the right words and hold the sadness and pain that begins to grow inside me. Beside me, I could sense Seunghyun watching me but I can't meet his gaze. 

'I know the fact that she is my mother, but she is not the type who you think a mother could be. I am not trying to make her looked bad.... she's just not that kind of person to me. She...she hates me. She doesn't even bear the sight of me. I'm... like a poison to her.' A single tear rolls down my cheek which I choose to ignore it. 

I try to calm myself down by sliding the sand between my toes as I continue. 'I know she's being unfair to me, but it's not the reason for me to hate her. I love her. No matter how disgrace I am to her sight, I’m still her daughter and I would do anything just for her love.' I stop to get a hold of myself. Tears are now draining out from my eyes like the rain in a storm. 

My mother's words and images keep coming before my eyes, adding the pain and reminding how I love her even for what she has done to me.

'Do you notice that there's none of my family picture in my house?' 

Seunghyun nods, waiting for me to go on. 

'It's because our family isn't going to complete anymore- after my...my...sister's death.' The word 'death' strangles my throat, I almost choke just to say that word. 

'Her name was Dana, and she was a great sister... the kind of person who was in high spirits when she was with other people. She had a kindest and loving heart, and you couldn't help but to love her.' I pause again, looking across the blue, beautiful sky which I feel like Dana is there, somewhere, watching and looking after me. I just ignore the tears that keep coming down, sometimes wiping them off when they enters my mouth, letting me taste the worst, salty mixture. 

'Anyway, my family is quite small, but we were once happy and complete. My father is an orphan since he was little. My mom, on the other hand, is not Korean. She's French and I guess she left her family when she hurmm.. How do I say this.... 'hooked up' with my dad. Dongwook is my eldest brother, he and I take after my father, and we looked more like the 'evolution' kind of Korean. But Dana, she looked exactly like my mother, an exact copy of her. Not only that, she was gifted with my mother's skill-architectural genius. She could draw this unique but weird kind of building when she's just doodling on paper. She and my brother had that skills, which made my mom loves them more than me. My daddy said she was once a famous architect in her city. I, unlike them, have my father's skill, cooking.' I pause again, this time I’m brave enough to look into Seunghyun's eyes. 

He smiles, much to my comfort. 'No wonder you're so good at cooking.'

I smile back at him when I hear him saying that. Then I hesitate, trying to summon my strength for the rest of what I have to say.

'One day, it's mom's turn picking Dana and I from elementary school. It had been raining all day, and a lot of roads were slick. As always, mom would ask for Dana to show her sketch in her drawing book. That day, I remembered making some chocolate during my class and I really wanted to give mom's some. So, I reached out my hand to shove the chocolate to my mom, but I was still small at that time and my arms short. I kept ing the chocolate into and my mom kept telling me to stop but I ignored her. I really wanted her to praise me like she did with Dana. My mom turned around to make me stop, and that was all it took. She lost control of the car. And...' I swallow, the feeling of words choke me. The scene was still fresh in my mind, haunting me like it's the only punishment to remind me that it's all my fault-my entire fault. The excruciating pain stabs me mercilessly again through my chest, leading the tears to fall helplessly from my swollen eyes.

'Anyway, Dana didn't make it. Hell, I shouldn't survive too but I did. We went through the guardrail and hit the trees besides the road. We had to spend days in ★ICU★ before we could be discharged to ★normal wards.★ Dana...' I pinch the bridge of my nose. 'Dana died on impact.'

Seunghyun reaches for my hand. 'I'm so sorry.' 

‘me, too.' I blink my eyes to let the tears fall down my cheeks.

'You know it was an accident, right?'

'Yeah, I know. And my mom does too. But even so, she blames me for making her losing control of the car, just like I blame myself too.' I shake my head. 'After that, she always shows her hatred on me, reminding my wrong doing, as she feels I have taken the one that she loves from her. I believe that too. I mean, look what happened. My mom completely lost it at the funeral, and I hated myself for doing that to her. I felt guilty. I felt responsible. And I promised myself I would do anything to make it up. That fuels me to always be patient to her.' I watch Seunghyun's finger between mine. 

'It was so dreadful and terrible, the day of the funeral. My mom screaming and my own sister's picture in a frame, everybody else crying, daddy, oppa... it made me feel so terrible. My mom had fallen sick for weeks, it just...' I sigh. 'I swear I would never make my mom sick or cry because of my doing again.' 
 

For once, Seunghyun seems at lost for words. I straighten up, taking my hand back from him, wondering why he has to meet someone like me. 'I'm sorry....for you to meet someone like me.'

'It's okay.' He says quickly, grabbing my hand again and squeezes it gently. 

'I'm sorry I don't have a perfect life you probably imagine.'

'I never assumed your life was perfect. Nobody does.'

'For that,' I continue, 'she asked me to get married... and gave her as many as grandchildren to somehow expand our family. To replace the loss I’ve made.' 

'Oh baby...' he finally moves from his seat and kneel before me. He wipes out my tears clean, tucks the loose hair behind my ear and leans in impulsively to kiss me on the lips. 'I wish I could feel and share your pain.' He brings me to his chest, securing me in his embrace. 

His warmth spreads through my body like a tumor. I hug him back, trying to forget all the bad scenes that keep playing in my mind. 

After some time, he loosens his embrace and looks into my eyes, straight to my heart.

'I like the idea of your mother wants many children from you,' he smiles cheekily across his face, 'but I’m sorry... I can’t..marry you for now baby.' He stops to give me a time to digest what he's said.

'I would love to marry you baby, I am honored to, but not for now. I am tied on contract with my company. I can't get married or have any kind of engagement before I’m turning 30. Not to mention the contract of my CFs. I don't even allowed to even be in any relationship.' He pauses.

I am no shocker hearing his explanation but never had I thought I would be this painful and heartbreaking to hear this coming from his own mouth.

He can't marry me. I repeat that in my head. The tears has come back to blur my vision, but I clench my teeth hard not to let they down.

'Baby... can't we meet your mother and beg her to give us time?' He asks me tenderly, afraid of hurting me which I think it's just in vain.

'Time isn't what I have right now, Seunghyun...and time isn't something she can spare my anymore. She has waited for too long.' 

'But hyeri,, I really, really can’t make it now. I would lose thousands of fans and I would lose thousands or even millions if I were to break the contract.'

His words ring in my mind excruciatingly and agonizingly. 'I would lose thousands of fans and I would lose millions...' so... that is his choice. 

It wounds me, almost kill me to think he cares for his career, money, and fans more than me. My head suddenly goes numb and it aches, it kills me slowly. I am poor. I have no fame. I'm just a ing low-class, infamous architect so, he cant choose me in his life.

I understand.

I distance myself from Seunghyun, avoiding any skinship from him anymore. 

'I thought you love me.'

'I do! I do love you too much! Too much that I can never love another, Hyeri. But please do understand my situation. God, Hyeri. I love you so much! I can't even think of losing you.' He says in an assertive tone, I could see his sincerity in his eyes, and I could see a glimpse of tears in his eyes too. But nothing could ever mend this anymore. He has chosen his choice. He has chosen his career. 

'But you can't marry me.' I smile mockingly, with tears running down my cheek, defeating me for countless time. 

'I would. I would Hyeri. But for now...'

'It's okay.' I swim in his teary eyes. 'I guess we can't always have what we want..' I try to breathe properly but it was so hard right now. My chest is being stuffed with millions sticks and stones that I could barely breath anymore. 

Slowly, painfully, feebly, stuffily, I try to stand up properly on my weak and trembled legs. 

'We...' I choke on my words that are about to be said, 'we should move on our own way from now on, Seunghyun.' By finishing saying that, I run as fast as I could inside the villa to my room upstairs. On my way, I stumble myself on the stairs when I misstep one of the stairs, making my mouth bleeding. 

Gathering my last strength, I stand up and hide myself in the bathroom, showering myself with the running water. 

The blood escaping my lips, the tears flooding down my cheeks, the shower hitting me back and the coldness of the tiles do not slightly affect the pain I felt in my chest. It is so painful that my head feels so sick like somebody has put the whole world weight on my head. And my heart, my heart feels so terrible like millions people are punching and stabbing it, leaving invisible hole through it. My body feels so numb and so painful and so stress that after some time, I could see, feel and hear nothing anymore. 
 

*****
 

'Hyeri, baby! Wake up! it! Wake up!'

A faint voice comes and greets me from a very deep and painful blackness in my head. What a weird dream I had till I still could feel numbness around my lips, and my head... ouch! It's so painful...and crazily ached just someone had just letting sick waves crushing it. Goodness, what kind of dream is this? My face stings like . What the hell has happened?

'Hyeri! Wake up you fool!'

The voice... its Seunghyun voice. I smile when I hear it. How sweet, how lovely, how the voice could sound in my ears. I try to open my eyes, wanting to look at the owner, wanting to look at the voice which keeps calling me.

The vision in front my eyes was so blur, just like the lens which have fault zoomed. However, by the look of it, the cream colored skin that I devour, the wet looked hair that fit him perfectly, the red lips that taste heavenly, I know it's Seunghyun. 

'I love you...' I confess before him but the words come out weakly in my own hearing as the pain in my throat keeps restraining me to mutter any other words. 

'God!! I love you too, baby! Damn! You scare me!'

A pair of strong arms squeezes me tightly, bringing me closer and stuffing me against his chest. I close my eyes, trying to clear my head and cherishing the warmth. How I love to stay frozen like this, how I wish I could stay like this, how I pray this moment could last forever. 

'I love you Seunghyun..so much it hurts..' I croak out in his chest. 

The wildest dream I had before, I wish it could wash away, swiping the pain along. But it didn't, instead, it makes me feel more terrible, more painful than before. 

'I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so so so sorry! I love you too,, too much.' He exclaims, releasing his grip on me and looking at me.

I blink once. I blink twice. The vision is getting better, and I could see Seunghyun...dark face? Why is he having that look? Why are there the tears in his eyes? Why is he looking at me like that? Seunghyun my love...what has happened?

'What's happened?' I ask him weakly.

'You fainted! Babo-yah! Why do you even lock the door? Only god knows what would happen if I didn't look for you.' He stops. His deep voice sounds anxious. He looks terrible. Then, he brings me to his chest again, in his securing arms. 

I try to make sense of what had happened. Then it rings to me like a pop. It was not a dream. It's real. The dream was real. The pain was real. It's really happening. It's happening. So... do that mean...are we just breaking up?

With the strength I have left, I slightly push his chest, breaking through his arms. I search his eyes, trying to find the truth myself. His eyes... they look so sad. They looks so poor. And they... they break my heart apart. They brings the pain back...
 

A hot strain of water is coming out from my sting eyes. The words ring back in my mind. 

‘We should move on our own way from now on, Seunghyun.'
 

*****