It has been almost two months since I’ve been working on the Project Mega X and it also has been a period since I live alone, without my housemate. I’ve been missing him like hell and I have been so stressed about the design that Daesung, Saera and I have been worked into. Something’s missing about the design, something is not there and it makes me crazy to think about it. It is good, we agreed that it already good, but it’s not perfect, not like what I’ve been expected when it is turned up. The theme is not completely matched with the design and we only have one month plus minus to figure out what the hell is gone astray. It is like statue, perfectly built, completely coloured but somehow there’s hole there and it annoys me enough. I’ve been discussing about this with Daesung sunbae and Saera, but they also don’t know what is wrong with it. Saera, that , yell at me one day when I told her to figure it out together. ‘What is ing else you are not satisfied, Choi?’ she said. It hurts me enough when Daesung doesn’t even back me up. Lucky me, Jiyong is agree with me, saying that the design is not yet perfect, so we have not built the complete model of it yet. Since Saera yell at me the other day, I have not gone to work for days. I only drop by at the office to grab several documents from Daesung, take into notice several developments made by them, and also a number of architecture books from the company library. Jiyong also gives me the permission to work at home as he never bothered about his excellent worker as he knows, we would do our work no matter how and what.

However, working at this ing home also doesn’t bring me any happiness or any inspiration. God, I’ve been missing Choi Seung Hyun so much that everywhere I walk in this house, I see him. What kind of sorcery he practices on me that make me think of him? He did call once in a while and we talk not long than ten minutes because of his busy schedule and stuffs. Tsk! Excuses and excuses. But, we did text almost every day and sometimes, he sends me some of his pictures there, which they make me miss him more than I expected. It’s kind of sad that he never mentions about when he will come home, or at least, when he will come back to Korea. I’ve never asked him too. Yeap! I’m a woman with a big E.G.O stamped on my forehead, okay? And now, I’m dying of missing that man.

And here I am now, stress about my work, and stress of missing someone not-so-important in my life. ‘Arrrggghhhhh’ I let out a grunt of frustration and sink my head between my knee. I look rather ridiculous right now, wearing worn out black t-shirt and an over-sized tracksuit which I roll it up to my knee. My hair is poking out everywhere, being loose from the ponytail as I keep grabbing and ruffling them whenever I feel tension. I sit down properly on my black leather couch, staring blankly at tons of books and papers and stationeries being laying there messily on the big table in front of me. The TV is on uselessly, as I don’t even watch it or even bother about what channel is being aired right now. My brain has been jammed since yesterday and not a single idea pop up and I really feel like a useless, stupid person right now. The reading from those damn books also does not help me at all, instead, it adds up more stress and makes me more miserable than usual. Stupid book and stupid brain. Oh God, I keep cursing these days and I really need to stop that before it becomes worse. Okay! Breathe in. Breathe out. Mind control. Remember!

I spring on my feel and do a little stretching before pacing back and forth in front of the couch. Mind control. Mind control. I keep repeating those phrases like a mantra. Mind control. Be patient. Think properly. You can do it! Yes! I can do it. But first, I need to take a bath, calming myself. Cooling myself. Yes, a bath is good for me. Without hesitation, I enter my room, snatch my towel and have a quality bath under the rain shower.

I wear a bright colour t-shirt and short pant to enhance my brain and to look good myself. Yup, I look okay in the mirror. Serenely, I go to the living room again and take my seat at the couch, looking at my design. One minute passes. Two minutes have gone. Five minutes departed. Twenty minutes bypasses. And ! Nothing comes to my mind. ! ! ! I curse again. Again, I stand up, pacing. Mind control. Mind control. Maybe I should tidy up this place to clear my mind. Yup, the table is in a mess, that’s why I am minded right now.

In no time, I start to clean up the table, arrange all those book in order, put that stationery in a my pencil case, and organize the papers properly. I spread out the plan in the centre, so that I could see it easily and clearly. No, I think I should tidy up my whole house before starts cracking up my mind. Yup, I should do that. I don’t know why, but cleaning always helps me clear my mind. I can believe even in a molecule size when people say you can release your stress by shopping. Hell no. Shopping will give you more trouble as you need to think what kind of things that you want and you have to arrange back your account as soon as you drain your money in unnecessary items.

I start my massive cleaning session with clearing out the fridge. Without much thought, I throw up all the unfinished foods, half-drink water bottles, days-old of fruit and vegetables, and clear the stains caused by the spilled liquid. The useless boxes of medicine and ice-cream, I get rid of them from my sight. Then, I look into the food cabinet, again, throw up all the useless plastic and the foods which have been kept for a long time. God, I don’t even remember buying all those stuffs. I arrange the kitchen and clean up the whole area with sweat is dripping excitedly from my body.

From the kitchen, I continue working on the dust, hiding perfectly at the slit of my furniture in the living room. Although it’s just a minimum dust, I don’t want to leave it behind.

In the middle of doing my chores, the bell suddenly rings and it makes me wonder who is coming over. I seldom have any guest to come visit, let alone any deliveries cause I haven’t ordered anything.

‘wait!’ I scream, hoping the person will stop ring the bell. On my way, I wipe out my sweats with the towel hung at my neck.

When I open the front door, a figure of a tall man in a blue shirt with a maroon jacket, wearing his brownish shades comes into my sight. A huge grin spread on his face, making his dimples in both cheeks appear merrily. The unexpected guest makes me stoned myself in front of the door, and my mouth falls open. Is it true? Am I dreaming? I am not dreaming, right?

‘Seung Hyun!’ I squeal, launching myself towards him and squeezing his body like he is a mannequin. Upon that, I hear him laughing and hugging me back, dropping his head in my shoulder. We stay in that position for some time before I unleash him from my sweaty body. How I miss him! I really do miss him like crazy! He is back now.

Helping him with his paper bags, we enter the house and I placed all his stuffs in my hand on the dining table as the living room table is packed with my stuffs already.

‘You.... you dyed your hair.’ I point my gaze at his new walnut brown coloured hair.

He smiles again, taking his seat on the nearest chair. By his look, I can tell how tired he is right now. So, I walk up to the fridge, pouring some cold mineral water into a glass and put it in front of him. Thanking me, he takes up the glass and gulps down the water in one shot. I take my seat in front of him, observing him closely. How I miss this face. How I miss that voice.

‘how are you?’ he asks me as soon as he put down his empty glass on the glass table. He flashes out his weak smile, looking into my eyes.

‘fine.’ I answer him shortly. Lying, to be exact. I’m not fine. But I want to look fine in front of him.

‘what’s up with that panda eyes?’ he points out his finger to my eyes.

I laugh awkwardly. ‘oh....’ I rub the dark circles below my eyes, ‘it’s just... I was busy a bit nowadays.’ The thought of ‘work’ strikes my mind again and in no time, the stress starts to fill in my head.

‘You should have your rest.’ I suggest him.

‘I should. I’m so tired.’ He stands up and slowly walks into his room, with his big luggage in one hand. His paper bags are left out on the table and I have no desire to have a peek. Instead, I continue my unfinished business, clearing the dust on accessories furniture.

**********************************************************************************************

It’s already six in the evening and I almost finish up my cleaning. I just need to vacuum the fitted carpet before settling myself for good. In the middle of vacuuming, I notice Seunghyun got out from his room, looking spaced out, like he just wakes up from his sleep. His hair is poking here and there and he barely opens his right eyes.

‘what are you doing? You have been cleaning up since I got back?’ He asks me with his even more deep and sleepy voice. Then, he seats himself on the couch where I’m cleaning.

Switched the vacuum off, I turn to face him. ‘Am I waking you up? I’m sorry Seunghyun.’

Not paying much attention to that sleepy head, I proceed to the shoe rack, trying to reorganize again the already-organized-shoes.

‘what’s wrong with you?’ that deep voice enters my eardrum again.

‘nothing. I just want to clean these things up.’

‘hey! What’s happened?’ he already grabs hold my shoulder and I don’t even realize when does he come over here.

Sighing, I tell him. ‘You know about the latest project I’ve been working with, right? There’s something missing about the design, something that I can’t even figure it out and I have no slightest idea about it. But, it doesn’t perfect in my eyes and I’ve been dying to figure out what is it. Really, it makes me so frustrated and I need to clear my head before getting back to work.’

‘Clearing your head by cleaning up?’ he raises his eyebrows.

I know that sceptical look in his expression. What’s wrong with cleaning? I free myself from his grab and take out my sport shoes from the rack.

‘It won’t work. I’m gonna go to jog.’ Without looking at Seunghyun, I slip myself from the door, and head toward the main road.

**********************************************************************************************

The sun has disappeared and the dark begins to creep into the horizon. Jogging for almost one hour, my mind seems too stuck for good. I can think of nothing and I’m sure, this bad state of mind will linger around for few days. I desperately need to go somewhere to clear my mind from all this . Yeah. I need to go ‘there’ as soon as possible. Tonight! Tonight seems okay. The sooner I reach there, the better I would be.

As soon as I enter the house, something burnt tickles my nose. I bring my feet to the kitchen, and Seunghyun’s figure holding a spatula enters my eyes. What are you doing? I reach for Seunghyun who is now struggling to pick up the black and brownish kind of food from the frying pan. Without him asking, I bring him a plate as I realize, he doesn’t hold any and the smoke from the cooking suddenly makes my eyes irritated.

‘omelette.’ He mumbles, looking at me with a guilty face. I laugh at the sight of him.

‘for me?’ I ask him, smiling. He nods slowly.

‘well, thank you. It’s very thoughtful of you.’ I praise him to ease his guilt of cooking me that burnt omelette. I’m sure it won’t taste any good, but it comes from his thought and effort. I’m sure it will taste better with that.

Sitting myself on the dining table, I take a small bit of that omelette using a fork which he has given me earlier.

‘hurm... it’s delicious.’ I look at him and act up eating the food with interest even though the burnt ruins the taste. Well, it’s his first cooking to me, and I cannot bring myself scolding him for ruining the kitchen as well as the food, right? It’s a cruel thing to do.

‘don’t try to please me. I know it’s bad.’ Again, he displays his guiltiness.

‘Nope. Really, it taste good actually, if it doesn’t burn.’

He laughs and it eases my mind a bit, seeing him laughing like that. It’s been a while since I sit together with my housemate, eating and laughing.

‘sorry,’ he apologizes.

‘Seunghyun, are you working tomorrow?’ I ask him, taking another bite of the omelette.

‘No, I got 3 days off.’

‘Do you want to go somewhere?’

‘Where?’ he asks me back, lifting one of his eyebrows. His expression becomes puzzled upon my question.

‘Somewhere. If you wanna go, pack your clothes. We’re going to spend the night there. I’m going to set off exactly at 8.’ I glance at the clock on the wall, it shows 7.25 in the evening. I still got plenty of time to tidy up the mess he makes at the kitchen as well as a bath.

I didn’t finish up the omelette, as my throat is not comfortable enough to eat any food right now. I haven’t eaten anything yet since yesterday, only gulping down mineral water, and I really don’t have any appetite to eat. The omelette, I eat that only to comfort Seunghyun. It would be rude enough of not eating something people cooked for us, my dad always says that to me and I have been practicing it every now and then.

I end up cleaning the kitchen first and Seunghyun is helping me. We do a little chitchat about nothing important before I disappearing myself into my own room.

*****************************************************************************************

It’s already 8 on the dot and I’ve been waiting for my housemate for almost 5 minutes. He doesn’t seem to coming out from his room yet. Does he not want to follow me? if not, you should tell me first. Aish~ wasting my precious time. I shook my head from weariness and jump on my feet before snatching my big black Adidas bag and getting myself out from the house. It looks like I will have to drive alone. How I wish Seunghyun was to come along, at least I have a company to talk to. For countless time, I let out a heavy sigh.

I put down my bag into the Bee’s boot before starting the engine. Then, I place my handbag at the back seat.

When I am about to reverse my Bee, all of a sudden a hooded figure knock on my passenger window. I am reluctant to open up the door at first, but when I learn it is Seunghyun, I unlock the door at once.

‘You’ve scared me!’ I shot him.

‘Why are you even leaving me behind?’ he rises up his deep voice which makes him sound like he’s angry right now.

‘I thought you don’t wanna come!’ I argue back. ‘It’s already past 8.’

‘No! It’s 8 on the dot now.’ He shoves off his watch to my face before tossing his back on the back seat. His expression looks dark now. I know he’s angry with me. What should I do?

‘Seunghyun...’ I lower down my voice, trying to soothe him. ‘I’m sorry,okay? I thought you wanna rest at home.

‘of course I wanna come along. How can I let you drive alone in at night to place that I even don’t know where.’ He rationalizes his view.

When I hear that, I feel thankful enough for having him at my side this moment. Leaning myself on the leather seat, I look at him with a grateful gaze. I feel like some of the burden on my shoulder has been lifted at the sight of him. He caught my eyes staring at him and he stares at me back.

‘thank you, Seunghyun... I’m thankful enough....with you here...with me.’ I spit out the words, slowly and meaningfully. Yeap, I’m really really glad that he’s here when I’m in the most depressed situation right now.

‘are you that miserable?’ he asks me with a gentleness in his expression.

‘hurmmm..’ I mumble.

‘do you need a hug?’

I smile when he asks me that. Geez... he really knows how to cheer me up. Not letting go that golden opportunity, I nod.

Then, he pulls me closer to his warm chest. I feel small in his embrace. Closing my eyes, I try to remember again how nice it is to be in his arm, feeling safe and secure like there would no other harm that can come to me. I slip my arm on his chest; lay a hand on his built-up body. The sound of his beating heart becomes a serenade to my clouded mind. He my hair gently and tightens his embrace sometimes. How I wish I can spend hours and hours wrapped in his arm, just like this. His breath swipe tenderly my ear and it makes me more comfortable and at ease.

When I feel I have had enough of his comfy hug, I let him go and smile at him.

‘Let’s go somewhere nice!’

I drive leaving Seoul with a mind at peace and Seunghyun and I talked endlessly along the journey.

****************************************************************************************

We have several stops along the way as Seunghyun needs to use toilet, Bee needs his gas filled, I need coffee and all. It is the most fun journey I’ve ever had and we keep laughing and arguing over small matter, for instance, we debated about our favourite movies and he also keep forcing me to listen to his songs which I refused to even though I like them a lot. I just want to piss him off. We also sing like a broken radio when there’s song that we both knew and his deep yet high-pitched voice is super hilarious to be listened to.

After three hours and a half of driving, we arrive at the Daejeon. There, there is one night supermarket is opened and I steer Bee over the deserted parking.

‘what are we doing here?’ he asks me, looking confused.

‘shopping!’ I answer him excitedly.

‘what are we shopping for?’

‘just follow me, Seunghyunnie.’ I fetch my handbag and get myself out from the car. I put on the hoodie to cover my head from the morning dew. I dress so casual tonight, white t-shirt with a printed ‘Maison Givenchy’ on the chest, Seunghyun’s Saint Laurent hoodie which is now currently became my favourite attire, and a grey stretchable jean. Without waiting for Seunghyun, I make my way to the supermarket main entry. Then, I take the trolley arranged beside the customer’s service and wait for Seunghyun there.

Surprisingly, one tall man approaches me. I study the figure closer before I found out it is Seunghyun! God, what a disguise. Wearing a black hoodie with blue jeans, he covers his face perfectly with that grey beanie and a black framed spectacles together with a face mask. I barely recognize him with those accessories. Is it hard enough to go shopping with an artist?

‘what?’ he asks me over his face mask.

‘Tsk! Is it hard enough to go out with you?’ I ask him back.

‘prevention is better than cure, babe. Come on!’ he drags my arms into the supermarket.

Thankful enough, the supermarket is completed with the entire basics thing that I needed, clothes, some housing utensils, foods- the fresh one and also packed one. We also try the tested foods displayed, where one of the ahjumma has mistaken us for husband and wife. We neither deny it nor agree. Instead, he tries to play husband and wife when he calls me, ‘yeobo’ in front of the ahjumma. I beat him playfully in his arm and again, we laugh happily for our childish acting.

After the payment, he helps me loaded the purchased things into the Bee’s boot before we continue our journey again. Around 3 in the morning, I notice Seunghyun already falls asleep and my eyes are also pained with drowsiness. His head is pinned near the shaking windows and I feel sorry for him. Thus, I pull the car at the park where I assume it is safe to be stayed and check whether I’ve locked the door properly or not. Satisfied, I move Seunghyun’s head slowly enough, afraid to wake him, and lay it on my shoulder. Then, after a while, I also begin to doze off.

******************************************************************************************

I wake up from my dreamless sleep when I hear some noises rishy-rashy beside me. As soon as I open my eyes, I notice Seunghyun’s shoulder in front of me. When did he wake up? How is my head placed his chest.

‘have you awake?’ my favourite voice enters my ears the first thing.

Instead of answering, I smile at him. He gives me a mineral water to drink and hand me a bun of bread but I decline it.

‘I’m not hungry....’ I say to him with a gentle voice.

‘I haven’t seen you eating today... beside, you have been cleaning up the house like crazy and driving so long.’ I recognize the tenderness in his y deep husky voice.

‘well, I’ve eaten your delicious, precious omelette. It’s one of a kind.’

‘it’s burnt!’ he raise up his voice a bit. I chuckle when I see his reaction.

‘I like it though.’ The coldness makes me wrapping my own arms around my body.

‘and I like you.’

The words that come from his mouth feel like an electric current which casted upon my sleepy mind. What did he say just now?

I blink my eyes several times, worried that I might be dreaming. But that pair of killer eyes doesn’t seem to fade away from my sight. It’s real. I’m not dreaming. It’s really....real.

Unexpectedly, Seunghyun comes closer to me and give me a cosy hug.

‘Don’t overdo yourself. I really worried when I see you stressed out like that.’ His words come like a whisper to my own ears. I hear sincerity in his tone and I know he means what he’s said.

Before he lets go of myself, he gives me a small kiss on my forehead. Although it looks so simple, I really appreciate his unexpected way and his sincerity. I don’t know, but I feel loved somehow. I remind myself that we’ve known for only a few months, and yet... he is kind and unexpected and I already sense his sincerity towards me. For that, I am thankful enough.

We continue our journey until we reach Busan district. He keeps bugging me, asking where are we going but I am giving him no bother of telling him. It’s already half past seven and I could see the beach waving along the roadside. We’re almost here.

I enter this one small road, leading to an average looked wooden house. The trees are welcoming Seunghyun and I as we drive past them. As soon as I pull out the car, I could see an old woman is sweeping the dried leaves in front of her yard. Excitedly, I get out from the car and running towards that lady.

‘ommmmaaaaa!!!’

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one day long i've writing this. Two days straight update, i should ask for more upvote. 

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