I feel absolutely hideous in this Wednesday morning. I haven’t slept well, my head aches and I’m worried. Jiyong has not been home since last week. The last time I saw him is when I stopped by in his office after I left him on the night Seunghyun and I reconciled. It doesn’t help my outlook whereby Seeda has told me that Jiyong has gone to Osaka for a modern architecture conference there. Knowing Jiyong, he won’t last a day without giving me a call. But, this time, he is gone for one week and not a single phone call or message reaches my phone. I sigh.

I am afraid of the time I’d spent time unconscious with Seunghyun, afraid that he might have found out about it. No- how the hell he would find out about it, he never spies me. No, he won’t know about it. The anxiety seems to ratchet up with the intensity of the pounding in my head. By the clock shows its 12 o’clock, Seeda informs me that Jiyong asks her to send some documents related to the project Binary at home. The butterflies in my stomach flutters frantically when I hear the news he’s home. Well, he doesn’t tell me about it at all.

“Seera, may I just help you hand the document to Mr. Kwon?” I offer my ‘kind’ help to Seera. I’m sure she doesn’t mind. Plus, she just hates being on traffic at this hour.

“Of course, Hyeri.” She replies while giving me a cheeky smile.

“What?” I ask her.

“Miss him already, hyeri?” She asks and laughs in front of my face. “I guess he must have treated you well last night.”

“Last night?” I ask, confused with her last words. What’s about last night?

“Tsk, stop pretending Hyeri. Jiyong has been home since Sunday and yet he never shows his face here yet. Only God knows what magic you cast on him to lock him up at your house.” Seeda laughs again at her joke- her lame joke-as I could add.

I am not in the mood for any joke and now I know Jiyong has been in Korea for 4 days already. I feel like punching my own face when I know nothing about it. No! it doesn’t matter actually. What more important is that I wanna know so badly why he doesn’t bother to contact me at all.

I excuse myself from Seera’s cubicle and hurriedly exit the building. I just wanna Jiyong to be home by the time I got there. I hate that I feel suddenly unsure about this.

I am able to drive out of the parking lot before the panic really hit, but I am hyperventilating by the time I got home.

I swallow, trying to dislodge the sudden lump in my throat when I see Jiyong Audi R8 is parked in its usual place. The worry has not left me even for a second, leaving me breathless. The relief I feel when hurriedly enter the house and locate Jiyong in our bedroom. But it is not enough to calm my racing heart, as panic comes striking when I see him packing his clothes into his big luggage. He looks like he’s going away for a week.

“Hi,” I say weakly, trying to hide the hideous sadness and confusion.

“Hey,” he answers shortly, eyes and attention never moving from packing.

I wait in the doorway. Finally Jiyong looks over at me without any smile. “You got home early.” He says uninterestedly. His eyes and hands strayed back to pick up another piles of clothes in the wardrobe.

“Where are you going?” I break the silence as it becomes ridiculous. I don’t want to be the one to break it but apparently that is my only choice if I ever want him to talk to me and explain all of this bull.

“Leave.” The word comes and shots me like a bullet from a gunfire. It is swift and accurate it bleeds my sanity.

I stare for another minute, shocked. He doesn’t even bother to notice my reaction. I could feel something, panic maybe, building up in my chest. I escape to the kitchen.

The plain water holds no interest for me. I sit on the floor near the fridge, pull up my knees up, and wrap my arms around them. Something is very wrong, maybe more wrong than I’d realized. The sound of rumbling continues from the bedroom.

I try to control myself, to reason with myself. What’s the worst that can happen? I flinch. That is definitely the wrong question to ask. I am having a hard time breathing right.

Okay, I thought again, what is happening now? I don’t like the question so much, either. But I thought that would help me figuring it out what is happening to Jiyong right now. He doesn’t look like Kwon Jiyong I’ve known.

He is busy with his work. Okay, first reason. If course he is busy. He’s always busy but that’s not the reason why he becomes so cold towards me. He’s never been cold to me. I can’t recall any situation to proof that he had once showed this side of him. It is always I who act like he doesn’t bring much important to my life. – I should just scratch this stupid reasoning.

Jiyong has another woman that he loves and she loves him more than I do. Damn, why do I hurt when I thought of this? No…Jiyong would never find another woman, he wouldn’t. He doesn’t even have time to see whether there’s a girl flirting just beside him. He has always loved me. As much as I hate the feeling on insecurity that floats against my chest, I could not deny that Jiyong can do anything that he wants to.

After mustering enough gut to face and accept all the possibilities about Jiyong, I walk again to our bedroom. This time, I stand close behind him when he looks busy searching for papers from the corner table.

“Ji…” I start, my voice is shaking.

“hurmm..” he grunts coldly without looking at me.

“Will you stay?” I ask, no strength in my voice. The sadness suddenly chokes me.

I expected his answer to be yes, so I really hope he did say so. I pray for him to say so.

“Not today.”

Okay. That was hurt.

“why?” I ask for a reason. Of course I want to know why, I’m dying to know why.

This time, Jiyong is facing me, but his face is all wrong. There is something buried in his eyes that I couldn’t be sure of- and it scares me. I do not want to bring the subject that he doesn’t call me at all for the last seven days, but I am not sure if avoiding the subject would be worse.

“You wanna know why?” He asks in an unemotional voice and piercing my eyes with his cold gaze. “since when you CARE about me?”

The question comes punching me in my face. I don’t even deny it but I also didn’t want to asnswer it. I couldn’t thing of a way to protest, but I instantly knew that I want to. I don’t like this. This is bad, this is very bad, the voice in my head repeated again and again.

But Jiyong doesn’t wait for an answer. He pulls me along towards the wardrobe at the other side of the room. I follow unwillingly, trying to think through the panic. It is what I want to know, I remind myself. The chance to talk it all through-the chance to know all the hidden answer. So why is the panic chocking me?

When we arrive near the closet, he stops abruptly.

He opens it.

He searches for something and pulls it out from the view it is hidden. A box, a white box of mine. He stares at me, his expression unreadable. I take a look at the box, something tickles my inside. The heat almost, but not quite reaches my face. I could feel my own blood comes rushing and settles on my checks- I’d blushed with mixed emotion.

“Recognize this?” He asks with a voice full of sarcasm.

I keep my mouth still. Of course I know it. The box treasures all the things that I’ve kept since Seunghyun left me. Dang! The reality comes strike my dumb brain. He knows, he knows about Seunghyun.

Without I could open my mouth, the box comes down the floor and all the stuffs inside scattered everywhere. I am very shocked when he throws the box. Still, I have a bit gut left to examine his face. Jiyong is not Jiyong anymore. He has become someone else.

“Ji…” I call him with a voice full of remorse.

He ignores me, of course. His hands, instead busy throws away all the clothes I had with Seunghyun before- his hoodies, his sweatshirt, and his beanie and so on. Surprisingly, I feel nothing when I saw all those material being thrown away from the wardrobes. I just realize at that time I do not care at Seunghyun at all. What matters now is Jiyong-only Jiyong, my husband.

Jiyong takes a deep breath.

“Hyeri, I’m leaving.”

I take a deep breath, too. This has never been expected in my life. I’ve never imagined my life without Jiyong. I thought he would not matter in my life. I thought Seunghyun is more important. But now I realize I am wrong. I need Jiyong far more than I need Seunghyun now. I know he knew about Seunghyun and me already from the diary inside the box. But still, I want him to know that Seunghyun is nothing compared to him.

“Ji, please, that was all in the past.” I tell him, trying to grab his hand but he is faster and takes them away from my grip.

“in the past?” he smirks. “Hyeri, STOP TREATING ME FOR AN IDIOT!” Jiyong shouts, his fist flies on the wardrobe, producing a loud sound from it.

I go silence as his face fills with anger. Agony rips through me when I see how hurt he is because of my doing. Tears have already threaten to go down my cheek, but I hold them as much as I could.

“You think I don’t know what you two did at your house? Goddamn it, you’re cheating on me in my face!” Jiyong growls. His face has turned red and it scares me a lot.

“Ji, I didn’t do any-“

DAANGG!

Another blow meets the wardrobe. “Just shut the up, Hyeri.”

Finally, my tears roll down my cheek. I don’t know why it hurts me so much when he says that for never in my life before, during our friendship and relationship, he ever says something bad to me. It hurts me so much I feel like my heart is being ripped raw. I stare at Jiyong, trying to gain his sympathy.

He stares back coldly.

With a roll of nausea, I realize something. It hits me like a truck speeds rushing.

It is not Seunghyun that matters now, it is Jiyong. It is just Jiyong. I shook my head back and forth mechanically, trying to set it clear. Jiyong waits with a hint of impatience. It finally takes me a few minutes before I could speak.

“I love you, Kwon Jiyong.”

updated after 12039342746 years? haha, sorry, i am a bad author. by the way,i am doing my internship rn,, please understand me. XD

but the next chap will come up fast!