eleven

Living With Bigbang. Should be Interesting.

*WARNING!! I WILL BE SAYING SOME MEAN THINGS HERE ABOUT RELIGION/GOD. I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST RELIGIOUS PEOPLE OR GOD. I THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD FIT. I MEAN NO OFFENSE!*

Seungri's POV

I count down in my head from ten, waiting for Emma to start screaming. After I've finished the countdown five times, Emma still hasn't screamed. In fact, I don't think she's even breathing. I cross my fingers and start counting down again.

Five more counts of ten later, Emma shifts in her spot, and takes a deep breath. She continues breathing slowly, like she's trying to calm herself down, though we've done nothing to provoke her. A dead silence has fallen over us.

"Emma?" Youngbae breaks the silence, and I wince, expecting Emma to explode. Emma doesn't though. She just keeps breathing. Her lips are moving silently, and I wonder if she's praying.

Her lips stop moving, and there is silence for another couple of minutes that seem to stretch on for infinity. Then she speaks.

"I don't know."

"You don't know why you're angry? Come on, you have to know!" I protest loudly, only to be shushed and jabbed in the side by the rest of Bigbang, and to recieve the scariest death glare in history from Emma.

"I used to know, I think. I used to have a reason." Emma says tiredly. "I just don't remember what that was anymore. It's been a while.... Now, I guess I'm just...."

"In the habit of being angry?" Youngbae finishes for his little sister. Emma nods.

"Who are you mad at?" Top asks. "Like, the most?" Emma thinks about her answer for a moment, before her gaze darkens.

"I'm mad at God." Emma says with conviction. "I used to be stupid enough to believe in Him, actually. Back when I was really little, like four or five. But then I went to school.... I thought God was supposed to love everybody equal, that He has a plan for all of us, and that we were all created equal. But the school was mostly white kids, a few African Americans, and they all walked around like they were Gods gift to this Earth. They all had real families, with Mommies and Daddies who loved each other, and brothers and sisters who helped them with homework and were willing to go beat up whoever was mean to their little sibling."

"No one ever wanted to be friends with me! They all said Daddy didn't love me, or Mommy, 'cause if he did, he would've been there for us. They said I was a freak, and no one ever loves a freak! If God really loved all of us and created all of us equal, then we'd all have perfect, real families! As for God's plan for me, he must not've had a very good one, because even the teachers said I was a lost cause!"

"I'm mad at God, because God hates me! And if God's gonna break his promise and hate me, then I sure as Hell can hate everyone else! No one bothers you if you got them scared!"

She was screaming now, her face red and wet with tears. "Then Mom said she was ashamed of me, and that she'd rather have anyone else as her daughter. She said she hated me. If Mom gets to say those things, so do I! I hate her for being stupid enough to hook up with a married man! I hate her for trying to control my life when she has no right! And I hate God for being cruel and manipulative, for making my life Hell, and for rubbing salt in the wounds at every turn!" Emma could barely speak through the hiccups and sobs. She curled up and lay down on her bed, back to us. I feel a surge of anger. Who does she think she is? She sure as Hell doesn't have it the worst, and she has no right to take out her misplaced anger on the rest of the world. I'm about to tell her that when G-Dragon drags me out of the room. We go downstairs and phone Emma's mom. When we reach the voicemail, Emma lets out a piercing wail. She spends the rest of the night balling her eyes out. We order Chinese food, and make polite small talk.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Double update YAY! Again, I apologize if I offended anyone, these are not my opinions!

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Thank you!
Taramarada
Alright guys, I have the next chapter written! Three more comments and I'll post it!

Comments

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tiffanyprice130 #1
Chapter 56: This is probably the most personal story to me that I've ever read! As someone who has bipolar, this is one of the most accurate depictions that I've come across yet. This is almost exactly what it feels like to have it. The constant mood swings and uncontrollable anger that comes with it. And the ever growing frustration to not have a medication that works for it. Thank you for such a well written story! I will definitely reread this over and over again!
Unknown-J-B-L #2
Chapter 56: nice one there. really drive me crazy hehehehe
BigBangAngel
#3
Chapter 56: ahhh! what a great ending!
Dear Tara,
Thank you for gifting us with this beautiful and extremely realistic story.
I feel like I could really relate to Emma throughout this story, and that is a sign of you being an amazing author.
I will continue to follow all you other stories, and I know that they will all be just as awesome as this one.
~with love,
Sonia
Natsu_umi_safu #4
Chapter 56: Awwwwww :3 please can you make a sequel or epilogue :) I just found the ending a little too sudden and confusing and quick. please make it a proper closure! This was like my drug this story XD
HoneyWithABun
#5
Chapter 56: It ended... (O.O)
Thanks for everything! (This story was the first I ever read on aff and when I just become a bigbang fan)
I couldn't even count how many times I cried reading this story because I could relate to Emma. So thank you.
I guess this is goodbye? Farewell~
Thekatsmeow #6
Chapter 56: Beautiful ending!!!
randomchick #7
Chapter 55: Yay! your back!
Thanks for the update <3
I think it needs a couple more chapters, so Emma can make up with everyone.
Have Kevin fly to Korea and meet with her please!
HoneyWithABun
#8
Chapter 55: I feel this story is coming to a close....
P.S It's ending????? NOOOOO!!!
I think you should just end it with a short chaptered sequel tbh.