Warning: Explicit Language 

Chapter Thirty Two  

Broken 

For a moment Luhan couldn't speak, it almost felt like he was having one of those outer body experiences, from that look on your face, to his phone in your hand – he could feel it, that feeling of the deepest despair, he could feel it in his bones; this was the end and there was nothing he could do about it. 

He gently turned the tap off. He wouldn't meet your gaze, he wouldn't dare face you, he didn't want you to see how weak he was. "It's not what you think." He muttered to the bathtub water, watching his reflection staring pathetically back at him. 

You stood there helplessly, your heart breaking in two at the sight of him. He wasn't even really trying with his half hearted attempts. "Then what is it?" You asked weakly. 

"I was just going to talk to her, that's all." 

You wanted to believe him so bad it hurt, but you knew anything he said at this point was just going to be another lie. "Lair." You whispered, "Liar, liar, liar." You were shaking your head as you dropped Luhan's phone to the floor. No, no, this isn’t happening. Please tell me this is some sort of sick joke.  

"Saerom..." Luhan sighed, running a shaky hand through his hair. He didn't know where to begin.

"You lied to me..." You shook your head, still in shock. "You lied. You said she was just a girl you knew." You took a step away from him. 

Luhan continued to stare at the water. "Well... She is a girl and I do know her."  

You couldn't believe what you were hearing, how could he be so casual about this, how could he speak to you like he didn't even care. You blinked the moisture away from your eyes. You could only muster up one word. "Explain." 

Luhan stayed silent, refusing to look anywhere other than the water. The longer the silence continued, the more you were losing hope. You were practically begging for it, you wanted it, you needed it. You needed his hope, you wanted his excuses. But it just wasn't happening, his silence was tearing you apart. This had gone beyond a sick joke, this was real. 

"God damn it Luhan." You muttered angrily, your chest feeling like it was physically shattering into a thousand pieces, "You tell me, Luhan. You tell me right now! You ing !" You knew it, all along there was someone else. All those warnings people had given you and now this. All those dear lies and pretty excuses that you relied on so much were drifting away to reveal the truth. 

Luhan sighed and shut his eyes. I'm so going to regret this. "She's a girl I had been sleeping with up until I made you my girlfriend." 

You tried to keep your voice even.  "Until when?" 

Luhan finally opened his eyes, finally finding the sense to look at you. He could barely stand the sight of you, you looked so broken, so tired. He reached for you, he wanted to take away your pain. He had never regretted anything so much in his life. "Saerom, please. Don't do this." He whispered, "You know I love you."  

"I said," You repeated, your voice shaking as the tears were already starting to flow, "Until when?" 

He sighed, "The day before you first came over, the day before we went to the pasta restaurant was the last time Yunko and I... met." He trailed off anxiously. 

You tried your best to stay calm, and man, was it taking everything you had. "And after?" 

"Saerom, please." Luhan was desperate now, his voice shaky and cracking in some parts. "Nothing matters, she doesn't matter. Please, Saerom, I only love you." 

"And after?" You repeated, your control wavering as the corners of your mouth started to drop. "When we’ve been together, have you ever cheated on me with her?" 

"Saerom-" Luhan tried but you cut him off again. 

"Just tell me!"  

Luhan sighed in defeat, if he was going to have to any chance with you, for once in his life, he would have to tell the truth. "At Chen's party... She was there and..." He hesitated, "It really meant nothing-" 

"Just say it already." 

"I kissed her." 

You stood there in Luhan's bathroom, your world feeling like it was being torn apart around you, waiting for the moment the walls would come crashing down with it. He had kissed someone else, he had shared that intimacy and emotion with someone else. He doesn't want me. He never wanted me. "Right..." You whispered, still in a deep and hurt filled shock. "Right... Is there anything else you want to say?" 

"I'm so sorry-" Luhan blurted, a physical pain rippling through him at the sight of your heart broken expression, "I swear it meant nothing." He reached out for you, touching your arm. 

"Don't." You held up your arm, stepping away, "Don't touch me." 

He took a dejected step back, his head low. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." 

"No, you’re not." You shook your head, stepping further and further away, your heart was beating so hard in your chest that it was starting to hurt. This is it. This is all that I can do. "Goodbye Luhan." 

And just like that, your decision was made. You walked back into this room, grabbing your jacket. 

"Hey. Hey-" Luhan was confused. Why is she walking away? "Where are you going?" 

"I tried, Luhan." You stopped to turn to him, your shaking hand gripping your jacket tightly, "I really did. I tried so hard. Even when everyone was telling me not to, I tried so ing hard." 

Luhan grabbed your arm, his voice rushed and desperate. She's trying to leave. She's trying to leave me. "Try harder." He pleaded, "I can try harder." 

"Try harder?" You scoffed, snatching your arm out of his grip, "I loved you Luhan and you ing knew it. And you still played me for a god damn fool." You tried your best to leave but Luhan was standing in front of the door by this stage, blocking your exit. 

Luhan visibly flinched at the past tense you were using. She can't leave me. Not now. Despite his best efforts, his tone was filled with desperation and anger. "No." He shook his head, determined, "You can't go. I won't let you. You have you stay with me, you have to listen." 

You tired to open his door, but the moment you did, Luhan just slammed it shut again. You glared at him, "Move Luhan, or I swear to god-" 

"Or what? What are you going to do? Hit me?" There was so desperation in his voice anymore, Luhan was angry, he thought you loved him. Why were you trying to leave if you loved him? 

"I said move." You repeated through clenched teeth, trying your best to push past him. 

"Where are you going to go, huh? Go back home at this time of night? Oh wait," He sneered, "Let me guess, you're gonna run over to Lay's room where you can make out with him all night, right? For old times sake?" 

You breathed out in disbelief, "You are so unbelievably ridiculous, you know that?" You shook your head, stunned by his immaturity. "You were sleeping with that woman the whole time you knew me, you willingly kissed her at Chen's party. But yet you stand there and make me feel guilty about a kiss, one single kiss! A kiss that I didn't even want in the first place!" 

Suddenly Luhan shot into life, his gaze turning ice cold as he glared at you, nostrils flaring as he took deep and angry breaths. He had never looked so angry at you in the whole time you've known him. He slammed his fist against his door. He be damned if he were to be insulted like this. "Don't tell me you didn't want it. You wanted it!" He shouted "I could see from your face that you wanted it!" 

"Don’t you dare turn this back around on me! I gave you everything I had! I tried so hard-" 

"Oh don't give me that," He sneered, "A part of you wants him! Just say it!" 

You took a step back, completely fed up at this point. You shook your head. "You know what? Fine. I'm not going to lie to myself anymore." You tried your best to keep your voice steady, "A part of me does like Lay, because unlike you, I know he would never hurt me. Because I know that if I was his girlfriend, he would never cheat or lie to me!" Despite your best efforts, your voice broke at the end, igniting another sob. 

Luhan glared at you, the look of betrayal evident on his face, "You ing , you admitt-" 

Suddenly the door burst open, knocking Luhan forward a bit. Now, a very irritated and tired looking Kris stood in the door way, "What the are you two doing?! Arguing at his hour, really?! Do you even know what ing time it is?!" 

You didn't even bother answering Kris as you took the opportunity to barge out. 

Luhan ignored Kris and tried to stop you by grabbing your arm, "Don’t you walk away from me Saerom! I said we have to talk about this, you can't