A/N:

I am sorry everyone for the late update!!! Something has been going on with my computer so I wasn't able to finish typing it so I wrote the final  parts in my notebook and then my notebook went missing TnT

Anyway I want to say thank you to my new subscribers! Thank you for subbing I hope you are liking the story so far! 

I want to inform everyone that there is going to be a character change. If you all remember Gongchan was the photographer in past chapters but I am going to have to switch him. Here is why for what I am planning Gongchan has to bee around but not as a photographer you will all see what kind of character he is soon. I am going switch Gongchan with Jimin from BTS. 

Now on with the story!

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[Yoseob's P.O.V] 

A few days later

It had been a few days since Alexa agreed to me to leave and I was writing to my family. I had told Alexa I wanted to write one last letter to my family. She agreed but she will be the one that was going to mail the letters.

 I decided to a main letter to everyone and a personal one to my umma and Kikwang.  I look over to my babies who are sleeping peacefully.

After what had had happened Alexa locked me and my twins in a room with no windows and a small bathroom. It oddly reminded me of the dorm I slept with my umma when I was little. I was only 5 years old but I still remember. My umma did anything that she could so that I didn't suffer, and that is what I am going to do with my twins.

I felt like hours have passed since I have been writing when I heard my little Hyunki. I made him a bottle and I got him in my arms and I began to feed him. I really haven't slept over the past few days. Not only because of the twins but because I have become Alexa's new toy and whenever she is in the mood she decides to use me and sometimes Sulli "joins in" Alexa would always say that I am going to disappear soon and she wanted to use me as much as she could. 

Every time she was done with me I would lock myself in the bathroom and just scrub and scrub all the dirt from my body. I didn't want my dirtiness to rub of onto my babies. They are pure and innocent while I am dirty and unclean. 

I look down at my Hyunki and he had finished his bottle and was fast asleep. How this boy likes to sleep. Minnie in the other hand she is always awake. She would often wake up her brother in the middle of the night. How I have no idea. I laugh at myself. It only been reunited with my twins for a few days and I already know what their habits. 

I place Hyunnie back next to Minnie and I go back to writing my letters. I hear the door unlock and I see Alexa walk in. 

"What Do you want. I thought you have used me enough for today." 

"What does my Seobie want another round." I rolled my eyes at her. 

"But I am here for that something else. Maybe before you leave we can have one more round." She held up a folder and she gave them to me. 

"What is this."

"Your name changes. Why didn't you change your first name." 

"I didn't feel like changing it. But I did change my date of birth and my last name. There is no way that they will be able to find me." 

"Fine. Here is 100,000,000 won (about 100,000 US dollars.). You can leave here tomorrow morning. And about your letters when you leave we will both take them." I nodded. And I returned to my small desk. 

"I'll see you in the morning." She left and locked the door again. I opened the folder and saw 3 new birth certificates and my new identification card. I looked at my twins birth certificates I have changed their names to Hyun and Minki Kim. I still wanted to call them Hyunnie and Minnie and I think these names fit. I just changed my last name. I didn't have the heart to chance my first name. My umma is the one that choose this name for me and I don't to abandon it. 

I can feel myself tear up. I am going to end my life and start a new completely different life. I am going to leave the people I love, but I have to do this for my twins who right now are the most important to me. 

I wipe my tears and I sign and fold up my letters. I look at the mirror and I see my locket shine. I am debating if I should keep it or not. I think it is the best that I take it off. I take off my locket and open it for one last time. And there as always a picture of all 4 of us. It will be the last time all 4 of us will be together. I close the locket and I put it in the envelope. I take the letter I wrote to Kikwang and I add one more thing and I put all the letters in the envelope. 

The next morning 

"Wake up." I felt someone shake me and I open my eyes to see Alexa. "It's time for us to go." I get up and I had already packed my bag the night before. I was glad I had a backpack instead a suitcase then it would have been harder for me to carry the twins. I made sure that they were bundled up. I went to the bathroom and washed up. 

After I finished I quickly changed and I heard the door unlock and see Alexa with Sulli at the door. I got the backpack and I picked up my twins. 

"Let's go." 

~*~

We all walked to the postal office that apparently wasn't far from where we were. I noticed that we were in Ulsan. I entered with Alexa and we sent the letter off. 

"This is where the end of my help and I hope this is the last time I see you." 

"Same here. I hope I don't ever see you again." I said to both of them. I turned and I started to walk never looking back. 

As I am walking I kept thinking where should I go. I know I have plenty of money to go anywhere I wanted; I could leave the country if I wanted too. I am actually thinking of leaving the country". But I don't even know English. I can go to Japan, when I lived with Seung we took Japanese lessons and in high school I took Japanese so my Japanese is good enough for me to live there. I could take the train to Incheon and fly to Japan. Oh wait I don't have my passport.  Looks like the option of leaving the country is out. Plus when I get there I am going to need to get a visa so I can permanently live there I know I can't head back to Seoul. I can move to Jeju. I always wanted to live near the beach. I will have to take the train to the Busan and then taking a boat to Jeju. Wait. Never mind!  I hate boats.

I remember it was summertime and Seung's family took us to Haeundae for a vacation and we went on a boat and I got so sea sick I had to go to the hospital. What that's it! I can move to Haeundae! Even though I was sick for most of our stay in Haeundae I loved being by the beach. Ok I got it I can move to Haeundae! And since it midsummer it is perfect! I saw a local gas station and I asked for a train station that can take me to Haeundae. The kind man told me I could take a taxi to the train station since it was far from here and what terminal to take and it will lead me to the heart of Haeundae. I thanked the old man and I bought some things since I was getting hungry and the twins were bound to wake up any moments.

I called over a taxi and I told him where I was heading. The old man was right it was a long way from the train station. It was about a 20 minute ride when I finally arrived to the train station. I had to be careful with my twins I have no idea how I was able to pay the driver. Mental note, first thing when I get to Haeundae is to buy a stroller for them. I entered the station and I was soon on my way to Haeundae. 

As I looked out the window of the train I did start to get emotional, it just looked so pretty outside and I am not going to able to share this experience with my umma. She used to love nature sceneries. Anytime we wanted to travel she would always love to go on trains so we could see all the sceneries.

 I am starting to realize that I am going to be alone for most of my life. My twins will eventually grow up and are going to start a family of their own and when they move away I am going to stay home. I am starting to get scared of the future. Ever since I was little I hated being alone.  Yes I might be able to visit them but every night that I go to bed there is going to be an empty space in my bed.

My thoughts were cut when I heard Minnie cry. On the train they were able to give me a car set for them so I wouldn't have to carry them. I quickly made her a bottle and brought her to my arms and I began to feed her. 

Right after she soon she fell back right to sleep which is a miracle usually she is awake looking around. I put her back in her seat and right after Hyunnie started to cry. I made his bottle and I soon began to feed him. It was like Hyunnie and Minnie changed places for a day. He was wide awake looking around and slightly smiling. After he finished his bottle I quickly burped him. I put him back in his seat and like I said he was just smile and look around smiling when I looked at him. I played little games with him and he did his little baby giggle. 

After a 2 hour train ride I was finally in Haeundae. I made my way out and the first thing I saw was a baby shop. Thank goodness! It took me forever just to get off the train. 

I made my way to the shop and when I entered I saw the perfect stroller. 

"Hello. Welcome tour store how can we help you." I turned and I saw I saw a nice guy. 

"Aw are these cuties your babies?!" I nodded. 

"I am actually looking for a stroller for them. I just moved here and I really need a new stroller. As you can tell." 

"Here let me help you." The boy reached over and I handed Minnie to her. 

"She is so cute. She must look like her mother." 

"No actually she looks like her father." He looked at me a bit confused. 

"Does that mean that you are the one that carried these babies?" I nodded. His eyes grew so big I started to get a little scared. "Oh my god!" He came over and hugged me with his free arm. "I always wanted to meet someone who's had a male pregnancy! My mother was actually a pregnant male also."

"So you are the first child of a pregnant male?" He nodded. 

"Well I am not the first I am the second. I have an older sister. It was my sister, and then me and I have a little sister and brother. There are 4 of us in total." 

"Wow! That is amazing."

"Maybe you can meet my mother. He had a friend who was also has a child lived here but moved to Seoul. I can tell that you aren't from there because of the way you talk." I nodded. 

"Yes I moved from Seoul, and I would love to meet your mother. What is his name?"

"Jeajoon and my father's name is Yunho, I will tell them and give me your phone number and I will call you."

"I actually don't have a phone yet. I left everything back in Seoul and I am starting fresh. So I really don't have anything but the bag on my back."

"You have nowhere to stay!" 

"I was thinking of staying at a hotel for a few days until I find a nice apartment."

"I think I have the perfect solution for you! Don't go and spend your money on a hotel! Where I live there is an apartment for rent. It's really nice."

"Can we see it today?"

"Yes of course! I will the land lord; she also lives in the same building. And what is really nice, our building has a great view of the beach! Oh my name is Chansik but I like to called to Gongchan."

"Nice to meet you Gongchan. My name is Yoseob. My daughter's name is Minki and my son's name is Hyun." He smiled. I guess I made a new friend. Maybe I won't be alone forever

"Don't worry I am going to help you adjust to Haeundae. Oh right I almost forgot! Your stroller! We do have a few twin strollers."

"I actually liked that black and red one over there." I pointed to it and we made our way towards it. 

"Can I take it as is." 

"Sure we can always get another one for display. Your arms must be tired you can put them in the stroller." I carefully put Hyunnie and I saw Gongchan put Minnie in the other seat. I stretched my arm it felt so sore. The stroller had a small basket thing and I put the backpack there. Gongchan motion to me and we started walking towards the register. 

"So my shift is almost over I am going to make a quick call to my land lord and if you can get the apartment today. If you can't get the apartment today you can stay with me."

"Are you sure. I don"t want to bother you."

"It's fine! It would be nice to have guest over! My younger brother used to live with me but he got scouted and now I live alone." 

"Ok as long as you are positive. I do have newborns so they might wake you up in the middle of the night." 

"Don't worry about it my sister stayed with me when she had her baby and I know what it is like to live with a new born baby. And I think you are going to need help." I laughed. I really like this kid. I sound like I am in my early thirties. I am only 19. 

"How old are you by the way,"

"I am 17." Good at least he is younger than me. "And you?" 

"I am 19." 

"No you are not! I thought that you were like 25!" I knew it I must have aged since the twins were born. 

"I know it's hard to believe. I used to have a baby face and people would tell me I look like I am 12 but I think that after I had my twins I aged a few years." He laughed. 

"You are funny hyung. " I separated money when I was in the train so that it wouldn't look suspicious that I had a huge bundle of cash. 

"My shift is about to end so I just have to wait for the next worker to come in and we can go." I nodded and right after Minnie started to cry. I took her out. It was time for me to changer her diaper. I asked Gongchan if there was a bathroom around and he told me I could use the break room and change her quickly. 

When I was finished and came out with Minnie Gongchan was rocking Hyunnie in the stroller while talking to a girl. He looked over to me and waved me over. 

I put Minnie in her seat

"Ok Hyung we can go now. I already made a call to the lad lord and she said she can show you the apartment when we get here, but that you can move in for a few more days. So you can stay with me until then!" I nodded and slightly bowed to the girl. 

"See you later Nana nuna. Hyung let's get going." The girl bowed to me and we left. 

"The apartments aren't far from here so we are able to walk."  

While we were walking I saw a beauty salon, I should change my look. I need to become I completely different person. 

"Gongchan lets enter the beauty salon I want to change my look."

"Sure hyung."

"Do you think you can take care for them while I am in there."

"Sure I can look after the twins." 

"Thank you so much Channie."

"Channie? I like it!" I laughed at the boy. Even though he is only a couple years younger than me I find him adorable. Parenthood does change a person. We enter the beauty salon and a few woman look at us with weird looks. I could sense that Gongchan was starting to feel awkward and I tried to rub his back. 

"Welcome, how can we help you?" a woman with strange orange hair came up to me. 

"Oh um I wanted to get a completely different hairstyle. Something that no one will be able to recognize its me." 

"We can do that for you. Come follow me. Is this your boyfriend?"

"No, no this is my little brother."

"Oh and are these little babies your siblings too?"

"No they are my kids."

"I see, follow me, we have a mall waiting room over there." I saw Gongchan nod. 

"Channie I already prepared bottles for the twins they are in the bag." 

The woman took me to what I guess was her station. 

"Is there anything specific that you want done?" 

"I just want to look like a completely different person, I don't mind dyeing my hair but no extreme colors like blues, purples colors like that."

"Would blondes be fine?"

"Yeah but not too extreme."

"Ok I got the perfect hair color, and hair style. How old are you by the way?"

"I am 19."

"Really! Then what I am going to do with your hair is going to make you look 19. You look like you are in your mid 20ies. What had your girlfriend done to you."

"I don't have a girlfriend."

"Did she just leave you with your kids."

"No I had them. I have birth to them."

"No, really!"

"Yup 33 weeks in my stomach. My babies are just over a month old."

"Wow I have heard of male pregnancies but I have never actually met someone who was a pregnant male. Do you have a boyfriend or husband?" That is when it hit me. People are going to ask about my husband. What am I going to tell them? Should I tell them that he left me? No that is going make him sound like a bad guy. 

"I had one."

"What happened?"

"He passed away" 

"I am so sorry."

"He tried to protect me and our kids but in the end he wasn't able to stay with us." I felt the lady rub my back. 

"Where every his he is you and your babies guardian angel." I felt so bad lying, but it just had to be done. 

"Ok now let's change your look. I am actually excited so I really want this to be a surprise so I am going to turn you away from the mirror." I nodded

"Ok, not let's get started." She turned my chair and she put a black drape over me and I saw her get the scissors and she began to cut my hair. It had almost been a year since I have cut my hair so it was really long. And before I found out I had my twins I had my hair dyed a light brown and I never dyed it since then so it looked like I had my tips dyed brown. I am actually excited to see what she had in mind. 

I could already feel my head feeling lighter. "Ok I am done cutting your hair so now I am going to dye it.! I nodded. She left for about 10 minutes and in the background I could hear it small cry. It must have been Hyunnie, but soon the small cry stopped. Gongchan really is good with kids.

When my stylist returned she had a small bowl in her hands. 

~*~

After an hour of being at the salon I was starting to get bored. To be honest I think she just gave me highlights because I saw the aluminum paper. I have a feeling I have really light blonde highlights or light brown highlights. When I had to wait for the dye I felt like I sat in the chair for hours. So I told my stylist if I can go over to Gongchan but she said now since the dye was almost ready to come off. It was like torture. When my stylist said it was time to rinse the dye off I ran to that station.

Right now she was styling my hair. 

"Ok we are done! I think you are really going to like it. Let call over your brother and let's see who he likes it." She felt and soon I saw Gongchan holding both twins in his arms. 

"Whoa hyung you look so different! I almost didn't recognize you!" 

"Really does it look good?"

"It's more than good it's amazing! Your stylist did an amazing job!" 

"So are you ready for your big reveal." 

"Yes please I am getting so curious!" 

"Ok ready, 1, 2, 3" She spinned my chair and I saw myself in the mirror. I stared at myself for a while. I looked so different. I am in shock. The idea I had in my head was wrong. 

(A/N This is how his hair looks.)

"So what do you think."

"I like it. It's exactly what I wanted to look like a different person." She had dyed my hair a dirty blonde and it mixed in with my black hair. It looked more blonde but I really liked it. 

"I am so glad! I wasn't sure if the colors were able to balance." 

"Thank you so much. I know where to go when I need to dye my hair, or when I need a haircut. I really like this style so when I will definitely come back and re-dye my hair when I need to. So your now officially my stylist."

"And I will be happy to serve you." I bowed and thanked her. I paid her and me and Gongchan headed out.

 

While we were walking I started to feel guilty of keeping Gongchan waiting for so long and for taking care of my twins.

"Channie I am sorry I took so long"

"It's fine hyung. It was worth it you look amazing! But I do want to ask you something why did you want to completely want to change your style, with a haircut you still would have looked the same. Now you are a 100 percent different person." I felt so bad lying to Gongchan, with these few hours that I have known him I feel close to him. 

"Well I wanted to become a fresh new person, I wanted a new beginning, and I felt like changing my style would be a great. It is a way for me to begin my new fresh life."

"Did things with you husband not go well."

"I guess you can say that. Channie I really don't want to think about him."

"I'm sorry for bringing it up hyung."

"It's fine Channie."

"Oh right hyung you said you don't have a phone, why not we go buy you a phone."

"I am going out to find one tomorrow, while I go out and get familiar around here. I am going to stay here for a very longtime." I saw Gongchan nod. 

"Hyung do you think that you will have enough diapers you only have a few left."

"Oh right do you think that we can stop by your store and but a few things." He nodded. We headed back to the store and I bought some things that the twins will need. After we headed back to the apartments. 

When we got there I thought it was just going to be few story building it was a building complex and asked Gongchan where his apartment was he said he was lucky to get in in the lower floors. He told me not to worry they had an elevator. When he got there he said we had to go see he land lady.

"Good afternoon halmeoni! This is my friend. I told you about him over the phone."

"Oh hi! Welcome to Haeundae!" The old lady came and hugged me. 

"Annyeonghaseyo halmeoni. I am happy you are letting me live here."

"Oh don't worry, little Channie here told me how much you need this apartment. There are just a few things that need to be done. Do you want to see it know?" I nodded. "The apartment is right next doors to Channie's so I think that you will like it. And I think that these little cuties are going to love it too." I smiled at her. 

We all made our way to the elevator and we went up a few floors. The apartment was in the 5th floor. When we got off Channie showed me which was his and right next to it was the soon to be mine.

Halmeoni entered the pass code and we entered. I was in complete awe. It really was nice. 

"So this is the living room, it's not too big and right over is the kitchen." She showed me the kitchen. It was small but I really like it. "I am not sure if you like that the kitchen is small."

"No it really it is fine halmeoni. I like it." 

"I am really glad. There are 2 bedrooms. The master bedroom that can be for you, and there is a smaller room for the babies."  Halmeoni showed me the other 2 rooms. They really do look nice. 

"And now I want to show you the best part of this complex." Halmeoni took me over to this back door, and when she opened it there was a small balcony and an amazing view of the ocean. I was completely mesmerized. 

"So what do you think Seobie." I looked at halmonies and I hugged her. 

"Halmeoni this place is amazing." She hugged me back and rubbed my back. 

"Aigoo, you must have had a rough past my dear Seobie. Since the moment that Channie told me about you I wanted to take you under my wing. You are just a baby and you are raising babies."

"Halmeoni I would love to be taken under your wing." She let me go and she smiled. 

"Looks like today I have gotten new grandchildren. 3 to be intact." Ok so maybe I won't be alone for a long time. 

~*~

After we saw the apartment I had said to halmeoni that I don't have any furniture or anything like that but what I have in my bag. She had told me that is why I couldn't move in yet, since she was in the middle of furnishing it, that what I pay for rent covers everything. She had invited me and Channie over for dinner. Channie was jumping with joy because he had told me that halmeoni was the best cook. She even beat his mother's cooking.

Right now we were in the middle of eating. Halmeoni took the twins to her room since they were sleeping and she wanted me to eat. She told me that I was too thin. Channie and halmeoni were arguing about who was the best cook.

"I am just saying halmeoni, my mom is ok, but you halmeoni are the best of the best."

"How can you say that to your mother, he did so much for you."

"But halmeoni you know mom."

"I know that but how do that look on me; I was the one that taught him. When he told me that he was engaged to your father and he was scared that he didn't know how to cook, plus he was pregnant with your sister. Even though I told him that I was going to be there after the baby was born, he still kept pushing me, so I wanted to help my son." I was in the middle of drinking my water and I froze. 

"Halmeoni you know Channie's parents?"

"Know them; Channie's mother is my son. My last baby."

"Hyung I thought I told you halmeoni is my real halmeoni." I shook my head. 

"Aigoo Channie, well I thought that he had already told you who I was. Well even though this is late I want to introduce myself. I am Chansik's grandmother."

"So halmeoni you own this whole building."

"Well this is my husband's building, before he passed he had told me that I and Channie here have to take care of the building when he is gone, and ever since me and Channie have been taking care of his building." 

"That is one of the reasons why I live here."

"Channie here wanted to experience what it is like to live alone so he came with me, plus his parents needed some air to breath."

"Halmeoni!"

"What, you have a smaller sister and brother plus your irrisposible sister leaves he kids with your mother. If only your mother knew how to say no."

"Channie what is your older sister like?"

"I can tell you she is an irresponsible brat. Leaving her kids with whoever se sees."

"Halmeoni! She is your grandchild too. Well hyung lets say she isn't the best mother out there."

"I don't understand." I was really confused.

"Well me and my sister had to get married at a really young age she was 18 the reason was because she had gotten pregnant with her first child, and when her first child was born she would always be with my mom and my mom do all the work, and to add to that my mom had given just given birth to my youngest sister. So she was not only taking care of my sisters child but my little sister too."

"Tell him about your sister's second child."

"Hyung rememeber when I told you that my sister stayed with me for a while. Well she was about to get a divorce with her husband a few years ago, she was going to stay with our parents but our dad did want her to stay so I wanted to be nice to my sister, so I offered for her to stay with me for a while. I think it was the worst time of my life."

"Did she make you take care of her kids."

"Not only that but I kind of became liker personal servant. When she had to work she told me not ask but told me that I had to take care of her kids. I was still in school and she told me she didn't care so.

"So since he didn't want to get on her bad side he left the kids with me."

"Halmeoni let me tell the story. So I left the kids with halmeoni and after school I would bringthem back. I would feed them cloth them, everything. So I used to hope that when my sister came home from work she would help me but that never happened. She would come home and she would go straight to her room she sshared with the kids and would take a nap. And when she wakes up she would say if dinner was ready. I always eat with halmeoni so I was never around. When I come back she would insult me. And even when she had days off she would do nothing around the house, the house was always messy and she never wanted to help."

"Then how did you get rid of her."

"I didn't, she left because she got back together with her husband."

"And now she is back making your mother's life miserable."

"What do you expect halmeoni, I told mom what she had done to me but she still lets Seo walk all over him. And what is his excuse all the time, she is my first born and she just need time tolearn. Learn my . I took more care of her kids then she ever had. Now baby Jin is 3 years old and instead of calling my mom grandma he call him mom. Then we have Yubin who loves to stay over with me when she is on vacation."

"Aigoo, Seobie I am sorry we bore you with our family problems."

"Don't worry about it halmeoni I find it interesting."

"Oh right I am going to call mom later I feel like he is going to be happy to meet him." 

"Oh yes. After Heechul left your mother is in need of a new friend. Are you really ok with it Seobie."

"I am actually excited to meet him, to be honest I was really worried that I was going to alone and not going to be able to meet anyone new."

"Well not only did you find new friends but you made a new grandmother and who knows maybe Jae will want you has a child too." 

"It's getting late halmeoni, hyung is probably tired. I am going to take him upstars."

After me and Channie said our goodbyes to halmeoi we headed back to his apartment.

"I'm sorry hyung that it's a bit of a mess. I haven't had a chance to clean up this place."

"Don't worry about it Channie you must be busy with school and work."

"Still I like my house to be nice and clean, here let me help you with Minnie." I handed her to him.      

"Channie you must have grown fond of Minnie."

"I don't know why, but I just got really attached to her. I think she has grown to like me too." I nodded on agreement 

"She doesn't just let anyone carry her. Remember when halmeoni tried to feed her she didn't want even want to eat and began to cry. But when you took her she ate lile her life depended on it and she also fell asleep. Sge never falls asleep right after she eats. only Hyunnie does it." 

"Well he is always with you hyung. Me is a true mama's boy. Halmeoni also said so." 

"Ok maybe he is a mamas boy."

"No maybe, he is."

"Well since the moment he was born he has always been by my side. If i am not around je always has to be by his sisters side."

"Hyunnie must love the attention." We both started laughing. And on point Hyunnie began to cry.

"Aigoo Hyunnie it was just a joke." I laughed. I asked Channie where i could change Hyunnie so he showed me to his spare room. I brought my bag and a few things that I bought. I changed Hyunnie and fed him and he was soon fast asleep. 

I laid him down on the bed. I prepared a few bottles since I knew I was going to have a long night. I then heard a knock on the door and saw Channie come in. 

"Do you like the room hyung?" I nodded.

"This room as an amazing view. Just go out to the balcony right there and you will see an amazing view. Anytime I cant sleep I come here and go out to the balcony. There were a few times I actually fell asleep. Where should I lay Minnie?" I showed him to lay her by her brother. I thanked Channie again for letting mw stay.

Gongchan hugged bid me goodnight.

 It was odd usually Minnie is awake, but both are sleeping together. Gongchan was right the night view of the ocean is beautiful. I headed out to the balcony and I left door open just in case the twins woke up.

 

The moon was full and the light illuminated the ocean in front of me. I couldn't help thinking, what is my umma and Kiki doing? Have they gotten my letters? Would my umma be suffering right now? Would Kiki even help after how cold I was to him?

 

I am starting wish he was with me, to see this amazing view. So we can walk hand in hand on the beach feeling the cool ocean hit our feet. We would go on a midnight swim and it would feel like it was only the two of us in this world. 

We would probably be interrupted my umma, she would have just told us to make out small date quick and go back in to see the twins wide awake. One of us would probably just go in and get the twins and we will drag my umma with us and we will sit on the warm sand just admiring the waves hit the beach. The perfect family moment. All of us together in peace.

I wiped my tears. They were falling without stop. It is too painful to imagine such a beautiful scene. All I can see right now is all 5 of us the twins slightly grown, smiling, laughing like there is no care in the world. We all are happy together having the time of our lives. I choke out a small sob, knowing that this beautiful scene will never happen. There is not going to be a happy family, there is not going to be family picnics, nothing of anything. No more family. I no longer have a family, the only family I have is my twins, and they are all I have now. I remember my reaction and I am not the same person I was before. 

I have to admit Yang Yoseob, he is now gone from the face of the earth, Yang Bora, Lee Kikwang now have to be strangers. I can no longer cry over them. I am no longer Yang Yoseob, wife or son of Lee Kikwang and Yang Bora. I am a new person, this is the final time I am going to think about them, this has to be the last time I am going to worry about them, and this is the last time I am going to cry over them. I am going to cry for them this one last time, no matter how much I love them, this is the end. 

Because tomorrow is the begining of my new like 

I sat and cried my heart out for my umma and my Kiki one last time......