*****

Sometimes...when we feel in love, we couldn't stop to doubting,

we couldn't stop to thinking, we couldn't stop this disquieting feeling,

all about the one we love... as we wanted him so much...

and that feeling of wanted to be only belong to that one.

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Yunho seated on the bench at his spacious yard while Junsu seated opposite him. They were engrossed in their conversation while Jaejoong was busy with prepare some desert in the kitchen for their evening tea. Lately, that smaller man was too fond in tried to carried out with a various of new recipes, just cooked whatever healthy food for Yunho after that man had been in injured, Jaejoong had cared him so much like never before.

Now, only leave the two men which still in their long conversation which was a perfect time for Yunho to ask the other a hundreds of question about Jaejoong past, as the other knew about Jaejoong past more than he had as they were brothers. He also had cancelled his plan that should get going to work today after being intimidated in Junsu’s story about his lovely Jaejoong, he just forget all the important matter at work.

“So, are you saying that he’s not you real brother… but.. your step-brother?” Yunho face was full of concentration as he heard word by word from Junsu’s lips. Junsu had story all about Jaejoong past to Yunho. Also how Jaejoong biological mother died in that eerie night which gave Yunho his long curiousness of why Jaejoong had been cringed into dismay and depressed state when each time there were bad rainy and thundered outside, now had been answered. He informed that Jae’s mother died because of that fire incident but he never thought it would claimed the mother’s soul before the little Jaejoong’s eyes which gave such traumatic to the person till now. Also he thought, Junsu was came from the same mother of Jaejoong as the two looks so closed, like never been parted.

“Yeah, he is. And my mother never treated him like one of our family. He never felt the mother’s love after he lost his own mother. That made me to feel like always protects him whenever he got scold and insulted or cringed in the corner when he got bullied. I’m just so depressed and plus with my mother being so masterful in arranged thing in my life till now, drove me depressed and I started to make a revolt on her, which also bring me to against that arrangement married... you know.” Junsu said as his face shown guiltiness toward Yunho. Then he heaves sighs before continued,

“I’m really sorry about what had happen between us, and…”

“Hey, what are you talking about? I should be thank you instead, for pass that.. wedding day… if not your disappearance, I will not able to meet my lovely Kim Jaejoong.” Yunho couldn’t help to curl up his face into a sweet smiled as he thought he was more than glad with current happiness he’d achieves with the person name’s Kim Jaejoong. All the things that happen always have their own meanings.

Junsu also crooked his lips into a warm smile as he saw there were clearly shown loves in the other eyes toward his brother. Finally he found someone who he could rely on for look his brother for entire of his life.

“Maybe, if I’m not escaped that day… Jaejoong might not have changes and becomes more alive like now. To thought it back, it up to good for me to run away huh?” Junsu said and followed by Yunho’s laughter. He was grateful that Yunho was the one that had been destined to his lovely brother.

“Yeah, I never thought I would found my first love back.” Yunho statement gave a questioning face on Junsu.

“I mean… I never thought that I would meet the boy which I had my first kiss with at the age of elementary school … you know it’s hard to believe, that actually I had my first kiss with Jaejoong back then.” Yunho gave an explanation as he read the other face in blank.

“Gosh! So you are that…that ‘Master Jung’?!” Junsu voice loud in shocked as he knew all about that story which made his brother stopped from going to school after that, and he got warn by his principal for had a fight in school.

“You…you know about it?” It was Yunho turn to surprise.

“Of cause I know! Whatever happens to him, he always story to me then! What single story he never told me? Haha… I never saw his face was so flushing like burning when he told the story, that day he just barged into my room only to tell me that someone had kissed him. But, I thought it just end like that after our father forbids him to go to school the next day.” Junsu said still in his unbelievable face about Yunho was that person who’d steal his brother’s first kiss. Yunho smiled again at Junsu statement as he never thought that Jaejoong would gave such excitement reaction for that first kissed he’d stolen from the other that day. He already knew about Jaejoong got a private lesson after that, that was being told by Jaejoong himself.

“Yeah, how excruciatingly destiny helm around us. Till now, it’s still hard to believe Jaejoong is my first love and now had been mine.” He couldn’t help from kept in smiling face as each time he heard about Jaejoong, the feels he got was something overwhelmed him. “So tell me, more about him.” Yunho voice sounds in excitement when each time he heard the little brother of Jaejoong story with such feisty expression. Yunho found he was more compatible with Junsu in this current state to compare with the relationship they had before. Junsu for Yunho was not jaunty like now back then, it looks like they were more compatible being a brother in-law.

“Emm, what else you want to know then?” Suddenly, something snapped Yunho thought at the other inquiry. It’s about another curiousness he had kept by himself before and he wasn’t has any courage to asked himself. It’s not he don’t want to ask but he afraid it was something could hurting Jaejoong if his doubters could gives a bad impact on the fragile one.

“Junsu… I just…want to know if something that bad had happen on him before?” Yunho stumbled to make his question clearly for Junsu understand what he’d implied to.

“What do you mean by ‘that bad’? I don’t get it. He always has been through something bad in his past. That’s poor brother of mine.” Junsu sighs.

“No, I mean…err…you know…em, how I can say this…?” Yunho dumbfounded in seeks a proper word to voice out his curiousness. The manly man scratched his head even it’s not that itchy.

“What? Ah! I got it! You mean being molested or something like that?” Junsu was wise enough as he just shoots to the correct assumption of what Yunho had been thought of. Yunho just nodded by the other spontaneous word out, that smart enough to dismantle all his thought without the need of him to scratch his mind to compose his words.

“So, let me ask you first before I could answer your question.” Junsu said and then laughs as he saw Yunho’s dumbfounded face by his word.

“How far your relationship with Jaejoong has gone?” Junsu said as eyes protruded for demanded the answer. Yunho eyes widen by the sudden unexpected question from Junsu which looks innocent just like his brother but actually he’s not that innocent. But he is more matured and straight forward than Jaejoong had.

“Err…just like you see us right now… What else you expected?” Yunho asked, face frown when looks the other seems not satisfied with his answer.

“Okay, I guess you still not do it right? Just saw your distress face. Yeah, it wouldn’t smoothly work if it was Jaejoong that you’ve been dealt with.” Junsu smiles as he thought how childish and innocent his brother was had got this mature and manly partner. ‘Hard to believe…’ Junsu mentally word out as he smirked makes the other which still waiting his answered, cockle his thick eyebrows.

“Yah! I’m still waiting for my answer. Did something happen on Jaejoong which… made him gap himself from being… touch?” Yunho can’t hold his urge to know the reason behind why Jaejoong always find a way to distance himself when each time he just need to make an intimate move on the other.

“Okay…okay Jung Yunho. I will tell you. I think you already know about he ever worked at one of editing company before, and-”

“What?! He ever got a job? Where? How?” Yunho asked bluntly, that enough to proof Junsu that the other still didn’t know about that certain information of Jaejoong.

“Wow, please one question at once…aish! You really care and love him more than I’d imagine huh?” Junsu smirked.

“Okay….let me story from the first since it was clearly you do not know about this one. He ever worked before at this certain editing company in Seoul. He works as a part timer for editor’s assistant and just do some miscellaneous work. And with that looks of my brother what did you expected if there’s no single flirtatious old man or erted man which always did such ual harassment on him. That just enough to made him feels this work life was so much hassle for him, and each time he will back with a morosely face and had locked himself in his room. That was also one of the causes of being hindrance on him for step out on public and got a job like an ordinary worker. That was not that long for him to quit his job after he started to felt disgusted when he’d almost being if I’m not quicked to fetch him that day. God! I could kill that man if Jaejoong didn’t beg me to rush and bring him home that night. He’d been such in trauma after that, for those disreputable people who’d kept in disgusted way, just hard to obliterate that feeling away from himself, and maybe till now I guess…” Junsu finish his story with his face shown nothing than distress himself, and looked at Yunho who his sure that impact had consecutively happen on the man also.

“Yah! Which company he’d work? And who’s those erted ?! Is it possible they are still working there? I’ll break each that filthy molester’s hand! No, I’ll kill them!” Yunho blurted out as his face was tense after heard Junsu explanation. Junsu who’d been in a mope before, turns to burst into laughs by the other sudden rage blown out.

“Haha… You really scary when you had been took by anger.”

“You just know?” Yunho compendious said, face still tense.

 “What so funny here, looks like you guys are easy to get along.” Jaejoong just came out from kitchen brings the tray with full of food he’d took so long to prepare and approached the two men. As the rest of the evening was filled with the two men story about him without he knows.

“Yaa~ Joongie… I just found and realize that you just got a scary husband.” Junsu said again in his laughter.

“You just realize it? I knew it a long ago.” Jaejoong spontaneously agreed with his little brother.

“Yah! When did you start to word out something heartless on me? Aish!” Yunho fakes an annoyed face, instead there’s no way he could felt annoyed toward his Jaejoong. Silently, he’d been deep in thought about the story he just heard from Junsu before.

‘Did every move I made on him these times, just feel the same like those disgusted on him? That’s why he had looks reluctant too?’ Yunho suddenly thought as he felt distinguish and sudden hurtful feeling gush into him. How could he didn’t feel that way when every single night, he felt the need to claimed the other as he has his right to, but he had to restrain himself from makes any advance move when each time he’d go further, the other’s body going rigid as he slowly and carefully pushed Yunho’s hands away from his body. Jaejoong will withdraw instantly even without a word, he could sense the other reluctant to. Then he just end up in deepen their kiss or tighten his embrace even his body was tormented by Jaejoong’s closeness. He’d to respect whatever the other has felt. And now, he got the answer from Junsu why the fragile one had been reacted that way on him.

Yunho shook away that sad thought and reminded himself that all the things happen for Jaejoong’s to be trauma  were need some times for him to recovered. And that was his responsibility to bring his Jaejoong feels secure and harmless again as he will be always by the other side, protecting the fragile… innocent… and clumsy wife of him.

‘Jaejoongie…I will obliterate those feeling from you… could you give me chance to win you fully trust…?’ Yunho mentally stated and determined.

.

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It was a weeks for Yunho after fully gotten better and that man was threw his self back into a workaholic state as he was get use to be known as the busiest person with his profession, but now