Tiffany stumbled into the apartment at 3:30 in the morning, just coherent enough to be able to unlock the door before collapsing in a heap in the hallway. She stunk of alcohol, sweat, and blood. Her inelegant entrance woke up both Jessica and Yoona, who were sleeping in the living room waiting for Tiffany to come home.

Nothing the girls had said could persuade Jessica to get a good night’s rest in her own bed. They all knew the brunette hadn’t slept much if at all last night, but Jessica couldn’t be swayed. So the members had let her be.

Taeyeon too had wanted to stay up. But Sunny’s threat to her dookongs forced the kid-leader’s hand and the honestly quite exhausted leader had given in and crept into bed, mumbling sadly about ‘Tippany’, ‘Lexi’, and ‘coming home’ in her sleep.

In the end, it was Yoona who opted to stay with her Sica unnie, having adamantly insisted that Yuri get a good night’s sleep as well after comforting a crying Jessica all throughout the previous night.

So when Tiffany came home and passed out on the floor of the dorm, it was Yoona and Jessica who reacted first. The girls wasted no time to exclaim and question as to what had happened to Tiffany. Instead, the two worked quietly to clean Tiffany up, trying extremely hard not to wake the other members who had been lacking sleep these past few days.

But of course, the other six couldn’t really sleep well either. Who could when one of their own were missing? Most of them had spent half the night tossing and turning, imagining Tiffany bleeding and dying in some dirty alleyway after being beaten up.

So by the time Yoona had carried Tiffany into the bathroom and Jessica and stripped the younger girl of her filthy clothes, the entire apartment was already bustling with activity. Yuri and Sooyoung were looking up ‘hangover treatments’ on the Internet and bickering over whether a greasy breakfast (which Sooyoung was in favor of) or drinking lots of Gatorade would be a better option. Hyoyeon was mopping up the blood and dirt Tiffany had tracked into the apartment. Sunny was helping Taeyeon make hot chocolate and snacks, figuring that the girls wouldn’t be sleeping much tonight and could use with some food. Seohyun opted to help Jessica and Yoona in the bathroom. A passed-out Tiffany was not easy to deal with and the three girls had some trouble maneuvering the unconscious Tiffany as they washed her bruised and bloody body.

Jessica physically winced to see the state Tiffany was in. The perfect milky silken skin she had come to love was once again marred with huge purple bruises. As she began to gently wash away the blood and dirt, she was aware of searing hot streaks of tears running down her face. Soon, she couldn’t even see what she was doing and was simply kneeling by the bathtub, crying over her seemingly lifeless lover. It was too much for Jessica. She unwittingly began to recall that horrible night at the hospital. That last night with Lexi. And now, with Tiffany laying unconscious in front of her, she couldn’t help but feel the same pain washing over her again.

Seohyun, who was at the head of the bathtub supporting her unnie’s upper body, saw Jessica’s unstable state. She nudged Yoona forwards to take the wet washcloth from Jessica’s hands. Yoona tentatively placed a hand over Jessica’s, which were now only dangling uselessly in the warm water.

“Go wash up unnie, maknae and I can take it from here,” Yoona said softly, nuzzling her nose against Jessica’s shoulder as her hands were wet and occupied with keeping Tiffany upright.

Jessica didn’t even feel a tinge of jealousy at the fact that her two dongsaengs were washing her girlfriend’s body. Instead, something else was stabbing at her heart, hurting it. She had thought she was strong enough to support Tiffany, but in truth, she had her own scars and wounds to heal too. Tiffany was the most hurt over Lexi’s passing…but Jessica was not left unscathed.

She had loved Lexi-belle too.

The brunette wiped her tears on her arms and quickly stood up to leave, turning her head to her side and biting her own shoulder to keep a sob from escaping. Yoona and Seohyun watched sadly as Jessica ran out of the bathroom, neither missing the heartbreaking whimper that escaped pink lips. Without another word, the two maknaes resumed washing Tiffany’s body, treating their unnie as gently and carefully as a newborn babe.

This…this was the least they could do.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Four hours later, the girls were settled in the living room, four mattresses laid side by side, each mattress a mess of bodies and limbs. Tiffany was still passed-out, the alcohol having plunged her into a deep oblivious slumber. Jessica was actually thankful that Tiffany had drunk herself into a stupor. It meant that the younger girl would not be disturbed with guilty dreams of Lexi again. It was a temporary fix, but it gave them some reprieve.

The girls were all arranged in varying degrees of disarray and consciousness. They were all in their sleepwear. Some were in full on PJs (Seohyun), some were in t-shirt and shorts and some were just in t-shirts and . Most had dozed off at some point, but Jessica knew their sleep was light and not quite restful. She lay there with Tiffany pillowed on her chest. The younger’s steady unhurried breathing reassured her aching heart.

Tiffany was leaving today.

And there was nothing Jessica could do.

The brunette cried silently for all they had lost and…for all they would lose. Her tears trickled down her face and fell onto the crown of Tiffany’s head. Jessica drew Tiffany closer to her, never wanting to let the younger girl go. But of course…that wish could not be granted.

She had to let go. And she had to let go soon.

“Why does it hurt so much to love you?” Jessica whimpered, closing her eyes against the pain.

Loving Tiffany hurt.

But Jessica couldn’t stop.

She wouldn’t.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tiffany lay there in Jessica’s arms, her head on Jessica’s chest, listening to the older girl’s deep even breathing.

It was morning.

It was almost time to go.

Tiffany slowly…slowly…oh so slowly slipped out from beneath Jessica’s arms. She sat up carefully and looked around her.

Eight girls.

None of whom had had a good nights sleep for days. All because of her. Tiffany felt sorry for what she had put them through, felt sorry that she couldn’t bring herself to let them help her and had resorted to illegal fight rings and alcohol instead.

Last night had been a blur, but Tiffany knew what she had done was wrong. She knew she wasn’t helping matters any. She wasn’t helping them, or herself. But somehow, doing something completely self-destructive and utterly useless seemed to make her forget just briefly all the pain and guilt. Especially the guilt.

“I’m sorry…” Tiffany whispered into dead stagnant air, apologizing to who or what she didn’t really know. She was sorry for a lot of things, to a lot of people; and just those two words would not make it go away, make it all better. But she felt she had to say it anyways, even if no one could hear.

Tiffany got to her knees and nimbly crawled over the tangle of limbs and torsos, careful not to wake the girls up. Her head was pounding, but she ignored it. It was nothing to the aching of her body anyways. She went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, breathing a sigh of relief when she saw her unmarked face.

Getting through customs later would hardly be any easier if she looked like some washed up druggie. Tiffany washed her face and was about to take a shower when she realized that she smelled…clean. She smelled like mangoes and peaches…she smelled like Seohyun.

They must have washed her last night.

Another thing she felt sorry for.

Tiffany dried her face and went into her room. She changed into her usual hoodie and sweats and opened her suitcase, carefully putting in the mementos the girls wanted to have b