Friday, April 28th 2023

Stephanie sat with Nayeong, with the constant whirring and beeping of the machines hooked up to Jaesung their only companion.

Next to her Nayeong stirred a bit and Stephanie turned to the woman to find her staring back at her.

For the first time in a week, Stephanie looked into Nayeong’s eyes and saw a glimmer of resolve.

“I can’t do this anymore…” Nayeong whispered.

Stephanie’s eyes widened, hearing the first words Nayeong had spoken to her in what seemed to be a lifetime ago.

“Do what Nayeong? What can’t you do anymore? Whatever it is I will be there for you, help you. Together.” Stephanie reached out and tenderly cradled Nayeong’s hands in hers.

“This. I couldn’t speak to you for days after this happened until now because I was trying to come to terms with everything.”

“That’s ok. What matters is we’re speaking now.”

“No it’s not. I need you to listen to me. Jaesung, when he was brought in and being prepared for surgery, he was semi-conscious and we spoke. Shortly, but we spoke. He signed papers granting me medical decision power of attorney. He told me…he told me no matter what, he wanted me to help you leave this city. This country. That he knew this place was but a temporary stop for you, to find closure and refuge, and to regain your footing. But in the end, there was more you would want in life. He knew it. And he made me promise I would help you see that. I was…I’ve been mad at you Stephanie. For the fact that some of the last words I’ve heard from the man I love to be concerning your future. My grief blinded me during this time from seeing the truth of what he was saying. And I was just…crazy with pain and resentment and couldn’t bring myself to see clearly. I’m very sorry about that. I’m so incredibly sorry and ashamed. But that’s gone now, and it is as clear as day. I know he was, is right. As much as it hurts me to say this, but Jaesung is right. Korea isn’t meant for you, at least not right now. We will always love you, so goddamned much, and that will never change. It’s just that maybe we need to love you from afar, to give you space to spread your wings and fly. And you don’t need to worry about us. I will hang on tight enough for the both of us. I’ll keep going no matter what. Jaesung and our daughter need me now more than ever. I won’t crumble and break, I’ll bend when I can and seek help when I need it. I’m going to be fine. We’re going to be fine. I wi–”

“You’re not like me. You’re stronger than I ever was.” Stephanie whispered, almost to herself. Nayeong had learned to bend and sway under pressure, learned to grow between the cracks of the concrete and still emerge scarred but not any less vibrant and alive. Tiffany had only ever known brute strength, holding everything upon her shoulders like Atlas until she buckled and crumbled, crushed under the sheer weight. Nayeong had always been the stronger one of the two. Tiffany had only ever been a shell.

“Your Jaesung oppa and I want more for you Steph. More than what this city can offer you right now in your life. You need space and time to grow into your own skin, and Seoul is not the place for you to do that. He made me swear to him, to do this for him on his behalf. Stephanie…he loves you so much, more than either of us realized I think. He somehow understands better than any one of us what you need, saw what needed to be done. And in his own way he’s braver than any of us will ever know, to be able to ask this of you, of me. Please…”

Stephanie crushed Nayeong to herself, feeling her heart pounding and racing as the woman’s words wormed themselves under her skin, churning and tumultuous. She recalled those times she spent with Jaesung, his soft open smile as he talked about his work, his warm steady hands pushing her and encouraging her to be brave enough to go for what she once dreamed of. In truth that day with Jaesung in the hospital had shaken and rattled her more than she had let on. It set things afoot within her she still hadn’t had time to unravel and make sense of yet.

But the young girl couldn’t bring herself to even begin to imagine the implications of letting such ideas take root, of what she could stand to lose if she dared to hope, to dream.

“You won’t lose us. I promise you. You will never lose us. We will love you just as much if not more. More for being brave enough to allow the mask to fall away, to be irrevocably and unapologetically you. Stephanie. Surely you know that now? That we’ve always loved you Steph, the more of you we saw, the more we knew who it was we truly loved. It’s always been you Stephanie. Always.” Nayeong whispered into the curve of Stephanie’s