Chapter 31 - Secret feeling, unveiled.

Miri's Theme (please click here)

The afternoon was clear and wistful. The sky was closed in clouds. The cool breeze passed from time to time, revealing an extremely cold day. The trees already leafless, seemed lonely and sad. People smiling, children playing and old people talking.

As she walked, everything was happening.
With slow steps, and dead mind, she crossed the park that separated her street and the main street.
Hugging herself tightly, she tried to contain the cold that was unbearable.
She wanted to cry, all she wanted was just to cry.
After hearing what she heard, she had been, not disappointed, but sad. Very sad.
And she was not sure why.

She never thought that this day would come.

Her heart is suffering more than ever.

Onew’s confession, drew her to think on her painful silent love for Taemin.

Her bestfriend confessing to no other than her, made her sore thinking that her feelings don’t correspond his.

Thinking on suffering. Both sided suffering. Is making her go insane.

Thinking on Onew.

Her caring friend. Sweet, protective, honest, lovely and warm.

Someone who looked up for her and truly cared for her.

Never came to her mind that he would really start to care about her.

You know, hearing his confession was hard.

Onew shared an honest conversation with her. Revealing his true feelings and intentions. He was clearly nervous but he managed himself to stay calm.

She heard every true words of his. And those words touched her heart. They touched deeply her heart.

They came into a deal. To give her time to think.

Without noticing she got herself in a heartbreaking decision.

Whether to continue loving Taemin silently, and may never be corresponded, or give Onew a chance to try to steal her heart.

But after everything she still thought about Taemin.

Only Taemin.

Now she was almost reaching home.

Before, Onew offered to take her back home. Miri wasn't feeling right and needed time to think. She needed to be alone.

Onew, noticing it, disapointedly let her go.

While leaving she slowly turned back and saw Onew scratching his head sighing, and then he was hitting his chest several times. Then she turned again with a sad look and walked away.

It was getting colder. She looked up and saw her building already ahead..
Suddenly she stopped. Already in front of the building she stopped.

Her air was stolen. Her heart beat 100x faster than normal. Her eyes couldn't open more than they were. Now she was consumed by the look that gazed her intensely.

Those innocent and trembling eyes. They were looking at her again... in relief.

"What are you doing here?"
She asked nervously. She didn't know why but she felt upset.
Suddenly something fell on her nose. Her hands covered by a glove, caressed this little piece that quickly sheds.

"Snow?" Her eyes widened.
And then they changed direction. She looked back at that person frozen in the doorway of her building.

"Miri ..."

********

"Are you trying to kill yourself???" She scolded angrily. Miri ran to the closet, grabbed a blanket and ran back to Taemin. Taemin's body was cold and trembling. The boy had spent much time sitting there, waiting for her.

The fact that Taemin was so nearly falling sick, worried her a lot and was killing her inside.This concern was hiding behind her upset mask.

Taemin, on the other hand, was more concerned with the excuse that he would make to explain the situation.

Miri went to the kitchen and set the water to boil.
Her mind was suffering and her heart was beating strongly. She realized she was taking care of him ... again.

The heart ached. It hurt a lot.
She wanted to cry again, because of the games of fate:
Onew confessed to her. She loves Taemin, but his girlfriend is the person who lives with her. Taemin clearly does not love her, and kissed her twice. It makes no sense! And now... on the day her best friend confessed to her and promised he would always be good for her, the man who made ​​her suffer so much suddenly appears sitting on the stairs of her building waiting for someone... Or her?

"Taemin... I don't want to be rude or anything, but, what are you doing here?" She sighed, feeling tired. "In pajamas..."

"These are not  pajamas... These.. these... New fashion." He spit nervous, feeling pathetic.

Miri looked at him and then to her tea. "Sure."

And then silence. 

"But what is your reason for coming here?" 

"I-I... I w-was walking around. Getting some fresh air and i ended here." He lied praying that she would buy it.

"Hm..."

Silence again.

Miri got up from the couch and went to the balcony, she smiled to the snow.

She always liked the snow. And she was waiting a long time for it to come. And finally today...

Taemin stared her silently. He sighed at her silhouette on the balcony. 

 You don't have idea of how concerned i was, with the simple fact that another guy was going to confess to you.

Maybe Key is right. He does deserve you more than I do.

But what can I do? I love you... As much as the entire universe exploding, as much as the water in every ocean drying, with my spirit burst, as much as it spreads outward… I will still love you very much.

"I think the weather is going to get worst... There's too much wind, and snow." She said out of nowhere, what made Taemin "wake up to reality"

He didn't reply, he just stood in silent. Miri's eyes were looking at him and she felt  agonizingly out of breath.

"I should call Key hyung." He said grabbing the phone right away. He didn't asked for permission, he was used to grab the phone without asking Eun Mi permission cause she would say that that house is his too. And he felt comfortable to do anything. But with limits that he set for himself. Of course.

"Hyung. It's me, Tae."

"Taemin! Finally you called!!!" Key yelled from the other line.

"Look. Can you guys come pick me up?" 

"Where are you?"

"Eun mi's house."

"WHAT?? Are you there with Miri??? Have you confessed already?"

" No... I didn't..."

"TAEMIN! What are you doing??? You have the perfect opportunity right in front of you!!!"

"What? I can't okay? I just can't..." Taemin took a glance on Miri and saw her looking again to the snow through the window.

"Taemin... what was all of that today huh? You were almost loosing your mind. And now your afirming calmly that you can't??

"I was impulsive! I don't know what happened to me."

"Don't you love her?"

"Yes I do... But i'm not brave enough... When I saw her face my mind went blank, my heart couldn't stop beating, and I got frustrated, without words."

Key sighed.

"And you know... Onew still hasn't arrived." 

"What? How come? He should by now be at home! Outside there's a snowstorm!" Taemin shouted nervous. 

Miri surprised turned to him with a confused face.

Miri's Theme (please click here i know the same song but it'll go really well again so try again)

"Oh... He's here." Key said with wide eyes while looking at Onew closing the door and walking silently to his room. "I'm really worried..."

"Oh god... I'm coming home right now!" Taemin said ready to hang up the phone.

"Taemin are you crazy? Or are you trying to play with me?" Key sarcastically asked.

"Wae...?"

"How are you thinking on coming back this late, in this weather?" Key annoyingly said.

Taemin didn't reply he just kept looking at Miri who was now sit on the couch with her head laid back and her eyes locked on the ceiling. She was clearly looking sad. 

"You clearly don't think that we worry for you and..." Key kept talking but he didn't noticed that he didn't have a listener.

"Ok. Bye." Taemin hang up leaving Key dumbfounded.

Taemin was silently looking at her. He wanted to go to her and asked her what was wrong, if she needed to talk, or whatever, just to end or decease her suffering. 

"Taemin." She called. He got a little surprised and nodded like if he was replying her, but she wasn't looking at him.

So she got up and turned to him.

"You can't go home... The weather isn't looking good and it might get even worse. Please stay. You can stay untill tomorow when it get's better." She asked worriedly.

Looking at his eyes her heart weakened, her eyes felt teary which made her role her eyes to the other side.

He curiously kept looking at her. He couldn't decipher her. He was getting furstraded by that fact. He wanted to know so bad what was on her heart in that moment.

You know... Ambiguity makes people feel wronged. They can't find evidence of love, the right time to get closer, the right time to give up. Can't even bring up the courage to hug one another.

And this is what keeps happening to them.

"Thanks."

*******************

Few hours later the apartment was dark. All the lights were off and the two of them were separated by a door.

Miri was still awake and she was sitted on her bed looking at the window. It had been a long time since she and Taemin separated telling each other goodnight. So she assumed that he was sleeping by now.

The same happened to Taemin. He was looking at the outside, thinking too that Miri was sleepping.

Both were thinking in each other and others.

Onew and Eun Mi. 

"So this is what is happening to me ..." She spoke to herself. "But how did this come about? Why I fell in love with him? Why is that Onew likes me? I fail to understand ... I don't know how to act now. I love Taemin. I really love him. I can not I fall out. But this love continues to hurt me. I mean, I keep hurting myself. And I can not stand how painful this is. And now, after all, my best friend says he loves me. This person whom I shared this pain." She paused and sighed heavily. And now the tears began to fall. "Jinki-ah ... I don't want to hurt you ... I never wanted this to happen..." She sobbed.

Taemin heard noises coming from her room. Worried, he slowly approached her room. But he stopped when he heard this unbelievable statement:

"God please... Make me stop loving him. Stop making Taemin the only man to my eyes... Stop making me loose a beat of my heart everytime i see him... Give me my life and my breath back..." She paused again and sighed. "Taemin-ah... I hate you because I love you..."

..