Finale: The Final Chapter
The Black Phoenix
*banner by fuarief
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One year and six months later
TOP’S POV
I guess I will never take it away, I will never take away that look on her face. It had never left her face – the look that someone or something’s missing and she won’t be fine until she’ll find it again. of course I knew who she was looking for. And maybe, I should just be grateful that she just looked like someone’s missing. Right after the incident more than a year ago, she was. . . beyond devastated. She totally broke down. She kept whispering to herself the words, he’s still alive and he’ll come back. There were instance that everytime I try to talk to her, she’d always say, I’m waiting for Jiyong to come back or I told him I’ll wait for him. He must be on his way right now.
It was so painful to watch. It was worse compared to the time they broke up before. We let it pass – me, CL, Seungri and Sohee for a while, thinking that she’s just trying to cope. But then, it went on for one whole month and she was getting thinner and thinner as she refused to eat. It got even worse when Bom’s daughter was just left in the doorstep with a note from Bom’s mother that she’ll leave the child in our care first as she would search for her daughter. We were then forced to consult a shrink. I hated it. I hated the day when I had to bring her to the shrink and seek for help.
The shrink told us at first that she very uncooperative but he said that was to be expected. It was just too painful to see that I stopped going with the others everytime they visit her. When I was alone, I always go back to the time when I ended Dae’s life. It was painful but he wasn’t ready to give up and he was all for killing me for getting in his way. Minzy had gone missing. I’m not sure if she’s dead or not because we never found a body in the wretched place. Bom, the crazy woman had gone missing as well. But Seungri, together with CL and Sohee went to search for her, to no avail.
There were no signs of the phoenix as well as Jiyong as well. That part was making it hard for Dara to move on. She would always argue that if Jiyong died, we should have found his body and her mother should have showed up already. I told her the possibility that the both were dead but he totally went wild at that, refusing the fact that Jiyong’s dead.
I tried to help her, I tried to pull her out from her misery but it’s as if she totally closed her world from us. And I knew that she would never be the same again.
After a year, she was then given the go signal to continue her life outside the facility by the shrink. I would pretty much say that she didn’t look that disturb anymore. But I was right, she’s not the same as before. She lost that spark of liveliness, that perkiness. . She doesn’t laugh her high-pitched laugh anymore and she rarely smiles although she can converse normally already.
I looked after her while Sohee took the responsibility of taking of Bom’s daughter. And it’s been a year and six months already but Dara’s never the same. Ever since she came back, that look on her face never disappeared. I had this weird feeling that she still believes he is still alive. I wanted to ask her but I was scared she would go back to that unreachable person that she became after the incident.
I’m not hoping for us to be together anymore or that she’ll somehow fall for me more or love me more. I just only have hope and wish now – that time would heal her and make her go back to the Dara I knew, cared, adored and loved. I’d rather exchange my love for her for friendship if that will bring her back. But then, deep down I knew there’s only one person who can make her back to her old self again. He may not be my bestfriend or he may not be the person I think would be best for Dara, but right now, I’d rather he was here with her.
I closed my eyes, my mind still wandering to that event more than a year ago. It actually garnered so much attention from normal people and the media. there were so many theories of what really happened that day, on that place that were released through the news – none of them even coming close to what really happened. Of course, they’ll never know. How they wish. . .
DARA’S POV
It was one of those days that a memory or two would just suddenly flash in your mind that it will totally caught you off guard. I was trying. . . I am trying my best to look okay, to be fine, to act normal although there were instances that I can sense Seunghyun can see right through me. I wanted to comfort him everytime he gives me that worried look. But I can’t even comfort myself, how am I going to console another person? I can’t blame him, though. I must have been one hell of a scary sight before. I don’t know, I just lost it – I got lost in my denial stage. I just can’t accept and I refused to accept that. . . no, I don’t even want to think of the word. It hurt just thinking about it. It makes it hard for me breathe. In all honesty, I’m actually quite surprised I haven’t committed suicide yet. Huh! Maybe I’m just surprisingly strong or maybe because somewhere deep inside me – somewhere deep down there continues to believe and hope that he’s still alive.
I should be punished. When they kept on insisting he’s. . . he’s. . . ugh! I just can’t bear the thought of him and that word but when that even happened, I secretly hoped that he’d win against my mother. It was a bad thing, I know. How can a child care more for someone else than her real mother? And that time, I actually thought it’d be better for the phoenix to be gone and for him to continue existing. That’s probably why I lost it as well. Although I felt a weird connection with the phoenix, I never really knew her as a person. I was raised by different people and I spent most of my time with him than other people I’ve known.
I just can’t understand why he’s always being taken away from me. But the thing that I really can’t and don’t understand is that, why am I always fighting for him? How many times had I been hurt by him? How many times had I been in danger because of him? How many times had I cry my heart out and almost went insane because of him? And yet, why do I keep fighting for him, running after him, desperately holding onto him?
And seeing Seunghyun giving me worried look wasn’t really helping my sentiments. So, with a resigned sigh, I told him I’ll just go out for some fresh air. I was silently grateful when he just nodded and hurt at the same time. How could I ever make him okay? I don’t want him to be like that and I feel like a burden to him right now. He lost Dae, Minzy and his stepmother as well because of me. And he had to endure watching me still not myself for over a year now. I wanted us to go back to the way we were before but I knew I can no longer do that. I don’t want to give him false hopes, it’d only hurt him more.
It would only hurt me more.
So I went out, walked around and ended up going to the pond in the middle of the woods. It felt comforting in a way – the woods remind me so much of him. In that instant, I felt a stab to my heart and I hugged myself tightly as I tried to fight the tears back. Please, stop. I don’t want to cry.
I closed my eyes, fighting the flashes of memories. But when I can no longer take it, I turned away, planning to leave. I don’t want to be depressed anymore. I can’t afford watching everyone me affected by it and I don’t want to go to the shrink again.
But something stopped me from leaving. I felt it even before my ears heard the light movement behind me. I turned around and I know that I should be alerted, that I should be in my defensive stance. But I didn't feel threatened in any way. Maybe because there was something in the person's presence that felt familiar yet. . . foreign. No, not really foreign but. . . I can't explain it.
I narrowed my eyes and I can almost make out a silhouette, some sort of shadow of a person in the darkness. I took a step forward, just once. Even if I didn't feel threatened in any way, I don't really want to rely in this weird feeling that much.
I sensed, heard and saw the person started moving out of the darkness.
“J-jae?” I barely whispered. The person stopped moving. My heart went weirdly fast inside my chest that it made me lift my hand to my chest and clutch it. Why is my heart beating fast like this? Is this because of nervousness? Of fear? Or something else? I wanted to go to the person, grabbed the arm and pull the person into view, under the moonlight’s beam. But I stood still, waiting.
I tried to feel the person, try to make out the silhouette, tried to hear the pattern of breathing. There was something weirdly familiar that the person is bringing but then. . . it’s like. . . it’s like having a best friend and became a stranger later on. No, that’s not the appropriate description. I just can’t place it into words.
But I know this person, for sure and yet, I don’t know the person.
“Who are you?” I asked, still whispering. I heard the person took a deep breath, a shaky one before slowly moving into the light. As the person moved slowly into the light, the lower part of the person’s body was first lighted, giving me the idea that he’s a guy. He was wearing old-washed jeans and a very thin blue top that I can actually see through it – giving me glimpse of a smooth and well-toned body. A portion of his upper body and face was still in the dark so I took a step forward and narrowed my eyes again. “Show yourself.”
And he did. The moment the light from the moon hit his face, I gasped and my hand instantly flew to my mouth as tears ran down my eyes. It was instant – the same with my heart beating so fast inside my chest. I can’t feel any part of my body anymore so it was a surprise to find myself slowly walking towards him. He just stood there, waiting for me. The moment I reached him, he gave me a small smile that almost made me faint. With trembling hands, I first cupped his face. As I did, he closed his eyes and his jaw clenched, as if he’s in pain or something. My tears were still rolling down uncontrollably as I ran my fingers in his forehead, eyes, nose, cheeks, lips, chin, jaw, neck, his shoulders. . . I wanted to know. . . I wanted to know he’s not just a figment of my imagination. He felt so warm, oh so painfully relieving warm. When my hand reached his chest, I suddenly took a step back and pulled my hand away. No, he can’t be. . . the scars – there were no scars! He’s not him.
I felt it starting again – the process of me breaking down. But then, he stepped forward, took my hand and placed it on his chest, atop his beating heart. Warmth went through my fingers down to my whole being. For some weird reason, I suddenly felt so light, as if all of my burdens were taken away from me. I let my hand rest atop his chest. He then went down to his knees, making me gasp in surprise. “I’m sorry, please forgive me.”
I looked into his eyes. Oh, if he only knew that the mere fact he came back, he’s already forgiven. And I knew. . . I just knew. So I pulled him back up to his feet, threw my around him and choked, “You found your way back to me, that’s all that matters.”
I threw myself in his arms and cried as if I’ve never cried before. And he hugged me tightly back. This feeling, I will never forget this feeling of being cocooned in his presence, in his very essence after his long absence. I could pound him to pieces right now for making me wait so long but I just missed him so much that it hurts not being in his arms. He just kept whispering my name as if he hadn’t talked for the whole duration that we haven’t seen each other. And I felt it. . . I felt how much he longed for me, missed me. . .
It took me maybe half an hour a full hour to calm down. My voice was beyond hoarse and I’ve got a runny nose. I was still settled in his arms but we were both sitting this time with him leaning against a tree and me in his lap.
“What happened?” I hoarsely asked. He smiled a little and ran his fingers through my hair. his face looked bloated from preventing himself to cry but I can just see some traces of tears in his cheeks and how swollen and red his eyes were.
He kissed my head. “The violence, the deaths. . . it fueled my dark side,” he started. “I was holding it back in but when I was left alone there, without Youngbae or Seungri or TOP as they had other fights to do as well, I was starting to lose it. And when I saw you with that man. . . I knew what was happening but I can’t fight it. When I sensed the phoenix’s presence, all I wanted to do was to kill her. But when I was all set to kill her, I heard her voice. . .”
“H-her voice?”
“Yes,” he answered. “She said: Let me save you, let’s put an end to this endless war. Let me save you. . . for Dara. . . for Dara. . . she needs you. That’s what she said. I remembered being angry hearing it but. . . my feelings for you must have been stronger because just hearing your name. . . it’s as if I was then neck to neck to the evil part of me in terms to the control of my body and powers. I remembered clashing into the phoenix, her wings wrapping around me with her claws holding me in place. I remembered her beak opening wide and something fiery coming out from it. It felt so hot and I feel like I was caught up with fire. Everything then went white. The next thing I know, I woke up in somewhere I didn’t know with a letter just beside my head.”
“A letter?”
“It seemed that Han Eul and your mother had some way of communicating with each other. It was a letter addressed to me.”
“What did it say?”
“That’s between me and your aunt and your mother.”
“Ya!” I demanded hoarsely.
“In general, it contained information as to how your mother decided to sacrifice herself to purify me as to stop this shadow-phoenix thingy and some things that they both saved for you.”
“Purify you? You mean, you’re no longer a shadow? Is that why you don’t have any scars anymore? And what do you means with some things they both saved for you?”
“Well, things like land, boutique and some other stuff.”
My eyes widened, momentarily forgetting our reunion. “Really?!”
He chuckled. “Yes.”
“WOW,” I mumbled in awe. But then, I wasn’t to be distracted. “You haven’t answered my other questions.”
He sighed. “I’m still a shadow,” he said. “And my scars were gone when I woke up. The thing is now, I’ve got control with my own powers already. It’s like. . . it’s hard to explain. The ability of being a shadow is still within me but it’s like the evil side has been driven away. . . it’s hard to explain.”
I bit my lower lip. “Are you okay with that?”
“Of course I am!”
I stared at his face. Why are we again talking of some random things? Oh right, because I missed his voice so freaking much. “I missed you,” I blurted out.
He stared back at me, a small smile in his lips. “I missed you too,” he said, leaning his forehead against mine. “You don’t have any idea how much.”
I closed my eyes and just savored the fact that our faces were just a few inches away. “What took you so long to come back then?”
“I had things to do,” he said. “But I’m glad you waited for me, I’m so glad. . .”
“What things?” I asked.
“Things like building a dream house to spend honeymoon and grow old. . .”
“Dream house? H-honeymoon. . .? What are you. . .?” I stuttered, confused. Then, my eyes widened at the realization. “Did you. . . did you just propose?”
He didn’t answer.
“Oh my God!” I exclaimed, standing up. “That has got to be the most unromantic guy could ever do for a proposal!” I ranted, turning away from him. “I mean, where are the candle lights, the flowers, or music or the mood or anything!”
“Does that really matter?” he softly asked. “Wouldn’t it be enough for a proposal to be sincere?”
“Well, I’m a girl!” I went on. “We love romantic things!” I said. Oh, I’m so happy! I could just jump from happiness and I’m about to cry again so in order for me to stop myself from crying, I just decided to rant.
“Well, you’ll still say yes, anyway, right?”
“Why, that has got to be the most arrogant thing a man could say in a proposal!” I exhaled, finally facing him. When I did, all the stubbornness in my head actually evaporated. Oh dear Lord, his face! His face is so full of promise and sincerity! Gah! He’s making me cry again.
And cry I did. I then started hitting his chest with my fist. “Stupid!” I cried. “What took you so long? I’ve been waiting for this, you stupid, stupid, stupid guy! You don’t even have a ring to give me! But I still love you and I’m still the happiest person on earth right now!” I went on crying, still hitting his chest.
He grabbed one of my wrists and steadied it. The next thing I knew, he was slipping a ring to my finger. “I made it myself,” he said.
I paused and looked at the ring. I gasped in awe upon seeing that the band was made of pure diamond while a little phoenix on top of it was a combination of diamond and ruby. I looked back at him and was about to say how beautiful the ring was when he beat me to it.
“I love you,” he said, staring right straight into my eyes.
And I just melted.
“I love you,” I whispered back.
Emotions played in his face. He then pulled me to him all of the sudden and kissed me. and I gladly kissed him back. Just when I was enjoying it, he pulled away and gave me that lopsided smile of his. “We still have a wedding to prepare,” he said then pulled away from me. With another smirk, he started walking his y lazy walk.
I smiled to myself. This must be a dream. If it is, I don’t want to wake up anymore. No, I take that back. I don’t care if I’ll be having a bad dream or not – as long as he’ll be beside me when I wake up, I’ll be fine.
“Ya!” I called out. “I haven’t said yes yet.”
“I already know the answer,” he called back.
“Why, you conceited jerk!” I called out but I was laughing deep inside. He turned to me as he walked backwards. He gave me a wink that made me run to him and threw myself in his arms.
And he readily catches me to prevent me from falling down, face on to the ground – which I knew would be the scenario from now on.
FIN
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