The Dark Water

*banner by G-Dara21

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There was something peculiar with the way the mind works sometimes. How long has she been finding her way out of the darkness? She does not know. There was something urgent that she needed to do but she was not sure what it was. Something at the back of her mind was stopping her. It was as if her mind was trying to keep her sleeping, trying to keep her away from the nightmare that awaits her once she open her eyes. But something stronger and more urgent was screaming at her to wake up. Was it her heart? She was not sure either.

As if in a dream, in a daze, her eyes slowly opened. Foreign surroundings greeted her but that did not register to her dazed mind at once. She blinked several times, trying to clear the fog off her mind. She could feel the steady rise and fall of her chest; she could even hear herself breathing in and out. A frown marred his forehead as an urgent feeling came over her. It was urging her to do something, to move. But the confusion of why, how and where stopped her from doing anything aside from stare blankly ahead.

Unconsciously, she searched for the warmth that always greets her everytime she wakes up. She turned to the side as she used to do but there was nothing but cold sheets. Another frown marred her forehead. Her hand, on its own accord went to her chest, where the angel pendant lies. And then, it hit her. It swarmed on her so fast and unexpected that it made her dizzy. Her mind spun around at the blurred memories of what happened. She quickly pushed herself up and jumped out of bed. She ran to the door and was about to reach for the knob to open it when it was pushed open. She stopped and stared at the person in front of her.

Guilt, shame and something else came over her. She looked away, unable to bear seeing the smiling eyes boring on her. “Hey there,” he greeted. “I was wondering if I need to kiss you awake –”

A memory suddenly flashed in her mind, making her tone sharp as she said. “I need to go.”

She felt the back of his hand touched her forehead, making her flinch. “You’re not that well yet,” he said. Eventhough she wasn’t looking at him, she could just imagine the frown in his face.

“I need to go,” she said again.

“But –”

She looked up. “I need to find him.”

He went still. “Dara, he’s gone.”

She frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve been out for a few days,” he explained. “I stayed beside you all the time and –”

“No, you weren’t!” she said, her voice rising up a notch.

He looked confused for a moment but then he smiled. “Ah,” he said. “I just went to check the old lady that’s why I wasn’t beside you when you woke up. I’m sorry about that; I didn’t realize it would affect you so.”

“I’m not in the least affected by it,” she said. “Now, step aside. I need to talk to Ji. . .” she stopped as the mention of his name made her choke from kept and controlled emotions.

“Dara, he already left. Daesung and Minzy heard talks from school that Jiyong transferred to a different school.”

“No,” she said. “He would not leave me.”

“He just did,” he calmly said.

Tears started springing up in her eyes. “Get out of the way! I need to go to him and explain that. . .”

“Explain what?” he quietly asked. “That you were drunk and that you didn’t mean it? That you didn’t like what happen? That –”

“Nothing happened!” she said. “It was nothing, you hear me? I was not in my right mind!”

“Weren’t you?” he softly asked.

“Stop playing word games with me, TOP.”

“Dara, what happened between us was –”

“No, I don’t want to hear it!” she screamed and pushed him away but he remained on his spot. “Don’t talk anymore! I don’t want to hear it! I don’t. . . I . . .”

He pulled her in his arms and cocooned her in his warmth. A moment of weakness led her to welcoming the comfort he was offering. She needed it as flashes of what happened floated along her mind. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to shake them off but the look on Jiyong’s face – in pain – brought her up short. She pulled away and tried with all her might to push him away from the door. She needs to find him.

She wasn’t sure as to why she went back to the apartment first. Maybe she was hoping that he would be there, waiting for her, making pancakes; hoping that what happened yesterday or a few days ago was just a dream, a nightmare. But the place was empty. And as the emptiness was not enough proof, she found out that all of his things were gone.

A clog in started rising up. But she did not let that stop her. She took her phone and started calling him but the other line was dead. She rang up Bom next but there was no answer either. she didn’t realize she was crying hard already until she heard a rather disturbing sound, like a rattle of an empty chest, of a person who’s about to draw his last breath. What’s more horrifying was that, it was her. She was making that awful sound.

She dialed Seungri’s number next. She almost jumped to her feet when her call was answered. But it was answered by the least person she expected: Sohee.

“Where is Jiyong?” she demanded.

There was silence in the other line. “Dara,” the other girl then acknowledged her.

“Where is he?” she repeated. She heard someone spoke from the background, a male voice. Without even pausing to recognize whose voice was that, she started running again, running to Sohee’s place. She ran so fast that if it would have been a normal day, she would have collapsed already. But the feel of the wind on her face and the painful strain on her legs distracted her from feeling other things she knew would break her.

She wasn’t sure how or if it was even possible but she was able to reach the girl’s place wholly. She did not waste any more time as she saw her door. She walked up to it and knocked. The door opened. “Where is he?” she asked at once.

“He’s not here, Dara.”

“Let me in, I need to talk to him.”

“He’s not here.”

“Liar!” she hissed.

“She’s telling the truth,” a male voice came from behind Sohee. Dara looked past behind Sohee and saw Seungri. Her eyes narrowed and her heart squeezed painfully. The look Seungri was giving her was not the adoring look he used to give her. He looked calculating, measuring even.

She felt betrayed. Seungri was supposed to be on his side but why was he in Sohee’s place?

“I need to talk to him, Seungri,” he said.

“He’s not here,” he answered. “You can go ahead and search for him inside, by all means but you won’t find him here.”

“Where is he?”

“Why should I tell you?” he asked.

“Seungri,” Sohee warned. “We’re not supposed to –”

“Why not?” Seungri asked. “Maybe Jiyong has cooled down already.”

“But he said –”

“He went back to the Valley,” Seungri looked back at Dara.

“Thank you,” Dara breathed and turned around quickly. Just behind her, she could hear them arguing. But she did not pause to listen. As she made her way away from Sohee’s place, she stopped to think of what would be the fastest way to go to the Valley. Just as different options ran along her mind, TOP appeared.

“I can transport there, it would be faster,” he said.

She looked at him. “Why would you that?”

He shrugged. “Maybe I just don’t like seeing you like this.”

“TOP,” she started, feeling guilty for the way she had treated him.

“Don’t bother,” he said. “Let’s go?” he asked, holding out a hand to her. She looked down at it, hesitated for a moment but then she accepted it. “Where to?” he asked.

“Bom’s place,” she answered.

- - -

“Bom, where is he?”

“He’s not here,” Bom stiffly answered, eyeing TOP darkly.

“Tell me where he is,” Dara asked again, almost begging.

“Why should I?” Bom snapped. “So that you could go ahead and hurt him again? Don’t you think he had enough to endure with at the moment? Do you even know how it feels seeing and hearing him cry? Jiyong, the ever sarcastic direct descendant of the shadows, crying! Can you even understand that?”

“I was hurt in the past, too!” Dara defensively said.

“So you’re getting back at him now?”

Dara’s eyes stung with tears as she stared at disbelief at Bom. She could not really blame the other girl for feeling the way she does but she rather expected that she’ll be at least neutral about it. “You know I would never want to hurt him. You know how much I love him, Bom,” she said, voice breaking.

“I thought so too,” she said. “But it seemed like I was wrong.”

“Bom,” Youngbae’s voice came in. “Go get some rest, let me handle this.”

“But –”

“You know it would do you no good if you stress yourself like this,” Youngbae calmly said. The married couple stared at each for a moment; it was if they were arguing. But then, Bom sighed in defeat and walked out from the scene. He then turned back to them as soon as she disappeared from sight. “Sorry about that,” he said. “Her temper’s not really that good these days.”

“Youngbae,” Dara pleaded, reaching out for his hand. TOP looked away, unable to bear the sight of Dara looking like that. No, this was not the cheerful girl he knew. “I need to talk to him. Please tell me where he is.”

Youngbae glanced at TOP swiftly before sighing. “You should have known where he would go, Dara,” he said. “He’s in his house.”

Shock must have been written all over he face because Youngbae chuckled lightly. “But why there?”

“He had nowhere else to go.”

- - -

Dara stopped as they neared the Kwons’ house. She turned to TOP. “You can leave now,” she said, not looking directly at his eyes. She had the feeling that she’s not going to like what she’ll see. “I can handle it from here. Thanks for your help.”

She turned away and started walking slowly towards the familiar house. A small part of her expected TOP to protest but he didn’t say or do anything. Her body started trembling as she tried to hold down her emotions. No, she could not bear being like this if she’s planning to talk Jiyong back to her. She knew Jiyong would argue and it would be hard for her if she’s feeling like this – feeling awful for treating TOP the way she just did.

She paused again and looked up at the house and the house besides it. Memories flooded her like one great wave that’s threatening to drown her. Memories of her friends, of her childhood, of Jaejoong, Jiyong and of her parents invaded her mind. It was then that she realized how much she had changed, how much she had missed this place, how much pain she and Jiyong went through already. Even if she doesn’t want to, the memory of Sulli flashed into her mind, too.

This place, this is where she met Jaejoong and Jiyong. This is where she met her friends. This is the place that she wanted most to escape. The memories associated with the place were too much for her. Being back was like being thrown to a torture room, a room where you’ll be forced to watch of how much loss you had, of how much pain you had caused to others, of how many sacrifices other people gave just to save her.

She could not understand why Jiyong went back to this house. Yes, there were still some happy memories there but still. . .

She looked at her previous home and wondered if the people who bought the house were happy people, if they were contented with their lives, if they found happiness in their new home. She took a deep breath. It was not the right time for her to think of such unhappy thoughts. It would only add to the burden in her heart.

Her body started trembling more as she started walking down the lawn up to the door. Her hand was shaking so hard that it took her some time to lift it up. But even before she could knock, the door was pulled open. A casually dressed Jiyong greeted her. As usual, he was in his all-black get up. He looked tired, exhausted and. . . . lovable.

Oh God, she thought.I missed him. I missed him so much!

“J-jiyong. . .”

The look of surprise on Jiyong’s face quickly disappeared. He was now wearing a blank look. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you, to explain –”

“Nothing is needed to explain,” he snapped. “I’ve already seen enough to know what’s going on. I’m not that dumb.”

“I’m not saying you are,” she came up quickly, voice strangely high. “Please, just listen to me.”

“Why should I?”

Tears started streaming down her cheeks. “Please. . . Jiyong, I got drunk. I didn’t know what was happening, I. . .”

“Don’t you?” he asked. “Don’t you?! We’ve already been through this. I already heard those words.”

“Everyone makes mistakes, Jiyong!” she suddenly cried. “Even you! Why can’t you forgive me? I’ve forgiven you before knowing that you killed my parents and even if you broke my heart over and over again when y-you. . . y-you. . . associated yourself with Sulli.”

“But I didn’t do them just because I was drunk!” he said. “I did all of those things for you. Did you really think I enjoyed doing those things? Do you really think I’m so heartless? If I were heartless, I would not feel like this! I would not feel as if my heart has been taken out from my chest, tossed to a pot of burning water, and stepped upon!”

“Yes, I understand that you did those things for a reason but that doesn’t change the fact that you still hurt me before but I still found a way to forgive you because I love you! Don’t you even love me a bit to forgive me or just hear my explanation out? Don’t you –”

“ it, Dara!” he growled. “You’re asking if I don’t love you a bit to forgive you. A bit?!? Do you really think I’ll go that far with Sulli if I didn’t love you so ing much? Do you really think I would be stupid enough to even think of proposing to you, of building a house and family with you if I don’t love you so ing much?! I love you too damn hell that I can’t accept the fact that you did that just because you got drunk!”

“It was a mistake!” she cried. “I know that now! I’m not perfect, I make mistakes, Jiyong. But why can’t you forgive me? Why are you giving up on me so suddenly? I didn’t give up on you before; I will never give up on you. But why is it so easy for you to give up on me? Why?!?”

“I’m not like you,” he said. “I can’t forgive that easily. I can’t hold on that long. I did. I hold on to you before, asked for your forgiveness but you ran away too, remember? You turned your back away from me too –”

“But I was able to find my way back to you,” she said. “Please Jiyong. . . don’t let this ruin us. Don’t let this separate us. I won’t take it. I don’t have anyone else. I’ve lost everyone already; I can’t bear to lose you. Why is it so hard for you to understand that it was a mistake? A mistake, Jiyong!”

“A mistake?” he softly asked. “Why, don’t you have any feelings for him?”

opened but she can’t seem to get the words out at once. “H-he’s my friend.”

A bitter smile curved his lips. “It’s over, Dara. You chose him over me –”

“I DID NOT!” she screamed. “WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR YOU TO FORGIVE ME FOR JUST THIS ONE MISTAKE?!? YOU’VE KILLED MY PARENTS, YOU’VE KILLED ME, YOU BROKE MY HEART, JAEJOONG DIED, YOU HAD WITH SULLI IN FRONT OF ME! ALL OF THOSE THINGS BROKE ME BUT I WAS ABLE TO FORGIVE YOU! WHY CAN’T YOU DO THAT FOR ME?!?”

Silence greeted her outburst.

Then he said, “It would always be like this, wouldn’t it? You, reminding me of every vile and foul thing I did for you. You haven’t really forgiven me yet, have you? I’m right all along. You’re just being like this because you don’t have anyone to turn to; no one to run to and you’re scared to be left alone that’s why you’re clinging on me. You don’t. . .” he paused as his voice shook a little. “You don’t really love me, do you? You just need someone and that someone is me.”

“NO!”

“Yes, it is.”

“No! Jiyong, listen –”

“For if you love me, you won’t really feel what you feel for TOP. You won’t really kiss him like that even if you’re drunk if you don’t have feelings for him.”

“That’s not true,” she whispered. “Jiyong, I love you. Please, don’t do this to me, don’t do this to us.”

He shook his head. “Dara, we’ve hurt each other beyond our limits, beyond normal people would hurt each other. Aren’t you getting tired of it?”

“No!” she wildly protested. She cupped his face and tried to kiss him but he pushed her away. But she didn’t stop from attempting so. Hysterical sobs were escaping from now as she struggled to reach him. “Pancake,” she whimpered.

“Stop,” he hissed. “I SAID STOP IT!” he shouted and pushed her so hard that she stumbled to the ground. She saw his eyes widened a little, looking as if he was surprised with what he had done. But when she looked closer, it was gone. She must have imagined it. “Just go away,” he said.

“No,” she stubbornly protested, pushing herself upright. Without warning, she threw herself to him and hugged him so tight, her face buried in his chest. She inhaled the scent of him and cried at how she missed his smell.

“Let go,” he said in a low voice but there was warning in his voice.

“No.”

“Let go, Dara.”

“No!” she replied, hugging him even tighter. Jiyong then started pulling her arms off him but he stubbornly fought against his strength. “I’m not going to let you go! NEVER!”

“Let go, Dara,” he said again. There was menace in his silky voice now but Dara ignored it.

“No,” she cried. “I can’t, I don’t want to. I don’t want to let go. I don’t want. . .” she said and stopped as her voice broke. Jiyong went on pulling her arms off him but surprisingly, she was able to fight against his impossibly believable strength. “Jiyong, don’t do this. Please. . . stop hurting me. You’re hurting me. Stop it. Please stop hurting me. Please. . . .”

Jiyong stopped pulling her arms off him. He went stiff and it was as if he stopped breathing. Dara buried her head further in his chest and started crying hard again. And then, he was gone. Dara opened her eyes and saw a crow flying away.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” she screamed and started running after the crow. “Jiyoooong!!! JIYONG!”

She followed the crow and didn’t stop. She stumbled a few times along the way, earning her some bruises and scratches but she didn’t mind. Her knees were bleeding but she seemed not to notice. She ran and ran and ran until she was led to the Valley river. The crow started flying over the river to the other side.

Dara didn’t stop. She waded into the water, her eyes still on the crow. She was starting to panic as the crow grew smaller and smaller – it was getting farther and farther from her. She went on and on until her feet can no longer reach the river floor. But she went on swimming. She swam and swam until her muscles grew weak, until she became too exhausted to move. And then, it happened. The pain in her legs hit her so sudden that she gasped. As she gasped, a mouthful of water went into , choking her. She could not move her legs; it was if they’ve frozen from pain. She started struggling until the water started pulling her down into the darkest and deepest depth of it.

x x x x x x x x x x

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR CONTINUOUSLY SUPPORTING THIS FIC GUYS!! THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO SUPPORTED ME FROM WINGLIN TO ASIANFANATICS AND NOW HERE, IN ASIANFANFICS.

and i apologize for all the typos and grammar errors.

THANK YOU ALSO TO THOSE PEOPLE WHO LEAVES COMMENTS, BANNER MAKERS AND TO THOSE WHO POST ANY OF MY FICS IN THEIR BLOGS!! THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH FOR SPREADING DARAGON LOVE! FIGHTING!

Speaking of, THANK you to awinnerlikeme for whipping up a lovely banner for me and for this fic!