The Lingering Voice

*banner by iamhoneybunch

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After gathering myself together, I stood up and started gathering my things as well. I heaved a deep sigh just before I headed towards the door. Just as I was headed towards the gate, I stopped. I don’t know if I should laugh or cry or feel frustrated I turned my head to the left and saw TOP leaning against a wall. He looked up and smiled. “What are you doing here?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I had this strange urge to follow you, so I did.”

“I wonder. . .” I mumbled. “Will you ever get tired of checking if I’m alright?”

He shrugged again. “Eventually, maybe.”

I chuckled lightly. “Your honesty is quite refreshing, you know.”

“Give me your bags,” he said, taking the bags out from my grasp anyways. He then started walking ahead of me.

“Thank you,” I whispered, stopping him from his tracks.

He turned his head to me and smirked, “Don’t thank me just yet spoof, this ain’t for free.”

Eh?

“What does that mean?” I asked but he didn’t answer. He just flashed me a mysterious smile before walking away again. “Ya! What did that mean?” I demanded, going after him.

“Ah, I won’t tell,” he said in a playful tone.

“YA!”

“It won’t be really fun if I’m going to tell you, would it?”

“I demand for you to tell it to me! NOW!”

He shook his head and gave me a pitiful look. Kyaa! What does that mean? Aigoo. This guy, really! But then. . . . I stopped on my tracks and just kept my eyes on his back. After a while, a small smile curved my lips and I chased after him again. TOP, no, Seunghyun. . .maybe. . maybe. . .

“Ya! Wait for me!”

“Hurru up!” he called back.

“Aish!” I panted after him. “What’s with the hurry?”

“I want to sleep.”

“Eh?”

- - -

JIYONG’S POV

“Go ahead,” I heard Sohee’s muffled voice through the closed door. “I’ll follow later.”

There was a resigned sigh followed by footsteps. A while later, the door opened again. The chair I was sitting on was facing the door so I was not able to see her at once. The moment she came into view, I smirked and shook my head. She gave me a disapproving look as she dropped herself on the seat in front of me.

“Jiyong. . .” she started.

“If you’re just going to lecture me, save it,” I cut off. “I’m not in the mood.”

“You can’t go on like this, Jiyong.”

“What do you want me to do then?” I asked. “Just sit around and do nothing?”

She sighed again. “Maybe you could tell me what’s going on then? What made you go there and end up killing one of the royalties?”

I didn’t answer.

“I find it odd, though,” she murmured, frowning. “I mean, Cheong Sik is a royalty, he could defend himself. He could have given you a hard time. Although, of course you’re more powerful than any of us since you’re the direct descendant. However, your skills are not developed yet and you’ve been. . . well, you’re not really into using your powers so you’re pretty rusty. . .”

“Rusty?” I chuckled.

“Well, the point is, I don’t understand why he let you kill him just like that.”

I closed my eyes, trying not to think of what I’ve done. I can’t believe it myself. Why did he let me kill him just like that? Moreover, why did I do that? I can’t help the surging hate I’m feeling to myself for doing that although I would not forgive him either for even thinking of harming. . . my eyes snapped open again. Just remembering her name is. . .

“You know,” Sohee interrupted my train of thoughts. “Maybe you should start thinking of what you’re doing or about to do.”

“Am I not doing that right now?”

She shook her head and sighed again. “You can’t show them how you feel for. . . . you can’t show them any emotion when it comes to. . . when it comes to Dara. They’ll just use her more to taunt you, to get to you.”

“I don’t want to talk about her.”

“Jiyong. . .”

“I’m going to sleep,” I cut off and stood up.

“Have you heard from your mother yet?”

I paused. “No,” I answered. “She’s probably not aware of what I’ve done yet. I heard she’s going on another honeymoon with her husband as a celebration for their anniversary.”

It was so easy to lie. I don’t even feel any guilt at all.

“Oh, right,” Sohee mumbled. “Well. . .”

“Goodnight,” I waved off.

My feet felt so heavy that it’s like I’m dragging two sacks of metal. As soon as I entered the room I’m currently staying in, I dropped myself on the bed and closed my eyes, resting my arm over my head. I just want all of this to end but I know I’ve just taken the first step. I still have a long way to go.

Out of nowhere, an all-too-familiar voice then sounded around me. Pancake.

My eyes suddenly snapped open, my breathing coming in and out harshly off of me. “!” I mumbled and sat up. I looked around only to find an empty room. My breathing slowly came back to normal. For a moment, I thought she was here, barging in like she usually does without caring if she’s going to disturb me or not. But upon realizing that the voice was just inside my head, I snorted. A mixture of relief and disappointment embraced me. With a weary sigh, I went to lie down again. And just as I was on the verge of sleeping, her giggly voice echoed in my head again. I love you pancake!

“!” I hissed to myself again and tried to chase sleep. But her voice and face wouldn’t just let me be.

Pancake!

“Stop. . .”

Whoa! Pancake, you’re so handsome! And y!

“Stop it. . .” I hissed under my breath again, shutting my eyes tightly.

I love you pancake!

“I said stop it. . .”

Pancake, I want to kiss you!

“Enough.”

Pancake, I love you. I really do!

I sat up and grabbed the sides of my head, trying to wipe the memory of her voice and the way she deliver those words so lovingly to me. But her voice only grew louder and louder inside my head.

I LOVE YOU PANCAKE!

Do you enjoy hurting me, Jiyong?

“I SAID ENOUGH!” I screamed, finding myself leaning towards a wall, punching it.

There was silence. I could only hear my heavy breathing and the loud pounding of my heart. For a moment, I felt bad. I wanted to hear those words again, I wanted to hear her voice again.

I’ll break myself over and over again, I’ll face death over and over again, I’ll let myself suffer over and over again if that’s what it takes for you to forgive me.

“STOP IT, YOU!”

I don’t think I have it in me to stop loving you, Jiyong.

I continuously punched the wall, aware of the hot wet feeling rolling down my cheeks.

Maybe I don’t know what’s right from wrong, what’s real from not. I only know one thing. And I can bet my all of how certain that is – I love you, Jiyong.

I leaned forehead against the wall, my punches becoming weak. I then went down to my knees, grabbing my hair and pulling them. “Please. . . .” I hoarsely whispered. “Enough. . . stop this. . .”

There was a long silence that followed. As if in a dream, a soft echoing voice sounded in my ear.

I’ll let you go now, if that’s what it takes. . . .

“No. . .”

Goodbye.

I’ve given up on sleep. With a blink, I turned into a crow and flew into the darkness of the night. I spread my wings as widely as I can. Letting the wind drift me away; letting the wind drive the unwanted thoughts away.

And the next thing I knew, I was perched on a tree again, far away from a house, watching her. She was frowning while staring at the cards she’s holding in front of her. She looked every inch focused while she was playing cards with TOP and Minzy. Minzy looked bored while TOP looked amused while staring at Dara. My claws tightened on the branch I was perched on. She did look adorable with her face frowning in concentration.

I closed my eyes and shook my head. What am I doing? What am I doing here? Didn’t I shoo her away already? Didn’t I swear to myself not to see her again? That I would not. . . no, I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

“YA!” I heard her scream, making me open my eyes. She was looking at TOP frustratedly. “HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? YOU CHEATED, DIDN’T YOU?”

TOP was laughing so hard that he could not answer her. He was clutching his stomach and pounding his fists on the table. If I was in my human form, I could have snorted. For a second, I wondered why Dara was not looking at my direction. For a moment I wondered if she could not feel my presence anymore. For a moment, I wondered if she’s aware that I’m watching her but she’s just ignoring it.

But then, it did not matter anymore. I’ve already ended things between us. I’ve hurt her, she hurt me. She betrayed me, and I ruined her. Not even bothering to pick up her ruined pieces. But maybe, we’re better off without each other. Being with me is not healthy for her. Being with her is. . . is. . . .

Being with her is fatal for me.

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kyaa!!! TBP finally got a trailer!!!! check this out!! credits to yssa_kikz!!! huhuhuhu.. thanks yssa! it's wonderful!! and the BGM's pretty intense. what's the title of the song?

Leave some love for yssa as well guys!

New banners for other fics!! just check my blogposts for banners!! kekeke.. but ooh, check this banner out as well! HANDSOME TABI!

by mbie07

ah.. i've been receiving a lot of "hurt" messages because i haven't shared the SH special chapter link.. mian.. originally, i shared the link to those who were subscribed to SH. I have no plans in posting the chap OL. I could share the link to you guys but just don't post it OL. But. . . but. . . but. . . . it's not really worth sharing.. It's. . .err, pretty boring for a slightly matured fic. LOLz.