Talk That by Secret (+)

Youngjae just didn’t understand. What had been the point of it all if it was just going to end like this? Everything was in tatters. His heart was bruised and his mind was confused from all the different words that had been thrown up without a second thought. He didn’t know what hope he had harboured but it had vanished in the night, just like all the sincerity in Daehyun’s voice. When that had gone, Youngjae realised that it had never been there in the beginning – Daehyun’s tone simply a ruse for what his heart was lacking.

The two had been together for a short time in comparison to Youngjae’s last relationship but close to an eternity in Daehyun’s eyes. A little more than a year was long enough for Daehyun to have his fun; but it had taken the same amount of time for Youngjae to realise he was the toy. Simply the idea of that made Youngjae clutch his chest in order to stop his heart from breaking in two.

He gasped out when his stomach made a painful twist and pulled the air out of his lungs. “Are you okay?” Daehyun stepped forward but Youngjae pushed him away with a snarl. The elder moved away quickly, frightened by the unusually intense anger of his partner.

“Don’t touch me.” He spat out. Youngjae didn’t believe he could convey enough of his resentment through his look but it seemed to do. Daehyun sighed heavily and sat down on the couch. His shoes tracked melting snow onto the rug and his jacket shed the white water onto one of the kitchen chairs. He sighed again when he leant his elbows against his knees and looked over his fists towards Youngjae.

“I’m sorry; you know that.” His eyes turned pleading but only the surface of his irises held any sense of the emotion.

“Do I?” Youngjae straightened himself up and walked around to the back of the chair opposite the elder man. He wasn’t sure of what he’d do if he was much closer.

“Yes, you do.” One of Daehyun’s hands came out, palm up and pleading like his empty eyes. “Just listen to me.” He stood but he was starting to sound frustrated rather than apologetic. “I didn’t do it on purpose. This whole thing was an accident.”

Youngjae’s eyes were beginning to sting. He turned away, not wanting to show Daehyun how affected he was by each pointed and obvious lie. “Like last time? And the time before?” He rubbed furiously at his cheeks to dry them. “At least I believed you then.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Daehyun’s anger was beginning to mirror Youngjae’s and the younger knew he was stepping into dangerous territory. Daehyun could be the beacon of ultimate happiness at times but the reverse was just as powerful.

“You know exactly what it means.” Youngjae dared to look at him, touching his chin to his shoulder but letting his longish dark hair cover his eye. He held hard onto his forearm to keep himself steady. “Everything you say…I know it’s a lie. So don’t bother with ‘accidents’ or ‘coincidences’.”

Daehyun made to speak but Youngjae shook his head. He looked to the floor, spotting every imperfection or piece dirt within sight. His blunt finger nails dug into the flesh of his shoulder when he closed his eyes and tried to regulate his overworked heart. It was beating like the entire percussion section of a marching band and the sound was thumping behind his ears. He wanted to scratch it out but he just couldn’t get in.

Youngjae closed his eyes, trying to push the burning sensation away from the corners and he squeezed with all his might. He didn’t know Daehyun was beside him until the older man’s fingers brushed against the backs of Youngjae’s hands where they rested over his temples. He shook his head violently and pushed Daehyun away. His breath hitched as he watched the man stumble into the seat he previously occupied.

The younger felt sick, he was sure he would vomit, at the sight of Daehyun’s pained and betrayed look. The way his eyes were set cried out to Youngjae. Was Daehyun going to say it was his fault? Youngjae didn’t do anything! In fact he did all he could to make things the best they could be. Daehyun was the one to accept Youngjae’s love falsely and the latter could see how it had been taken and secretly thrown away like a child giving unwanted food to their dog.

It sent a spark of rage up into Youngjae’s throat and he bit down on his lip to stop it from exploding out. He tried to swallow around it but it was difficult. He turned away again and walked into the kitchen that was only a few steps away. He didn’t know what he was doing in there but he had to move – it made the quickly changing emotions easier to handle while the pressure of his chest relieved a little. Daehyun stood up in a swift jerk and stretched out his left hand to the younger man.

“Youngjae!”

Youngjae spun and every ounce of fire in his body burst from him but he try didn’t stop it. “Don’t! Don’t you dare-!,” his nostrils flared, straining against his rage, “Say my name. You have no right to do that.” He shook his finger that pointed wildly at the older man.

“But Young-”

“Shut up! You can say it, say you’re sorry but I know you’re lying, that you don’t mean it. You never have and never will.” The shouting left him breathless and Daehyun equally speechless. Youngjae’s mind was rattled but after a few desperate gulps of air he was ready to continue. “When I saw you that first time I didn’t believe it. I thought you couldn’t possibly lie to me.” The memory made Youngjae’s eyes burn and blur.

“But then it happened again. I didn’t believe that either but something told me I should. That what I was seeing and hearing was real. How did I forgive you?!” Daehyun’s mouth opened and closed like a fish. “I don’t know either.” It came out as a whisper as Youngjae continued his realisations. His speech had once been just an internal monologue, something he’d kept to himself to worry about in case he was mistaken but there were things he just couldn’t dismiss.

“Did you miss it? Being single? Being able to sleep around and not care who it was you woke up with in the morning as long as you could sneak away?” The poison in the younger’s voice became more evident with each word. Each one he spoke was like a sharp knife through his own body.

There was a long and great silence and Youngjae could see Daehyun deliberating behind his frown. “Yes! Alright? I missed it. I missed what I had before we were together. But it was faint. I don’t know why I went through with it. I just want you Youngjae.” He moved, closer, slowly, like he was trying to approach a frightened animal. Youngjae stood frozen and astounded, watching his tentative steps. When he reached Youngjae’s spot in the kitchen, Daehyun raised a brow and gently touched Youngjae’s wrists. He waited a second before brushing upwards – feeling the soft skin beneath as he traced invisible lines of fire along the younger’s arms. Youngjae tried to shrug off Daehyun’s touch but it reminded him too much of what they’d had – what they could continue. But Youngjae couldn’t shrug off the false note in his lover’s voice. Those words sounded so right yet so wrong coming from the thick lips he’d touched with his own.

It was all too real when they touched again as Daehyun’s finger tips followed their way back down. Their lips brushed together and Youngjae felt the familiar warmth balling up in his stomach. It was chaste at first but Daehyun twisted his neck to deepen it as he breached Youngjae’s mouth with his tongue. It wasn’t the kiss he wanted; it was more forceful, like Daehyun was trying to convince Youngjae.

“I love you.” The whisper ghosted his cheek and it made Youngjae’s eyes flutter open. Daehyun was glancing down at their hands with a smirk that made the coiling warmth rise up into Youngjae’s chest. The claim enraged him. He threw Daehyun’s hands away from him and stepped back into the wall. Such an incredible lie was enough force for him to emit loud sobs that felt unnatural to him.

“I love you!” It was true. Truer than Youngjae wanted but true nonetheless. He loved Daehyun – still – he was in love with him the whole time. It might have been when they first met and he felt that tingle in the pit of his stomach. Yes, it was then. Youngjae knew. But that’s what made it all the more painful. His heart beat agonisingly fast whenever he merely thought of the man. His lips dried and his stomach fluttered while his muscles tensed and his mind blanked. Youngjae’s throat became thick and he couldn’t find his words. He’d known how he loved Daehyun but he’d been hard pressed to find the truth of how the latter really felt. Now that he knew, it made him nauseous to think of. He wanted to vomit and thrash and free himself from the feeling of love. It disgusted him.

Youngjae hunched into a small ball on the floor. He choked around the sobs that were drowning his voice and his face became damp. A soft touch to his shoulder made him spasm and throw his arm. “Just get out.” He mumbled to the floor but his words were directed well enough. Daehyun hesitated a moment too long. “Get out!” Youngjae dared to look up. He could feel the fury colouring his cheeks and staining his eyes. He could feel how it tensed all his muscles and bore from his glare into Daehyun’s skull. It took a long moment for the elder to start moving but he did he was quick. Youngjae only relaxed when the thud of the front door tapped at his ears and he greeted the silence kindly.

A sad thing to post on Valentine's Day but hey, enjoy it! Sorry that Daehyun's always the jerk, I'm trying not to keep him like that :X The next one shall be a bit happier :)

I apologise if this isn't quite true to Youngjae's personality, I'm not used to writing from his POV :3

And this one is shorter than usual but there wasn't as much to work with :/