Mimi! :) this one is for you sweetheart ^^ i did banghim like you asked because OTP haha i finished it just now but i couldn't bring myself to edit the part just yet so sorry if there are mistakes O-O enjoy~! Oh yeah it's got people!

Only U by Secret

Himchan woke gasping. He'd had that nightmare again. It made him shiver and sweat but as he opened his eyes, he felt anything but relief. The nightmare was still fresh in his mind unlike usual when he had forgotten each detail except for the very fact that it had happened. Instead the whole perfect scene haunted him - the kiss, the lips, the touches and the insurmountable love that overflowed his sleeping brain. His nightmare was only horrifying because it was everything he had left behind so long ago and everything he wouldn't admit he still wanted. It was Yongguk.

Himchan took deep, heavy breaths as he held his hammering heart. The organ was calling to him, shouting, begging for that thing Himchan had tried to shove right into the depths of his memories where it couldn’t reach him aside from his dreams. 

He sighed and rubbed his face, shoving away his blankets as if it could do the same to his thoughts. He had taken the night shift at work before collapsing into bed so when he checked the clock it was late afternoon. He had only a couple of hours before he had to head off again.

He had been invited to a party at his friend Youngjae’s house, a celebration for Himchan’s step-brother’s birthday. He had a gift, just a bottle of single malt whiskey. Himchan had been told to dress in smart casual so he’d been able to pick out his clothes fairly quick. Everything was laid out, ready to go, he just had to get out of bed and sort himself out.

He stayed under the covers for another hour though, trying his hardest to dispel the memory of the nightmare but the sensation of the kiss had felt so real.  His fingers dragged across his lips in thought. At least he could drink at the party and forget the dream that way. Maybe someone he didn’t know would be there and he could flirt with them til they would come back to his place. That would definitely distract him.

After he ate something, Himchan showered and dressed quickly, doing everything to look his best since he was going to attempt to hook up with someone. He used his best cologne and not only brushed but flossed his teeth, something he rarely did, not to mention his addition of mouthwash. He had be the one at the party that everyone would look for. The guy they’d gossip about and try to sneak peeks at. He wanted to be that guy.

His confidence in being that guy though was waning when he got to the front door of Youngjae’s house. There didn’t seem to be many cars out front and he couldn’t quite see through the curtains. His brother liked to party hard though so he felt a little assured that it wouldn’t be a small thing. He was about to ring the doorbell but thought better of it and simply stepped inside. Youngjae wasn’t far from the door – and Daehyun not far from him – so he was greeted quickly and his gift passed off to some inaccessible corner of the house.

“Happy Birthday.” Himchan embraced his brother and Daehyun cheered, swaying in place and almost spilling the drink in his hand. He must have been drinking for a while before Himchan had arrived. It wasn’t hard to find the drinks and Himchan desperately needed one since the feelings from earlier had subsided somewhat but still ebbed at the back of his mind.

He glanced around but the room he was in only had the attractive ones that were already taken by pretty girls draped around their ridiculous biceps. Himchan didn’t want to be picky but he preferred the men that seemed real, like they weren’t attempting to fool the world about who they were. He liked men like Yongguk.

He put his face in hand. No. That’s not what he was meant to think of. He couldn’t help though, but to compare each one of them to the one he’d left. It was always painful to him that he had been the one to end their relationship and yet he still craved Yongguk’s presence so intensely.

Himchan decided to move into another room but when he got to the hall he would have said that shocked was an understatement for how he felt. Yongguk had just come in through the front door and Himchan caught Youngjae’s back in his peripheral. Time and space seemed suspended around them as Himchan was almost swallowed by Yongguk’s dark irises.

He wasn’t sure what to do. He was so frightened and frustrated and dumbfounded all at the same time. He had never expected to see Yongguk. He had no clue why Youngjae had invited him to the party. He didn’t know what to think or say; the only thing he could do was try and get away.

Himchan turned quickly and ran up the stairs into one of the bedrooms he knew was off limits. He tried to slow his breathing by taking in several sharp breaths of air but that all failed when a few words slipped into his head at the sound of the door closing.

“Are you okay?” That deep voice and those three simple words had his mind swaying. Himchan had dreamt about him only a few hours before and it was too much to hear him, to smell that familiar cologne so close. When he turned he couldn’t have imagined the hurt that rushed through him, seeing how full of care Yongguk’s eyes were. It had to be fake.

“Why do you care?” Himchan snapped. He didn’t want the elder to get close; he might go insane and just tell Yongguk how desperately he wants him back. But Himchan had been the one to burn that bridge and no matter how hard either of them could try to rebuild it, it just wasn’t going to happen.

“Why shouldn’t I?” Yongguk cocked his head, acting so innocent that pain shot up Himchan’s chest. Why was he being like that? Did he have amnesia? Did he forget what the younger had done to him?

“Because you should hate me.” Himchan chewed on the inside of his mouth to keep back tears spiking in the corners of his eyes when he caught the flash of sadness in Yongguk’s expression. It wasn’t there for long though.

“I could never do that.” His voice was just above a whisper, his words rough on Himchan’s ears. The younger closed his eyes, knowing he couldn’t look anymore without feeling his heart catch fire. He didn’t deserve the kind words Yongguk was saying, he was a piece of , Yongguk should have just left him alone.

“Don’t.” Himchan could feel Yongguk’s questioning gaze on him. “Don’t say pretty words that you don’t mean.”

“What? Why? Of course I mean them, have you ever heard me lie before?” Yongguk was still speaking softly and although his challenge was subtle, it was still there.

“N…no, I haven’t. But…”

“But what?” Yongguk’s voice was so close then. Himchan didn’t know when Yongguk had come closer but the touch to the small of his back caused him to spin suddenly and he stared into Yongguk’s unwavering gaze.

“You’re getting my hopes up!” Himchan bit his lips, instantly regretting his words. He wanted to run away, to leave the party as soon as he could but when he tried to, Yongguk stopped him. Himchan’s breath caught in his throat but Yongguk didn’t speak straight away.

“Channie, I…” It was strange to both of them to hear that nickname again. “I…can’t…” Yongguk’s eyes dropped to the floor and Himchan turned to him.

“Can’t what, Yongguk?” He couldn’t help feeling angry but he didn’t want to feel this way, feel like he still had a chance. Yongguk looked up to him again, his eyes almost pleading.

“I can’t bear…it…without you. I thought it would just pass but everything seems so unnatural. I can’t help but wonder how it would change if I could just turn back time and…” Yongguk trailed off, his eyes dropping away from Himchan’s again.

Himchan’s resolve was failing quickly and all the things he had wanted to say, had said in his dreams, were on the verge of spilling out of him. He wanted to leave before that could happen but as Yongguk reached out, he couldn’t stop it.

“I miss you.” His voice was quiet as he swallowed over the tight lump in his throat. “So much.” His eyes closed as he spoke, allowing just one salty tear to reach the tip of his nose. “I waited…so long…for it to all go away but it just…didn’t.” Himchan was feeling desperation creep up on him as he spoke, as all the haunting feelings were relieved from his brain.

“I didn’t…understand when we were together. I didn’t realise and I was so foolish!” They flowed then; the tears and Himchan couldn’t hold them back no matter how shameful he knew he looked, blubbering in front of his ex like that. Yongguk wasn’t really his ex though; he was Himchan’s lost love, the one that got away, the one he’d gotten rid of. It was all his fault and the pressure of him knowing that had built up over the long months. It was flooding from him and he just prayed Yongguk could see how much he meant it all.

Yongguk took the few steps forward to stand in front of Himchan. Their chests were pressed together and Yongguk’s hands found their way to Himchan’s shoulders. They hadn’t touched for the longest time and the rush of it was flowing through them both.

Yongguk pressed his palms to the sides of Himchan’s face and held him close, their foreheads pressed together. "You're mine okay." Himchan nodded furiously with tears streaming down his cheeks. The movement had Yongguk nodding too. He tried his best though to kiss away the tears but they were continuously replaced. He kissed up Himchan’s cheeks and pressed his lips to the younger’s eyes. It still didn’t help.

Yongguk marvelled though, at the sensation of Himchan’s skin beneath his mouth. It was as if that year had never happened, as if they had only been separated for a day. The connection was instantaneous and Yongguk wouldn’t have had it any other way. His mind blanked when Himchan titled his chin forward and their lips connected. It was chaste and sweet, Yongguk could sense the apology that Himchan was trying to give and Yongguk wanted Himchan to know that he was forgiven, that he had never been blamed.

They stayed like that for a long while, Himchan’s hands holding Yongguk’s in place. He didn’t want to let that touch go yet. He wanted to keep for a little while longer, to know that it was real and his nightmare hadn’t come back.

“Himchan…I…” Yongguk’s eyes opened to see the younger staring back. Himchan answered a quiet ‘yes’ between two soft kisses. Yongguk his lips before he could speak again; he was too overwhelmed by the fact that what was happening really was his reality. “I love you.”

It had been some time since he’d heard himself say that but Yongguk knew he meant it. Himchan was going to be the only person he could ever say those words to. Himchan was the only one who could have the elder’s heart.

“I…” Himchan was afraid it would sound insincere if he said it back but he had to say it. “I love you to Yongguk-ah and…I...I want to prove it to you." Himchan rubbed his dry lips together, them to make them slick. The idea had come to him quickly but he knew it was the perfect way to prove to Yongguk that he really was sincere. He wanted Yongguk to feel his honesty.

Himchan leant back, just a little but it was to look Yongguk in the eyes. He supressed a shiver as Yongguk's tongue darted out and moistened his own lips. In that second Himchan had to take his chance. He darted forward and kissed Yongguk again. 

They had kissed just a moment ago but Himchan wasn't telling Yongguk he was sorry. He was telling him that he needed him. His hands wandered across the elder’s body until Yongguk’s feet started to move themselves and Himchan moved with him until they both fell onto the bed. They parted for a second at the impact.

Himchan gingerly reached out his hand as he leant forward again, moving slow so that his courage could work through him. When his fingertips brushed Yongguk's jeans, their lips connected once more.

As he pressed himself closer, Yongguk's hands came up to his shoulders, but he wasn't pushing the younger away. Himchan could feel how it was just to keep him there. They kissed passionately, their lips sliding against each other and the tongues mingled in their bridged mouths. Himchan couldn’t hear anything over the synchronised beating of their hearts.

It wasn’t long before they were both shirtless but Himchan didn’t care enough to remember when they took off their clothing. He almost felt greedy though when he reached for Yongguk’s belt but the elder held his fingers still.

“Are you sure?” Himchan knew Yongguk wanted this, that he had thought of it as well but Himchan wanted to take the lead, he wanted Yongguk to know that he was giving himself to him. Yongguk had much more experience than Himchan, a fact he had learnt in their long ago sessions of but that had never gone anywhere. Himchan could see the kindness filling Yongguk’s eyes again; he was genuinely worried for his lover, the younger still a in terms of what they both expected to reach in that night. Himchan nodded confidently.

Yongguk nodded as well and pushed Himchan back onto the bed. Both of them had almost completely forgotten where they were, the only thought fluttering into Himchan’s head was whether the door was locked.

“It is.” Yongguk answered him when he asked, making sure himself as he walked over and flicked the lock. When he came back to the bed, he sat himself between Himchan’s legs and reached his hands to the younger’s belt. He did it slowly, letting the mood of their time together become sensual rather than that of reconcile. Yongguk wanted Himchan to enjoy them finally being together. As he slid Himchan’s pants off, he could see the other’s filling his underwear. Yongguk tried not to rush, if he did he could ruin things, and took off his own jeans just as carefully. They matched, each with a throbbing hard-on barely contained in their boxers.

Yongguk climbed onto the bed on all fours, his lips in the hopes that it would ease the pressure in his chest. He moved up to Himchan’s body until the younger’s legs rested on top of his own thighs and he could see the blush rising in Himchan’s cheeks.

The love he felt for Himchan was spreading like wildfire through Yongguk’s heart and groin. He couldn’t deny how equally beautiful and arousing Himchan was in that position. Yongguk wished that it wasn’t the last time he would see him like that.

He placed a sweet kiss to Himchan's lips, then to his cheek, to his jawline, the underside of his chin. He kissed his neck, his collarbone. He bit playfully at the skin on his shoulder before gently swiping his tongue across the now red and marked spot. Yongguk trailed further, pressing his lips to Himchan's elbow, to each of his porcelain fingers. He nipped at Himchan's hip. Simultaneously, his fingers began tracing the younger's thighs, leaving lines of pleasure that had Himchan's whole body begging for more.

Yongguk was so overwhelmed to be experiencing it with Himchan that he felt his breathing turn rapid sooner than he expected. He made every attempt to calm himself because he knew how it felt to be so shy and frightened the first time. wasn’t new to Himchan but there was something else to what he did with Yongguk, a new end than what he’d felt before.

When Yongguk finally pressed his lips from Himchan’s thigh to the tip of his that was peeking from the younger’s underwear, his vision blurred and he gripped the sheets. Yongguk continued kissing him like that as he pulled Himchan’s boxers down, taking a break so that the younger could close his legs to get them off easier.

Yongguk knew this part was important; otherwise Himchan was never going to feel as good as he wanted. Yongguk put his fingers gingerly to the base of Himchan’s , brushing them upwards until he wrapped them around the tip. A poorly stifled moan sung into Yongguk’s ears and he smiled. His lips widened when he abruptly took his hand away. Himchan whined and glared at the elder as he pushed up onto his elbows. Yongguk rounded the bed until he got to the bedside table. He fished through the top draw for a minute.

“Found it.” He held up the rather large bottle of clear gel – lube. He smiled at Himchan before walking back to his place.

“How did you know that was there?” Himchan was suspicious but Yongguk chuckled.

“Don’t worry. Youngjae tells me stories about some of his….adventures.” Yongguk said the last with a little ring as if that’s what he was actually referring to.

“Who does he go on this adventures with?” Himchan couldn’t but be curious.

“Should we really talk about them now?” Yongguk raised a brow and Himchan sighed, it was true that it was distracting him but there was no way to ignore the heat of his lower half no matter the topic of conversation. “And it was just Daehyunnie.” Yongguk chuckled when Himchan’s jaw dropped. It was a bit odd to be and aroused when finding out that his step-brother was ing one of his best friends. “But they don’t matter now.” Yongguk brought Himchan back to the task hand at instantly when he grazed his finger nails down the base of his and across his balls. Himchan’s groan was less than quiet but was mostly muffled by the heavy music still playing outside the room.

Yongguk took Himchan’s in his hand once more and him a few times before deciding to just go for it. He shifted himself as close as possible to the younger before pulling one of his legs up , letting his calf rest on Yongguk’s shoulder. Himchan’s eyes snapped open but when his hot flesh was given another graze it didn’t matter to him what the elder was doing.

That was until he felt Yongguk’s hands brush over the skin of his before settling in the centre and pulling his cheeks apart. Himchan felt strangely embarrassed, exposing himself like that even though it was necessary.  He wasn’t sure how they had decided that he would be the one to have Yongguk inside of him but he didn’t care, it felt right, that it was the way it should have been. All he could hope was that Yongguk wasn’t totally disgusted and never wanted to see him again. It was strange for Himchan to think but he had done so much, gone so far, but he had never actually been penetrated, because he had never wanted anyone to do that to him before.

Yongguk took hold of Himchan’s hands simultaneously and loosened them from the sheets. He guided them to Himchan’s rear, giving him the silent cue to hold his the way it was. His entire body was getting hotter and the feeling of Yongguk seeing him like that. It only felt more severe when the cold lube was pressed up against his hole and Yongguk began to massage it.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

It was a new sensation that he didn’t necessarily dislike, it was just foreign. He gasped aloud when Yongguk breached his body and pushed his finger inside. Himchan felt his body resist on its own, but he willed it to accept Yongguk’s actions. It wasn’t long before Yongguk was able to begin moving his finger, gentle pulling it out before pushing back in. Himchan felt unbelievably uncomfortable and was hoping like a mad-man that Yongguk would fit and it would feel good. It took several, long minutes before Yongguk could slid in his second finger but the time seemed to go by much quicker when the elder started to touch Himchan again, distracting the younger from what he was doing.

When Yongguk pulled his fingers out, Himchan felt oddly empty and an involuntary whine slipped through his lips. It sent a shiver through his body when Yongguk’s only answer to that was a deep chuckle.

Himchan relaxed as his legs fell from Yongguk’s shoulders, they had no reason to be there so Yongguk put them over his hips instead. Himchan let his eyes roll back as he waited, knowing what was meant to come next. He could hear Yongguk slicking himself up with more lube and the bottle clunked to the floor when he was done with it. Himchan took a deep breath but before he knew it, it was knocked out of him.

His face contorted and he in a sharp breath through his teeth. Yongguk immediately halted, buried only half-way. He wanted Himchan to feel good but his expression said the opposite. “Does it…I can pull out…” Himchan shook his head and his features softened just a little.

“No…just…give it a sec…” Himchan took several deep breaths and as Yongguk waited patiently for him relax, he bent at a slightly awkward angle to kiss his way across Himchan’s pecs and up his neck, knowing just the right spot to attach his lips. When a quiet groan that was a half-mixture of tension and lust slipped through the younger’s guard, Yongguk smiled against his porcelain skin. “O..okay, I…I think you can go now.” Yongguk could feel how Himchan’s muscles relaxed around him, how they gave him permission to continue  - and he did. He started slow and steady, being gentle as he pushed in and back. Himchan bit his lip as he adjusted to the movement. He could feel how much love was going into Yongguk’s movements, into his restraint and his heart was aching. He didn’t want to keep Yongguk from that little bit of heaven they were both searching for so he kissed the elder, pulling him down to his lips with his hands on either side of Yongguk’s face. He wrapped the around the nape of the elder’s neck to keep him there.

They broke with their heavy breaths mingling between them and Yongguk’s steadily quickened but he still wasn’t moving fast. Himchan hadn't had before, but he knew was different from he was experiencing. Yongguk pressed his forehead to the younger’s and stared deep into his dark onyx eyes. Himchan could feel it. In the sweat the dewed on their skin, the pants that rushed from both their throats, the short kisses Yongguk planted on his lips without closing his eyes. Himchan wasn’t having with Yongguk, they were making love, and Himchan’s body began to burn even more with that happy thought filling him up.

He wanted Yongguk to go faster. He was starting to get another feeling pooling in his stomach that had him seeing stars. Yongguk wasn’t quite hitting the right spot, he was close though, teasing the younger with each in. Himchan tried to silently persuade Yongguk to go faster by wrapping his pale legs around Yongguk’s v-line waist. Himchan was never more thankful for those morning exercises he did; his legs were strong enough to pull his up off the bed and hold himself there as Yongguk took the cue.

There breathing melted together as Himchan’s functions started to break down. He was just a mess of feeling. He couldn’t hear or see or do much else but feel how Yongguk ed into him, brushing his prostate each time. He could only feel how Yongguk moved his head to bury it in Himchan’s shoulder, him groaning against the skin as all Himchan’s muscles involuntarily tensed up at the blissful sensations.

Neither knew how long they’d been at it but Himchan’s back felt sticky against the sweat-soaked sheet. Yongguk’s face screwed up as he gasped once. Himchan could see it that Yongguk was close. He touched the elder’s cheek, now high above him as Yongguk worked himself in and out at a decreasingly constant pace.

“Pull out.” Yongguk moaned loud and long before sitting up straight on his knees, stilling moving his hips.

“What?” He was perplexed and his mind overrun by pleasure. He could hardly process the fact that Himchan was speaking let alone what exactly he’d said.

 Himchan pulled up onto his elbows before he spoke. “Pull out.” Himchan was quite as close as Yongguk but he knew what he was going to do. He wanted the elder to feel good but he secretly wanted to show off some of the skills he’d learnt from to os. It took Yongguk a moment and a lot of self-control but he pulled out like he was asked but Himchan was quick to pick up the slack. He sat up instantly, his feeling weirdly empty and just slightly painful with his close. He gripped Yongguk’s before the elder could get agitated at the loss of sensation. He did his best as he pumped him, using his wrist to slide up and down the shaft at a fast speed.

Yongguk was already , biting back the lewd noises that Himchan was bringing out of him. They only increased when he felt the younger’s hot lips meet his sensitive tip before beginning to gently. Yongguk’s mind exploded when he felt Himchan’s wet tongue reach out and trace the slit. He instinctively gripped Himchan’s black hair and pushed his hips forward, hitting the back of Himchan’s throat. The latter fought hard against gagging but when his hand flew up to Yongguk’s on his head, the elder relinquished the control he had taken momentarily.

Himchan continued with that and continued to bring fireworks to Yongguk’s eyes. He had already been close so it wasn’t long before Yongguk came in Himchan’s mouth. It was oddly sweet, not what Himchan had expected since he’d never tasted a man’s before but he remembered something about fruit being a factor. He enjoyed it nonetheless and swallowed it all.

By then though Himchan’s other hand was already working itself on his own . He had lost the pleasure of Yongguk inside him but his hand seemed enough as the pride in being able to make Yongguk feel that good overwhelmed him.

Yongguk pulled out of Himchan’s mouth and saw the younger jerking himself off. He sat himself on the bed and reached out, replacing Himchan’s hand with his own. The touch, the hand, the fact that it was someone else making him feel that way had Himchan in only a minute after Yongguk started. It was warm and sticky on his body and his jaw dropped as he watched Yongguk his hand clean.

Yongguk wiped his hand on the bed but smiled up at Himchan before pressing his lips to the other’s. It was gentle as they moved against each other, Yongguk’s tongue sneaking out and Himchan accepting him. They tasted each other, not like a usual kiss but Himchan could taste himself in Yongguk’s mouth and vice versa. It was a new experience that Himchan certainly wasn’t going to complain about.

“Are you tired?” Yongguk spoke against Himchan’s mouth when they parted; neither wanted to lose that connection that they had just sealed. They were so much more than they had been before, so much more than Himchan could have imagined or thought he wanted. He nodded and Yongguk chuckled, still not moving away. “I’ll take you home then.” Yongguk pecked him once before standing up. That was when Himchan remembered where they were.

“Oh .” He glanced around. They were in Youngjae’s bedroom. They had just ed on his bed. Himchan felt an unbelievable wave of shame and guilt but Yongguk’s smile was quite easily subduing that. He couldn’t help but feel his heart cementing in all their memories. He didn’t want to forget any of it, especially the pain he had caused. He wanted to cherish Yongguk and to do that he knew he had to remember who not to be.

“It’ll be okay. Youngjae won’t know.” Yongguk kissed Himchan’s forehead as he helped him put his shirt back on and buttoned it up for him. Himchan took a deep breath and assured himself it would be okay. As long as Yongguk was with him, anything and everything would be okay.