For CuteMimi, hope you like it lovely ^-^

Daehyun stepped out of the school’s grounds and felt instantly free. School was the place he hated the most, where he felt like he should just be beaten for existing. Every second there was like living in a cloud of choking black smoke. He had gotten used to the dirty looks and maybe even the shoving but it was the change of air when he entered a room; the way the other students became quiet when he sat in his chair; the way they moved their desks so that there was a gap, a fence of empty space, around him. It was the self-loathing that had him feeling sick every time he passed through the front gate of his school.

He would have stopped going if it wasn’t for his abhorrent mother ensuring he was there. But when he really considered, he didn’t go because of her. It wasn’t his mother that had him putting one foot in front of the other. It wasn’t his mother that had him stepping into that God forsaken hole of a school every day of the week just for a fresh day of torture.

It was him – the boy who sat two rows in front and three desks to the right of Daehyun. His hair was a dark brown that suited his bright brown eyes. His cheeks were round, like a baby’s, but from what Daehyun had seen of him, he knew the boy had a well-toned body, one he knew he could appreciate if he was given the chance.

It was Youngjae that had Daehyun stepping into Hell just to get a glimpse of him, just to hear his voice ring through the class like its own song as he answered the teacher’s question. Daehyun never really saw Youngjae’s face that often but the image of it was imprinted on the back of his eyelids. He could see the slightly younger boy every time he closed his eyes and he cherished each moment he could.

Daehyun had wondered to himself for a long time why he went to school. When he had realised his reason it dumbfounded him. At least until he saw Youngjae step out of a sleek sedan in front of the school gate. He smiled and as Daehyun’s heart slowed to several painful but meaningful thumps, the elder’s epiphany struck him with force. And it made him hate himself more.

The worst of it was when Daehyun had known the answer to a question in class but he couldn’t answer, not if he didn’t want to have rubbish tipped on him but 20 people. It frustrated him though, until bursting, that no one else could work out something so obvious.

He shoved his hand in the air and when the teacher looked at him with surprise, he spoke in that room for what felt like the very first time. “The answer is 3. If you do the crossover and bring ‘a’ to the front, the answer is 3.” Daehyun stared blankly at the teacher. When most everyone’s eyes had turned to him, he couldn’t help his gaze flicker to Youngjae, wanting to know if he too had looked with a mirrored scowl on his perfectly plump lips.

Youngjae hadn’t scowled; his lips were set in a flat line that had the barest hint of a smile, as if he was trying to hide it. Daehyun’s heart beat a single loud thump in his ears before his head dropped and the shame and anger at himself flooded through his body. He shouldn’t have let his frustration get to himself, but he had and he would pay, he knew it. The whole thing though…it had thrilled him. As he’d seen the small quiver of Youngjae’s lips, Daehyun had felt a very short and fleeting spark of pride in himself for answering. But that was easily swept away by the glares attacking from every side.

He sighed. He couldn’t have gotten out of school faster that day. He had expected to be trashed with rubbish from the other kids’ lunches but he had been left alone. Maybe they’d given up on him? He was feeling glad for the first time all day, an emotion usually reserved for when he left, right until he heard the ‘hey, loser’ just before a very full, very large and very cold bucket of water had been thrown on him.

Daehyun wanted to explode, to die, to cry and breakdown, to punch those kids in the face, to strangle them and watch their little purple heads pop. He wanted so much and yet none of it seemed the right answer to his problem. His heart only broke more when he looked up from his dripping clothes to the dark haired boy peeking around the corner nearby. Youngjae wasn’t laughing like the others, his smile seemed forced. Daehyun didn’t want to believe it, he couldn’t believe it, but when he swear he saw pity flash through Youngjae’s eyes before he darted back to class, dodging the punishment that was obviously going to be given to Daehyun.

It felt like the day would never end and Daehyun knew that it was the worst of his life. He just wanted to die.

And that’s what he would do.

He was the problem, it had to be him. It was the only consistent thing in every part of his life that went wrong – which was all of it.

Daehyun didn’t feel free for long, he had the sensation of being watched crawling up his back like spiders. He tried to shrug it off before walking away as fast as he could. He moved quickly and in a slightly different direction to usual. Rather than turning left at the end of the road he went right, toward the river. He took deep breaths as he went, because he knew if he thought too much about what he was doing, where he was going, he would probably chicken out.

He could smell the air change as he got closer and closer to the water. When he finally caught sight of the bridge he felt oddly relaxed even though he knew just beneath that, he felt as scared as a child lost in a supermarket.

Daehyun swallowed over the lump in his throat, trying to breathe through his constricted lungs. This all seemed a lot scarier than it was made out to be. It always sounded so easy, to end it all, but Daehyun’s heart thumped and drummed in his chest, doing its best not to be ignored. It was trying to show him that he still had life; he was still young and healthy.

He tried it before, in not quite the same fashion. His mother had entered his room without knocking and caught him poised with a knife he had stolen from the kitchen. It was easy enough to push away the thoughts of what he would miss.

Daehyun bit his lip as his foot crossed the break in pavement and onto the bridge. He paused for a moment, a split second that had him considering turning back and going home before he burst into a jog. The set of footsteps he’d heard behind trailed off, whoever was following him choosing not to run. He heaved air in and out of his lungs when he stopped in the centre. To one side cars flashed passed, not even glancing at the boy catching his breath; to the other was the matte and ugly water of the river, banked by houses and buildings. And to Daehyun it mocked him. It was the perfect metaphor for his life – cold and dark.

He set his breathing to a normal pace to keep the relaxation he had felt earlier that was slipping away from him quickly. He dropped his backpack and grabbed hold of one of the poles that arched high into the air met with the one stretching from the opposite side. Once he’d hauled himself up onto the railing, his balance a little shaky at first, he realised that it had become dark. The sun’s glow still peeked over the horizon behind him but the moon was already in place in the sky above him. It shone on the ripples of the water and Daehyun suddenly felt the need to puke.

The footsteps he’d hear finally caught up, they could only have been a few metres away, but he didn’t look at who it was; he didn’t want any reason to stop. He let go of the pole beside him.

“Goodbye.” Daehyun spoke to the person behind him, he might as well, and closed his eyes but they shot open when a hand grabbed his.

“Stop!” He looked down to see Youngjae holding tight on his wrist and his leg. His eyes were a mix of fright and worry. Strangely it made Daehyun angry to see him.

“WHY!? WHY SHOULD I STOP WHEN THEY DON’T!? NO ONE EVER STOPS OR SHUTS UP OR JUST GIVES ME A CHANCE!? WHY SHOULD I STOP!?” He screamed at Youngjae. It felt good to scream. To have his throat run raw and his lungs ache. “THERE’S NO MORE PAIN, NOT AFTER THIS.” He shook an open hand

“Be…because…” Youngjae looked frantically around himself as he tried to find the words to say. The pressure was intense, Daehyun on the brink of his choice. “Because I know you watch me. I know you stare and I can feel it. And…I like it. I like you. I thought you would hate me, because you were always bullied and I never did anything about it. I’m so sorry!” Youngjae’s eyes were wet as he spoke to Daehyun’s hand, knowing he didn’t have the courage to look the elder in the eye. “I just…I don’t want you to die; I don’t want you to get hurt. I just want you to give life another chance.” He looked up then, feeling as if it was the end of his speech. Daehyun looked mad, a little crazy but even more angry. The elder shook off Youngjae’s hand but before the younger could take it back, to save him, Daehyun jumped.

He jumped backwards, onto the path beside Youngjae. The impact shot pain through his calves but it subsided quickly. He stood up straight and took a deep breath as he turned to Youngjae – the reason he had gone to school, the reason he hadn’t considered suicide until that day, the reason he’d considered anything worth the small scrap of motivation he had left.

“Do you really mean that?” Daehyun wasn’t going to waste his chance on that bridge; it was then or never, so he had to be sure. And he was. He could see it, feel it, the honesty oozing from Youngjae’s eyes. It was still hard to believe though, that he had been through so much pain and yet Youngjae had kept to himself through all of it. It hurt, it hurt a lot more than anything the bullies had ever done to him; it hurt more than any of the beatings his father had given him; it hurt more than Daehyun thought possible.

Youngjae nodded.

Daehyun’s heart beat slow as the words sunk in. Youngjae didn’t see him the way the other kids did. Maybe he’d noticed Daehyun before he’d become the outcast, when he was trying to make friends in order to forget how his parents treated him. Maybe Youngjae had wanted to be friends but once the others had started, he was too scared. Daehyun suddenly became angry again though. If Youngjae really cared, why had it come to being on the bridge for him to say it? Why had he not tried to protect Daehyun before, why had he just stood back and let the other kids bully him?

“Why then? Why didn’t you say anything before?” Daehyun put a hand against his lower ribcage, pressing gently and feeling the spike of pain from where he knew the large, blue and purple bruise flowered on his tan skin. The anger dissipated a little when he saw the regret in Youngjae’s eyes, the way his lips turned down and he glanced at his shoes. “Why didn’t you stop them if you care like that?” Daehyun saw how that question hit Youngjae’s heart the hardest.

He looked up then and there was more than regret in his eyes; it was mixed with anxiety, guilt and longing. Daehyun took a deep breath, holding back the desire to reach out and take the younger’s hand.

Youngjae blinked and it seemed infinitely harder for Daehyun to just stand and wait for an answer. He felt as if he was drowning in Youngjae’s eyes and could only breathe in the love he’d felt for the boy for so long. Because that’s what he had to admit it was. He loved Youngjae, a lot. It was just a simple crush that could fade; it was a feeling that had changed the way his heart beat. It didn’t beat for his life; it didn’t beat to keep him conscious. His heart beat for the one standing in front of him, about to explain why he had kept himself distant.

“Because I was scared.” It was evident in the way Youngjae’s cheek reddened in the bright orange of the street lights and the way his weak smile only lasted a second. “I saw how they treated you and I just…I didn’t want to lose what I had. Things are good for me and I want them to be good for you but if I had told you sooner…it would have just gotten worse for both of us.”

Youngjae let out a long, heavy breath. He looked out over the water, to the lights far lights of the city glowing on the horizon. Daehyun took a small step forward, he couldn’t stop himself. He wasn’t angry anymore. He just wanted to take away the sadness in Youngjae’s expression, to see him smile the way he did with his friends. He took another step. He could feel Youngjae in front of him but they weren’t touching. The heat of the younger’s body warmed Daehyun in more than just a physical way and it had Daehyun closing his eyes for a moment as he appreciated it – just before he asked one more question.

“Why now then? You didn’t know I was going to do this, come here, so why follow me?” Youngjae’s breath came out shaky then and when he turned to Daehyun, still not quite looking at him, the latter saw how his eyes gleamed.

“Be-because…I…I was scared.” Youngjae stumbled over the words as he fought his emotions. “I just had this terrible feeling so I had to follow you. I had to.” Youngjae rolled his lips between his teeth as a tear rolled along his nose. Before it could reach the tip his head ducked down and Daehyun found himself wrapping his arms around Youngjae’s shoulders and pulling him in close. Youngjae didn’t cry, he wasn’t the kind for that and somehow Daehyun knew it.  He just had to feel Youngjae against him, had to hold him and make him feel safe. He wanted to be the one to do that and when Youngjae’s arms found their way around his waist, Daehyun knew he had succeeded.

Their chests moved in sync as they breathed in and out together, their heartbeats forming the bass of the natural song that Daehyun was hearing

Daehyun was surprisingly happy. Something he hadn’t felt for a long time and he could pin it all to one thing – Youngjae. It was the way their breathing and synchronised heartbeats formed a natural melody that he wished would last forever. It was that they could be comfortable in the silence only broken by the occasional car passing beside them.

Youngjae pulled away then and Daehyun’s heart ached for a moment. Until he saw Youngjae’s eyes he was worried but then instantly calmed. In fact, he smiled. Because Youngjae smiled. It was but to Daehyun it was a perfect moment. It only got better when Youngjae leant forward, only a few inches, and touched their lips together.

After a short second of shock, Daehyun kissed back. He pushed closer until he could really feel their lips together and as Youngjae opened his mouth, so did the older and he could suddenly taste Youngjae. He was sweet and soft and warm. Daehyun felt his hands come around Youngjae’s neck as the latter’s hands gripped his waist. Daehyun along Youngjae’s lower lip before the younger’s tongue came out. It was a slippery sensation but oddly enjoyable. Daehyun knew he enjoyed kissing Youngjae and it would be something he would take every chance to do.

Youngjae took a step back then and suddenly Daehyun felt empty. They weren’t touching in any way but his body ached for it, he wanted and needed Youngjae to be close to him. Youngjae bit back a smile.

“How about we finish this somewhere else? I don’t really think this bridge is the place for...well…” Youngjae shot him a coy look and Daehyun felt warm just beneath the cotton of his underwear. He took the step to Youngjae but stood beside him and took his hand.

“There’s no need to rush…but let’s go.” They began to walk but Youngjae glanced at Daehyun, a mix of worry and excitement in his eyes. Daehyun caught on and spun to walk backwards in front of Youngjae, still holding his hand. “There’s no time for problems anymore. We’ll laugh instead of cry, we’ll be strong. I’ll jump over all the obstacles thrown my way. We’ll get them onside and we can say goodbye to all the pain.” Daehyun stopped and so did Youngjae but just short of running into the elder.

“Don’t worry Youngjae.” That was the first time Daehyun had said his name and he could see how Youngjae was embarrassed but clearly please. “Now that we have each other, things will get better.” He reached forward and pecked Youngjae’s lips, smiling into the kiss as every worry he had was swept away from him.