This BangHim was long ago 'kind-of-requested' by PetalJaeIn :) sorry it took so long :/

Icy Stroll by Nell (+)

Love – what a beautifully inconceivable concept? To Yongguk love was all he wanted but everything had could never have. He could imagine magnificent fantasies of an incredible woman who was kind and attractive, the theoretical love of his life. He could imagine himself smiling as he held her and pressed his lips to her soft cheek. Yongguk could imagine himself holding a fragile life that was so separate from him but a whole half of his own soul, a child and wife of his that he could declare his family. So many pretty lives and dreams that he was ultimately unable to have.

Love was everywhere; films, television, music, everyday life. He envied his parents and his friends; he despised the Hollywood fairy tales that mocked his loneliness; his heart became crushed at every sliver and speck of romance that entered his mind.

Yongguk had been told that he had talent with words. Lyrical and poetical written emotion was his forte but it was not the words of a page that starts a conversation and he knew that. It was what had Yongguk cursing his life. He was a pathetic shadow in a city with no heart.

He had been in relationships but it didn’t matter if he was with a boy or a girl – they were all lack lustre. They didn’t have that romanticised emotion of love that he coveted, craved, desired. He enjoyed them while they lasted but they were no more than infatuation and daydreams.

Yongguk sighed apathetically at his state of mind and brushed his hair with his hand, causing little pellets of settled water to scatter and dampen his palm. He had gone for a walk in the afternoon and it had become dark quickly after raining for at least 15 minutes out of the blue. He’d had to buy a new jacket in order to get home close to dry. It was surprisingly comfortable and relatively cheap. He was good at appreciating the small things.

His feet treaded monotonously and his shoes squeaked in the millimetre of water that covered the ground. Yongguk was close to home but it made him sigh. He had been mulling and skulking over his love life again and Himchan would not be happy about that. Yongguk was never angry but he could be sullen and apathetic. That was enough for Himchan to be irritated and pushy.

When he arrived home, Yongguk smiled to the sound of Himchan, his dearest friend and roommate, laughing at a show on television. It was a comedy show that had a skit making fun of a celebrity couple. Himchan’s chuckled reverberated through the apartment and it warmed Yongguk’s heart. He was never disappointed in Himchan’s company whether they were laughing together or arguing, he would forever appreciate his best friend’s presence.

Himchan was in the single armchair which complimented the couch that sat happily along the wall. A coffee table separated them from the largish TV. Yongguk sat on the couch, the corner closest to his friend.

“You’ve been thinking about it again, haven’t you?” Himchan’s laughter echoed in his voice but he was undeniably serious. His stare was penetrating as he scrutinised his elder friend and Himchan’s chocolate eyes were stern – Yongguk had been caught out.

“Yeah.” He half-whispered the answer, afraid of Himchan’s scolding. The younger just sighed disappointedly and stood up. He left Yongguk worrying until he came back with a bowl of chips. He gazed softly at Yongguk with that ‘what are we to do with you?’ look and it had the elder blushing in shame.

“You think so hard about such big problems Yongguk. I know you think so hard and deep about it like it’s a great mystery of the universe but seriously, sometimes things like are the simplest to find. You’re just looking too hard for it.” Himchan raised his brows to question if Yongguk understood and the elder nodded. He had received longer lectures on his slight obsession with finding his soul mate but it never deterred him from the fact that he desired with his whole something as simple as someone to share his life with.

The only person who was even close to understanding him like that was Himchan but they were good friends. Yongguk had always felt like Himchan’s younger brother that the Himchan always took care of. Yongguk considered Himchan his safe place where the grasp of love could not reach him and he was safe from his worries.

It was almost as if Yongguk’s mind exploded. His brain sent a wave of unbelievable relief, uncontrollable excitement and unfathomable adoration into his body. Why had he bothered to look so hard for love when it was right in front of him? He and Himchan had lived together for years and knew all there was to know about each other. Yongguk knew exactly why he was friends with Himchan but it had taken him too long to realise those things also made Yongguk love him.

Yongguk his lips and let his teeth graze the plump flesh. His eyes darted between Himchan’s deep chocolate irises and his pretty mouth. His desires were overcoming his sense and somehow he was okay with that. Yongguk didn’t feel shy; he wasn’t going to laugh of his nervousness. His mind was blank but for the image of his hand against Himchan’s cheek and their lips pressed together in a chaste yet sweet kiss. His heart beat painfully slow when his body followed his mind. His palm touched the milky skin of the younger’s jaw and the stretch of Yongguk’s neck was placating his impatience.

His pulse burned behind his ears, heating his face and hands and when he pressed his mouth against the corner of Himchan’s his chest tensed. He could feel how Himchan was frozen beneath his touch, shocked and stunned at what the elder was doing. Yongguk took a small breath and continued. He pulled his lips together, brushing them over the skin of Himchan’s lower lip. He adjusted his hand and caressed down to the sway of the younger’s neck.

Himchan in a sharp breath through his nose and it made the elder stop. He couldn’t deny the tension in Himchan’s body and slid himself away from his friend. When he saw the extent of the younger’s horrified astonishment, Yongguk was flooded in shame and disappointment in himself. He had never been able to find love the way he was told to and when he had finally worked out his own way of discovering such a passion, Yongguk had gone and ruined it for himself.

“I’m sorry.” Yongguk whispered just loud enough for Himchan to hear and all the latter could do was nod. He gazed absently for several minutes and Yongguk only had the strength to watch him. He wasn’t prepared to do anything else wrong. Himchan bit his lip and stood up, his gaze darting to Yongguk but not really focusing on him as if he wasn’t quite there.

“I…ah I’m sorry too.” Himchan moved swiftly around the armchair he had been sitting towards the front door where he grabbed his coat. “I uh…just…” He sighed and hurried out the door, closing it softly behind him. Yongguk was dumbstruck, still in his place on the couch and trying hard to process what had happened.

“.” He was frozen in place. Yongguk had never been so frightened in his life. What if Himchan hated him? Was he going to move out now so that he didn’t have to see Yongguk anymore? Every thought that crossed his mind freaked the crap out of him.

Maybe Yongguk had been wrong? Himchan wasn’t the person for him, they were better off as friends. But in the few minutes he’d believed it, Yongguk had felt everything come together like the last piece of a puzzle. Himchan knew he was broken, that he wasn’t easy to approach. Himchan knew he worked a different way, that the cogs in Yongguk’s mind turned in the opposite direction to everyone else’s. Himchan knew and that was what made him special in Yongguk’s heart but what had also made Yongguk blind to the love that had accepted him long ago.

If only he’d realised sooner, maybe he wouldn’t have been in so much trouble after the kiss.

Yongguk didn’t leave the couch. He couldn’t, he was thinking too hard and worried for when Himchan would come back. He had to come back after all, he lived there. Yongguk just wished Himchan could have said more than ‘sorry’ before he left. What was he even sorry for? For allowing Yongguk to kiss? Allowing Yongguk to want to kiss him? For the elder, liking someone wasn’t a choice, it wasn’t something to stop – it was a matter of the heart and Yongguk’s heart had instantly ached when he finally saw Himchan in the right light.

When he heard the door creak quietly, Yongguk immediately stood up. He brushed his clammy hands against his jeans and waited for Himchan to walk slowly from the front door to the lounge room. When the younger reached him, standing only a few feet away, Yongguk was sure his chest would explode from the building pressure inside.

He was dizzy watching Himchan his lips and bite the lower one, cautiously taking another step forward. The elder could see how Himchan’s gaze darted between Yongguk’s eyes and his lips. Was this what it was like for Himchan? The suspense and the tension was overwhelming.

When Himchan closed the distance between them it was ecstasy for Yongguk. How could his search that had lasted the past 10 years just end like that? In one soft and heated second? Honestly, he didn’t care. He was glad and most likely forgiven for having kissed Himchan earlier. The second kiss gave him a chance to know Himchan, to taste him and feel him. It was perfect.

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oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY GORGEOUS HUBBY YONGGUK! :D