He wiped again and again at his cheeks but they wouldn’t dry. Daehyun was becoming frustrated with himself and his heart that beat too fast for comfort. His body was rigid where he lay on his bed and even though the soft sunlight filtered through the gap in his curtains, he had lost all sense of time. Was the sunlight from the morning or afternoon? He didn’t know nor care.

Daehyun sighed and closed his eyes, letting the pooling liquid spill from them and flow slowly and silently down his temples. He tried his best – he really did – to breathe right. He made the conscious effort to inhale and exhale, inhale and exhale. It had become his lullaby but sleep would not take him.

He swallowed hard with a dry mouth and turned over onto his side. His arm stretched out instinctively, searching for a warmth that no longer existed to him. The space that he wanted so badly to be filled was empty and his searching hand went unrewarded. The bed sheets were just cold beneath his palm.

He wondered where that warmth had gone, if it filled another bed or slept alone. The first thought sliced at Daehyun’s heart but the second had it exploding in fear.

Hot tears danced with gravity as they s their way across his cheek and soaked themselves into his pillow but Daehyun could feel how they were accompanied by something else. He didn’t hold himself back; he let the tearing sobs break free of his lungs. They burned his throat but he didn’t care, any distraction was better than letting his heart speak too loud.

The noise of his own pitiful state threw itself at him as it bounced between the walls. He wanted to puke. Daehyun could hear, feel and see how disgraceful he was. It was too much to bear.

He just wondered why he was like that. Why had he been left to rot in the abyss of his mind? Why had all the beautiful memories they had made turned into horrific ghosts that haunted even the deepest corners of his subconscious? Why had it ended at all? Why did it even have to have started? If Daehyun had been given the chance to turn back time, he would have stopped it all.

The sobs subsided a little and he felt the manifesting anger begin to grow. It wasn’t Daehyun’s fault that he had fallen in love, it wasn’t his fault that his lover had cared so much for him, it wasn’t his fault that he had been thrown away like he was. It was his fault.

Daehyun really was going to throw up if he ever thought that name again. He could sense it creeping around the back of his mind, whispering to him silently, beckoning to be spoken just so it could tear at him again and again like it had already done for the past six months.

The name played on his lips but he forced himself not to speak, not matter how sweet it sounded to his ears he would always regret it. The temptation was daring though, the name was a melody and Daehyun’s voice was simply the song the in which it was contained. He had enjoyed it when Daehyun spoke his name, enough to say that no one else should ever speak it but him.

He focused on his breathing again, screaming away the desire to let the name slip from him. Inhale and exhale, inhale and exhale, he purposefully filled his mind with the chant that was beginning to lose its power.

Daehyun groaned loudly as he clutched his head and rolled slightly on the bed. He had lost so much of his self-control to the sorrow that was slowly consuming him. He was desperate to get out of his own head, to be anyone but himself. Everything was painful and he couldn’t fix it.

He keened at the sensation of his memories eating up his sanity. “Ah! Youngjae-yah! Why!?” Daehyun really wished he could have died. That name was like a sharp knife creating small but deep cuts all over his body before a faceless man poured vinegar over him.

Daehyun’s breathing became ragged and the tears flowed freely. He couldn’t stop them; it required more energy than he had. Youngjae. To even think it was pain. Youngjae was the man that had given Daehyun so much for so long but taken it all away with just a few words. Youngjae was the man that shown Daehyun what real love was but destroyed every hope he had of ever having it. Youngjae was the man that made him feel whole before breaking him into tiny pieces with one look that had been so different to the others.

It was Youngjae’s fault that Daehyun had become like he was. The grief he usually felt over the loss of his lover was strangely replaced by a burning anger. He guessed that it had been there all along but he had never fed it before like he was. Youngjae was the one who ruined everything. Daehyun had been good, faithful, caring. Youngjae ed it up.

“Youngjae.” Daehyun spoke the name with all malice and spite he could muster. It was no longer accompanied by searing pain, just an intense fury that was rearing inside him like a dragon.

But Daehyun didn’t know what to do with himself. He had fired himself up with all these thoughts of anger and betrayal but he had nowhere to put it. He didn’t know where Youngjae was anymore, he had no clue how to find him. His throat was dry from his reckless sobbing so he marched over to a cabinet beside his large wooden desk, retrieving from a glass and a bottle of 1975 Hellyers Way whiskey.

He poured himself a large glass. He took it in one shot and savoured the burn that devoured his throat and at his brain. It gave him a rush to feel the heat of the liquid against the heat of his emotions.

He sat back on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. Everything was mixing inside of him and he just wanted to be rid of it all. If Youngjae had been there for him to scream at, it could all be relieved so easily. Instead he flopped backwards so that he lay flat on mattress but his feet stuck to the floor and his arms splayed beside his head.

He closed his eyes to see the engraved image on his lids. It had faded, he was losing the face that he had seen each time and he was almost glad but there was something inside him that regretted it. The final pieces of Youngjae were leaving him and it was stinging his chest. He forced that away though as he allowed the whiskey to work through his system, making him drowsy enough to fall asleep despite his noisy head. It was always loud inside his mind.

He blinked sleepily, taking a few last glances of his room before fading into the back of his mind and allowing his subconscious to take over for the night.

“Daehyunnie.” The other man whispered contently, his breath brushing against Daehyun’s collarbone. “Hold me tight.” He nuzzled at the elder’s neck and mewled when Daehyun wrapped his arms around him. He was cute when he was like that and Daehyun pressed his lips to the younger’s head, breathing in deeply as he smiled.

“I will Youngjae-ah.” To prove his point, he squeezed gently and it made Youngjae chuckle. The sound gave Daehyun goose bumps and his lips itched to be attached to the other’s.

“It’s too bad I have to go though, Daehyunnie. I don’t want to.” Youngjae looked up at the elder with sorrowful eyes and it pained Daehyun to look at him. Instead he tried to distract the younger by placing his lips softly of Youngjae’s, waiting for him to respond before he added pressure. When he pulled away he was a little dizzy but entirely happy. He could stay like that with Youngjae forever.

“Daehyunnie! I have to go. Really!” Youngjae pulled out of their embrace, standing from the couch they had been sitting on. Daehyun stood too, looking deep into Youngjae’s eyes to find an answer to his confusion.

“Why? Why must you leave?” Youngjae looked away. He was reluctant to answer and it frustrated the elder. “Youngjae, why?”

“Be..because I just do.” He looked into Daehyun’s eyes defiantly and turned to leave but Daehyun caught his wrist.

“Don’t. Please.” Youngjae yanked out of his hold and began to back away slowly until he was eventually jogging. That was when Daehyun realised the only thing he could see was a small portion of the floor he stood on, an oriental rug. It faded to black and aside from Youngjae, that was all he could see.

“Please!” Daehyun called out but Youngjae was far away now, his glow getting dimmer as the pain rose in Daehyun’s chest, sparking in his eyes when they dampened. “Please don’t go!”

This is short because it was difficult to write, I was trying hard for it to not be too much like Rain Sound.

I hope you guys enjoy ^^ and make sure you comment and vote! :)