Himchan sat quietly with his back against the seat and his hands in his lap. His neck craned sideways to gaze out the window at the fleeting streets. Jongup was trying hard to stay away like he was told but a bus is only so big. He sat opposite Himchan in the seats that faced the aisle of the long vehicle, leaning forward and away from the tacky blue fabric covering the industrial plastic chairs. He watched as Himchan closed his eyes briefly, trying to banish the troublesome noises of the other commuters that paid no heed to with the broken look. The bus rumbled beneath them and Jongup shifted the weight in his feet to stay steady when it turned at a set of traffic lights.

“Channie?” He spoke softly over the din, just missing the noisy onslaught of a crying baby. The elder of the two turned his stretched, and Jongup guessed sore, neck with an intense glared aimed at the younger. He obviously wasn’t ready to talk yet and Jongup knew he would have to wait. He usually waited for Himchan’s mood swings to be set straight, he was good at it. It disappointed Jongup, though he would never dare to voice that, because it was all caused by Himchan’s silly obsession with dieting. His hormones went crazy and erratic with the strict regime Himchan set for himself that lasted several months at a time. The older man hadn’t grown up like a stick but Jongup thought of him as the most handsome man he’d ever seen. Himchan was slim, although lanky, with dark hair falling haphazardly across his forehead. For Jongup it was when Himchan smiled that was the best, his pearly whites showing more genuine happiness in a moment than some people experienced in their lives.

Himchan turned back to the window, glaring at the dotted trees outside instead of his boyfriend and let out a long breath that Jongup hadn’t realised he’d kept in. He mirrored the elder’s sigh as the frustration of his situation finally nagged enough for him to pay attention. Himchan didn’t let things go easily; they all built up in his system until he let them out in a furious rage, like the one Jongup was in. Even then whatever made Himchan burst stayed with him until something else was added and he exploded again. It was tiring and Jongup felt immensely drained after each occasion, although he was getting better at telling when Himchan was on the brink. He didn’t want to call them fights, because they never left a lasting impression on Jongup’s feelings for Himchan but the tension was always a clear struggle to get passed just after they occured.

When the buildings got a little shorter and Jongup began to recognise them better he looked back to Himchan but the elder man was still facing away, still furious at something Jongup wouldn’t have considered more than an understandable blunder. Jongup and Himchan had been in the shopping district, looking for a new suit for Himchan to wear to a work dinner. The first few they found were nice but uncomfortable to wear.

After looking through nearly ten different stores and even asking several of the staff for help, Himchan finally found one he liked. That was where Jongup made his mistake. He personally thought it looked wrong, it flushed Himchan out and he looked sickly. It also made him look too thin and the way the dark blue fabric contrasted with his black hair made all of it more prominent. Jongup’s error was to voice that opinion after Himchan had expressed quite clearly how much he liked it.

Himchan had left the store shouting at him, almost forgetting to return the clothing before leaving. Jongup had chased after him, falling into step to follow Himchan quietly with a short distance between them until they had gotten on the bus.

Jongup pressed the button and the ding sounded through the air as the ‘bus stopping’ sign lit up. It was time for them to go home. Himchan hurried off the bus in a blur and Jongup stepped off to see him walking away, his clothes vibrant against the grey concrete that formed the buildings and roads with only a few trees sprinkled along the sidewalk. He could tell by the way the elder was walking that he was going to talk soon, certainly before they got back to the apartment.

“Himchan?” Jongup walked just fast enough to reach out and tap Himchan’s shoulder before he got any further away. The other twisted quickly with a fierce look.

“What Jongup!? Are you going to tell me how ugly I am again!?” Jongup felt like he might burst into flames with the fire in Himchan’s words. Jongup was just waiting to be punched in the face. Luckily the younger was strong enough for that to pass but he still wondered how Himchan could really feel that Jongup would think he was unattractive. They’d been together for two years, six months of that in the same house together and Jongup left no room for Himchan to doubt the younger’s feelings.

“N-no. I-I just…”

“Just what?!” People nearby were starting to stare, some giving them dirty looks. Himchan didn’t pay any attention to them, the focus of his rage on the blonde man in front of him.

“Please, let’s go home. You don’t need to shout at me here.” Jongup was speaking low and calmly hoping it might rub off on Himchan even though he knew it was mostly hopeless from the beginning.

“I will shout wherever I damn well like!” The words stuck them both to the ground. Jongup knew he wasn’t going to be allowed to move until this was over with if Himchan got to decide. Jongup’s body was starting to break up and his muscles tensed under the stress of Himchan’s gaze. He might not usually have been affected by these tiffs but Jongup felt like there was more to this one. “I guess I’d rather not have spent that money on something that makes me repulsive to you! You saved me from myself then right?”

“Himchan, you know I didn’t mean it.” He pleaded the elder man, begging him with his eyes to stop being so upset at a few silly words that Jongup had wanted to take back every second after he said them. The whole ride home had been agonising not being able to speak to Himchan or even apologise.

“Of course you did! Otherwise you wouldn’t have told me! I looked disgusting in that suit. I probably look disgusting in this outfit.” He pulled on the white and blue striped shirt he wore, tapping one hand to his red skinny jeans. To Jongup, Himchan was more attractive than any man could ever be but was afraid to say that in the moment.

“Why do you even stay with me Jongup!? When I’m so gross and pale and skinny!?” Himchan’s features were taught and screwed up like he was trying not to vomit. Jongup really didn’t like it when his boyfriend made that face but it was all too common. His eyes were glistening and Jongup felt so much regret flowing into him. He knew that no one could be happy 100% of the time but seeing Himchan so upset by his words was making his heart constrict and he choked on his own breath.

“It’s like you don’t even love me the way you treat me!” Jongup choked again, shock running through his system and blanking his vision. That was an outright lie and both of them knew it. Jongup could let a few things slip every so often but Himchan was no angel either. They both had their flaws but even then that’s what made them so perfect together. Jongup just stared into Himchan’s eyes seeing dismay and guilt flicker through them at 100 miles an hour. Himchan started walking away again, his back to Jongup as he tried to get away from whatever abuse he might receive for a lie like that.

“You know I love you, you know that!” Jongup could hear the words becoming desperate and angry on his tongue as he shouted at the back of Himchan’s head; he just didn’t understand why Himchan was talking like that. Jongup would say those magic words every day whether Himchan wanted to hear them or not. He wanted Himchan to know that the entirety of his being belonged to the elder. For the thought to even cross Himchan’s mind offended Jongup, making him wonder where he went so wrong for Himchan to even conjure up the idea of it being true.

Himchan spun on his heel to glare at Jongup before he spoke with a scowl. “Well sometimes I just don’t think you do.” Himchan spat the words at his boyfriend before he began to walk away yet again and they cut harshly into Jongup’s heart.

“Himchan?” He whispered more to himself. The elder turned back to him once more, his face falling when he saw the terror in Jongup’s eyes. Jongup had been through it again and again with his boyfriend but nothing quite like that had been said and he could feel the cracks forming all through his body. Himchan went to speak but Jongup got there first. “Stop it. Just stop this Himchan. You don’t mean that, you don’t mean any of this.” His voice got louder with each phrase until he was close to shouting. “Stop it okay. I love you and if you dare say otherwise then you’ll have to get used to being alone.”

Himchan’s jaw clenched and Jongup’s chest tightened. He was just sick of all the arguing, especially when Himchan was just going to apologise before doing it again later. It was a vicious cycle that Jongup would kill to get out of. He took a deep breath and moved closer to Himchan until there was almost no space between them.

The crease between Himchan’s brows deepened and Jongup sensed his emotions, knowing Himchan was biting back frustrated tears. Jongup lifted his hands, placing his palms against Himchan’s cheeks. “Jongup…I don’t-!”

Jongup mashed his lips against Himchan’s, forcing himself onto the elder to shut him up. His stomach tingled and his mind flew away, leaving him mostly blank as he attempted to calm down his boyfriend in a somewhat inconvenient way. Jongup felt Himchan resist at first, his lips becoming a tight line as he fought against Jongup’s touch. Jongup almost didn’t notice though, the subtle movement of Himchan’s mouth as it pushed out to meet his own. From there it was a real kiss and Jongup considered his job done as Himchan bit him playfully. Jongup let Himchan explore his mouth with his tongue, the elder tasting sweet like usual, until he slipped his own in between Himchan’s soft lips.

They only broke for a breath, Himchan pecking Jongup slowly one more time before hanging his head, leaning onto Jongup’s shoulder. It looked awkward, with Himchan being a bit taller, but Jongup was happy, putting his arm around the elder and holding him tight. Jongup could see that Himchan was ashamed of himself for acting the way he did and Jongup just laughed. It was a sight he was used to and knew he would see again.

“What?” Himchan’s face turned grumpy again when he stood straight, which only made Jongup laugh more.

“Nothing, Channie. I just can’t wait to do this all again tomorrow.” Jongup smiled bright, his throat tickling when Himchan did the same. He braided his fingers with Himchan’s and pulled him in the direction of their apartment. Jongup really hoped that it wouldn’t happen again the next day but he quite enjoyed the kiss and was not opposed to doing it again. Maybe next time he would make Himchan mad on purpose rather than letting it spill out of its own accord.

Kind of short :/ but oh wells. I couldn't think of much more to put in.

Anyway enjoy!

And don't forget to comment, let me know what you think! <3