We met on the following week at 5.30pm as promised; I was right outside your dormitory, about to knock on the door when you opened it.

“Oh, you’re here,”you greeted with a smile.

“Yeah, I was just about to knock,”I smiled back.

“Let’s go,”you said as you walked out.

As usual, we were dressed comfortably. We were so comfortable with each other that we found no need to dress up for dates anymore. We walked out of the dormitory and you were about to walk towards the cafeteria but I pulled you back.

“We’re going out to eat today,”I said.

“What’s the special occasion?”you asked.

“We just need to break out of this stupid routine,”I told you.

We got into the car and I drove off to a nearby western restaurant. All the way there, you were using your phone, sending text messages.

“Who are you sending messages to?”I asked.

“Donghae,”you laughed as you read his reply.

Immediately, I kept my mouth tightly shut. You and I have never ever send text messages like how Donghae and you were doing at that moment. I was dead jealous but I refused to let you know. When we reached the restaurant, we settled down and looked at the menu.

“You would love the steak here,”you looked up at me.

“You’ve been here before?”I asked.

“Yeah, just last week. Donghae and I came here to eat. We both ordered the steak. It was really good,”you replied.

My grip on the menu tightened at the mention of Donghae’s name. I know it was silly of me to get jealous over my own best friend but I just could not help it. Ryeowook was right. How can my girlfriend be spending more time with our best friend? Moreover, you go out of the campus to meet him.

“We’ll order the steak then,”I tried to smile.

The waiter came and we ordered the steaks. After he left, you turned back to your phone and continued texting.

“Haemin ah, we’re having dinner now. Can you put your phone away?”I sighed.

You looked up at me and hurriedly send a text before putting it away. There was silence as we had nothing to talk to about. Everything that we talk about would relate to school and it seemed that we were tired of it. There was nothing new to talk about anyway with only the usual ones like the student union, dance, exams, assignments and band practices.

“Oh, Eunhyukkie, have you watched the latest comedy at the cinema?”you asked.

“No, I haven’t been out of campus except for last week. Why? You want to watch it?”I asked.

“No, I thought you watched it so we could talk about it. It was really funny,”you shook your head while smiling.

“When did you watch it?”I asked.

“Two days ago, I went out with Donghae, remember? We went to catch it…,”you continued rambling on about the movie which I have no clue about.

After talking about it for a few moments, you looked at me for awhile before you squint your eyes.

“What’s with you?”I asked.

“I think I just spoilt the movie for you, sorry,”you apologized.

“It’s okay! I don’t think I’ll have time to watch it anyway,”I smiled.

“True. As it is, you don’t even have time for me,”you remarked casually as the food came.

I froze at the comment you had made. I hadn’t thought you would be so harsh on me for being so busy. I had wanted this date to be just like what it was before all this madness started. But it seemed a little impossible as I sensed a little anger coming from you. Thinking about it, it made my blood boil as well. I wasn’t entirely at fault but you seemed to be laying all the blame on me.

“Aren’t you really busy yourself?”I asked as I dig in.

“Not as busy as you since you’re always cancelling out on me,”you replied.

I looked up from my food but you were avoiding my gaze by looking at your food as you ate. I left the conversation as it is and wanted to change topic before it came to a full blown fight at the restaurant. But it was getting harder and harder as every single thing we talked about would lead you to talk about Donghae. It was Donghae this, Donghae that. It was really getting on my nerves. Halfway through dinner, I got irritated and just kept my mouth shut. If I had continued, I bet you would have brought up another gathering you had with Donghae. After dinner, we drove off to a park to talk just like how we always did before. I was about to talk when I saw that you were using your phone again.

“Can we have a proper date without your phone interrupting us?”I asked, annoyed.

“Sorry, it’s just Donghae…,”you were about to explain.

“Donghae again?! Do you really need to talk to him so often when you all meet so frequently? Would you just tell him that we are on a date? He would leave you alone if you were to tell him! We need to spend some quality time together,”I raised my voice.

“What is wrong with you?! Why are you raising your voice at me?”you glared at me.

“Are you unhappy that I’ve been neglecting you? Is that why you keep ignoring me by talking to Donghae?”I asked you directly.

You didn’t answer as I was right. You were indeed unhappy with me.

“I don’t deserve such a treatment, Kim Haemin,”I muttered under my breath.

“Well, you can’t blame me for being unhappy. You’ve been neglecting me for so long. I’m tired from holding onto this relationship. Don’t I deserve more than this? What did you always tell me? You said you would cherish me. THIS ISN’T CHERISHING ME, LEE HYUKJAE!”you shouted the last sentence.

“I’m sorry for neglecting you for so long. That was why I initiated this date. I wanted it to be just like before and I am ready to make it up to you. But you showed no interest in the date at all. Last week, during our outing with Donghae, you kept talking to him, making me feel so left out! Moreover, why are you making it seem as if it’s my fault alone? You were busy too. You cancelled dates, as well. It wasn’t my doing alone,”I raised my voice again.

You were silent as you listened. I was getting more agitated as I spoke. Unknowingly, a tear dropped from my eyelids.

“Last week, when we were talking on the phone, you seemed so disinterested in the conversation. Like you would rather be doing something else. Even if you are angry with me, you shouldn’t be hurting me like that. You could have talked to me about it! I could have changed before I dragged this situation for so long then you wouldn’t be so tired! Do you know Ryeowook told me that we might break up if we continue like this? I was so afraid last week that I initiated all this. But you were still so stubborn, so unwilling to forgive even after I initiated this date to make it up to you. I know this isn’t enough but this is just the beginning. Why are you making it difficult for me? What if I lost the morale to continue on? Our relationship will be doomed, you know that!”I rambled as I started to cry.

I watched you as my tears continue flowing. You looked shocked as I continued tearing. I never thought that I could ever get so exasperated while arguing with you. I never thought I would shout at you till my tears fall. I knew you were thinking of the same thing. I guess Donghae was right somehow. I shouldn’t have given in during our minor fights. I was too nice to you that you were taking it for granted. But I can’t be the only one giving in all the time. It was time you gave in.

“I’m sorry, Hyukjae. I should have been more sensitive,”you walked a step closer to me but never came close to me.

It was the first time I have ever cried so much that you were afraid to approach me, for fear of hurting me even more.

“I’m sorry for blaming it all on you. You are right. I was responsible for all this as well,”you came over me to hold onto my arm.

I looked away as my tears continue to drop. I hurriedly wipe them away but it was of no use. My tear glands were really active that night and I wouldn’t stop crying. My heart was aching as I felt bad for shouting at you.  In the quiet night, you started singing all of a sudden. At first, I was bewildered at your action but as I listened on, I realised that you were trying to say something through the lyrics of the song.

Forgive me if I possibly hurt your feelings today.
My immature self just said immature things.
If you possibly can't understand my feelings, it's fine.
No need for excuses, It's all my fault.

Even if you don't say everyone knows, both your eyes are immersed with tears.
Sorry, so sorry. This is my heart.
You know the day I've opened up my heart I'll do better.
Sorry. (Sorry) I'm sorry. (Sorry) I can't say anything other than this. Yeah~

You can still hate me for your sorrowful feelings.
There's no need for any expressions. To me you'll be here forever.

Even if you don't say everyone knows, both your eyes are immersed with tears.
Sorry, so sorry. This is my heart.
You know the day I've opened up my heart I'll do better.
Sorry. (Sorry) I'm sorry. (Sorry) I can't say anything other than this. Yeah~

I can't do anything other than this. I can't imagine a world without you.
Although I'm lacking and deficient, I love you. Oh, oh~

Even if you don't say everyone knows, both your eyes are immersed with tears.
Sorry, so sorry. This is my heart.
You know the day I've opened up my heart I'll do better.
Sorry. (Sorry) I'm sorry. (Sorry) I can't say anything other than this, yeah.

Sorry, sorry. So hard to say I'm sorry.
Sorry, I'm sorry. I can't say anything other than this, yeah.

“I can’t really express myself in words so I hope you understand after that song,”you said as you came in front to hug me tightly.

As I hugged you back, I burst. The fear in me that I might have lost you was finally released, knowing that you were still with me.

“Forgive me?”you let go of me and looked into my eyes.

“Silly, of course, I would,”I smiled as the tears rolled down my cheeks.

“Don’t cry anymore. It breaks my heart to see you like this, knowing it was my fault that you’re in this state now,”you wiped my tears for me.

“Sorry but I was just too overwhelmed by emotions,”I took your hand away from my face and held onto it tightly.

“You scared me back there. It’s my first time seeing you cry like this,”you leaned your head on my chest.

“It’s my first time crying like this too,”I said softly.

End of Chapter

DarkAngel

SONG LYRICS TAKEN FROM SORRY, DEAR DADDY BY F(X)

AND DOES NOT BELONG TO ME!