It's Not Just You - TOP Oneshot
GD⊤ One Shots“T.O.P spotted with mystery girl once again”
“ONE NIGHT T.O.P?”
“______ : TOP’s new girl"
“Is she worthy of TOP?"
“Another trophy for TOP?"
“T.O.P : Finally going to settle down?”
“You know we’re going to be alright… right?” She asked. He nodded, before going into his study.
.
.
.
“I love you.” She leaned up to give him a kiss, but he turned his head and her lips touch his cheek instead.
.
.
.
“I’m going out, you don’t have to come over today.” She gave a quiet acknowledgement and ended the call. The first tears of many escaped.
.
.
.
He came home to see her sleeping on the couch, curled up around a book. She clutched her handphone tightly in one hand, her tear stained face told her all he needed to know. On the kitchen table is a note saying that she left some food in the microwave and all he needs to do is warm it up. He gently carried her princess-style, placing her on the bed and tucking her in. He pushed her hair back, tracing her face and heard her hum. He gave a small smile, kissed her forehead and exited the room. He heated up the food, savoured her brilliant cooking before washing up. He checked on her one last time, grabbed extra change of clothes and left the house.
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He watched as she enter the store, going around grabbing the things that she would need throughout the week. He sat across the store in his hoodie and face mask, keeping the cold out and his body as warm as possible in the winter cold.
She looks thinner, but happier.
He watched as she paid and stepped out of the store. She turned up her collar and put on her gloves, grabbed her bags and turned the corner. He stood up and followed behind, just wanting to make sure she got home alright.
He walked behind her, keeping a watchful eye of her surroundings. But it was only when she turned another corner that he realised that she wasn’t going home. She was going down the other way of the street… towards his house.
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“I can’t do this anymore.” her words stopped him short. His heart clenched in his chest and he wants nothing more but to pull her in his arms.
Darling, I know your heart's seen better times
I know our songs had better rhymes before today
“I know it has been hard babe… but it’s going to be over soon.” He heard himself say. He knows he’s pleading, but it doesn’t sound that way.
“I can’t do this SeungHyun. I can’t go out everyday and face the crowd that thinks I’m just a one-night stand for you. I can’t stand back and let them pick at you because of what they think you are. I can’t continue without you being there to catch me."
Darling, I guess I made the wrong mistakes
“I love you. I love you so much it hurts SeungHyun. But I can’t. I can’t... "
“Are you leaving me?” He took a step towards her.
I understand if you need your space
Please take your time
“I don’t want to. But if I have to…” She was crying and he took her hand in his, and gave her what he thought was an encouraging smile.
Before you go away, you need to realize that it’s not just you.
He bends to kiss her, a sweet one. None of that full of passion , but just enough for her to know what he was trying to say.
Baby, it's not just you
You know it hurts me too
Her hand was on his cheek and he leaned into it, eyes closed. She gave him one last kiss before turning and walking out the door, wiping her tears on her sleeve, making them wet.
Don’t you notice that mine aren't exactly dry?
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He watched as she turned into his apartment building, stopping to say hi to the security. The security greeted her and answered something she asked with a shake of his head, gesturing up to his unit. She smiled and made her way in, taking the lift up.
SeungHyun followed, walking past the guard, giving him a small smile which the guard returned with his own knowing smile.
He made his way up to his apartment, stopping outside his door. He debated wether he should be going in, especially when he knew that she only came up because he wasn’t there. He heard her footsteps, dragging a little in the quiet winter night. Making a decision, he took his key and unlocked the door.
Hearing the door unlocked, she dropped the crackers that she was going to put in his cupboard. She turned, looking for a place to hide, knowing that he would step into the kitchen any moment.
“Don’t. Please.” She heard him ask before even seeing him. She stops half-movement, clenching at the kitchen table tightly.
“______…” Her name comes from his mouth like a man desperate for water.
She’s not sure what to do, vision casted on the table. He walks around the table, coming up behind her. He wrapped his arms around her waist. He had no idea what he was doing. But not seeing her, touching her, talking to her for 3 weeks, all he wanted to was to feel her, have her close to him. He breathed in her shampoo, the sweet vanilla smell that was gone from her pillow that he hugged to sleep the last few weeks. He nuzzled his face into her hair, feeling her tensed and take a sharp intake of breath.
“I missed you…” He mumbled into her hair, just taking in all of her.
“SeungHyun…” She moved to get out of his arms.
"I'm sorry. I wasn't there to catch your fall. That I didn't hear you when you've called all of those nights.” He pulled her tighter to him. “I’m sorry for never being there when you need me most. I’m sorry for not being the boyfriend you deserve. I’m sorry for never having enough time for you.”
He heard her sigh shakily as he admitted all of this to her.
Please. Please don’t go.
"Please don't forget the good days with me. I can take back the heart ache and grief. Just give me a chance.” He turned her around to face him. Tears are pooling in her eyes and she quickly adverts her eyes to stare at his chest. Her hand placed near his heart, trying to put distance between them as his arms try to tighten around her waist, her hair covering her face.
“I know I’ve made some stupid mistakes, pushing you away from me. But I honestly didn’t know what else to do. I’m not good in this area and you know that I never had good relationships in the past. And I’m far from what you deserve and if you still want to leave I understand.” He berated himself for not being honest with her, laying all the cards on the table now, knowing that this might be the last chance he ever gets to do so.
He lightens his grip, showing her that he’s not forcing her and she can make the decision.
“But Before you go away, I really need you to know.” He breathes in heavily, mustering the courage he need to lay his heart out there.” I'm not giving up. You don't have to leave. I am willing to beg till I break my knees if that’s what it takes for you to come back to my side. The last three weeks were hell without you and I don’t ever want to feel that way again. I want, no i need, to see you in the morning when I wake, to see you before I sleep. I can’t breathe right without you. You’re like oxygen that keeps my heart alive."
“But we had it all, how am I sure that we wouldn’t fall again? I thought we would never die. that we’ll be all the way to end.” Her voice is shaky, tears falling as she looks up at him, hurt evident in her eyes. But he sees hope. He sees love. And that’s all he needs.
"I believe in us. Don't give up on me, please. I know that you’re hurting. And I’m sorry for the pain that I’ve caused you.” He pulled her into a hug. “I promise that I’ll change. Forgive me, please forgive me."
Baby, it's not just you that’s hurting.
It's me too.
Please hear my heart crying out for you.
He repeated it like a mantra, asking her to forgive him. Her arms stayed limp at her sides and his heart seemed to stop beating at the notion that she would hate him and leave him forever.
At what he thought was the thousand time and an eternity later, he felt her shift and her hand came to encompass him around his waist. At that assurance, the words that he knew she needed to hear quickly tumbled out of his mouth, in hopes that she had not given up.
“I love you. I love you so so much. Please don’t leave me again.”
He heard her sigh and she pulled back from his embrace, reaching her petite hands to his cheek. A small smile is on her face and her thumbs wipe away tears that he never knew he shed.
“You silly boy. I love you too. I don’t think I’ll ever stop.” She blushed and he hugged her close.
He marvelled at the way she could so easily just show the love she held for him, even after all that he had put her through.
“Face the world. Not alone but with me. Okay SeungHyun?” She says, her breath tickling his ear.
“Okay. Anything for you.” He mumbled into her shoulder. Nothing else matters. As long as she was with him.
She was broken, he was broken. But together, they mend. It’s not just you, but us.
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Hi!
Hoped you liked this oneshot. It's short but I hoped you didn't mind. The song that inspired this was "Not Just You" by Cody Simpson. It's a not a very new song, but it shuffled out on my iTunes, and yup. there you have it. I think I did take some inspiration from Loser where TOP sorts of pushes people away? But I applied it in a very different context. There's so many stories of LOSER going around that I guess I decided not to do one. (( also partially because I'm worried I'll get it wrong and it actually isin't what the members are going/have gone through or are trying to portray. So yeah.))
Please do comment and give me some feedback (good or bad, I don't mind!) I'm running a little dry with not much support. so yeah...
I still love all my readers <3
Love,
Jessi :)
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