A/N at the end... where I try to salvage myself. Please Enjoy : 

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"No, Jiyong, I am not coming over."

"What ab..."

"...And neither will any of the boys." 

"But but" 

"It's just a week Ji, and you were the one who told her mum you would take care of the house and her dog." 

She was going to be away for a week, and Jiyong knew that he could not get out of this. He was the one who told her mum that he'll be okay with it. 

Jiyong looked down as something bumped against his leg. 

"What do you want?" He asked flatly. The puppy looked up at him and gave a small whimper.

For a moment, Jiyong stared back.

"What?" He asked again. Then he crouched down, the canine's head as Fire pawed at his shoe. "I've missed you, too." the Kpop star murmured quietly.

Fire, having received due greeting, bounded in his puppyish way to his little bed at the side of the living room, playing with a little small ball. 

Jiyong stood up and looked around.

He hadn't walked past the front door since she had left for Busan.

There were evident signs the home had been emptied of most personal items, leaving the objects she had found when she walked into the furnished apartment for the first time: the pictures on the wall had been taken, except for a mediocre still-life of some oranges hanging in the kitchen, the shelves had been gathering dust, all throw pillows were gone and there were no cookies in the jar.

The place didn't even smell like her, any more.

And everything was so...Neat.

She had never been particularly untidy, although she would always get flustered and run to pick up some stray cardigan from the sofa, or snatch a mug of unfinished tea from the coffee table, hurrying to the kitchen to wash it, fretting to tidy up whenever he would appear at the door. He would always show up unannounced, and she would always apologise for the mess...But he didn't care if it was messy. He never did.

Jiyong blinked and looked at the living room floor. It was littered with boxes, practically of them open and empty; his eyes fell on a partially closed one, and he walked closer to it. Inside he could see a photo album and some fabric. He picked up the blue knitted wrap.

Her mother's handiwork, definitely.

Why was it here and not in her's suitcase? She would always show off her mum's knitting and talk about it for hours, whether or not Jiyong was interested...Why wouldn't she want to take this with her?

He hesitated, then brought the wrap closer and breathed in deeply.

No.

It didn't have her perfume.

 

His head lowered, and for a moment the man stood silently in the empty room.

Very soon, however, his reverie was brusquely interrupted: Fire had barked before whimpering again.

"Yes Fire?" Jiyong grimaced, letting the wrap fall on the sofa.

"Woof!" The puppy replied emphatically.

"Don't go giving him any ideas."

 

Jiyong shot up, a tin of Nestlé Purina in his hand.

She stood at the door.

He had left it open, and was so used to her walking in... That was a problem. That would have to change.

She was flustered, ever so slightly short of breath, and there was mud on her shoes; her hair was completely dishevelled, there was no lipstick nor gloss on her lips, the once-subtle smoky eye make-up was smudged under her left eye, her nose and cheeks were red from exposure to the cold.

She looked beautiful.

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An Hour ago

She had been back to Seoul for her cousin's wedding… but her family home seemed too cramped, so she stayed at her old apartment. Yes she had brought Fire along with her. How could she have not?

The old apartment had seemed really… empty. She really did not like it. It reminded her of too many times spent in front of the TV with a cup of Ramen or a rice box together with a certain someone. Or just lazing around at their own corners of the place, the sofa being his spot and the window-like bed hers.. (( the apartment was hers. He just liked to crash it.)) If it wasn't for the contract not ending, she wouldn't even have to step into the apartment. 

But now, she sat at the airport, waiting for a plane to Tokyo, Japan. She was going to go look for JinHyun. He had been nothing but nice to her. 

"He's had years ruling your heart, but he doesn't know what to do with it. You've loved him so deeply, and I would be insane to ask you to stop forget him. I won't do that. Love Jiyong. Love him until your heart is about to burst if you like, all i ask is for a chance. I don't want to lose you, not without a fight."

And that's exactly why she was flying to Tokyo. To give JinHyun a chance and herself a chance. 

"Attention please." A woman's voice echoed through the airport. "Flight KA9876 scheduled for departure at 16 25 has been delayed indefinitely. Please go to the information desk for further updates." 

Moans and complaints rose as one voice in momentary choir in indignation in response. 

She sighed and walked over to a small cafe to grab a seat. As she waited for her latte and slice of New York Cheesecake, she took out her phone. 

3 missed calls from her mother. 

She was just going to call back when her mum called in again.

"Hi Mum, what happened?"

"I got called for an emergency business trip to the Singpore! And i won't be able to take care of Fire. But I called your work place and the person that answered said they had the house keys and would help with Fire!" 

"My work place? But it doesn't have a office line mum!" 

"I called that number that you called me with the last time remember? It's a handphone number and the person's a colleague right? I saved the number just incase i needed to look for you" 

Oh no… the last time meaning when I used his phone to call her.

"Mum, can you tell me what number you called?" 

She listened with hollow acceptance as her mother read out the number. 

"He was very polite and helpful! Anyway, I need to go finish packing, I'll see you when you get back from Tokyo okay?" 

"Bye Mum." She looked at her phone. Should she call him? 

"Excuse me, is this seat taken?" A women looked at her expectantly, a hand resting on the chair next to her. For a moment, she spaced out, not really listening. 

"Sorry! Please forgive me. Of course, yes. I mean, no! The seat isn't taken." The woman smiled, abiet slightly confused and amused, but took her seat. 

"Hey.. Are you okay?" The woman asked, seeing her unconsciously bite her lip till no hints of lipstick were left. 

"I.. I don't know what to do." She shrugged simply. "I'm confused."

The woman smiled encouragingly, urging her to elaborate.

"I don't know if I should go home or just leave and never look back."

The stranger nodded with the commiseration of one who had once been in a similar predicament.

"I like cycling." She started, leaning back against a seat. She shifted, twisting to turn and look at the woman as she continued. "I'm an accountant, but when the weekend comes I breakout from the office and ride off on my bicycle. It feels like playing hooky from school: I take my time to think, get away from it all and just...Go." She turned to look at the young, troubled girl. "But one reason I like my little escapes is that, at the end, I get to go home. Once you figure out where your home is, you'll know where you want to be and where you need to go."

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Jiyong stood in the kitchen, a tin of dog  food in his hand, staring at her.

He looked thinner than she remembered, almost gaunt...And paler.

Maybe he was over-working over some album and had forgotten to eat again.

He should eat something.

She had expected him to start talking at her, but instead he just stood perfectly still, looking at her quietly.

She hesitated.

This was a mistake.

She should be at the airport.

No, it was OK: there was still time. The plane was delayed.

She had time.

No big deal.

Breathe.

 

"You should be at the airport." He stated, his expression unreadable.

She forced herself to breathe steadily.

"My flight's been delayed." She answered matter-of-factly.

He nodded.

What am I doing?

There was silence.

This was a mistake.

"Thank you for taking care of Fire." She said, cringing at the awkwardness in her voice.

"I had the keys." Jiyong looked down and opened the tin.

Desperate to have something to do, she picked up Fire's bowl from the floor and emptied the dog food from Jiyong's hand in it. She then stepped past the kpop star, threw the tin in the rubbish bin and washed her hands, painfully aware of a pair of icy eyes fixed on her.

She turned the tap off and took a deep breath.

It was a small kitchen.

Too small.

Much, much too small.

 

"Would you like some tea?" She turned around to face him, forcing as much cheer as she could in her voice.

A few silent minutes later,they walked into the living room, mugs of tea in hand.

She rushed to the sofa, hastily picking up the blue wrap and placing it into a box, and simultaneously kicking a few boxes to the side. She could have sworn she had put them away earlier! "I'm sorry for the mess." She apologised.

Jiyong did not respond.

"Please, sit down." She offered. Her smile felt strained.

Jiyong sat on the sofa. After a moment of hesitation, she joined him.

"It...It really was very kind of you to offer to take care of Fire."

"I though i'll just help until your mother can take over."

"Well...Thanks, anyway."

Jiyong nodded quietly.

They drank their tea in silence.

This was a mistake.

I should go.

Just go.

She stood up and took the mugs to the kitchen. She put them down and held onto the sink with both hands, taking steadying breaths.

Courage, you can do this, Courage.

 

She finished washing up and returned to the living room. Jiyong stood up from the sofa when she walked in.

Face him head on.

Before you go.

Just...try.

"Why did you come, Jiyong?"

He stood so very still.

"I mean, I'm grateful, but...Why come in person, and not ask someone else straight away? You must have been very b-"

Jiyong interrupted her, rocking a little on his heels.

"Well, I was going to ask TaeHee hyung or YoungBae but then YoungBae pointed out that the amount of time I have spent here warrants a personal visit... so yeah."

Of course.

"Well, It was very kind of you nonetheless, thank you."

He nodded silently.

" Stupid you. What were you thinking?" She chided herself.

"I guess I ought to leave now. I wouldn't want to miss my flight." She said.

"Obviously not." Jiyong nodded. "Jihyun  is waiting for you."

"Yes. Yes, that's right, he is." She repeated firmly.

"Well, have a nice trip."

"Thank you...And Happy New Year."

Jiyong faced her and stepped closer. He then looked at her, lingering just a moment before smiling and leaning in. "Happy Ne..."

"No." She moved away as he was about to give her a peck on the cheek. "Don't. Just...Don't. Please."

It hurt too much.

She couldn't take it.

Not again.

 

Jiyong stepped back as if she had slapped him. " Right. Sorry." He put his hands in his pockets.

"Goodbye, Jiyong."

"Goodbye, _____ -ya"

This had been a mistake.

She turned her back to him and walked to the front door.

"_____."

"What is it?" She stopped, but didn't face him.

"Are you happy?"

She turned around.

"Pardon?"

"Are you happy? The last time I saw you, you didn't look happy, but...I just wanted to know if you're OK, if you're happy." His deep brown eyes looked intently at her. "So...Are you happy, _____ ?"

She forced a laugh. "What a silly question!"

He didn't move, his eyes intent on her, waiting for an answer.

She hesitated, it wasn't like him to be so quiet. What was wrong? Something was wrong.

She took a step forwards, her brow beginning to furrow in concern.

"Are you happy, Jiyong?"

"My happiness doesn't really matter."

"Oh, and mine does?" She asked, smiling wryly.

He frowned slightly. "Of course it does, it always did."

"Oh."

Oh.

Why did he say such things? He would always waltz in, with that fashion sense and brown eyes of his, say something that would get her all flustered and confused, then he'd suddenly return to being distant and cold and he'd just tear her heart out all over again.

She couldn't let this happen any more.

No, not this time.

She had a good thing going with JiHyun.

He would never hurt her.

He would never let her down.

He would love her.

Actually, really love her.

 

"Well, thank you, but you don't need to worry about me, Jiyong. I'm happy. Very happy. Blissfully so." She said, her chin tilting up, almost defiantly.

She didn't see it, but Jiyong's eyes narrowed ever so slightly.

"Why did you leave your mother's Christmas present here? Why didn't you take it with you?"

She blinked. "I don't like it."

His hands came out of his pockets, closing into tight fists at his sides.

"Look," she continued uncomfortably. "I've got to go, so...Have a Happy New Year, OK, Jiyong? Bye."

She walked to the front door and put her hand on the handle and turned it.

Suddenly, from her right an arm wrapped around her midriff and a hand went under her left arm to grip her left shoulder, pulling her back against his chest.

She felt his stubble against her cheek as he lowered his head, his eyes closed while he gripped her firmly but gently to him.

"Don't lie to me. Please."

"Ji-"

"In all the time I've known you, you've  never lied to me. You were the one person I could always, always trust, no matter what...In the past five minutes you have lied to me twice, and I can't take that."

His embrace tightened, ever so slightly, and she could feel the warmth of his chest against her back as he spoke.

"I can let you go, I can tolerate JiHyun, I can give you up forever if I have to...Dear God, I can even accept your hatred if it helps! But I cannot cope if you, my ____, starts lying to me."

There was a pause, a brief moment of complete, utter stillness, where even breathing seemed impossible.

Then her trembling hand rose to rest on the arm with which he held her midriff. "Jiyong, it's all right. I...I wont lie to you again. I promise. I'm sorry."

Upstairs, her neighbours were having a party. She could hear their footsteps as guests came in, laughing.

He slowly let go of her. As if awakening from a dream, Jiyong shook his head slightly and took two steps back before facing his back to her. He stood very straight, his hands in his pockets, his chin down.

"Jiyong..."

"No, ____, please forgive me: I'm the one that should apologise."

He ran his hand impatiently through his hair. "I never seem to learn, do I?" He sighed.

Jiyong glanced at her fleetingly, then lowered his head to look at the floor. "That day, that time...I asked you to stay. I shouldn't have. I was being selfish, I'm sorry. "

He took a deep breath and faced her. "You deserve happiness, ____, so you go and do whatever it takes to be happy. I'll try not to get in the way again."

She still had one hand on the handle, and the door was half open.

She could walk out, go to JiHyun, probably travel around the world, get married and have some children.

She would be content, maybe even happy.

She should leave.

It would be the sensible thing to do.

She should leave.

_____ blinked at the sudden sense of Déjà vu.

How many times had this happened to them?

Someone upstairs popped a bottle of champagne. The party guests cheered.

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results." The quote sprang to her mind.

A cold wind blew in from the open door, moving tendrils of hair against her cheek.

Jiyong smiled encouragingly, but his eyes...Those eyes...

What to do?

What should she do?

I'm scared.

Of course you are.

You're at the edge of the precipice, _____…

But this time, don't run away.

Don't be afraid.

This time...

JUMP!

 

"What do you want from me?" Her voice quivered. She saw him stiffen as he understood the question."You don't want me to lie; I need you to tell me the truth, just this once. So..." She took a deep breath. "What do you want from me, Kwon Jiyong?"

He didn't move. "I am a selfish man, ____…"

"What do you want?"

He paused.

"Everything."

His eyes met hers. They bore into her, fierce and steadfast.

"I want your time, your thoughts, your strange sense of humour and your attempts at coffee. I want your loyalty, your compassion, your faith in the people you love and your conscience. I want your courage, your trust and your kind, kind heart. I want all of you, ____. Everything you have to give me I'll take without hesitation, and I'll never be done, I'll never be satiated and I'll never have enough of you."

There was raw ferocity in his voice, an intensity that matched the fire in his gaze as the words erupted from him like a too-long dormant volcano.

"I want everything, everything you have to give me, ______."

His palms opened towards her, empty and hopeless. "But I have so little to offer in return."

Jiyong ran his hand through his hair, looking away.

"You know me, ____. I'm a bone for the media to play with. I have no privacy! That's not...I'm not...Enough. You deserve better."

"Jiyong, you can be such an idiot sometimes."

He looked up in surprise as ____'s voice cracked. Her eyes were welling up, yet she was smiling.

"Of all the men in the world, why do you think I chose you? Despite all my best efforts, I keep choosing you, over and over again, because I don't want 'better'. I want you."

Jiyong slowly took a step towards her."I'm a very selfish man trying to do a selfless thing, here, _____. You're not making it very easy."

"Then be selfish." She said boldly, moving closer to him.

"I'm a flawed man."

"I'm not perfect, either."

"You're fine as you are."

"So are you."

They were so close that she had to tilt her head up to look into his warm and unbarred eyes.

"I'm not...I'm not good for you. I'm messed up. I want to try, but I'll probably mess it up. I'm sorry, I don't know..."

"It's all right, Jiyong" She whispered, reaching for his hands.

"We'll figure it out together."

"_____..." The broken, hopeful prayer of a drowning man.

Their fingers intertwined.

Unimpressed by the scene, Fire rounded his bed and settled down, closing his eyes on those two foolish, flawed humans that he loved as they stood as one in a room filled with boxes ready to be filled with whatever they wanted to fill it with.

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I'm so sorry to whoever is still reading these chapters. I didn't know that my new school would take up so so so much of my time. It seems like I'm have projects and tests every single week. I can't say anything to redeem myself... but I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I shall do my best to post up oneshots and update my other stories as well. 

Love, 

Jessi