Amanda's POV

Kailey and Megan dropped me off at the cemetary Megan gave me and envelope that had my name on it in Junhyungs handwriting, something told me i had seen it before but i couldnt remember from where. I waved goodbye to them with my bravest face on to not make them worry. I watched the car fade away down the street then made my way through the grassy field and saw the stone which Junhyung rested under. I leaned against a tree and just stared at it for awhile i couldnt bring myslef to get any closer to it. My feet wouldnt move. No it was time to stop being selfish. I made my feet shakily move closer to the grave. In what seemed like years i was where i needed to be. I stood in silence for awhile trying to figure out what to say. It felt so stupid to me.  What did I need to explain to this stone.  I closed my eyes and thought of Junyung. The wind started to blow surrounding me and it was like he was there with me and it gave me courage.  

"Hi Junhyung....." already tears started to fill my eyes. "Im sorry it took me so long to come and see you. I was just being selfish and i see that now.....but i think you already know that huh?" I looked up at the sky trying to breath the tears away. "Megan gave me your letter. But before i read it i have some things to say. To be honest with you Junhyung I..... I'm mad at you. Why did you say those things to me.  I dont know if our time together meant anything to you but I can honestly say they meant everything to me. There isnt one moment i regret having with you... I really thought you felt that way too.  And after all of that to say that you were just using me. I.... I just dont understand. There isnt anything special about me, what could you have been using me for?" I couldnt hold them back anymore and the tears started streaming down my cheeks. I fell to my knees and put one hand on the stone. "If you had to pick a girl to use why did it have to be me. I'm just a normal girl. But......but despite all these things I..... I still love you....I always will. And maybe that just makes me the biggest fool in the world but.....I think I'm ok with that. So please, dont hate me for loving you, ok?" the silence that answered my question hurt me more than a real one. I cried harder. I told myself that i would let it all out today and i would. After some time passed i was able to compose myslef a bit and took out the envelope that Megan and given to me. I leaned my back up against the stone and ran my thumb across my name on the front. I then oppend the envelope with shaky hands.

Amanda, 

If you are reading this then, well thats pretty depressing to think about but, I'm dead, . Sorry i know the last thing you want to do is laugh right now but i just really wanted to make you laugh cause it was one of my favorite things about you. Amanda, i am so sorry. I know you are probably so pissed at me for all the things i said to you but you have to know the reason i did it. I wanted you to hate me. Because i thought it would be easier for you to move on.  So then you are probably wondering why i wrote this note. Well the thing is im just to selfish to just let you move on so easily so i wrote this to let you know that. I love you so much. Everyday i spent with you was like a miracle.  I couldnt believe that such an amazing person could love me, but you did and i will always be grateful to you for that. And dont worry i do now that you love me even though im sure the last words that we share today wont be too pleasent. i dont mean to depress you right now but. This . Knowing that my life is gonna be done soon. It really really . Not because i didnt get to do more stuff or anything like that but just becuase i feel like there was so much more for us to do together. I just dont want us to be over. Not like this. But since im leaving i figured ill leave you with my final thoughts. 1. I love you but you already know that. 2. If you remember all the good times we had together then ill never actually leave you. So please think of all of our amazing time togetehr so i can always be in your heart. Finally Amanda i will leave you with the two most improtant words i can tell you, just be happy. Because you deserve to be happy. More than anyone you deserve to be happy Amanda. Find someone who will make you smile everyday becasue thats when you are the prettiest. Its hard to think about you with someone else but i have to accept that i no longer have the right to be angry, because im doign the worst thing i could possibly do to you. Im leaving you. You dont know how hard that is for me to know that i wont be able to see you everyday. Its hell. But if i can leave knowing that you will be happy than i can be ok. So please please please Amanda. Just be happy. 

                                                                                                                                              Forever yours,

                                                                                                                                             - Junhyung