I feel bad for Minyoung ;'(

I HAVE A BROTHER!?!

The bell finally ring. That means its lunch time and storty time for the boys. You cleaned up and then you put your book in your locker and headed to the lunch room. You then grab your food that you want and then you headed to the kingkas table. You then waved at them and you sat down next to minho. Key was the first one to talk. Minyoung-ah, tell us. You nodded.

Remember you guys are the first one to know about my life. They nodded. It all started when i was little. I dont know how old i was. When i was home alone becausw i was a big girl. And then about 4 hours later my parents wasnt home yet. So you were worried something bad might happened to them. So, then someone was knocking on the door. It was a officer. they told me that my parents died in a car accdient. So i broke down. Crying for hours. I was home alone and nobody was taking care of me. And then the next day my grandparents came and help me forget about my parents. A tear sleding on your cheek. You ignored your tears and contiuned. And then few weeks ago i notice that my grandparents were not at home. It will be loud because of my grandparents but it was dead silence and the. Today while i was getting ready for school. Someone was ding donging. So i got to the door and opened it. It was a officer. The officer told me that my grandparents has pass away one month ago and they died because of a car accident, just like my parents. When the ofdicer finished talking i broke down like when my parents died. Thats why my eyes were red and puffy. Now the kinhkas table was dead silent. And then the bell rang. You then cleaned up your mess and walk to class.

 

While you were walking to class minho felt bad for you because no one is there to take care of you. And while in class when your teacher were in a middle of a lesson you remembered what the officer said. You then raised your hand if you could to the bathroom. And yhe teacher agreed. You then walk to the bathroom and you started crying all over again....

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I will like to thank you all of my 21 suscribers! THANK YOU (: im having alot of tears of joy latley all because of you! 

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
stephanie1138 #1
Chapter 1: Chapter 1: To be frank, I don't really like your writing.
First of all, the characters are boring. They are pratically the same person. They act the same. All of them are nice, good looking and insanely attractive. In short, flawless. It makes your story seems dead. Secondly, you narrate too much. Specifically, you wrote about everything which is very unnecessary. For example, the narration about Minyong's doing in the school. You narrate on her going to school, about her opening the locker, about her being boring in class. You can include them in the story but try to make them less obvious. Don't be too direct. Thirdly, you're making me confused by not sticking to any point of view. At first, you'd addressed Minyoung as 'you' and then as 'I'. It's hard to keep track on who's point of view is it. Because some of the stories out there is written from various characters' point of view.Also, you're using the word 'then' too much in your writing. I see that you try to connect the story using it but you keep repeating it over and over again. Lastly, I don't see the connection of the storyline. It doesn't flow nicely. The plot keep jumping all over the place. Try to be specific in writing the scenario. But don't write too much by writing unnecessary things. You're supposed to make the reader understand what's going on in your story. It able them to visualize the story easily.

Btw, I'm sorry for being harsh with my comment. I'm not trying to bash you with my comment. I just want to point out your flaws in writing so that you can improve them.
You also have your own strengths in writing. What's good about you is your idea. You have a great idea on wrtin it's just that your delivery is still poor. But, it's okay. I know you could improve your writing because I can see your potential as a good writer. I hope you're not going to get hurt by my comment. I'm sorry if my words is too harsh. Thank you and have a nice day.

And congratulations for being featured!
Iminthezone #2
Congrats
agentllama08
#3
Chapter 35: Update please
ShineeLeeJinki
#4
SEQUEL!!
naznew #5
i will read it..
EXOtic123 #6
umm....new reader here. you wrote infinate when its infinite on the foreward and you also used an old u-kiss photo but used the new members name........ but i'll start reading soon^^
unfixed-soul
#7
Sequel because it doesn't make sense to just end it like that.
naznew #8
Gomawo update...
a sequel because you make the story suspended..
LeeMinJi #9
Gomawo for the update :D Sequel please!