BIRTHDAY (: ~

I HAVE A BROTHER!?!

You couldnt belive it. You were having fun at Lotte World and then boom they left me. So i have to go in my car and drove to your dorm. You then park your car and went up the elevator. 

You then were facing the door. You then opened it and you notice that it was dark so you turn on the light and then........

SUPRISE~! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MINYOUNG~! 

You were suprised and shock you were supock. ( suprised and shock together.) You then Shouted back.: 

THANK YOU~! 

 

You then went to change into a dress that look like this: 

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or: 

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(you pick! you dont know which one both of it is all beautiful!) 

 

You then went downstairs and they were shock how beautiful you were in a dress. Werid. you were thinking that they should closed there mouth before flies goes in their own mouth. 

Um.. Hey you said to everybody. And then Onew said it was cake time. You sat in the middle of the table infornt of the cake you. And then they started singing.

 

Happy Birthday to you~                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

Happy Birthday to you~

Happy Birthday to Minyoung-shii~!    you laughed at the shii part.

Happy Birthday to youuuu~!

 

They shouted. You smiled.  You then made a wish and then you blew the candles. And then you took the candles out and then you got the knife and cut it for everybody to eat cake. 

Everybody was chatting and eating cake. You went over to your brother Onew and then you hugged him. Hi Oppa~! you said. Hi dongsaeng~! he said. 

Hey... Guess how old im turning.? you said. Umm.... 50? he said... i gave him a death glare and then he changed his mind. I mean 18? he said. No.... im turning 17. you said. Oh... you are so young~ No wonder you dont look old. he said. And then you hit him and left. You then went to your unnies. 

Hey Unnie~! you said. Happy Birthday Minyoung~! they all said. You thank them and gave them a hug. You then you told them who did the party for me? And they pointed to Shinee. You said thanks and then you ran to Shinee. 

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, ~~~! you said to them. And they ask why. And then i told them that they made the party and they were like ohhhh~! yeah. we did it~ !  

And then you saw beast and then you hugged them hi oppas~! you said. Hey Minyoung-shii~! And then you heard somebody said present time~~! 

You then rush to the table and then you sat down were you sat with the cake. You then saw a present infornt of you. You open it and you were suprised it was cute cat ears and then you saw a note. 

"Happy birthday Minyoung-ah. Hope you like your presnet !" - From Sulli

You then hugged her and then you went with the next present. 

It was a cute hello kitty watch. It said: 

" I notice that you like hello kitty"- Doojoon. 

You then went up to Doojoon and hugged him. 

You then notice that you got a big giant box in it. you were wondering whats in it. You then open it. You were suprised.  You got a a plush pororo,plush pandas, slippers and blush hello kitty. 

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images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSGAfYV7SEijcNd2HIKE5n

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You were so happy and then you notice a note. 

I love you Minyoung~! hope you love it ~! your brother Onew 

You then went up to onew and hugged him and started crying. You said to him: Thank you Onew~! You are the best brother i have ~! And then you kissed his cheek and then he turned around and then he gave you a kiss in a cheek back and he hugged you. 

 

 

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stephanie1138 #1
Chapter 1: Chapter 1: To be frank, I don't really like your writing.
First of all, the characters are boring. They are pratically the same person. They act the same. All of them are nice, good looking and insanely attractive. In short, flawless. It makes your story seems dead. Secondly, you narrate too much. Specifically, you wrote about everything which is very unnecessary. For example, the narration about Minyong's doing in the school. You narrate on her going to school, about her opening the locker, about her being boring in class. You can include them in the story but try to make them less obvious. Don't be too direct. Thirdly, you're making me confused by not sticking to any point of view. At first, you'd addressed Minyoung as 'you' and then as 'I'. It's hard to keep track on who's point of view is it. Because some of the stories out there is written from various characters' point of view.Also, you're using the word 'then' too much in your writing. I see that you try to connect the story using it but you keep repeating it over and over again. Lastly, I don't see the connection of the storyline. It doesn't flow nicely. The plot keep jumping all over the place. Try to be specific in writing the scenario. But don't write too much by writing unnecessary things. You're supposed to make the reader understand what's going on in your story. It able them to visualize the story easily.

Btw, I'm sorry for being harsh with my comment. I'm not trying to bash you with my comment. I just want to point out your flaws in writing so that you can improve them.
You also have your own strengths in writing. What's good about you is your idea. You have a great idea on wrtin it's just that your delivery is still poor. But, it's okay. I know you could improve your writing because I can see your potential as a good writer. I hope you're not going to get hurt by my comment. I'm sorry if my words is too harsh. Thank you and have a nice day.

And congratulations for being featured!
Iminthezone #2
Congrats
agentllama08
#3
Chapter 35: Update please
ShineeLeeJinki
#4
SEQUEL!!
naznew #5
i will read it..
EXOtic123 #6
umm....new reader here. you wrote infinate when its infinite on the foreward and you also used an old u-kiss photo but used the new members name........ but i'll start reading soon^^
unfixed-soul
#7
Sequel because it doesn't make sense to just end it like that.
naznew #8
Gomawo update...
a sequel because you make the story suspended..
LeeMinJi #9
Gomawo for the update :D Sequel please!