Lotte World (:

I HAVE A BROTHER!?!

You just woke up. You did the same rountine and then you curl your hair put uniform on and then you put make up on and put contacts on. 

You grab your sneakers and backpack and headed to school. 

You then arrvied at school you then went in your locker and grab your books. You then closed you locker and then you went to your class. 

The bell rang that means class is starting. The teacher walk in and you were the only one there. Hi, Teacher ~! You waved at the teacher. She waved back. Where is the class? she said. I dont know i was waiting till the bell rang. you said. Ohkay. she said. And then you both waited for the rest of the class to come. 

30 minutes has pass and no one has arrvied. Um.. Teacher can you just do the lesson just me? you said. Ohkay. And then she started the lesson. You took notes for yourself. And then she said that you need to do a summary about this page and then you nodded and then the bell rang. You put your stuff away and went to your Social Studies class. And then you were the only one again. And then the teacher waited for the students for 30 min. And then you ask if he could start the lesson and he obeyed. You take notes and then the bell rang that means Social Studies was over. You put your stuff away. While you were walking to your next class you were wondering why no student wasnt here. 

And then you arrvied at Math class and no one was there. And then the bell rang. And then the teacher walk in and then noticecd that i was the only one again. 

Umm... Teacher? Why, is there nobody here? you ask. I dont know. he said. Is there like a party or a event happening today or something? you ask. I dont know too. he ask. You know what today is confusing! Because the classes i  got class so far has no students exepct me. you said. Werid. he said. I know right. you said 

Well, lets get started. Do you need anything help on something on math? he said. Nope! you said. Okay then. he said. And then he started the lesson.

An hour later has pass and you pack up and put it in your locker. You then went in the principal room. Because you were very confused. You then knock on the door. Come in. He said. And then you opened the door and went in.

Is there a problem Minyoung? he said. Yeah. why is there any student today? I was like the only one at school exepect the staffs. Is there any events or no school today or something? you said. And then the principal went to his calendar to check. Um... today is the 18th of December. he said. Wait.. did he said. 18th of December? you thought. Wait! can your repeat the date again? you said. Decemeber 18. he said.

I cant belive it. Today was my birthday and i forgot. i....am.....so.....dumb...... you face palm yourself. IS there a misunderstanding Minyoung? he said. Nope, its just that today was my birthday and i forgot. I think the students are doing a party in my dorm right now. And someone is going to get me  and then i go somewhere. you said.

Wow.. you are so smart. They told me that they are going to skip school because your Birthday was today. No wonder they ask if they could all skip school today. he said. Thanks for telling me. you said. Oh.. can i skip school too? you ask. Sure. Since today is your birthday. he said.

Thanks! you said. And walk out. You got your books for homework and then went outside. You then saw infinite. HI Minyoung~! They said. Great. they are faking that today is my birthday wow. you thought. Hey~! you replied. Do you want to go to Lotte World? Doojoon said. Of course~! you said and nodded.

You then went in the car. And Doojoon went in the driver seat and started driving to Lotte World. 30 minutes later you guys finally arrvied. And you were the first one to get out of the car. Myungsoo paid for the tickets and you ran in first. Woohyun follwed behind you. You went on the rollercoaster and Woohyun sat next to you. When you finshed seat belting. Woohyun seatbelt. And then you heard the click for the seatbelt and then you heard a loud bell.

That means its starting. Woohyun hold hands with you just incase. And then the rollercoaster went up slowly. And the wooshhh! it went down fast and then in a cave and then did the same routine. Up , down, cave, loop-doop-loop and over and over again! You both were feeling sick. THen the rollercoaster stopped.

You that the ride was over but it wasnt you were all upside down from a loop. And then you squezze Woohyun hand then he noticed that you were scared. He said that its going to be....... and then the rollercoaster went faster than a race car. You were scared. And then you felt Woohyun squezzing your hand.When he was squezzing you hand you didnt feel scared anymore. and then woohyun keep squezzing you hand and you felt comfort from Woohyun. You were happy that you felt safe in his hands.....

And then the rollercoaster finally ended. And then you got off the seatbelt and samething as woohyun. And then you notice that you were still holding hands with Woohyun and feel the comfort when he is holding your hand. So you let Woohyun hold your hand. You never felt the feeling before. Werid...

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stephanie1138 #1
Chapter 1: Chapter 1: To be frank, I don't really like your writing.
First of all, the characters are boring. They are pratically the same person. They act the same. All of them are nice, good looking and insanely attractive. In short, flawless. It makes your story seems dead. Secondly, you narrate too much. Specifically, you wrote about everything which is very unnecessary. For example, the narration about Minyong's doing in the school. You narrate on her going to school, about her opening the locker, about her being boring in class. You can include them in the story but try to make them less obvious. Don't be too direct. Thirdly, you're making me confused by not sticking to any point of view. At first, you'd addressed Minyoung as 'you' and then as 'I'. It's hard to keep track on who's point of view is it. Because some of the stories out there is written from various characters' point of view.Also, you're using the word 'then' too much in your writing. I see that you try to connect the story using it but you keep repeating it over and over again. Lastly, I don't see the connection of the storyline. It doesn't flow nicely. The plot keep jumping all over the place. Try to be specific in writing the scenario. But don't write too much by writing unnecessary things. You're supposed to make the reader understand what's going on in your story. It able them to visualize the story easily.

Btw, I'm sorry for being harsh with my comment. I'm not trying to bash you with my comment. I just want to point out your flaws in writing so that you can improve them.
You also have your own strengths in writing. What's good about you is your idea. You have a great idea on wrtin it's just that your delivery is still poor. But, it's okay. I know you could improve your writing because I can see your potential as a good writer. I hope you're not going to get hurt by my comment. I'm sorry if my words is too harsh. Thank you and have a nice day.

And congratulations for being featured!
Iminthezone #2
Congrats
agentllama08
#3
Chapter 35: Update please
ShineeLeeJinki
#4
SEQUEL!!
naznew #5
i will read it..
EXOtic123 #6
umm....new reader here. you wrote infinate when its infinite on the foreward and you also used an old u-kiss photo but used the new members name........ but i'll start reading soon^^
unfixed-soul
#7
Sequel because it doesn't make sense to just end it like that.
naznew #8
Gomawo update...
a sequel because you make the story suspended..
LeeMinJi #9
Gomawo for the update :D Sequel please!