Performance.....

I HAVE A BROTHER!?!

You and Minho practiced everyday after school. Toady is the day. The day of the Talent Show. Your sprained ankle has healed. and you were so nervous. You just woke up took a shower and then at breakfast and changed into uniform, makeup and hair! Then you grab your backpack and headed out. ITs werid that you didnt heard any news about your grandma and grandpa are there suppose to be home? or they move in to a diffrent house? well.. i dont care i will call them later. You then started walking to school. You were whirstping the song that you are going to sing with Minho for the talent shower. 

5min later. You finally arrived at school. Went to your locker and then grab your history book as usally and walked to class. When you walked in you saw the kingkas exepect Minho already at there seat. And then Key told me FIGHTING! on the talent show. Ohkay... Today is so confusing. bout, your grandparnets and Key.... How confusing has it been? You then took your sit next to Onew. And then here comes the bell and the teacher you thought. And then the bell rang and the teacher walked in. The teacher told us that the 6th period that you guys have are cancled because of the Talent Show. You were nervous for all of the periods. 

END OF ALL PERIOD! oh no...its time for the talent show. You were glad that Minho and you were 6th place to go up because you didnt want to go first. After all the performance it was your guys turn. Then music turn on and your guys started dancing and singing. You guys were doing Oh! By SNSD . You guys did everything perfect. Everybody were so shock that you were so talented. Then your song ended and then both of you guys went off the stage. The vice school presdient was thinking that you were  going to be the queenka and kick out jessica and yuri. YAY! your really want to be a queenka with the kingkas! WHAT THE HECK IM I SAYING???? im not falling for the traps that called FANs!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! ! You then said thank Minho for inviting you to his house. 

And then it took the judges 50 min.. who won the talent show. And then one of the judges stood up with a mic and said " Today winners are...... The kingka Minho and Lee Minyoung! And then both you and Minho walk to the judge and got your award and one of the judges got us flowers. YAY FLOWERS! lol.... And then you said Thank You! to the judges and Minho said the samething what you said at the same time. werid.  

You then went off stage with Minho. And then you saw Yoona.! You then ran to her and told her why werent you at school? She said she had to go a vacation with her parents. Shes lucky she has parents. I dont have parents i have grandparents. TAKE THAT~! nvm...... 

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stephanie1138 #1
Chapter 1: Chapter 1: To be frank, I don't really like your writing.
First of all, the characters are boring. They are pratically the same person. They act the same. All of them are nice, good looking and insanely attractive. In short, flawless. It makes your story seems dead. Secondly, you narrate too much. Specifically, you wrote about everything which is very unnecessary. For example, the narration about Minyong's doing in the school. You narrate on her going to school, about her opening the locker, about her being boring in class. You can include them in the story but try to make them less obvious. Don't be too direct. Thirdly, you're making me confused by not sticking to any point of view. At first, you'd addressed Minyoung as 'you' and then as 'I'. It's hard to keep track on who's point of view is it. Because some of the stories out there is written from various characters' point of view.Also, you're using the word 'then' too much in your writing. I see that you try to connect the story using it but you keep repeating it over and over again. Lastly, I don't see the connection of the storyline. It doesn't flow nicely. The plot keep jumping all over the place. Try to be specific in writing the scenario. But don't write too much by writing unnecessary things. You're supposed to make the reader understand what's going on in your story. It able them to visualize the story easily.

Btw, I'm sorry for being harsh with my comment. I'm not trying to bash you with my comment. I just want to point out your flaws in writing so that you can improve them.
You also have your own strengths in writing. What's good about you is your idea. You have a great idea on wrtin it's just that your delivery is still poor. But, it's okay. I know you could improve your writing because I can see your potential as a good writer. I hope you're not going to get hurt by my comment. I'm sorry if my words is too harsh. Thank you and have a nice day.

And congratulations for being featured!
Iminthezone #2
Congrats
agentllama08 #3
Chapter 35: Update please
ShineeLeeJinki #4
SEQUEL!!
naznew #5
i will read it..
EXOtic123 #6
umm....new reader here. you wrote infinate when its infinite on the foreward and you also used an old u-kiss photo but used the new members name........ but i'll start reading soon^^
unfixed-soul #7
Sequel because it doesn't make sense to just end it like that.
naznew #8
Gomawo update...
a sequel because you make the story suspended..
LeeMinJi #9
Gomawo for the update :D Sequel please!
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