Mall (:

I HAVE A BROTHER!?!

You finally arrvied home. Nice and safley. You changed into pajamas and went to your couch and then you the tv. Running Man as on. You want to go on Running man so badly. Good thing you already debuted. I am going to ask Manger if i could. 

You were watching Running Man since 4 hours and then your stomach growled. Good thing a commerical is on right now. So you went in the kitchen and then you made yourself just cup noddles. Because running man commerical are short. And i dont want to miss anything. 

You then put the cup noddles on the coffee table to be ready to eat because you need to wait for about 3 minutes. And then it was 3 minutes and then you took the plastic off and then you mix the noddles and then dig in, 

When you dig in Running Man started again. YAY! You were watching the episode on running man that has super juinor, shinee, and wonder girl guest in it. You didnt know that minho was on running man. 

You finally finshed your cup noodles even running man finshed too. WERID! You then put your cup noodle in the garbage and then you got your backpack and did  your homework while watching running man. 

-Next Day- 

You woke up in your comfy bed. You then heard a loud noise you then remember that fx lives with you. Good things it is Saturday. I dont want to cook for them. Krystal will do it for me because i love her~. 

You brush your teeth and then you went in the living room you notice that krystal is in the kitchen making breakfast. You then grab your phone in your room and started texing Woohyun. Since you were very bored. 

Good Morning Babe~! you said. He then replied. Good Morning to you too~! he said. You then said. What are you planning to do today? you said. I was thinking of going to go to the mall with my babe since i dont having any schedes. he said. You smiled. YAH! WHY ARE YOU SMILING OVER THERE! you heard Luna. You then ignored here and then you replied to the text. Sure! When are you picking me up? you said. Around 11;30am. he said. Okay. I will be at the mall. Bye~! you said. bye~ have a nice breakfast. he said. You then smiled bigger than last time. 

You then put your phone in your pocket and headed to the dining table. You then dig in the food unnie made for you. You then finshed your food you then took a shower. You then blow dried your hair and then you curl your hair. Put light make up on and then change in to this; 

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Hair: 

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You then grab your purse and then you got the car keys for the key hole and then locked the dorm just in case someone steal somthing in the dorm. You then walk downstairs to the car. Guys keep looking at you. You were blushing. You then found your car and then you  got in and drove to the mall. You finally arrvied. You then parked your car and went in. IT was 11:20. Now you need to find Woohyun. 

You were looking everywhere but you cant even find him. 5 minutes past. You couldnt see him anywhere. You then decided to text him. Where are you? I am at the mall, looking for you.! you said. I am at the cafe near the libary. he replied. You nodded and then headed to the cafe. When you arrvied. You were amazed how he look. He was so handsome. He was wearing: 

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He then walk up to  you and whispered. 

"You.Look.Beautiful.Today.~! 

he said. And you blushed. 

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stephanie1138 #1
Chapter 1: Chapter 1: To be frank, I don't really like your writing.
First of all, the characters are boring. They are pratically the same person. They act the same. All of them are nice, good looking and insanely attractive. In short, flawless. It makes your story seems dead. Secondly, you narrate too much. Specifically, you wrote about everything which is very unnecessary. For example, the narration about Minyong's doing in the school. You narrate on her going to school, about her opening the locker, about her being boring in class. You can include them in the story but try to make them less obvious. Don't be too direct. Thirdly, you're making me confused by not sticking to any point of view. At first, you'd addressed Minyoung as 'you' and then as 'I'. It's hard to keep track on who's point of view is it. Because some of the stories out there is written from various characters' point of view.Also, you're using the word 'then' too much in your writing. I see that you try to connect the story using it but you keep repeating it over and over again. Lastly, I don't see the connection of the storyline. It doesn't flow nicely. The plot keep jumping all over the place. Try to be specific in writing the scenario. But don't write too much by writing unnecessary things. You're supposed to make the reader understand what's going on in your story. It able them to visualize the story easily.

Btw, I'm sorry for being harsh with my comment. I'm not trying to bash you with my comment. I just want to point out your flaws in writing so that you can improve them.
You also have your own strengths in writing. What's good about you is your idea. You have a great idea on wrtin it's just that your delivery is still poor. But, it's okay. I know you could improve your writing because I can see your potential as a good writer. I hope you're not going to get hurt by my comment. I'm sorry if my words is too harsh. Thank you and have a nice day.

And congratulations for being featured!
Iminthezone #2
Congrats
agentllama08
#3
Chapter 35: Update please
ShineeLeeJinki
#4
SEQUEL!!
naznew #5
i will read it..
EXOtic123 #6
umm....new reader here. you wrote infinate when its infinite on the foreward and you also used an old u-kiss photo but used the new members name........ but i'll start reading soon^^
unfixed-soul
#7
Sequel because it doesn't make sense to just end it like that.
naznew #8
Gomawo update...
a sequel because you make the story suspended..
LeeMinJi #9
Gomawo for the update :D Sequel please!