Caught.....

I HAVE A BROTHER!?!

You finally finshed your photo shoot. You change back the outfit and gave it back and then you went to the bathroom the to take out your contacts when you were done you were now wearing your contacts. You then wipe out the make up too. When we were done you grab your purse and went in the van. You notice that manger oppa was waiting. You then telled him to go to the park and drop you off there. he just nodded and went to the park. 

When you arrvied you took out our camera and then your grab your purse and went somewhere to takes pictures. You finally picked a place to take picures. You then saw flowers and took a picture and did some effects. And then you look up. The sun was shining. You then took a picture of the sun. 

You then decided to take a break. So you then found a starbuck store and then you walk in and then you ordered a carmel frappuchunio. When you finshed ordering you waited for your drink. When the order was finshed you but a stawr to the hole. And then you took a sip and smiled. *My favorite *you thought. 

You then went back to the park and then you watch everybody around you. Their were couples everywhere. You hope Woohyun was here. You then got out your camera and took a picture of yourself and your coffee. Why you heard the click you look at the picute. You look pretty in the picture. You then stopped. It seems like you heart stop beating. In the pictue it was you and then coffee smiling. And.... then in the coner was woohyun and a girl making out. 

You then turned around. You could see Woohyun now. You were so shocked. You went up to him and pull the girl off him. You then punch him in the face and kick him at his peanut. You then slap the girl. You then shouted " WOOHYUUN! I HATE YOOOUUUU!  I AM BREAKING UP WITH YOU. YOU JERK! you then ran away with streams of tears in your eyes. 

You then texted Kevin to get you. You dont know why you pick him to pick you up. You just want a boy to make you stopped the crying. You then heard a car. You looked up it was Kevin. He was holding out his hand. You then took his hand. He then look you in the eye. He could see that you were crying very hard that your eyes were now red and swollen. 

Kevin pulled your hand. He couldnt get you, So he bent down that means he is going to piggy back me. You then got up and went on his back. You the put your head on his shoulder and cried more. 

He then put you in the car and seatbelf you when he finshed seat belting you. You drop the camera out of your hand and then you crawled into a ball. 

He then went back to the driver seat and then he drove to your dorm. Your reltionship was not taken. it was now....single...You then cried more harder of thinking of woohyun.

Kevin finally arrvied at your dorm place. He parked the car and piggy back you to your dorm. he is glad that he knows where you live. He then finally arrvied he knocked on the door waiting for the person to open. He then looked at you. You were now peacefully sleeping and holding your camera in your hand. 

THe door finally open. The unnies were there wonder who was there. Oh, Kevin. What are doing with Minyoung? amber said. Um... she was crying very hard so i bring her home. Oh! and heres here camera she was holding. kevin said and give victioria the camera. 

He then went in and went to your room and laid you down. He took your shoe  out of your feet and then he cover you with a blanket. He then notice the camera on your table. He then look at it if he should see whats in it or not. He then grab your camera. And then he first see a picture of you smiling with a starbuck coffee in your hand. He then smiled too. And then he saw the corner of the picute it was Woohyun your boyfriend making out with a girl. 

No wonder you were so sad. Kevin thought 

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stephanie1138 #1
Chapter 1: Chapter 1: To be frank, I don't really like your writing.
First of all, the characters are boring. They are pratically the same person. They act the same. All of them are nice, good looking and insanely attractive. In short, flawless. It makes your story seems dead. Secondly, you narrate too much. Specifically, you wrote about everything which is very unnecessary. For example, the narration about Minyong's doing in the school. You narrate on her going to school, about her opening the locker, about her being boring in class. You can include them in the story but try to make them less obvious. Don't be too direct. Thirdly, you're making me confused by not sticking to any point of view. At first, you'd addressed Minyoung as 'you' and then as 'I'. It's hard to keep track on who's point of view is it. Because some of the stories out there is written from various characters' point of view.Also, you're using the word 'then' too much in your writing. I see that you try to connect the story using it but you keep repeating it over and over again. Lastly, I don't see the connection of the storyline. It doesn't flow nicely. The plot keep jumping all over the place. Try to be specific in writing the scenario. But don't write too much by writing unnecessary things. You're supposed to make the reader understand what's going on in your story. It able them to visualize the story easily.

Btw, I'm sorry for being harsh with my comment. I'm not trying to bash you with my comment. I just want to point out your flaws in writing so that you can improve them.
You also have your own strengths in writing. What's good about you is your idea. You have a great idea on wrtin it's just that your delivery is still poor. But, it's okay. I know you could improve your writing because I can see your potential as a good writer. I hope you're not going to get hurt by my comment. I'm sorry if my words is too harsh. Thank you and have a nice day.

And congratulations for being featured!
Iminthezone #2
Congrats
agentllama08
#3
Chapter 35: Update please
ShineeLeeJinki
#4
SEQUEL!!
naznew #5
i will read it..
EXOtic123 #6
umm....new reader here. you wrote infinate when its infinite on the foreward and you also used an old u-kiss photo but used the new members name........ but i'll start reading soon^^
unfixed-soul
#7
Sequel because it doesn't make sense to just end it like that.
naznew #8
Gomawo update...
a sequel because you make the story suspended..
LeeMinJi #9
Gomawo for the update :D Sequel please!