Chapter 13......

I HAVE A BROTHER!?!

You practiced everyday for the next song! You got help from Krystal so i could get better. You were tired everyday.

You just woke up and then you took a shower. You then change into jeans and a t-shirt and then you headed to the kitchen you saw that Victoria was already up and she was always making breakfast and lunch and dinner. But now we change the order. IT was now

Monday: Was Minyoung

Tuesday: Krystal

Wed.: Luna

Thursady: Suli

Friday: Amber

Saturday: Victoria

Sunday: Breakfast: Krystal and you. Lunch: Luna and Suli. Dinner: Amber and Victoria

 

And today was Victoria day. YES! its saturday. Good Morning Unnie~! you said to Victoria. Good Morning! she said and contuied cooking.

You then watched TV. Running Man was on. Your favorite! You were watching it and it was funny, You really want to go on Running Man ):

You then turn off the tv because you finshed watching the episode of running man and unnie said it was time for breakfast.

Everybody was at the table. Then everybody dig in. You dig in that look more delicous. You then took the first bite. You then told what is in the dish she said there were seafood. You then were shocked. You couldn't breathe because you were allergic to seafood.

Call.....the.....hospital....IM...allergic....to......seafood..... you said and then Luna rush to phone and then the ambulance came and took you to the hospital.

Amber then rush to Shinee door. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!!!! She came knocking alot because she was worrying alot.

And then Onew open the door. Yah! Whats your problem? he said. Your sister is in the hospital because she was allergic to seafood. Why didn't you tell us? Amber said. ONEW was now shock. I didn't know she was allergic. No wonder one day i made seafood soup for her and i told her is she want any but she said what in it and i replied seafood and then she said no. AISH!!! That girl. brb. tell the guys too. And i will be in the hospital.

Few Minutes later

You were still in the operation room. Everybody was worried about you. They didn't now that you were allergic to seafood. Victoria started crying because she didn't know that you were allergic to it and she keep saying that its her fault but it isn't, she didn't know so its okay.

2 Hour later 

The doctor went out. Onew then went up to the doctor. Is Minyoung okay? The doctor said that you were okay. But you need to take this pill after lunch everyday or she will faint and she will get weaker. Thank you doctor! Everybody said. Um.. can we see Minyoung? Minho said. Uh Huh! She is room 35. the doctor said.

And then everybody was at the door they saw you with a oxygen max on your mouth. Everybody could hear the heartbeat beating.

You were still deep into sleep. You were in a dark room. You cant see anything and then something shiney was near you. You waved hello? And there it is your parents.

You then ask if you were dead but they said that you weren't. And then i remember you ate seafood and then you went in the hospital. Ahhh... i know now.

You then jumped up and then you hugged your parents and then you said I miss you umma, appa. you said. Wow,.... Minyoung-ah you change so fast! You are one beautiful girl (: your dad said. Well,, thank you! you replied. Umm... did you saw grandma and grandpa up there? you pointed up in the sky. Yeah... they were happy that they get to see us and that they were worried about you. Umma said.

Welll, IM fine. I have Onew and new friends. I have Onew band friends and i have my band friends. you said. Wait.... band friends??? both of your parents said. Im a trainee. Im in f(x) and Onew is in Shinee. you replied. Ohhh!!!! your umma said

Well,, i have to go , byee! Your umma and appa said. WAIT!! i need to tell you something! you shouted but it was too late. Your parents already disappear. You then open your eyelids slowly. And blink a  few times. You then saw all of your friends there. And then Amber tell the doctor that you were awake.

The doctor arrived and you telled me that i have to take pills every day after lunch . If you didn't you were faint and you were been weaker.

You nodded. You then ask the doctor when i could get out of here. He said 4 more days then i could get out. Man.... i want to get out tommorrow. Oh well. I least im not alone. I have my wonderful friends here (:

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stephanie1138 #1
Chapter 1: Chapter 1: To be frank, I don't really like your writing.
First of all, the characters are boring. They are pratically the same person. They act the same. All of them are nice, good looking and insanely attractive. In short, flawless. It makes your story seems dead. Secondly, you narrate too much. Specifically, you wrote about everything which is very unnecessary. For example, the narration about Minyong's doing in the school. You narrate on her going to school, about her opening the locker, about her being boring in class. You can include them in the story but try to make them less obvious. Don't be too direct. Thirdly, you're making me confused by not sticking to any point of view. At first, you'd addressed Minyoung as 'you' and then as 'I'. It's hard to keep track on who's point of view is it. Because some of the stories out there is written from various characters' point of view.Also, you're using the word 'then' too much in your writing. I see that you try to connect the story using it but you keep repeating it over and over again. Lastly, I don't see the connection of the storyline. It doesn't flow nicely. The plot keep jumping all over the place. Try to be specific in writing the scenario. But don't write too much by writing unnecessary things. You're supposed to make the reader understand what's going on in your story. It able them to visualize the story easily.

Btw, I'm sorry for being harsh with my comment. I'm not trying to bash you with my comment. I just want to point out your flaws in writing so that you can improve them.
You also have your own strengths in writing. What's good about you is your idea. You have a great idea on wrtin it's just that your delivery is still poor. But, it's okay. I know you could improve your writing because I can see your potential as a good writer. I hope you're not going to get hurt by my comment. I'm sorry if my words is too harsh. Thank you and have a nice day.

And congratulations for being featured!
Iminthezone #2
Congrats
agentllama08
#3
Chapter 35: Update please
ShineeLeeJinki
#4
SEQUEL!!
naznew #5
i will read it..
EXOtic123 #6
umm....new reader here. you wrote infinate when its infinite on the foreward and you also used an old u-kiss photo but used the new members name........ but i'll start reading soon^^
unfixed-soul
#7
Sequel because it doesn't make sense to just end it like that.
naznew #8
Gomawo update...
a sequel because you make the story suspended..
LeeMinJi #9
Gomawo for the update :D Sequel please!