Chapter 10...

I HAVE A BROTHER!?!

You woke up from a very comfy bed. Oh yeah, you remeber that you live with Onew now and he made you a room. He is so nice. (: 

You then streched and then took a shower. Today was Sunday. 

When you were done you check if Onew was awake . But he is still sleeping so i will make breakfast for both of us. 

You were making hash browns and pancakes. When you were done you put the dishes on the table. 

Onew Pov

I was awake from a delicous smell. I dont know what it is. I was wondering who will sneak in my house and cook? So I went off the bed and went downstairs then i saw the table set up and a girl cooking. 

Now i remember. Minyoung is my sister and she is making breakfast for us. Wow... maybe im too nice. 

END OF POV 

You turned around to check wht time and then you saw Onew standing there. Hey Oppa! you said. YAH!  who said you could saw Oppa? he said. Well, you are my older brother right? you said. Oh, yeah. i remember. he said Well, Oppa breakfast is ready. you said 

And then Onew sat at the table and dig in. Onew said it was the best! And you thanked him. He then told me to go get a job. And i obeyed but first im going to unpack first. 

When you were done eating you did the dishes and then you unpacked and then you went down with your phone and told Onew that im going to look for a job. 

You then walk out. And went to Downtown Seoul. It was about 10 min. walk. You were wondering what job you want so found that you could be a trainee or work? 

You were so confussed. tumblr_lyeodkV1Ts1qf2ofa.gif

You then walk home to ask Onew his choice. And then i walk up to Onew and said i need help? And he said What do you need help on? 

You: i cant pick which one? 

Onew:What did you pick? 

You: A trainee or work??? 

Onew: Why trainee? 

You: I LOVE TO SING AND DANCE AND MY VOICE IS BEAUTIFUL WHEN I SING AND IM A PRO AT DANCING!!!!!! 

Onew: WHY WORK? he yelled back 

You: JUST INCASE I DONT MAKE IT TO BE A TRANIEE! 

ONEW: THEN SING, I WANT YOU TO SING NOW! 

YOU: OHKAY!!!!! WHAT SONG?

Onew: DANCE AND SING TO RING DING DONG! 

 

 

Baby, I've been charmed by you
But why are you acting to me this way?
Don't escape, if you're afraid
How about just trusting me, my lady?

Ring ding dong
Ring ding dong
Ring diggi dingdiggi
Ding ding ding (x2)
[Taemin] Ring ding dong
Ring ding dong
Ring diggi dingdiggi
Ding ding ding (x2)

Butterfly! When I first saw you

You flashed in front of my eyes
My brain stopped and the bell rang ding dong
I mean I'm not a cool guy
Not a kind guy, not a guy like that but about to be
I'm a decent bad boy

You're like a butterfly! You were too weak, you fell
You were too gentle, you fell
I have to be by your side
 Don't worry about it, Don't worry
Just trust me, and everything will be okay

Baby, I can't stop my heart, oh crazy!
You're too beautiful, I can't stand it, oh crazy!
If it isn't for you, I wouldn't need it, oh crazy!
Why am I acting this way?

So fantastic
So elastic

Fantastic (x4)
Elastic (x4)

 

Onew was suprised that you remember the song by heart and the dance moves. HE Then hugged you and said WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME YOU COULD DO THAT LITTLE SIS!!!!!  well, you never ask? you said 

And then Onew said you should be a trainee. And all i need to support is ask shinee if they should said yes just in case. 

You then told Onew what are The rest of shinee number and he obeyed and give you the numbers. You then called them over. 

When they went over they ask why they are here and you said that i need your answer if i could be a trainee or not? 

You then did RIng Ding Dong again and they were shock just like Onew. 

They agreed that i should be a trainee and i ask them when is the audtiion of Sm entertament? They didnt know so you have to do researh. I wish i did good when i audition because i want to be a traniee just like my brother (: 

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stephanie1138 #1
Chapter 1: Chapter 1: To be frank, I don't really like your writing.
First of all, the characters are boring. They are pratically the same person. They act the same. All of them are nice, good looking and insanely attractive. In short, flawless. It makes your story seems dead. Secondly, you narrate too much. Specifically, you wrote about everything which is very unnecessary. For example, the narration about Minyong's doing in the school. You narrate on her going to school, about her opening the locker, about her being boring in class. You can include them in the story but try to make them less obvious. Don't be too direct. Thirdly, you're making me confused by not sticking to any point of view. At first, you'd addressed Minyoung as 'you' and then as 'I'. It's hard to keep track on who's point of view is it. Because some of the stories out there is written from various characters' point of view.Also, you're using the word 'then' too much in your writing. I see that you try to connect the story using it but you keep repeating it over and over again. Lastly, I don't see the connection of the storyline. It doesn't flow nicely. The plot keep jumping all over the place. Try to be specific in writing the scenario. But don't write too much by writing unnecessary things. You're supposed to make the reader understand what's going on in your story. It able them to visualize the story easily.

Btw, I'm sorry for being harsh with my comment. I'm not trying to bash you with my comment. I just want to point out your flaws in writing so that you can improve them.
You also have your own strengths in writing. What's good about you is your idea. You have a great idea on wrtin it's just that your delivery is still poor. But, it's okay. I know you could improve your writing because I can see your potential as a good writer. I hope you're not going to get hurt by my comment. I'm sorry if my words is too harsh. Thank you and have a nice day.

And congratulations for being featured!
Iminthezone #2
Congrats
agentllama08
#3
Chapter 35: Update please
ShineeLeeJinki
#4
SEQUEL!!
naznew #5
i will read it..
EXOtic123 #6
umm....new reader here. you wrote infinate when its infinite on the foreward and you also used an old u-kiss photo but used the new members name........ but i'll start reading soon^^
unfixed-soul
#7
Sequel because it doesn't make sense to just end it like that.
naznew #8
Gomawo update...
a sequel because you make the story suspended..
LeeMinJi #9
Gomawo for the update :D Sequel please!