Roommates......

I HAVE A BROTHER!?!

You woke up and then you saw that your clothes were packed and you were going to miss your room. Maybe you shouldnt pick to be a trainee. Oh well, its too late now. 

You then took a shower and made you last breakfast at your brother house. You change to a shirt and a skinney jeans and then you left a note that you are going to live at Sm. since you are a trainee. You then look around the house one more time. You remember you spot when you cried when you are mad it was a place at dance room. 

You really love the dance room because there were alot of memories of it. You then waved goodbye in Onew house and left. 

When you arrived to Sm. the judges were there. You then bowed and said Hello!  Good Morning ~ (: 

The judges then told you to follow them and you obeyed. You were excited to meet your roommates because you have a little of friends. And there it is the form door. You then open it. YOu then saw 4 pretty girls but there is one that look like a boy. 

And then they intorduced them self. Hi, my name is Victoria. I will treat you like your mom. When victoria said that you wer sad because your parents are already dead. 

My name is Amber. I know i look like a boy but im a girl. Im Krystal! Im Luna! And i am Suli!!! And i am Lee Minyoung ! But call me Minyoung. And my brother is Onew! SHinee Lee Jinki just for telling you. 

They told me to call them Unnie! and i agreed. And then one of the judges said we need a group name and it took us about 20 min. You said what about f(x)? 

And they agreed! You then told them what room i am and they said that i was in the same room in as Krystal. You then unpack and then went next door if Key was right or wrong. 

You then knock and then you saw Minho. Yah! Minyoung-ah what are you doing here? he said. um.. I live next door. you said. Im in fx. now... you said. I was just wondering if shinee live next door because Key told me. you said 

Minho nodded and let you in and you told him that you were Onew little sister. I cant belive that Onew didnt told them. AISH! that boy.... you thought.. 

You then left and have a great day with fx (: 

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stephanie1138 #1
Chapter 1: Chapter 1: To be frank, I don't really like your writing.
First of all, the characters are boring. They are pratically the same person. They act the same. All of them are nice, good looking and insanely attractive. In short, flawless. It makes your story seems dead. Secondly, you narrate too much. Specifically, you wrote about everything which is very unnecessary. For example, the narration about Minyong's doing in the school. You narrate on her going to school, about her opening the locker, about her being boring in class. You can include them in the story but try to make them less obvious. Don't be too direct. Thirdly, you're making me confused by not sticking to any point of view. At first, you'd addressed Minyoung as 'you' and then as 'I'. It's hard to keep track on who's point of view is it. Because some of the stories out there is written from various characters' point of view.Also, you're using the word 'then' too much in your writing. I see that you try to connect the story using it but you keep repeating it over and over again. Lastly, I don't see the connection of the storyline. It doesn't flow nicely. The plot keep jumping all over the place. Try to be specific in writing the scenario. But don't write too much by writing unnecessary things. You're supposed to make the reader understand what's going on in your story. It able them to visualize the story easily.

Btw, I'm sorry for being harsh with my comment. I'm not trying to bash you with my comment. I just want to point out your flaws in writing so that you can improve them.
You also have your own strengths in writing. What's good about you is your idea. You have a great idea on wrtin it's just that your delivery is still poor. But, it's okay. I know you could improve your writing because I can see your potential as a good writer. I hope you're not going to get hurt by my comment. I'm sorry if my words is too harsh. Thank you and have a nice day.

And congratulations for being featured!
Iminthezone #2
Congrats
agentllama08 #3
Chapter 35: Update please
ShineeLeeJinki #4
SEQUEL!!
naznew #5
i will read it..
EXOtic123 #6
umm....new reader here. you wrote infinate when its infinite on the foreward and you also used an old u-kiss photo but used the new members name........ but i'll start reading soon^^
unfixed-soul #7
Sequel because it doesn't make sense to just end it like that.
naznew #8
Gomawo update...
a sequel because you make the story suspended..
LeeMinJi #9
Gomawo for the update :D Sequel please!
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