New Student.........and the queenka.......

I HAVE A BROTHER!?!

(the picture is the kingkas and queenkas: yuri and jessica) pretend the other girl (not yuri)  is jessica because i dont who that is? its confussing sorry. hope you like the chapters and stores... suscribe, comment or add friend! 

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You just woke up. Went to take a shower, change uniform, eat breakfast, curl your hair + makeup. And you grab your backpack and walk to school. While you were walking you were listening to Mystery by beast . You were humming to the song. Then the next song came it was Oppa Oppa by Donghae and Eunhyuk. You know the dance to both Mystery and Oppa Oppa.! Then a very shiney car caught my eye. It was black. I then look at the driver seat..... omg... Its MINHO! So you covered your face to he coundnt see. You then peek just incase if he pass me and it was. THE COAST IS CLEAR! You smiled.  

And then you put your ipod in your back. YOU were already at school. You then headed to your locker. You grab your history books and then you closed your locker and then headed to your history class. You headed to your seat and took out your homework and then you got out your book and notebook. And then the bell rings and the teacher walked in. Class, take out your homework and give it to me now. the teacher said. Everybody got out there homework and stook up and handed to the teacher. Everybody then headed back to there seat. Then the teacher announced that there would be 4 new students. And they are all the Kinga and including Choi Minho. Boys, walk in the teacher said to the new students. And then the boys walked in. Woah... they look so familur... I seems like a saw them before. werid. 

And then the boys introduced them self. Hey, my name is Kim Jonghyun. The guy with brown and blonde hair.  Hi, my name is Kim Kibum aka. Key! Key said. Hi my name is Tamien! And my name is Lee Jinki aka. Onew! They all bowed to the students. Then the teacher told us sit at the back with me. ): Great, im sitting to the new kingka. And then the four boys went to the seat next to me. And then i intorduced myself to them. Hi there, my name is Miyoung-imada! IF you need help tell me. ANd then they all said hi to Minyoung at the same time.  

And then they all sat at there seat. And then the teacher told us to get out our books and notebooks. And everybody obeyed. While the teacher told us about the Lewis and Clark, i took a peek at the new students. I cant belived that they are really foucusing what the teacher are saying. werid.... And then the bell ring thats mean P.e time for me. well, i dont know about any else whos in my class on yoona. Werid shes not at school. Maybe she is sick. Well i dont know? You then put your stuff back in your locker and got out your pe stuff and then you changed and then you walked in the gym. YOu cant belived that the four boys has the same p.e and history class as me. werid.... again! 

Then the p.e teacher told us that we are doing. It was the pacer test. YAY! i love running. And then the man in the speakes say blah blah... foot behind the line.... blah blah.... The pacer begin in 3...2....1.... and then ran slowly because on the 1-3 level goes slow. So you wont waste alot of energy and yeah. 10 min later.... 60.....61.....63.....64..... 65.....66....67.....68... You were still in the test alot of girls give up and half of the boys were lazy to do it so you were the only girl.        75.....76.....77.....78....79..... And then Minho saw you and smiled. He didnt know that you were doing so well... And then it was up to 100! you kept going. Everybody was cheering. Everybody gave so you and the kingkas were the only one.. And then it was 123 and Tamien stopped... 130 onew stopped. And then you put a smile on your face and did your best. 149 Key stopped. 157 Jonghyun stopped. So you and Minho was last one. Now it was up to 200! YOu didnt gave up. You really love running! Thats why you're at 200 right now... i mean 206 no i mean 210.. whatever. You put faith in yourself. Everybody was so suprised that you could go up to more than 200! It was now 250....250...251....253....254.........267......270.... and then Minho stopped. And you kept going your goal is to  go to 300. You want a A+ for pe! And then 290....291....292....293... you are almost there.....294.....295.....296....297 almost there! ....298....299... 300! 

You made it. And you stopped. Your shirt were like covered with sweat, ALOT of sweat. And then the bell ring thats mean vocal class time... You were so tired and your legs were so sore! While you were walking to your locker somebody tripped you and you sprained your leg.... You then look up it was the queenka Yuri.... 

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stephanie1138 #1
Chapter 1: Chapter 1: To be frank, I don't really like your writing.
First of all, the characters are boring. They are pratically the same person. They act the same. All of them are nice, good looking and insanely attractive. In short, flawless. It makes your story seems dead. Secondly, you narrate too much. Specifically, you wrote about everything which is very unnecessary. For example, the narration about Minyong's doing in the school. You narrate on her going to school, about her opening the locker, about her being boring in class. You can include them in the story but try to make them less obvious. Don't be too direct. Thirdly, you're making me confused by not sticking to any point of view. At first, you'd addressed Minyoung as 'you' and then as 'I'. It's hard to keep track on who's point of view is it. Because some of the stories out there is written from various characters' point of view.Also, you're using the word 'then' too much in your writing. I see that you try to connect the story using it but you keep repeating it over and over again. Lastly, I don't see the connection of the storyline. It doesn't flow nicely. The plot keep jumping all over the place. Try to be specific in writing the scenario. But don't write too much by writing unnecessary things. You're supposed to make the reader understand what's going on in your story. It able them to visualize the story easily.

Btw, I'm sorry for being harsh with my comment. I'm not trying to bash you with my comment. I just want to point out your flaws in writing so that you can improve them.
You also have your own strengths in writing. What's good about you is your idea. You have a great idea on wrtin it's just that your delivery is still poor. But, it's okay. I know you could improve your writing because I can see your potential as a good writer. I hope you're not going to get hurt by my comment. I'm sorry if my words is too harsh. Thank you and have a nice day.

And congratulations for being featured!
Iminthezone #2
Congrats
agentllama08
#3
Chapter 35: Update please
ShineeLeeJinki
#4
SEQUEL!!
naznew #5
i will read it..
EXOtic123 #6
umm....new reader here. you wrote infinate when its infinite on the foreward and you also used an old u-kiss photo but used the new members name........ but i'll start reading soon^^
unfixed-soul
#7
Sequel because it doesn't make sense to just end it like that.
naznew #8
Gomawo update...
a sequel because you make the story suspended..
LeeMinJi #9
Gomawo for the update :D Sequel please!