Woah.....

I HAVE A BROTHER!?!

Play this: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Brk4vSNr_F8&feature=related______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

You were finally discharged out of the hospital. You then step outside of the hospital. You could feel the wind touching your cheeks.  And then Onew told me that he wants to go to Starbuck so we did. 

When we arrived at Starbucks, there were a lot of people. You then waited in line waiting for your turn. It was finally your turn. You then took your order and so did Onew. 

And then Onew and you sat at one of the tables near the window. You both took your seat and you look outside. Something caught your eye. 

There were 7 handsome boys outside. You then called Onew. 

Yah! OPPA! Who are those people? you pointed at the 7 people. 

They are Infinite! he said 

And then our drinks finally arrived. You were the first when to sip your coffee. You then look outside again. 

Woah... they are so pretty (: you cant even take your eyes off them. 

And then Onew fake coughed. Hi, Oppa~ ! you said 

Hi. he replied. So, what should we talk about? you said. I don't know? he said. What about we go home? you said. He then look at you straight in the eye. Fine he said. 

You then grab both of your coffee and headed to SM. While you were walking you told Onew something. Oppa, when we arrived i need to talk to the Lee Soo-man. 

And he nodded. You guys finally arrived and then you headed to Sooman. You then knocked. You then heard his voice. Come in. he said. You then walk in. 

What is the problem Minyoung-ah? he said. Umm... i was thinking what school do i go to? you said. Well you are going to go to Seoul High. It is near here. Just 10 minute walk. he said. Thank you! you said and walk out. 

You then went back to your dorm. And then you saw that everybody was on the couch watching TV. Hey Unnies~~!! you said. HI Minyoung-ah.! everybody said. 

And then Victoria sat up and hugged you. IM sorry for what happens. she said. Its okay. You didn't know that i was allergic to seafood. you said. Victoria nodded and then she went back watching TV. You then checked the clock. IT was 5pm. You checked the calendar what day is it. It was Sunday. So it was Victoria and Amber time since its already almost dinner time. 

So you then look at Victoria she was looking at the clock. And same thing as Amber. And they both went in the kitchen and started making dinner. 

Unnie~! you said to Victoria. You could cook seafood for others girls but remind me which one is seafood. And then Victoria put 2 thumbs up! 

She then conutied cooking. You sat on the couch next to Suli. Suli guess what? you said to her. What? She replied. i saw 7 hot boys today. Onew told me they are called infinite . you said. NO WAY! she said 

You guys talk for a while. And then Unnie told us that we have to eat dinner. You thought that she cooked fast. But, i didn't you were just enjoying your conversation with Suli.  

You guys ate the delicious food. You finished you food and grab a pink backpack and put notebook and pencils.For getting ready for your first day of Seoul High. You were so nervous because people might think I'm a nerd or something.

You finally finished packing and then you went on your bed and went into deep sleep. ~~~

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stephanie1138 #1
Chapter 1: Chapter 1: To be frank, I don't really like your writing.
First of all, the characters are boring. They are pratically the same person. They act the same. All of them are nice, good looking and insanely attractive. In short, flawless. It makes your story seems dead. Secondly, you narrate too much. Specifically, you wrote about everything which is very unnecessary. For example, the narration about Minyong's doing in the school. You narrate on her going to school, about her opening the locker, about her being boring in class. You can include them in the story but try to make them less obvious. Don't be too direct. Thirdly, you're making me confused by not sticking to any point of view. At first, you'd addressed Minyoung as 'you' and then as 'I'. It's hard to keep track on who's point of view is it. Because some of the stories out there is written from various characters' point of view.Also, you're using the word 'then' too much in your writing. I see that you try to connect the story using it but you keep repeating it over and over again. Lastly, I don't see the connection of the storyline. It doesn't flow nicely. The plot keep jumping all over the place. Try to be specific in writing the scenario. But don't write too much by writing unnecessary things. You're supposed to make the reader understand what's going on in your story. It able them to visualize the story easily.

Btw, I'm sorry for being harsh with my comment. I'm not trying to bash you with my comment. I just want to point out your flaws in writing so that you can improve them.
You also have your own strengths in writing. What's good about you is your idea. You have a great idea on wrtin it's just that your delivery is still poor. But, it's okay. I know you could improve your writing because I can see your potential as a good writer. I hope you're not going to get hurt by my comment. I'm sorry if my words is too harsh. Thank you and have a nice day.

And congratulations for being featured!
Iminthezone #2
Congrats
agentllama08
#3
Chapter 35: Update please
ShineeLeeJinki
#4
SEQUEL!!
naznew #5
i will read it..
EXOtic123 #6
umm....new reader here. you wrote infinate when its infinite on the foreward and you also used an old u-kiss photo but used the new members name........ but i'll start reading soon^^
unfixed-soul
#7
Sequel because it doesn't make sense to just end it like that.
naznew #8
Gomawo update...
a sequel because you make the story suspended..
LeeMinJi #9
Gomawo for the update :D Sequel please!