Fainted.......

I HAVE A BROTHER!?!

You just woke up. You did your usually routine and then you made everybody breakfast since it was your day to do it. You then changed into your school uniform and then you grab your converse and then you headed to school. Few minutes later you finally arrived you then got your stuff from your locker and then you headed to your classroom and then took the seat and the sametime the bell rang. You then got your notebook out. And pencil. You then paid attention in class like always.

And then the bell rang that means history is finally over. You then put your books in your backpack that is hello kitty and then you went to your next class and then next class. (sorry, i just want to skip it.) IT was lunch time! YAY~ You then grab your tray and you got pizza, french fries and coke. You then paid your order and then you went to the fx/queenka table. You just notice that Woohyun wasnt in class today. You were sad. There were nobody to hug him or kiss his cheek.

You made a pout face while headed to the fx table. They then notice your pout face. Awww... Minyoung-ah whats the problem.? Sulli said. Woohyuniee isnt here. you even pouted more. The queenka where thinking. "awww... Minyoung looks so cute while she pouts." You then grab your pizza and ate it while pouting. And then you look at the kingka table. You search around for Woohyun but he wasnt there. And then you were more scared and sad.

You hope that he is okay. You then finished all your food. Even your drink. You then put your tray away and then you went to your next class. When you arrvied you saw everybody in there seat. You then fainted........ Myungsoo saw you fainted. He gasped and then he pick you up and headed to the nurse's office. He ran and ran to the office. He then arrived while carrying you.

He then put you in the bed and the nurse just went in and saw you she then check you up and the she told Myungsoo to take her to the hospital. He then put you in the car and the he drove off to the hospital. he then arrived and carried you to the hospital he then closed the door and ran. The doctor notice you and then the operation started. Myungsoo was worried so he called Woohyun. After he called him he waited for him. About 3 minutes later Woohyun was panting and had a worried face.

What happend to my Minyoung? Woohyun yelled at Myungsoo. I dont know. When walk in class she fainted. I dont really know what happen to her. I just carriedd her to the hostipal. Myungsoo said in a calm voice. Woohyun then calm down and then Manger hyung texted him and said that he has tons of schedle and more tommorrow. 

Tell Minyoung that i miss her. he said and then left . Myungsoo was confused. He then called shinee over to the hostipal to tell them about Minyoung. Same thing as Woohyun they were in the hostipal in 3 minutes.... 

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stephanie1138 #1
Chapter 1: Chapter 1: To be frank, I don't really like your writing.
First of all, the characters are boring. They are pratically the same person. They act the same. All of them are nice, good looking and insanely attractive. In short, flawless. It makes your story seems dead. Secondly, you narrate too much. Specifically, you wrote about everything which is very unnecessary. For example, the narration about Minyong's doing in the school. You narrate on her going to school, about her opening the locker, about her being boring in class. You can include them in the story but try to make them less obvious. Don't be too direct. Thirdly, you're making me confused by not sticking to any point of view. At first, you'd addressed Minyoung as 'you' and then as 'I'. It's hard to keep track on who's point of view is it. Because some of the stories out there is written from various characters' point of view.Also, you're using the word 'then' too much in your writing. I see that you try to connect the story using it but you keep repeating it over and over again. Lastly, I don't see the connection of the storyline. It doesn't flow nicely. The plot keep jumping all over the place. Try to be specific in writing the scenario. But don't write too much by writing unnecessary things. You're supposed to make the reader understand what's going on in your story. It able them to visualize the story easily.

Btw, I'm sorry for being harsh with my comment. I'm not trying to bash you with my comment. I just want to point out your flaws in writing so that you can improve them.
You also have your own strengths in writing. What's good about you is your idea. You have a great idea on wrtin it's just that your delivery is still poor. But, it's okay. I know you could improve your writing because I can see your potential as a good writer. I hope you're not going to get hurt by my comment. I'm sorry if my words is too harsh. Thank you and have a nice day.

And congratulations for being featured!
Iminthezone #2
Congrats
agentllama08
#3
Chapter 35: Update please
ShineeLeeJinki
#4
SEQUEL!!
naznew #5
i will read it..
EXOtic123 #6
umm....new reader here. you wrote infinate when its infinite on the foreward and you also used an old u-kiss photo but used the new members name........ but i'll start reading soon^^
unfixed-soul
#7
Sequel because it doesn't make sense to just end it like that.
naznew #8
Gomawo update...
a sequel because you make the story suspended..
LeeMinJi #9
Gomawo for the update :D Sequel please!