oh....my....gosh....

I HAVE A BROTHER!?!

You woke up. Took a shower and then put makeup on, contacts and uniform. You then grab your backpack and then headed to school. While you were heading to school you saw the school bus passed you. Then you got very bored. You dont have a boyfriend, NEVER had a boyfriend. Because they think im a nerd but they like my looks though. Then you got your phone out of your pocket and texted your friend Yoona. 

 

To: Yoona 

GOOD MORNING YOONA~~~~! 

From: Beautiful Minyoung 

 

Mintues later she replied back. 

 

To: Beautiful Minyoung 

Good Morning Minyoung? Are you walking to school? 

From: Yoona 

 

To: Yoona 

Of course, are you at school? 

From: Beautiful Minyoung 

 

To: Beautiful Minyoung 

Yeah, i wll be waiting for you, BYE~~~ (: 

From: Yoona 

 

Then you put your phone in your backpack. You were at school. Then you went to your locker. You punched in the number then you grab the books, that you need for the next class. It was history. Your worst class of all. Then you closed your locker and try to find Yoona. Then you find her. She was at her locker. You were glad that you were Yoona friend because she has all the same classes as you. Thats why Yoona is your best friend ~<3 Then you both walk in the class. OF course its always, people sleeping, texting, and talking. Then you headed to your seat next to Yoona. 

Then the teacher walk in. Then the people who sleeping woke up, people put there phone away and then everybody look at the teacher. Then the teacher told us to to get your book to page 196. Then the teacher told us about the frekin page and then she told us that the homework is to right a summary about the page the teacher was talking to. Then the bell ring and then you put your books back in your laptop and then you grab your P.E uniform. Next class was pe. Then you changed into the uniform and tennis shoes. 

The P.e teacher told us that we are playing dodge ball. It was girls vs. boys. The Boys killed all the girls, expect you. Then you got every boy except the kingka. The kingka was the charming Minho. You really dont like him because hes a stalker, and werid. Then Minho keeping getting you but you keep dodgeing the attacks then i did the samething as waht Minho did to me then i got so made so i could get him. Then i throw the ball At minho then he got hit and then all the boys were out. SO the girls won. Then the bell ring that means P.E was over. 

Then you changed into school unifrom then walk to your next class. It was vocal class. You arrived just in time. then you took your seat and listented to what the teacher said. She told us to do a partner project something for the talented show. She told us to includ dancing too. YAY! my favorite. But i dont know what partner??????? 

Then everybody got paired up exepect you and a boy. Wait!!! I know that boy that is the Kingka! Oh no, the teacher going to tell us to be pair up. And i have to be his partner! OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ): 

Then the teacher asked Minho to go with me. UGHH! When he was near me i didnt have eye contact with him. You just look at the teacher. The teacher said do a song that your partner agreed then do the song and dance to it. When Minho looked at me he gave me a card. I look at him. Then at the card. it was Minho address. Then Minho whispered to my ear. He said meet me at the school gate after school. And then i was shock. Did he said meet me at the school gate???? OMG!!!! I cant belive that i have to go to Minho house. YAH! YOONA HELP ME!!!! you thought. 

The vocal class was finally over because i dont want to be near the Kingka. I dont want girls hurting me. I dont want my pretty face be crushed! Oh...my...gosh...im scared. 

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stephanie1138 #1
Chapter 1: Chapter 1: To be frank, I don't really like your writing.
First of all, the characters are boring. They are pratically the same person. They act the same. All of them are nice, good looking and insanely attractive. In short, flawless. It makes your story seems dead. Secondly, you narrate too much. Specifically, you wrote about everything which is very unnecessary. For example, the narration about Minyong's doing in the school. You narrate on her going to school, about her opening the locker, about her being boring in class. You can include them in the story but try to make them less obvious. Don't be too direct. Thirdly, you're making me confused by not sticking to any point of view. At first, you'd addressed Minyoung as 'you' and then as 'I'. It's hard to keep track on who's point of view is it. Because some of the stories out there is written from various characters' point of view.Also, you're using the word 'then' too much in your writing. I see that you try to connect the story using it but you keep repeating it over and over again. Lastly, I don't see the connection of the storyline. It doesn't flow nicely. The plot keep jumping all over the place. Try to be specific in writing the scenario. But don't write too much by writing unnecessary things. You're supposed to make the reader understand what's going on in your story. It able them to visualize the story easily.

Btw, I'm sorry for being harsh with my comment. I'm not trying to bash you with my comment. I just want to point out your flaws in writing so that you can improve them.
You also have your own strengths in writing. What's good about you is your idea. You have a great idea on wrtin it's just that your delivery is still poor. But, it's okay. I know you could improve your writing because I can see your potential as a good writer. I hope you're not going to get hurt by my comment. I'm sorry if my words is too harsh. Thank you and have a nice day.

And congratulations for being featured!
Iminthezone #2
Congrats
agentllama08
#3
Chapter 35: Update please
ShineeLeeJinki
#4
SEQUEL!!
naznew #5
i will read it..
EXOtic123 #6
umm....new reader here. you wrote infinate when its infinite on the foreward and you also used an old u-kiss photo but used the new members name........ but i'll start reading soon^^
unfixed-soul
#7
Sequel because it doesn't make sense to just end it like that.
naznew #8
Gomawo update...
a sequel because you make the story suspended..
LeeMinJi #9
Gomawo for the update :D Sequel please!