Double Surprise
For You
"Happy birthday Wen!"
I nearly dropped my groceries all over the floor seeing Jay.
"Chincha? Really?" I said in surprise, not keeping track of the days at all. I honestly didn't even think much or my birthday, with the whole memory loss accident in June.
"You're getting a little old" he teased, plopping a party hat on my head. I had to laugh when I noticed he was wearing one too, lopsided on his head.
My apartment was tidied up, even the piles of dishes in the kitchen were gone. On the small dining table sat a spaghetti dinner for two, my favourite food. Across the window was a birthday banner, and a poster of Jay and I. The photo seemed so old, because I looked so happy. I think it was from my university days in Seoul.
"Wow Jay, this is so considerate of you. I'm touched you remembered today since no one else did, even me" I gasped
That's right; my boyfriend didn't even mention a thing. No little text, call, or card. How did Jay know so much more than Khun?
"I'm not your best friend for nothing" Jay put away the bag i still was holding, before pulling out my. chair for me, "I even made you spaghetti"
I was glad Jay didn't mind my craziness, because I was back the pasta like it was my first meal in weeks. It was a bonus when my shirt came out of the meal stain free.
"You still eat the same, that's for sure" laughed Jay, watching me inhale the food.
"After being on an IV drip, I actually think I can eat even more" I added, putting my dish in the sink.
Jay ushered me to sit back down, before leaning against the counter. He looked extremely nervous about what he was about to do.
"Now for the entertainment" he rubbed his neck, and swallowed loudly, "I hope you like it, I've been working on it for a while"
I was always distracted by Jay's smile and eyes, but his voice made both of those things seem ordinary.
At first, we had a love like the ones in the movies
But whenever things seem good, it gets complicated
I kept arguing about the littlest things
We argued more often and fought every day
And without knowing, I pushed you away
You left with our happiness
Oh no no please don’t go, everything is my fault
I’ll fix it so come back
I can’t live without you -
I don’t know why I’m always
A fool that is in love when I’m in front of you
I’m only weak toward you
Please look at me – it hurts so much
I am so hurt girl I need a doctor
Because I’m a guy, I won’t cry but still
I feel like I could die – I can’t live without you
I need you girl stay by my side
Wanna be with you till the day we die
Please stay by my side – even if I die,
I can’t lose you
I can’t live without you -
I don’t know why I’m always
A fool that is in love when I’m in front of you
I’m only weak toward you
Please look at me – it hurts so much
I am so hurt girl I need a doctor
Because I’m a guy, I won’t cry but still
I feel like I could die – I can’t live without you
My mouth was caught between a smile and a gaping hole of surprise. As for my emotions, they were bouncing between friendship and romance. Jay was much better at Korean than me, but I knew it well enough to tell that this song was meant for a couple. The love I felt for him at this moment was more like what I should share with Khun.
I rose of the chair slowly, keeping eye contact with Jay the entire time. He was searching my face for a reaction, but I didn't give it away until I clung to his body with mine.
"That was beautfiul, did you write that?" I sniffled, snuggled in his chest fightng back tears
Jay broke away from me, "Not exactly, someone gave it to me, if that makes sense"
"Whoever wrote it for you, must be special. Thanks for sharing it with me" I smiled, truly touched.
The once sweet smile on his face began to morph into a solemn grimace.
The rest of the evening we spent relaxing, gossiping and behaving like teenage girls. The mood was still chipper and light, but after Jay's little performance it had been dampened slightly. I could see that someting was bugging him.
"I should be heading back Wen. Happy birthday again" Jay squeezed me against his body
"Thank you for tonight, it meant a lot to me" I beamed, opening the door to the hall
"Don't be staying out too late now" Jay took my hand smoothly and kissed the top of it,
I grinned sheepishly, like a child who had gotten a kiss from her grade school crush. I saw my hand, and than noticed what was not on it.
"Aigo!" I reached over the sink to the counter, putting my ring back on, "Wouldn't want to leave the ring Khun gave me lying around, since he said he wanted to see me when he got home"
Immediately, Jay froze. His eyes bulged, and his lips wrinkled as he backed out into the hall facing me.
"I'll be leaving now" he muttered
Surprised and unsure about his mood swing, I just waved at him, "Bye Jay. Than-"
He was halfway down the hall by now, his back facing me, when I called this. Only took him a split second to interupt though,
"Don't mention it jagiya"
I watched Jay practically run through the elevator doors as if he was being chased. From my doorstep, I swear I saw him wiping his eyes. Why was he crying, and why did I feel so horrible about it?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Jay's Perspective
If someone asked me whether I had a girlfriend, I would proudly reply yes and pull out a photo of Wen. Tonight changed that. There was no way she was going to be mine again, Khun had her brainwashed and all to himself.
Not recognizing her own song was one thing, but having her believe that the ring, the one I had given her, was actually from Khun... It broke me completely.
That thing sure did look, talk, and behave just like the girl who stumbled on to me that flight to Seoul, but it did not love like her.
I needed a break from Korea again,I was heading home. This was the only thing that would make me let go of her, and stop hoping and believing she'd come back, because she wasn't. In a week when I was ready, I could face her and accept what has happened, unlike right now.
I grimaced at my last thought in that elevator, mumbling under my breath
"Probably thinks Khun gave her the locket too."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Nichkhun's Perspective
Wen had called me today, and for once wasn't around Jay. She said that she was free that night, so I could come over. Night meant midnight for me, but it was better than nothing.
I grabbed the spare key in the potted plant beside the door and let myself in. I chuckled softly at Wen, sleeping on the couch with her head hanging off.
"Eh, you!" I rubbed her back softly, "You're a little tired, aren't you"
She lazily opened her right eye before fully looking at me.
"Sorry Khun, I must have fallen asleep after Jay left"
I hated thinking of Jay being in her home. I thought she said he was busy today anyways. My protective side leached out some more as I saw the poster of them on the wall, and a birt- ! How did I not know it was her birthday! I decided to play it off cooly,
"It's alright. It is late anyways" I said, with a bit of a sharpness.Oops; not so clam afterall. Clearly, I was a bit too harsh
"What's wrong?" Wen gave me an innocent look while rollng of the couch, "Something bothering you?"
At least she wasn't hammering me down about how I'd forgotten her birthday
"I just didn't know Jay had been over, that's all" I muttered back
She pouted her lips and shook her head, this being her thinking/sarcasm face,
"Do you have a problem with that?"
I sighed, "No I- Yes. I do."
Giving me a look that asked for elaboration, I explained
"I don't want you to get hurt, and Jay, well... You and him... I love you, and want you to be safe. That's all"
"I'm not one to be swayed with cryptic love notes. What is the big deal?" she asked, out of her sleepy stuper
How was I going to explain this one,
"Jay really likes you, and I mean likes you" I sat down heavily on a kitchen chair, ignoring the fact that she didn't even belong to me. I whispered quietly in addition, "I don't want to lose you"
I heard Wen's light tread as she came to kneel in front of me. She began to speak in a soft voice,
"Don't think I'll just up and leave you. You need to accept that Jay and I are close too, even though you two are on weird terms. Trust me, please"
Still I felt some anger burning away in my eyes as I saw her expression when she spoke of Jay
I coldy spat back, "I don't want you to see Jay anymore"
"Excuse me? Did you not hear what I said" she gasped, standing up to her full height of 5'7
"I did, but I still think that you should stay away from him"
Wen's voice began to take on her high pitched hysterical tone,
"You are making a big deal out of nothing; I like Jay as a best friend, and he fe-"
"He's loved you since you met two years ago, and so have I. I can't lose you again to him!" I shrieked, seeing her blurry face through my now wet eyes
She stepped back from me, afraid at my outburst "A-again?"
I tried to calm down, but I could only get my anger to simmer to a low boil. Wen just watched me have a freak out, probably trying to figure half of it out herself. I didn't dare speak first, knowing I'd probably say something really dumb and impulsive again. Thankfully the pressure was lifted as Wen coughed, preparing to speak
"Nichkhun" she tilted my chin, forcing me to stare right into her eyes "I think we should, need break up"
No, no. This couldn't be happening, this shouldn't be happening. All I could do was gulp loudly, trying to simply breath
"After the accident, I didn't feel much romanctic feelings for you, and to be honest I still don't. It's been all lust, not anything more romantic. Whatever it was like before, I don't think it will ever be like that again"
"B-but I love you" I choked
She smiled with her lips,
"You should let me leave then. I'm not the same person you fell for, whenever we started dating"
"I will it up, let you see Jay all you like despite how jealous and worried I'll be" I pleaded lamely, already seeing the pity in Wen's eyes
She let out a loud breath, "No, no you won't. Everytime I would come back, this little argument would just repeat"
Wen paced over to the door and opened it fully. i couldn't even see a sign of her emotions, probabl because their weren't any for me. Not like how I wanted.
"I think it's time for you to leave"
I accepted the sad reaity that I wouldn't change; she owuldn't change. My paranoia of her running back to Jay would always be around. I shuffled for the door, trying to find a reason for her to still be with me.
"I'll never feel like this again for someone" I muttered under my breath, now on the outside half of the door frame
Wen over heard me, "You have a marriage with Victoria to look forward to, she's a wonderful women to get to know" she began to inch away,
"So this is it..." I bowed my head, deciding my shoes were the only safe place to look
Wen brushed back my bangs, "Yes; I think it's or the best. I'm sorry for not being that girl from before, I just don't love you like that"
She softly brushed her lips against mine like I had always fantasized about. I couldn't enjoy it though, knowing it was the last time. I could not look in her eyes, or even at her face without crying helplessly. My hands were jittering as Wen took them in her. The ring sat in my palm, cold on my skin. Shaking my head, I put in back on her finger knowing that it was never mind and neither was she; Wen was Jay's to love.
I began to whimper senselessly, "I understand. Goodbye, find someone who makes you happy"
"Sorry" Wen whispered to me in Thai, beginning to shut the door "Remember me like before, not like this"
Practically stumbling as I walked, I rasped back softly
"Happy birthday Wen"
At midnight I had rushed to her apartment, and now I was rushing out of it. My heart was twisting and ripping in every way possible, causing me pain and confusion. I scolded myself for being so blinded by my love, even Kwon Jiyong had stopped pursuing her after the car accident. If I had been love drunk for the past two years, I guess you could say now I was really hungover.
Her final words resonated in my mind the entire way home,
"....I just don't love you like that..."
Having her say that herself to me, not Taec, Junsu, or Wooyoung, really cemented into my brain that she didn't want me as a boyfriend.
She never had; they were right.
- - - -
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