Four years; thats how long I was owned by JYP Entertainment. It had been already about a year, but I couldn't take it anymore. I knew that I didnt want this lifestyle, and never did. Love makes a person do crazy things, but that's gone too.

I hope I could work out some type of deal if I couldn't leave completely, even as a composer or as a choreographer. I just wanted to be happy again on my own terms. Whether I went back to school, or to Seattle to see Jay, I would be better off. My privacy, my sanity, my relationships; all sacrificed. It was about time I got some of these back.

Almost nine months Jay had been gone, and I still felt the ache he had left me with.

Today I was going to start tying up the loose ends. Then I could see Park Jin-young himself, and tell him my wish.

First would be Jiyong.  I left for the YG building  knowing he would be waiting for me like every Saturday morning, whether to dance or write music.

"Hi Jiyong" I greeted softly, giving him a tight hug. I threw in a quick kiss on the cheek, which pleasantly surprised him.

"Hey Wen. How are you feeling today?" asked Jiyong, sitting down at the paper covered table.

I smiled genuinely, "Really good actually"

We doodled and  brainstormed, trying to illustrate songs to get something concrete. I knew I had to talk seriously with him about my decision. It loomed over me, being unsure when the ideal time was. Really; there was no ideal time for this type of thing.

"You sure are full of ideas today." pointed out Jiyong, scrawling down the lyric

He glanced up at me through his eyelashes, which were actually longer than my own -something I was always jealous about- and smiled,

"You're happy, aren't you"

May as well confess a few things now, since we were on the topic of feelings.

"I am actually. I don't think I've felt this good in a long time. " I honestly admitted

Persistent Jiyog of course took this as a sign that I was feeling something between us, and held my hand.
I didn't plan on telling him about leaving the company, I just wanted to admit things I may never be able to tell him.

"Jiyong, I have to admit how charming you really are. I'm glad we've become close. I am sorry that I haven't let you play the role as more than a friend though. I just don't think I could-"

Jiyong kissed me before I could finish. His lips were warm and soft, molding against mine which were shaking. Jiyong broke away and shyly looked at me

"I've been wanting to do that for months."

A devilish grin crept on to his face,

"Still wont give my bad boy self a chance?"

I smirked, "I have to go Jiyong. It's already 4:30."

He got up to follow me out the door, but stopped before the exit. I turned to see his wondering expression

"You didn't answer my question" Jiyong leaned casually against the door frame, "Will you give me a chance?"

I waved with my fingers, softly replying

"If we ever meet again Jiyong."

I didn't look back to see his reaction, driving away without any regret.

The next week, I visited Mir and Lee Joon.

"Wen! How are you!" chirped Mir proudly in English.

I giggled at his cute accent, "Great Mir."

Lee Joon rolled his eyes, and attempted to beat Mir's linguistics skills, which he did. Mir put on a pout over the fact he had stolen his party trick.

That night I had told them to wear something cool and casual, because I was taking then out. While living under the strict idol rules, I learned how to bend them time to time. There was a club in Seoul called West Side, and majority of the people were native English speakers and foreigners, or both. Mir and Lee Joon's  eyes lit up when I brought them here.

"Shots, shots, shots, shots, everybody!" Mir pumped his fist in the air wildly.

I had to enjoy the sound of the English language, especially in music. It had way too long since I had listened to it. Cutie Mir was just so funny looking going wild at the club. Lee Joon on the other hand seemed to do this quite a lot, showing of to some women.

Mir had just turned the legal age a month ago, so he was aching for an opportunity to try some alcohol. I ever so kindly bought him one shot, which was also his last as he almost choked on it from the taste.

"It's so bitte- Why does it burn!" cried Mir, tossing away the shot glass.

Lee Joon and I were laughing, in the most supportive way. Our little maknae was growing up.

No one here had ever recognized me as eMpress, so I hoped that no one would recognize the two boys. Fortunately, no one did. Then again, most were extremely drunk or getting there.

In our own little group, the three of us had a blast, battling each other with our craziest moves. Joon and I were doing great. Mir on the other band was all over the place, or at least acting that way. Spitting out a shot of vodka doesn't get you drunk let alone tipsy or buzzed.

"Cheolyong; I know I'm the main dancer, but you can do better than that" teased Joon, chuckling about his dance that resembled a squid in my opinion.

It was getting late -or early I guess- so we left the club and went to their place. I don't know where the other three were, so it was just us.

"I swear! I can drink it if I tried again!" argued Mir

"I believe you Mireu, you're an adult now after all" I laughed back, thinking of his Pororo sheets and extensive manga collection.

Together, Joon and I kept Mir away from trying to prove his maturity and manliness by drinking more alcohol. Eventually the situation calmed down to innocent chatter. Here goes my second and third round of confessions.

"I'm going to really miss you guys" I blurted. Definitely didn't mean to say that; dammit.

"We will t- wait. What? Youre leaving?" Mir stammered, confused.

"I'm going to be busier than usual with promotions, so I won't get to hangout very often. That's all" I smoothly explained, making perfect sense in my opinion. My eyes felt they had been soaking in caffeine though, darting around from anxiety.

Join clearly noticed, commenting

"You sure that's all?"

I nodded and smiled a yes, which he accosted without want for a real reason.

Mir offered to accompany me home again, which I thought was too sweet. I thanked Joon for the great time, and said goodbye. I couldn't bring myself to say anything profound or in depth, so my feelings came out like this

"Bye Joonie. And the new hair colour does look y"

Good one. Way to sum up our relationship. His hair did look really attractive though.

Joon giggled like a little girl, before cooing back,

"Thanks, but it doesn't compare since you're always y"

I grinned at his smooth talking, giving him a final hug before leaving with Mir. That farewell didn't play out how I had wanted, so fingers crossed Mir's worked out better.
I don't know where I got the idea it was ok for Mir to drive, because it wasn't. I'll give him points for effort; we only got yelled at about four times to stop blocking the lane.

"Finally!" I wobbled out of the passenger side, "Land, ho!"

"I'm the best driver; I don't what you're talking about" denied Mir, turning off the car.

He walked me back to my place from the parking garage. We teased back and forth like brother and sister, or an old married couple.

"Those arent the right words to the Lion King" I laughed, after having Mir demonstrate what he thought the words sounded like.

"Yes they are" Mir belted out the opening before I clamped a hand over his mouth. Both of us were choking back our laughter, trying to stay quiet.

"I love you little maknae." I chuckled, fixing his cute glasses.

He blushed immediately,  covering his cheeks with his hands.

"Thanks noona" he flashed a nervous grin, "I have to tell you something, before you become all busy and can't  visit"

I gave Mir an assuring look, to which he swallowed and put his hands in his pockets. He avoided my eyes, as he began to confess whatever he was wanted to say.

"I had a really big crush on you, but I know that you'd rather date Joonie hyung, a 2PM member,or G-Dragon; or really anyone else, so... Well, that's really all. You're a beautiful women and I'm just a boy, so how could I think you'd fall for me too."

My heart melted at how sincere, and shy he was.

"Don't be so harsh Mireu. You're just as good a person as anyone of those guys."

His smile returned slightly, twitching his mouth

"Really? Even after dating Park Jaebeom?" He boyishly played with his hair, "You think I'm ok?"

I gave him a tight hug, and made sure he knew it wasn't out of pity.

"Of course; you're more than OK Mir." I assured, looking at him to catch his relieved expression

Mir still was nervous, breathing very unevenly with a weird sound. Quickly, he got some composure and shakily asked,

"Wen; would it be fine if I kissed you right now?"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing; a man asking permission to kiss a woman. Hadn't heard something so gentleman like in- well, I never had. They tended to just pounce on my mouth usually. Mir always was the different one, aside from myself. I gave him a nod, with a genuine smile that gave him the 'ok'.

Very slowly and carefully, Mir lowered his face to mine. His eyes were open as long as possible, making sure he didn't miss. When our mouths met, he was even more shy and reserved, barely touching my own. After a solid three seconds, Mir moved his lips on mine. I responded, knowing that he meant nothing wrong or erted behind this kiss. The innocence was the reason I gave him his wish.

I took my face away from Mir's, checking out his expression. All I could see was a childish happiness, as if he has got 100 pogs.

"Thank you Wen. I've never met anyone that has treated me this well" whispered Mir, smiling ear to ear.

"Please; don't think that I am the only one. There is someone out there that will love you more than I could ever as a brother. She's out there" I encouraged, giving him a tight hug again.

"I can only hope. I still wish she was you, but it is clear your heart is taken still by Park Jaebeom" commented Mir

I backed away, surprised how perceptive Mir was. I gave him a half grin with a lot of blinking out of surprise.

Mir  put his hand on my shoulder,

"It's ok noona; I've known for a long time. I think it's obvious. He always made you so happy."

I couldnt help but compare Mir and Wooyoung; the youngest ones always could see the big picture. Suddenly, I began to feel my words lock up in my mouth, trying to say goodbye to Mir. I only managed a scrambled sentence in Korean, that I barely even understood.

As a final farewell, Mir said goodnight in English

"Goodbye my sister. I love you", fliashing a toothy smile and heart shape with his hands

I let my gaze follow Mir, strolling away from my door. He was one of the last people I would see before the grand finale. Hopefully the very last person wouldn't change my plan.