I'm staying at Byulyi's apartement for the night. I really don't want to leave her side, especially after knowing about her news. I selfishly asked her to be my human pillow and she obliged. Of course she did, she's too nice of a person to reject my request. Suppousedly I do not need to remind any of you about the reason why I'm in love with her.

It was really comfortable being in her arms, how I wished I could always do this with her. It was comfortable, but somehow I found myself not being able to sleep. I closed my eyes, trying to let myself fall into my own slumber, but I keep opening my eyes after less than five minutes. My mind was still distracted with the news from Byulyi. It won't be easy if she's not going to be around. It won't be easy without her. Nothing would be easy and I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I don't want her to leave.

Of course I can't be that selfish. I'm just her bestfriend.

And as her bestfriend, I shouldn't have hold her back from reaching her dream.

I feel like tearing up again and I know Byulyi is a light-sleeper. I can't wake her up moreover witnessing me crying in the middle of the night like this. Besides, I must look like crap right now. I tried to wipe small tears from the corner of my eyes, careful not to wake her. She still need to go to work and me too, so I slowly turned my back at her, detaching myself from her as I did this. I breathed out a shaky breath and I nearly choke on my own breath when a pair of arms pulling me close. Securing me.

"I won't ask, but you know you always have my shoulder to cry on." She whispered gently.

And it breaks all my walls. I cried so hard that night and I know I drenched her pajamas.

I know her inside-out. I know she used to be an introvert. I know she lacks self-confidence. I know she barely have friends. I know she's being nice because she wanted people to be nice to her too. She made me believe that kindness still exists in some people. She made me believe that you don't have to be in a relationship with anyone to be happy. I never really wished anything more from her. She have practically given me everything I never knew I wanted.

I knew I was starting to depend on her more than I should have.

I'm too attached and the thought of her leaving me hurts so much.

It hurts more than hearing Byulyi bailed on your friendly-date.

It hurts more than knowing Byulyi gone for a blind date.

It hurts more than being asked if she looked good for her date.

And I couldn't do anything about it.

After a series of crying, I eventually lose all my strength and finally knocked myself out. Byulyi stay awake the whole night, she even stay up when I finally fell asleep, I just knew it. She never stopped caressing my head, soothing me to keep me sleeping peacefully and it always worked. I didn't tell her why I cried. I didn't tell her anything and yet she's willing to comfort me with everything she has.

She probably thought I broke up with my lover. Yes, I shamelessly told her about being together with someone. At first I just wanted to get a reaction out of her, but turned out she was smiling and said, "I'm happy for you." then joked about how it takes me so long to finally get together with someone. I tried dating people. A guy and then a girl, but nothing works. Byulyi knows. Of course, why won't