Chapter 25: I’m just a sad song

“Ashin, please talk to me.”

I don’t really know what I will say. Damn. I can’t even move an inch after his revelation. I wanted this right? I wanted to know everything. But why do I feel so regretful that I had to know the truth? I got what I want but why does this hurt so much?

I looked at him with my mind blank. I don’t know what to say or how to react. I’m way too shocked to even give him a better reaction.

He’s a father. He has a two-year old daughter and she’s named Sooyoung. All this time, I was jealous of the wrong girl.

So that’s why he said he would never date Sooyoung, our classmate. He’s just close to her because she’s a nerd and she’s the same name as his daughter.

Kris held my hand. He must have noticed that I wasn’t myself. Hell yeah, I wasn’t myself these past few days. I don’t know if I will ever be.

I can be with a playboy or a Casanova or a nerd. But a father? How can I even love him like the way I used to? He’s a father. I should’ve known this in the first place but he didn’t tell me. Sure he was afraid that I would leave him but he still should have. If I have loved him enough, I wouldn’t leave him no matter what.

“Ashin, Baby, please,” he pleaded as he tightened his grip on my hand. He’s holding my hand with both of his hands and I am as cold as ice.

I looked at him and thought of what I would say. Damn it! He still didn’t answer my point! Why is he kissing the girl? Why is he kissing Soojin?

Now I don’t even know if I wanted to know the reason. I’m afraid of the truth. I’m afraid of knowing the real score.

“I’m yours, Baby.” He told me. “Don’t leave me. Please?” He was sounding pathetic.

But I need more time to think. I don’t know if I’m going to be cool that he has a daughter. Actually, I was going to be cool but he selfishly hid that important thing from me.

“Ashin,” he held my chin up to look at him. “Baby,” he searched my eyes. “I didn’t lose you, did I?” he asked and I couldn’t answer him.

Did he lose me?

I don’t know.

“I need some time, Kris.” I told him and his face showed his disappointment.

He frowned at me. First, he knew that this would happen. Second, he should’ve told me about his secret.

“This is such a huge secret.” I told him. “I should’ve known this in the first place.” I continued.

“I was afraid you would leave me.”

“You should’ve had more faith in me.” I replied. “I love you, Kris. I love you so much.” I told him. “But this is going to kill me. You having a daughter? You kissing another girl? You having your own family? You don’t know how I am thinking of myself right now.” I looked into his eyes.

He’s speechless. He must have realized that I am right.

“What would your daughter even think of me? That I ruined her family because I am her father’s girlfriend?”

“You know that you are not.” He was trying to console. But I don’t need it.

“You know that I am.” I contradicted. “I stole her dad from her mommy and she would think that I a such a -“

I was stopped when his lips landed on mine. It wasn’t a deep kiss but it was a long one. And I couldn’t help but sob.

Damn it. I love him and I couldn’t let him go.

“I love you, Ashin.” He told me. “I will do everything to make Sooyoung accept you as my girl.” He caressed my cheek.

“But that won’t stop me from feeling guilty.” And jealous.

He looked at me. “I’ve