Chapter 24: Sooyoung, the Notebook

I followed Kris to the school’s rooftop.

I’m still feeling nervous about what he would tell me when I ask him about all his secrets. Although I want an honest relationship, I am afraid of what the truth holds. Can I handle it? Or…

He stopped and looked at me. His piercing eyes are seeing through me and I can’t help but look down. He intimidates me. He always does. I don’t even know how I endured being with him when he intimidates me this much.

My heart started beating faster again. I ditched him when he told me to meet him up in the park. I don’t know how long he waited or if he even went there. But I know I didn’t show up. I wasn’t ready to talk to him back then. The memories were all fresh and I can’t seem to look at him without remembering how he kissed another girl in front of me.

I felt him walk closer to me. I wanted to run away. But if I did, what would happen to me? I would just die of thinking about his relationship with that girl. It would just literally kill me.

“Ashin,” he called me as he held my hand.

I wanted to withdraw my hand because I couldn’t think straight when he touches me. I have an issue with handling all these feels when his skin finally met mine.

“Talk to me, Baby.” He continued.

His voice is pleading and I can notice that he’s shaking. His hand that’s holding mine is trembling. He’s nervous. Just as nervous as I am.

I sighed and finally looked up to him. He’s looking so closely to me. His eyes are locked on mine and slowly, everything around us is getting blurry. We are drifting away. Or at least in my perception.

“I’m sorry.” He spoke in the most serious tone I have ever heard. “I’m sorry for not hearing you out.” He spoke again.

I wanted to kill myself. I totally forgot about that incident. I was too preoccupied with what I saw in the parking lot to even think about that incident with Sooyoung.

“I know I’m a jerk and I’ve reflected on what I did. I’m sorry.” He continued to apologize.

Oh, Kris. You’re apologizing for the wrong reasons. Or maybe he’s right about this but I am not mad because of that anymore. I am hurt because he kissed another girl. He’s still mine but he kissed another girl.

Even Kim Jongin and Oh Sehun who are known to be playboys didn’t do this to me when I was dating them. When they play with one girl, they only play with one girl for the time being. The rest of the girls have to wait for their turn. But this.

Kris is killing me.

“Who’s that girl?” I asked him. I wanted to get things straight from him. I don’t want him to think that I didn’t see him kiss another girl.

He looked at me with confused eyes. He must know that I saw him. He must know that I am going crazy because of that girl…not because of Sooyoung.

“What girl?” He asked.

Of course he won’t tell me. What cheater would admit that he cheated anyway?

“The girl you kissed at the parking lot.” I replied in the most normal way I could ever offer him. I’m too close to breaking down.

Damn this! I must have loved him too much.

His mouth flung wide open. He must have been shocked to know that I saw him. “You saw that?” He asked.

He didn’t deny it.

I shut my eyes. “Who is she?” I asked him firmly.

I wanted to know the truth now. His secrets. His past. Everything about him. It was wrong of me to fall for him with his superficial traits. I should’ve known him more. I should’ve let time pass by first.

He held my hand tightly and looked at me. “Ashin, it’s not what you think.” He told me.

“Then what?” I asked. “Explain to me so I could understand what it is exactly.” I told him.

I don’t want to be the last to know. I want to know